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How did you come out if you did?


HufflepuffInTexas

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HufflepuffInTexas

If you came out to your friends and family how did you go about doing it? I've been thinking about telling some of my closest friends but don't really know what to say. I guess it just seems odd because if someone comes out as gay it's like ok and there is not a lot of explanation necessary, but ace isn't really well known. What were some of the reactions? thanks

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I "kinda" come out to three friends, as in I told them that I was questionning myself about asexuality and I could be asexual. I got three positive reactions, but I know that isn't the case for everybody. My best friend I talked about it with her before signing up here, and she reassured me with saying that I had reasons to question myself and I wasn't just seeking attention.

The 2nd friend I told about it didn't know asexuality but I gave him a video explaining each letter of LGBTQ+ before saying anything. Turns out he's questionning himself too now haha. 

The 3d friend finally was the only one I told face to face and was completely chill about it. While I was a bit nervous and let things hang in the air for some minutes, as soon as I told her she was all like "well that's okay, no reason to make such a fuss about it. No problem."  She was on a LGBTQ+ forum and she's bi so, pretty open-minded I guess. I was very lucky with those three.

 

I wish you have reactions just as positive. If they really love you, everything should go well ??  Good luck.

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WobblyWallaby

I've been very careful about who knows because I've had good and bad experiences with coming out. The best thing you can do is prejudge the reaction by what you know about the person.

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I just inserted it into conversation over time (“I’m kind of ace so...”).  Now that my husband is probably leaving me over it there are more opportunities to blurt it out in conversation.  :)

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Well, I have the subtlety of a giant LED Times Square Billboard and the impulsiveness of a child hyped up on twenty pixie sticks, so I'm not necessarily the best person to ask, but...

 

FRIENDS: (School mates)

I just discovered what asexuality was and when we met in the library the day after I basically was bouncing off the walls and kept asking if anyone knew what asexuality was because "Woah, that describes me.", and "Hey, I think I'm ace!". Everyone kind of... already knew what Asexuality was minus like one person (Keep in mind that only 2 out of that 10 or so group of people were not LGBTQIA+) so they were all pretty chill.

 

FAMILY: (Mom & Dad)

I basically perked up during a car ride after a sudden rush of inspiration and exclaimed to both of my parents, "Well! Surprise pregnancy's not gonna be a concern for either of you because I'm ace! Man, I'm the best kid ever!". My mom's reaction was sort of more along the lines of 'Get back to me when you're older', but my dad seems to at least somewhat get it? Or, at least he takes me seriously anyway.

 

At this point now everyone but my extended family (Including but not limited to a pastor and church-going country-raised individuals) knows about it. I'm not too closeted mainly because I can't keep my mouth shut long enough to keep it a secret. 

 

My advice? Be cautious where caution is warranted (i.e: If it's not safe to come out), but if they're your friends and they take it badly? Well buddy, they probably weren't the right friends for you anyway. Surround yourself with support and people you can be genuine around, that's what I always say.

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This sounds really wierd but I kinda made sure they had watched bojack horseman, if they have seen it you can ask their reaction on the ace charecter (not gonna spoil it but like everyone knows by now) and they will already have been explained to what asexuality is, if your sane and think this method is dumb then just explain asexuality in anecdotes to see there reaction (I have used the example of this person that had sheep and like 2% of them were asexual) so you both have the opertunity to educate them and you can see there reaction to asexuality. I’ve only really came out to 4 people (one of which was ace) and they all were extremely supportive, so I would just suggest waiting until your ready to tell them, and making sure you have trust In your relationship with that person.

