Lilbirdie

Can asexuals still want some physical contact?

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Lilbirdie

I am still questioning my asexuality but I have a pretty good idea about whether or not I am. What I don't understand is that even tho I have never enjoyed sex or anything like that . I still feel lonely when I'm single for long periods of time and I still enjoy cuddling. Does that make me a different kind of asexual? I also don't really live around an asexuals that I know of. How do u deal with having to date guys/girls you know will never understand why you don't wanna be physical with them?

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Norellia

Asexuals may still very much enjoy non sexual forms of contact. Things like cuddling, holding hands, hugging are considered sensual attraction. So the desire to engage in more platonic physical interactions. Asexuals still have sensual attraction. I have never dated anyone who was sexual after finding out about my asexuality so I will let someone else answer that. However, you may be surprised with how you will meet asexuals. I met my current asexual partner at my college orientation about four months after identifying as asesxual. We did not know we were both asexual until we brought up our sexual orientations a couple of months after getting to know each other. I also know of several other asexual people at my college campus and around town. I thought I would go most of my life and not know another ace person, so just keep your eyes open.

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Sally

Being an asexual has to do with being not interested in having sex with another person.  It has nothing one way or another to do with other physical contact.  

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Lichley

Asexuality is just the lack of se Hal attraction. It doesn’t mean you can’t experience romantic, platonic, sensual or aesthetic attraction.

Sketchcomic - types of Attraction

 

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doggalogga

Yes. Asexuals can still very much want physical contact. Like me.

I like to show I care by touching, but only once I am comfortable, and the other person permits.

 

My last girlfriend (who was sexual) even said that I was very affectionate - more than a lot. I just had no desire for sex.

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Claire1983

Totally.  And like everything, some aces love cuddling, some hate it and some fall in the middle.  I haven't really dated since I started questioning if I'm ace, so I can't speak to the second part, that's a little trickier, but you can definitely still enjoy some cuddles.

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SparkyCat13

I've never dated, but I can say that I'm a very touchy-affectionate person. I've cuddled with my parents while watching movies, we hug constantly, I like holding hands with my mom when we're out walking, and I really like when my mom strokes my hair (I'm pretty sure I'm part cat). There's nothing remotely sexual about any of that. It weirds me out that people make that stuff sexual, because it's a very comfortable, close/familial thing for me. I also have a billion stuffed animals and a body pillow that I sleep with, have always needed a super soft bed, and freak out over soft, squishy things a lot, so I clearly have some kind of touch thing going on.

 

I also tend to put my hands on my friends' shoulders in consoling ways, want to offer hugs to make someone feel better, and playfully hit people. I consider myself a pretty physical person, but I also consider "being physical" to be completely separate from "being sexual."

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Lilbirdie
2 hours ago, SparkyCat13 said:

I've never dated, but I can say that I'm a very touchy-affectionate person. I've cuddled with my parents while watching movies, we hug constantly, I like holding hands with my mom when we're out walking, and I really like when my mom strokes my hair (I'm pretty sure I'm part cat). There's nothing remotely sexual about any of that. It weirds me out that people make that stuff sexual, because it's a very comfortable, close/familial thing for me. I also have a billion stuffed animals and a body pillow that I sleep with, have always needed a super soft bed, and freak out over soft, squishy things a lot, so I clearly have some kind of touch thing going on.

 

I also tend to put my hands on my friends' shoulders in consoling ways, want to offer hugs to make someone feel better, and playfully hit people. I consider myself a pretty physical person, but I also consider "being physical" to be completely separate from "being sexual."

I'm the same way only except for a body pillow I have one of those pregnancy pillows you see on tv alot. I also like to give hugs when people are down. My friends like to tell me I'm the happiest person in the world because of my personality.

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Bronztrooper

Cuddling is great, but not inherently sexual.

 

I've only been in 1 relationship, but honestly, my favorite moments were when we were sitting together so close that we might as well have been joined together.  I never once thought to do anything more than that- I was more than content with how things were at that time.

 

And I'm not really the kind of person who touches others or likes being touched by people I don't know.  I mean, I'll hug my sister, but with anyone else it's really iffy if I'll do anything more than shake hands with him.  I guess I'm the kind of person who only cuddles with very specific people.

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greyisnotacolor

As an extremely touchy, physical-contact type of gal, I can certainly tell you that being asexual and being aromantic touch on two separate 'spectrums' if you will. You can absolutely be romantic, but not want to pursue anything sexual with someone.

 

To break it down even further, here's what I understand: You have two choices/labels to clarify for yourself - your level of romantic desire and your level of sexual desire. In both cases, you can either desire either of these a lot in one gender or another or not at all (hetero, homo and ace respectively) So, to determine what labels you fit best with, you can apply these add-ons to your romantic desire and to your sexual desire separately. For example, if you are female and you are very romantic and enjoy cuddling, kissing, holding hands and all that, but you can't stand the thought of sex, you might be hetero/homoromantic asexual. If you are very sexual and desire sex often but shy away from romance, you might be aromantic hetero/homosexual.

 

To take this a bit further, there is a range of 'grey' options and bisexual options as well, depending on the depth of fluctuation in either romantic or sexual desire you prefer. In your case, it sounds like you might be asexual, but still heteroromantic, assuming you are still romantically attracted to the opposite sex. Being asexual doesn't mean you necessarily have a desire to be alone, and I'd hope that isn't a common misconception.

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