Do you think Ace's make better parents?

[Mary Lambert]

I say this only because my Ace, husband, is a great parent. Maybe the Allo's are so busy being pissed off because we are not getting any, that we focus on ourselves more or distracted by lust. Your thoughts. 

[Solovei]

My thoughts? Your husband is not the poster child for asexuals and whatever strong points or faults he has are his own and not representative of the great allo-tormenting ace horde.

 

 

[Guest]

 Maybe the Allo's are so busy being pisted off because we are not getting any, that we focus on ourselves more. Your thoughts?

 

1) pisted off?

 

2) Not all sexuals (very few of them actually) are selfish gits whose sexual needs inhibit their ability to care for their children. 

[daveb]

Why do you keep making posts that stereotype and over-generalize all aces (or a large number) based on a single data point? I thought you were more intelligent than that.

[element83]

I'm ace and a terrible parent.  My partner is hypersexual and an absolutely wonderful parent (whether he is getting laid or not).

[Bronztrooper]

I guess this needs to be made clear: SEXUAL ORIENTATION AND SPECIFIC PERSONALITY TRAITS DO NOT INHERENTLY COINCIDE WITH EACH OTHER.

 

Someone's personality doesn't have any real impact on whether or not they are sexually attracted to a certain gender, if they're sexually attracted to anyone at all.  Just like how someone's ethnic heritage doesn't determine how they think or act.  If your husband is a good father, then he just is a good father.  His sexual orientation doesn't have an effect on that (there are more than a few asexuals on here that simply do not want kids, just like how people who are straight may not want kids).

[Claire1983]

Nope,  Like someone said above, you can't make broad generalities like this because things like this are just down to the individual.  Some sexuals are great parents, some are terrible, just like anything else.  There are also a myriad of other factors that go into parenting independent of orientation, so no, there is no connection.

[Duke Memphis]

Depends on the person, really.

[Alejandrogynous]

I bet your husband (if you really have one) loves no longer being a person in your eyes, with every single thing about him being reduced to his sexuality.

[RK800]

No.

Orientation does not contribute to one's ability to care for a child, to say otherwise comes across as pretty elitist.

[Mary Lambert]

13 hours ago, daveb said:

Why do you keep making posts that stereotype and over-generalize all aces (or a large number) based on a single data point? I thought you were more intelligent than that.

I'm not  

[Scott1989]

I know I'd be a crap parent so I'm not going to be one.

 

Maybe thats how I'll win at parenting as the only winning move is to not play at all.

[Baam]

Sexuality is not linked to the ability to parent. Drawing a link between the two has historically been used as an argument against same-sex marriage - people declaring that gay people are inherently terrible parents. This is a completely unfounded statement with no evidence behind it, and I'm very sure that the same can be said about asexual people and the ability to parent.

[Mary Lambert]

13 hours ago, Alejandrogynous said:

I bet your husband (if you really have one) loves no longer being a person in your eyes, with every single thing about him being reduced to his sexuality.

Good point. Unfortunately, (and I am not sure how long this will go on) finding out your significant other is an Ace changes everything. And I am sorry to say, it does compartmentalize him. I no longer see him in a romantic light. I love him dearly like the best friend I ever had (and even more now that I understand a little bit about being an Ace) but this is so shocking, and interesting that not only does it keep me preoccupied, but it really does change who he is to me. I may someday just learn to accept and no longer pine, but for now, I just asked questions to try to understand. And I think generalizations are extremely interesting and science has been doing this for years. But he is oblivious to my search for who he is. As most people in marriages want to think all is fine. Thanks for your reply, Mary   

[Telecaster68]

1 minute ago, Mary Lambert said:

generalizations

LONG WORD ALERT LONG WORD ALERT LONG WORD ALERT LONG WORD ALERT LONG WORD ALERT LONG WORD ALERT LONG WORD ALERT 

[Mary Lambert]

21 minutes ago, Telecaster68 said:

LONG WORD ALERT LONG WORD ALERT LONG WORD ALERT LONG WORD ALERT LONG WORD ALERT LONG WORD ALERT LONG WORD ALERT 

?

[Telecaster68]

Long words are beyond the ken of us benighted pro-vaxxers, remember? 

[Ceebs]

Oh Christ. What???

