Galactic Turtle Posted May 12, 2018 Share Posted May 12, 2018 Hello humans. I really care about my family. I really care about their opinions. I know people have told me not to but I can't help it. They've given me everything I have and they love me to the end of the earth and back. That being said, I came out to my parents in 2016 and it has been a tumultuous ride since then because at the end of the day they think I'm causing damage to myself by believing in all of this and being this way. I say I'm happy but then everyone says I'm not because I don't know any better because I don't see things the way I'm supposed to. I just finished a month of therapy that I didn't want. Now everyone thinks I have social anxiety when in reality I just want someone who I know cares about me like my parents do to say that my experiences are real but because they can't I know it's not real and I don't know how to live with that. I'm not the type of person to talk back at people especially if they're older than me but I got upset a few days ago because despite being told I only had to do therapy for a month, they now want me to continue because they liked the direction my conversations had been going. Still, in my family therapy is nothing but a punishment. It's highly stigmatized and it's basically being used as yet another reason why I shouldn't be listened to. I've shut down all of my social media because I'm so embarrassed. I can't look at myself. I hate my skin. I hate being called pretty and cute and being touched even when I ask people not to and people laughing at my discomfort. I love my friends yet I only have the courage to keep speaking to one of them. I can only imagine what the others think of me. My jobs keep me busy most of the time but the second I have any amount of time on my own I think and do things that I know I shouldn't. They say I'm living an incomplete life. They think I don't love them because I can't express it in ways they understand. I'm not really sure what the point of this post is. I'm just concerned that if I don't go through with this they'll give up on me for good and that if I do go through with it I'll be forced to think about and expose myself to things that will make me feel dirty. And at the end of the day if nothing I'm experiencing is real then what am I doing here? Link to post Share on other sites
Norellia Posted May 12, 2018 Share Posted May 12, 2018 I am really sorry your going through this with your family. I only told my mom and brother and it's been five years and they still are not on board with asexuality, so I haven't bothered telling the rest of my family which is less open minded. Is the therapy group family therapy or just you and a therapist though? If it is just you and a therapist maybe turn the conversation in another direction about how you feel with your family? Also on a more extreme measure you can always ask for another therapist. It may feel uncomfortable to tell a your therapist you want a different one, but if the issue might be your not clicking possibly due to the therapist not understanding asexuality than that is an option. I don't really know what to tell you about your family, but I hope things improve. Link to post Share on other sites
ryn2 Posted May 12, 2018 Share Posted May 12, 2018 I was going to suggest that too... if you have (or “just” feel obligated) to see a therapist, and yours isn’t ace-aware and ace-friendly, ask to see someone else. Maybe your family needs to attend too so a neutral third party can help them see they’re only making things harder this way and you would actually be fine left alone/accepted. Link to post Share on other sites
Nylocke Posted May 14, 2018 Share Posted May 14, 2018 Sometimes it can be difficult to discuss such matters with family without them thinking that you're lying especially if you've been in relationships before. Either way education is needed for full understanding and that can be difficult depending on how old school your folks are. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted May 14, 2018 Share Posted May 14, 2018 What did your therapist say about how your family treats you and the power they have over you, as an adult? Link to post Share on other sites
Galactic Turtle Posted May 14, 2018 Author Share Posted May 14, 2018 On 5/11/2018 at 9:40 PM, Norellia said: Is the therapy group family therapy or just you and a therapist though? If it is just you and a therapist maybe turn the conversation in another direction about how you feel with your family? Also on a more extreme measure you can always ask for another therapist. It may feel uncomfortable to tell a your therapist you want a different one, but if the issue might be your not clicking possibly due to the therapist not understanding asexuality than that is an option. I don't really know what to tell you about your family, but I hope things improve. It's just me and the therapist but I have to tell my family what we talked about every week anyway. I'd feel much better talking to a woman but I'm more distressed that I have to talk to anyone at all in the first place. I mentioned asexuality once but it was ignored in favor of focusing on my issues with physical contact. I can't imagine how any therapist could be much different from the next one... On 5/12/2018 at 5:42 PM, ryn2 said: Maybe your family needs to attend too so a neutral third party can help them see they’re only making things harder this way and you would actually be fine left alone/accepted. We talk about my sessions very in depth afterwards... 