Realization and Coming Out

[An_Ace_Of_Hearts]

A few months ago, I had come to the realization that I am asexual, and I decided to tell my friends about it. Most were pretty cool with it, and were willing to learn more about it. In fact, one of my friends, who didn't even know what asexuality was, realized that she is demisexual after I explained. Others just shrugged it off. Some, mostly guys, joked around a bit but seemed pretty accepting.

 

Around the same time, I had developed a crush on a guy, and still like him to this day. This sort of made me question whether or not I was still asexual, but after looking into it, I discovered that I just experience romantic attraction. This later led to the confirmation that I am a heteromantic asexual.

 

Everything has been going fairly well, but something has been bothering me for a few days now.

 

I haven't come out to my parents yet.

 

I'm normally not one to speak openly with them, but not telling them this just feels weird. Recently, they have been talking about how I'm going to grow up, find a husband, get married, and have kids.

 

The thing is, I don't want to have kids. At least, not by having sex. I actually plan to adopt. I wouldn't say I'm repulsed by sex, but it does make me a bit uncomfortable. Some of my friends talk about it a lot, and it makes me feel awkward when they put me on the spot while having sexual conversations. Sex just doesn't appeal to me, and I don't really understand why people desire it so much.

 

I have tried to slip a few hints into conversations with my parents, but I'm always faced with the same responses:

 

"Just wait for it. When you find the right person, you'll change your mind."

 

"C'mon, you're a teenager. I was attracted to people that way when I was your age."

 

They don't understand that I won't change.

 

I honestly don't think they ever will.

 

I've become afraid to actually tell them. They would likely dismiss it as a phase.

 

Part of me wants to just let it go and leave it be, but I also want to get it off my chest and share it with them.

 

I would be grateful for any advice 

 

(Sorry for any mistakes. It's pretty late and I've just made an account here)

[danvers]

How accepting are your parents of other LGBT+ identities? If they're not accepting of non-straight people in general, it might not be a good idea to officially come out, especially you still live with them and/or are financially dependent on them. Your safety comes first, and you don't have come out unless you want to. But if they are accepting of LGBT+ identities in general, coming out might be worth a try, at least to get them off your back about having kids. If you're worried about them dismissing it as a phase but still want to come out, having resources about asexuality ready might help answer their questions and prove that asexuality is a legitimate orientation. AVEN has a friends and family FAQs page that I sent my parents a link to when I came out. Good luck!

[secrethamster]

I wouldn't necessarily be worried about safety, but @Linh Cinder is right that you could wait until you no longer live with them. If LGTBQ+ is a difficult topic for them, it would give them time to adjust to new ideas while you don't see them every day. Otherwise, if they are more accepting of other orientations, I would give it a shot.

[An_Ace_Of_Hearts]

Yeah... My parents are not very accepting of other orientations, now that I think about it. They've told me I shouldn't like the idea of anything other than being straight. This did not sit well with me at all. It actually frustrated me because I'm supportive of all orientations.

 

I agree that it will be best for me to wait until I'm out of the house and on my own.

 

Thank you for the advice! Coming out to my parents been on my mind for a while and this really helped