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By not "going in" in the first place. I'd always say that I'm not interested and that I'd rather travel. Bluntness can be quite off-putting and make people lose the curiosity to investigate :D

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Artsy Anvil

I’ve only come out three times. The first time was with a group of classmates during lunch. We were talking about sexuality, and everyone was saying they were gay, bi, straight, etc. Then this one kid said he was ace. I was so surprised. So when they asked me, I just that I was ace too. And, everyone was pretty okay with it. The second time was to my family (mom and sister). I sent a really long text message explaining what asexuality is, how I knew I was asexual, what not to say to asexuals, and a Q&A section. The entire text took about a month to fully type up. My family is okay with it I guess. They still are uncomfortable with it, sometimes think I’m just lying or faking it, and they even hope it’s just a phase. But, they didn’t kick me out or disown me, so I can’t complain. The third time was with a friend. She’s bisexual, so, I knew there wouldn’t be a problem. I just said I’m aromantic and asexual and to please not tell anyone else yet. She then asked what that meant, so I explained it, and she was just like okay. I plan on coming out to another friend over the summer. She isn’t supportive of the queer community, but, I need to tell her since we’re going to the same school next year, and, I’m tired of hiding it. I want to be out at that school. So, we’ll see what happens. So, overall my coming out experiences have been okay.

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Rippleshadow

Tbh... I don’t remember much. 

When I first discovered I was panro ace, the only people I told were Internet friends/acquaintances and my best irl friend. I knew my best friend at the time would be super supportive of me so it was easy to tell her. 

 

In high school, I can’t remember what I told people. I think, when I was a senior, I told my CNA and EMT classmates I was asexual whenever the topic of dating/relationships came up, but I didn’t tell them I was panromantic. They were all pretty chill with it but I know some were confused and one of my teachers was like “you’ll change when you’re older” 😒

 

In college, I’ve been definitely more open about being asexual and panro. All my roommates know and I’ve told many of my friends that I’ve made. I wrote poetry about being ace so everyone in my poetry class was aware. And I just casually mention being asexual even when I’m in public now so 🤷🏼‍♀️

I’ve only had one friend who insistently argued with me that I couldn’t know what I was talking about because I was still a virgin and therefore couldn’t be sure that I “didn’t like sex”. 

 

I’ve never explicitly told anyone in my family except my younger sister. I told my parents a week ago that I “don’t experience physical attraction beyond holding hands and hugging and things like that”, and my Dad looked a little doubtful while my mom was like “...I’m not sure that’s normal but... okay....”

I think I’ll just tell them I’m asexual after I get married. Or engaged maybe. 

 

The hardest experience I’ve had with coming out to someone is to my current SO. 

There was a day (before I knew how he felt about me) when I was really struggling to accept myself for being panro ace and he could tell that I wasn’t feeling well and kept asking me what was wrong. I really wanted to tell him but I was terrified of how he’d react because I’d never heard him say anything about LGBT+ matters and I had no idea how he would take it. Also, I didn’t want him to potentially stop being interested in me after he found out I was ace. So I was having a bit of a mental breakdown but I somehow mustered up the courage to tell him anyway. I think having all my previous experiences with coming out helped with that. 

In any case, it didn’t go poorly. He was very confused about me being asexual and a little confused about me being panromantic, and he wasn’t ready to talk in detail about it but he was pretty accepting. Since then, I’ve had a lot of opportunities to talk about my experience being asexual and so far he seems to accept it and doesn’t mind that I don’t reciprocate the same kind of physical attraction he feels toward me. 

 

So anyway. In my experience, coming out as ace has usually required patience and being well-equipped to answer questions. Most people are confused but genuinely want to understand more.

Then again, I tend to have exceptionally wonderful friends ^^” 

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Basically all my friends know or if they don't that's because I haven't had a chance to speak with them since. My family doesn't know outside of my sister. For her, I waited till she came home for my graduation ceremony and then I just told her while out mother was out of the house. She took it really well, and she had apparently had the sneaking suspicion that was the case. I'm probably not telling my mother any time soon. My father barely speaks to me at the moment, so it's likely never gonna come up. I'm really mostly concerned my mother is gonna treat it as a disease at best, as if I need fixing. So I wanna avoid that for the time being.

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drivethruwhale

I came out to my mom (I remember that the conversation just seemed to naturally work it’s way there) and she told me to get my hormone levels checked out. She hasn’t mentioned it since so I guess she thinks I’m broken and unwilling to fix it? idk. I’ve also come out to my sisters when we were discussing relationship stuff and while they didn’t seem to get it they’ve at least been accepting of it. 

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