Flump222

Am I gray-A or just heteroromantic ace?

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Flump222

(Just to begin, I have posted this here before, but I thought it might be better suited to post here, as it deals with the gray area, and I want to get a large variety of responses. I don't want to post too much, especially since I have posted it here before, and not too long ago. I don't want to do anything wrong, so just say the word if I should take this or the original down, or anything else,  and I'll do it).

So, this is something that I've been wondering about for a while now. I'm (reasonably) sure that I'm somewhere on the asexual spectrum, but I'm not sure exactly where. I've asked questions like this in the past, but I've gotten different answers from different people, and I'm honestly not sure myself.

As for context, although I do masturbate, and look at stuff when I do, I feel only the act really interests me (and I only really do it because I'm bored and it feels good). I don't have the thought when looking at someone of wanting to have sex specifically with them, and I just focus on whatever they're doing, rather than who's doing it. I also sometimes have difficulty with fantasies, though they have become easier for me. I don't really imagine another person with me in it, just sort of an anonymous figure (sometimes they're gay as well, even though I don't have any attraction to men, although my fantasies in general have become less and less frequent, and they're not as vivid). I can imagine a specific person, but that takes extra work and never really adds anything. I'm indifferent to it at most, and I don't look at people and have a urge to have sex with them or anything. I have had a crush once, and all I wanted with her was just to spend time and stuff, nothing sexual. I've had people say that I may be slightly aromantic, but I don't think I am. I think that I also experience aesthetic attraction, where I have an urge to just sort of look at someone based only on appearance, but I'm not sure because occasionally I get a small tingle in my nether regions. I wouldn't call it full blown arousal, and I don't really get an erection, but it's still a feeling there. Recently it's been happening less and less, and I think that the only reason that it happened in the first place was hormonal things (I'm only 15). And one last thing too, I know that I'm not demi because I feel that the closer that I get to someone, the more unappealing the idea of sex becomes. 

 

Any thoughts/advice on this? Do you think I'm gray-A, or heteroromantic (or even on the spectrum at all, if that's to be questioned)? 

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RJtheRobot

From what you've said I could see you identifying as either asexual or grey-a, depending on what you feel more comfortable with, but it does seem to me (and other people can't necessarily tell you your orientation for you, so take this with a grain of salt) more like ace than grey-a. Personally, I'm asexual, but for a while I wasn't sure if I was grey-a or not, and when I was questioning where I was on the spectrum what I found helpful was looking into how other people would describe sexual attraction, and I eventually decided that none of that was anything I'd felt.

But I understand the confusion when you have a libido/masturbate, it can take a while figure things out. Ultimately whichever label you feel more at home with is the one you should go with, and if you end up deciding a different one better fits you later, that's okay.

good luck!

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greyisnotacolor

From the general FAQ:

 

Quote

Asexual: Someone who does not experience sexual attraction.

 

Gray-asexual (gray-a) or gray-sexual: Someone who identifies with the area between asexuality and sexuality, for example because they experience sexual attraction very rarely, only under specific circumstances, or of an intensity so low that it's ignorable.

I think I'm going to agree with @RJtheRobot in that your description seems to lean more towards the asexual definition than the gray-asexual one. That's my two-cents anyways.

 

What I've come to learn is that there is a separate spectrum for romance and for sex. If you're heteroromantic, that means you still feel romantically drawn to the opposite sex, similarly to how heterosexual means that you're sexually drawn to the opposite sex. It is ok to identify as heteroromantic and asexual if you identify with both of those labels, as far as I know anyways. Does that make sense?

 

Still new to this myself so I could be wrong, but that's how I've understood it so far anyways. :)

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