 

I mean, I'd be a shitty parent (plus the idea of pregnancy utterly horrifies me in the first place), due to the fact that I'm more or less clinically insane and caring for myself is enough of a chore, but that has nothing to do with my sexuality.

 

You've some very peculiar theories about sexual folks Mary, for someone who claims to be sexual themselves. I feel like we had this discussion last month... you claiming that sexuals can't function much of the time because they're so distracted by their lusty thoughts and need to get laid. Several of us flat-out told you that doesn't ring true for us at all. Have you yourself not moved beyond the 14-year-old boy stage or something?

[Ceebs]

As an aside, I'm gonna start describing myself as "pisted off" whenever I'm feeling sexually antsy.

[Telecaster68]

I thought it meant skiing grumpily. 

[Baam]

And I thought it meant getting off with the help of a piston? I think it's a word with many meanings.

[Telecaster68]

This is AVEN. Any word can mean whatever you want it to mean. 

[iff]

Please do not bring discussions and arguments from other threads or forums into this discussion.

 

thanks,

iff,

moderator, sexual partners, friends & allies

[uhtred]

I would be concerned that ACE parents might not fully understand the desires and pressures on teenage sexuals.  I think that they need to be sure that they are not pushing their feelings onto their children who are statistially likely to be sexual

[daveb]

Not pushing feelings onto one's offspring all parents should be doing.  

[Solovei]

3 hours ago, Baam said:

And I thought it meant getting off with the help of a piston? I think it's a word with many meanings.

I translate (bad) romance/erotic novels for a living. I've had characters pistoning other characters more than once. 'twas supposed to be erotic, too. :/

[Solovei]

10 minutes ago, uhtred said:

I would be concerned that gay parents might not fully understand the desires and pressures on teenage heterosexuals.  I think that they need to be sure that they are not pushing their feelings onto their children who are statistially likely to be heterosexuals

....

[Baam]

15 hours ago, Solovei said:

I translate (bad) romance/erotic novels for a living. I've had characters pistoning other characters more than once. 'twas supposed to be erotic, too. 😕

Lmao! I think the correct term is 'pisting' though remember? Let's be professional here.

15 hours ago, uhtred said:

I would be concerned that ACE parents might not fully understand the desires and pressures on teenage sexuals.  I think that they need to be sure that they are not pushing their feelings onto their children who are statistially likely to be sexual

I completely agree with @Solovei's response to this. Besides, some parents express their disapproval of their child having sex regardless of either one's sexuality, but also just because someone is asexual doesn't mean they're sex-repulsed or negative. In fact, I would argue that the majority of parents have trouble understanding their kids, especially in the teenage stage when they tend to push parents away. I guess I just don't see the relation between parenting and sexuality at all. I really don't think there's a connection.

[uhtred]

15 hours ago, Solovei said:

....

You changed my post then quoted it.  Hopefully an accident, because otherwise not cool. 

 

Your point about whether my comments about ACE parents would also apply to gay parents is fair, but my post was about ACE, not gay parents. 

 

IMHO, gays feelings about sex are very similar to hetersexuals feelings about sex.  They happen to be attracted to a different gender than straight people are, but the attraction is similar. 

 

ACE parents do not feel sexual attraction (sort of by definition). From discussions here its clear that a fair number of ACEs also don't *understand* sexual attraction. That is fine, but someone raising children needs to understand one of the strongest feelings that the majority of teenagers have.  

 

This isn't completely in the dark. I was raised in a household that was as far as I could tell, loveless and sexless. It left me with very strange ideas about what a typical loving relationship looked like. I was pretty much college age before I realized that sex was a common activity. 

[uhtred]

12 minutes ago, Baam said:

Lmao! I think the correct term is 'pisting' though remember? Let's be professional here.

I completely agree with @Solovei's response to this. Besides, some parents express their disapproval of their child having sex regardless of either one's sexuality, but also just because someone is asexual doesn't mean they're sex-repulsed or negative. In fact, I would argue that the majority of parents have trouble understanding their kids, especially in the teenage stage when they tend to push parents away. I guess I just don't see the relation between parenting and sexuality at all. I really don't think there's a connection.

I think it depends. If the ACE parents take time to learn about how sexuality affects the majority of people, they would do just fine. If they view sex as not important for anyone, then it could lead to problems.