Homer Posted May 17, 2018 Share Posted May 17, 2018 21 hours ago, Scott1989 said: Maybe thats how I'll win at parenting as the only winning move is to not play at all. That being said, I wouldn't consider myself to be a particularly sexual person and I spend more time being pissed off at all the things than on anything else. Really I could state at least five different things that piss me off right as I type this. I also absolutely loathe children. Some people know how to handle children, others don't. I know sexual folks who make terrible parents and I know sexual folks who are great parents. I don't think that sexuality has that much of an impact on how people act in daily life. Link to post Share on other sites
Baam Posted May 17, 2018 Share Posted May 17, 2018 10 minutes ago, uhtred said: I think it depends. If the ACE parents take time to learn about how sexuality affects the majority of people, they would do just fine. If they view sex as not important for anyone, then it could lead to problems. My parents are (hetero)sexual and have never spoken to me about sex. They don't view it as important, and I'm completely fine. The issue is dad being homophobic; as long as someone is not sex-negative in any respect I think it's generally fine in most cases. Link to post Share on other sites
Solovei Posted May 17, 2018 Share Posted May 17, 2018 1 hour ago, uhtred said: You changed my post then quoted it. Hopefully an accident, because otherwise not cool. Your point about whether my comments about ACE parents would also apply to gay parents is fair, but my post was about ACE, not gay parents. IMHO, gays feelings about sex are very similar to hetersexuals feelings about sex. They happen to be attracted to a different gender than straight people are, but the attraction is similar. ACE parents do not feel sexual attraction (sort of by definition). From discussions here its clear that a fair number of ACEs also don't *understand* sexual attraction. That is fine, but someone raising children needs to understand one of the strongest feelings that the majority of teenagers have. This isn't completely in the dark. I was raised in a household that was as far as I could tell, loveless and sexless. It left me with very strange ideas about what a typical loving relationship looked like. I was pretty much college age before I realized that sex was a common activity. So saying it about gay people - not cool. Saying it about asexual people - totes cool. Are you even listening to yourself? Capable of grasping what's coming out of your mouth? For some reason, after your reply which totally missed the point, I think probably not. The amount of sexual people who seem to come to this place to spread their resentment and biases is astonishing. I guess if you're an asexual freak, you get to hear what a messed up human being you are even on a forum SUPPOSEDLY for people like you. I wonder how common it is for straight people to go to gay forums and tell the people there how many things are wrong with them... Link to post Share on other sites
Telecaster68 Posted May 17, 2018 Share Posted May 17, 2018 1 hour ago, Solovei said: The amount of sexual people who seem to come to this place to spread their resentment and biases is astonishing. I guess if you're an asexual freak, you get to hear what a messed up human being you are even on a forum SUPPOSEDLY for people like you. I wonder how common it is for straight people to go to gay forums and tell the people there how many things are wrong with them... Yep, if you trawl the part of the site marked 'for partners and allies', then yes, you'll find sexuals discussing what it's like to in a relationship with an asexual, and sometimes, particularly when the asexual is effectively saying 'suck it up', there's resentment. Solution? Don't trawl that bit of the site. There are forums for straight people who've inadvertently ended up in a relationship with a gay person, and they are way, way more virulent than anything AVEN allows. Link to post Share on other sites
ryn2 Posted May 17, 2018 Share Posted May 17, 2018 22 hours ago, uhtred said: I would be concerned that ACE parents might not fully understand the desires and pressures on teenage sexuals. I think that they need to be sure that they are not pushing their feelings onto their children who are statistially likely to be sexual I know you explained why saying the same thing in a hetero/gay enviroment is different... but one thing about it does still make me a little uncomfortable. Heterosexual parents pushing their feelings onto a gay child (or an ace child) could also be/cause a problem. I think openmindedness and a willingness to learn are more important than orientation when it comes to helping children accept and understand themselves. There are certainly heterosexual people out there who are very unaccepting of homosexuality... Link to post Share on other sites
James121 Posted May 17, 2018 Share Posted May 17, 2018 My opinion is no, aces definitely do not make better parents. Link to post Share on other sites
Sally Posted May 17, 2018 Share Posted May 17, 2018 As an asexual who actually had children and went through their teen years, teens generally don't go to their parents to understand sexuality. They talk with each other. Link to post Share on other sites