6 hours ago, Nylocke said: Either way education is needed for full understanding and that can be difficult depending on how old school your folks are. I know. I gave them an entire book on asexuality. It didn't go over well. 8 minutes ago, Serran said: What did your therapist say about how your family treats you and the power they have over you, as an adult? He just said it's interesting that I follow orders so well but that how I view reality is very different from the norm and that he's glad they sent me there even if he doesn't approve of the method. Link to post Share on other sites
ryn2 Posted May 14, 2018 Share Posted May 14, 2018 24 minutes ago, Galactic Turtle said: We talk about my sessions very in depth afterwards... That’s very different from having them attend... where the therapist can help identify flaws in their thinking and encourage them to handle this situation better. Link to post Share on other sites
banana monkey Posted May 14, 2018 Share Posted May 14, 2018 24 minutes ago, Galactic Turtle said: It's just me and the therapist but I have to tell my family what we talked about every week anyway. We talk about my sessions very in depth afterwards... Apologies, if this sounds blunt and not understanding but why? Surely, contents of therapy are private/confidential (most people understand that) and if you are an adult how much of your private stuff you tell them is up to you. From your post, it doesnt sound like you want to tell them at all so why do you feel you have to. Surely they know therapy is private. Its usually seen similar to medical treatment at least in this country anyway. It may help to explain it to them that way. Dont they respect you are an adult and have private stuff (as all adults do) Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted May 14, 2018 Share Posted May 14, 2018 Different therapists can be very different. I started counseling the other week and one therapist wasn't connecting well with me so I switched to someone else and she is more understanding and works with me better. It's about finding someone you are comfortable with and you feel listens. Doesn't sound like you feel he listens. And if you'd be more comfortable with a woman you should switch to a woman. And ... Your family shouldn't have to know what you discuss in therapy. It's private. There is a reason therapists can't discuss you with anyone , including your family. But I do think therapy is a good idea to continue, but not to "fix " your orientation or anything , but to gain perspective and confidence to get out of your family's control. You can love and respect people without obeying them. Link to post Share on other sites
princessem1020 Posted May 15, 2018 Share Posted May 15, 2018 I’m going through something very similar. I am about to start having to go with my parents to Christian counseling in a week and I am dreading it. They act like I never said anything after they found out I was bi and ace and never bring it up, but might bring it up here, or not. They said I’m goin to this particular consuler and getting into it because of being I’m on the autism spectrum, so I hope I am not invalidated even more and claimed to being getting “corrected” and “fixed” because of my inner and outer mental struggles. I know they will all keep it private no matter what, but only because they are embarrassed of it and ashamed of the way I am. Link to post Share on other sites
Norellia Posted May 15, 2018 Share Posted May 15, 2018 Ya ok just going to state what others have therapy sessions are private. You don't have to tell your family anything. If you are under the age of 18 then technically in the united states parents can look at the files or whatever, but they really shouldn't. If I were you I would try and politely state to your parents you do not want to go into depth about what you discussed during the session because they are private. I had a couple of instances when I was under 18 where my parents breached ethical stuff and regarding my counseling privacy, and it suuucks. You have every right to change therapists if you are not comfortable or connecting to that one. Any good therapist will understand, and honestly if the therapist isn't connecting to you they may be grateful as it makes there jobs harder. I also notice in general you don't seem to really want to be in therapy in the first place. If I am wrong then just ignore this, but if I am right then therapy won't do anything. People who go to therapy that do not want to be there won't really improve that much. It seems like your family has just forced you into it, so if you can then stop going if you do not want to do it. Link to post Share on other sites
Nylocke Posted May 25, 2018 Share Posted May 25, 2018 On 5/14/2018 at 4:48 PM, Galactic Turtle said: I know. I gave them an entire book on asexuality. It didn't go over well. That sucks really badly D: Well you're more brave then me, I still have yet to even tackle that discussion with my parents ... Link to post Share on other sites
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