sonya Posted May 11, 2018 Share Posted May 11, 2018 Hello, I had left this website years ago because my questions pissed off some asexual people. All I wanted was a little support. Now when I read these posts today, I feel a lot better.. It was hard for me to be married to an asexual man. He was the sweetest guy I have ever known. But frankly we were both in our mid 30s and we both wanted kids,,,who are wonderful. But I ignored all the signs.. no pdas, having sex after 4 months of dating (which was not the norm). Our vacations? very little sex.Our wedding night? no sex. 2nd day married.. yup you guessed it...no sex. I was so desperate once i was lying in bed seductively, while he was on the phone with a platonic female friend...no reaction. Even towards the end of our marriage when he found out that I was cheating on him he just got angry, and didn't fight back to get me. back. That was the most hurtful thing I have ever experienced. After our divorce, many friends said they thought he might be gay. I knew that wasn't so and honestly if he came out of the closet, it would not have made a difference to me as long as he was happy. So that is my biggest frustration and remorse. If he could have only told me, I would have been more supportive. Instead, I lived a life where I thought he did not love me. He is sad and angry now, and even his gay friends tell me not to bother, that I can't "fix" him. There is nothing to fix.. he is who he is Link to post Share on other sites
A.R.B. Posted May 11, 2018 Share Posted May 11, 2018 At least you're supportive of him despite all you've been through with eachother. If you have any questions feel free to ask because hopefully people on the website will not get angry like they did in your past. Link to post Share on other sites
SusannaC Posted May 12, 2018 Share Posted May 12, 2018 I have had a similar experience in my marriage and I hear your sadness and frustration. It’s taken me so many years to come to some degree of inner peace...but the years have been so painful. I also spent years feeling unloved, like you. I hope you find comfort here-we can’t change the past and certainly can’t change how we are oriented. Accept and forgive yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
LeChat Posted May 12, 2018 Share Posted May 12, 2018 5 hours ago, sonya said: ...So that is my biggest frustration and remorse. If he could have only told me, I would have been more supportive... Hi. Just to let you know, sometimes, it's difficult for asexuals to realize that they are asexual, because, occasionally, they masturbate, and/or have romantic crushes on others, which they assume means they're heterosexual/homosexual, etc. It's especially difficult for older people, who didn't grow up hearing or being taught about asexuality at all when they were in school. Link to post Share on other sites
NickyTannock Posted May 12, 2018 Share Posted May 12, 2018 Welcome back to AVEN! I'm sorry that your first time here didn't go smoothly. And I'm sorry to hear how your relationship ended. Link to post Share on other sites
)’(burnerJ)’( Posted May 13, 2018 Share Posted May 13, 2018 On 5/11/2018 at 7:28 PM, InquisitivePhilosopher said: Hi. Just to let you know, sometimes, it's difficult for asexuals to realize that they are asexual, because, occasionally, they masturbate, and/or have romantic crushes on others, which they assume means they're heterosexual/homosexual, etc. It's especially difficult for older people, who didn't grow up hearing or being taught about asexuality at all when they were in school. I know I am a newbie here but this fact was actually the clue that unlocked everything for me. I could not understand how I could feel and be so loved yet so sexually neglected. It didn’t add up until I stepped outside myself and looked at it with a cold objective eye. I am an older guy and because of the vast information we all now have at our fingertips was only just recently able to figure this out without resorting to my ingrained ignorance. Link to post Share on other sites
James121 Posted May 14, 2018 Share Posted May 14, 2018 Another sad story of incompatibility. Be mindful of how much support you give him as you have your own life to live. What support did you get on your wedding night or the other occasions you mentioned? Go and find someone who sings off the same hymn sheet as you and enjoy your new life. Hopefully you can maintain a working parental relationship with your ex husband. Link to post Share on other sites
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