uhtred Posted May 18, 2018 Share Posted May 18, 2018 7 hours ago, Solovei said: So saying it about gay people - not cool. Saying it about asexual people - totes cool. Are you even listening to yourself? Capable of grasping what's coming out of your mouth? For some reason, after your reply which totally missed the point, I think probably not. The amount of sexual people who seem to come to this place to spread their resentment and biases is astonishing. I guess if you're an asexual freak, you get to hear what a messed up human being you are even on a forum SUPPOSEDLY for people like you. I wonder how common it is for straight people to go to gay forums and tell the people there how many things are wrong with them... You misunderstand me. What was not cool was making a post that appeared to quote something I said, when I had said something different.. Since most people will not go to original posts, this can leave the impression that my statement was different from what it was. I wold have been fine if you had quoted me, then in your section written the modified quote to make a (potentially valid) point. Did my post show resentment? I may disagree with you about what makes good parenting, but I don;t see that as resentment. You are welcome to disagree with me, just please do so in a way that doesn't misrepresent my statements. In order to avoid any misunderstanding. I believe my post would have been OK if directed at either gays or asexuals, or areligious people or any other group. It was posed as an opinion. In point of fact though I am specifically concerned that some asexuals negative views or, or lack of experience with sex could impact their children unless those asexuals educate themselves. Before you ask, I think straight parents should have an understanding of homosexuality, and now that it has become visible, of asexuality. Its just that the latter is much less common so statistically less likely to be a probelm . Link to post Share on other sites
uhtred Posted May 18, 2018 Share Posted May 18, 2018 1 hour ago, ryn2 said: I know you explained why saying the same thing in a hetero/gay enviroment is different... but one thing about it does still make me a little uncomfortable. Heterosexual parents pushing their feelings onto a gay child (or an ace child) could also be/cause a problem. I think openmindedness and a willingness to learn are more important than orientation when it comes to helping children accept and understand themselves. There are certainly heterosexual people out there who are very unaccepting of homosexuality... Yes, I agree that anyone with a narrowly defined view of sex is an issue. Link to post Share on other sites
uhtred Posted May 18, 2018 Share Posted May 18, 2018 30 minutes ago, Sally said: As an asexual who actually had children and went through their teen years, teens generally don't go to their parents to understand sexuality. They talk with each other. Hmm, I wonder. That matches my experience with my parents - who never appeared to act in a sexual or romantic fashion at all - despite claiming to "love" each other. This was ages ago, before anyone talked about asexuality, but based on some things my father said when he was very old and dying, I suspect my mother was likely asexual. (though this is putting together very thin information). My father was never home. A sexual female friend of min has discussed how she has discussed sex with her teenage daughter. Sex, love, homosexuality, desire etc. Talked about how how a woman can find another woman "pretty", but that isn't the same as being sexually attracted - though that is fine too. I don't know which experience is common for sexual parents. I believe mine was uncommon. Link to post Share on other sites
Bronztrooper Posted May 18, 2018 Share Posted May 18, 2018 16 minutes ago, uhtred said: I don't know which experience is common for sexual parents. I believe mine was uncommon. I'd probably beat you in that, then, since my parents were never married and haven't actually been 'together' for almost as long as I can remember. My dad has said a couple of times that the only reason he stuck around was because of me and my sister and that he didn't want to try to claim full custody because it'd end up being a long, dragged out thing and he didn't want that. Link to post Share on other sites
ryn2 Posted May 18, 2018 Share Posted May 18, 2018 10 hours ago, uhtred said: I don't know which experience is common for sexual parents. I believe mine was uncommon. I think it varies more on a generational, individual, and ethnic basis than it does by orientation... both talking freely about sex with one’s kids and demonstrating physical affection. Link to post Share on other sites
MrDane Posted May 19, 2018 Share Posted May 19, 2018 On 5/16/2018 at 3:19 AM, Mary Lambert said: I say this only because my Ace, husband, is a great parent. Maybe the Allo's are so busy being pissed off because we are not getting any, that we focus on ourselves more or distracted by lust. Your thoughts. Answer: no! I dont think the sexuality plays much of a part in being a good parent. If parent is oblivious to how sexuality can affect someone, then it can be hard to guide. If there is touch averseness, then perhaps there need to be worked a bit harder for the kid to understand that the absence of a hug/kiss, does not imply the absence of love/care. I refer to my wife as ace with a sligth incline towards not liking to much fuzzy feeling and touches. This is between me and her. Towards the children she is warm and tender. She is the best mom ever. Link to post Share on other sites
InariYana Posted May 23, 2018 Share Posted May 23, 2018 There's no link between sexual orientation and being a good parent. Would a lesbian mom be worse/better at parenting than a straight one? Yes, a sexual person may have sex on their mind a lot, but an asexual person may have cake on their mind a lot and spend time baking meringues and brownies and cheesecake... and... and... neglect their kids. So no, no link Link to post Share on other sites
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