FaerieFate Posted January 31, 2020 Author Share Posted January 31, 2020 13 minutes ago, Stevemart said: Have you felt sexually aroused near people you find attractive No. That would be sexual attraction. I don't feel that. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Stevemart Posted January 31, 2020 Share Posted January 31, 2020 Just now, FaerieFate said: No. That would be sexual attraction. I don't feel that. You think that would be sexual attraction? Really ? I have been told otherwise Quote Link to post Share on other sites
FaerieFate Posted January 31, 2020 Author Share Posted January 31, 2020 11 minutes ago, Stevemart said: You think that would be sexual attraction? Really ? I have been told otherwise Sexual attraction is desire to have sex with another person. So if you're aroused by a person, that implies you want to have sex with them. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Stevemart Posted January 31, 2020 Share Posted January 31, 2020 15 minutes ago, FaerieFate said: Sexual attraction is desire to have sex with another person. So if you're aroused by a person, that implies you want to have sex with them. @CBC is this true Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Stevemart Posted January 31, 2020 Share Posted January 31, 2020 35 minutes ago, Stevemart said: @CBC is this true @CBC do you agree with that statement above? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted January 31, 2020 Share Posted January 31, 2020 51 minutes ago, Stevemart said: @CBC is this true The thing is, you've not only stated that other people arouse you, but that you'd prefer to have sex with them than not have sex, given that chance. I am sure @FaerieFate, @CBC and most everyone else will agree that definitely falls under sexual attraction. You seem to assume you are asexual based solely on the fact that you do not have sexual fantasies, HOWEVER, you only include fantasies actually about regular sex as sexual fantasies. As I have explained many times, sexual fantasies don't have to be about actual sex for them to be sexual. What you have described many times now absolutely sound like sexual fantasies, no question about it. And on top of that, there are sexual people who don't have sexual fantasies! Fantasies are not an indication of your sexual orientation. Normally we are not allowed to tell people if they are or are not asexual here, but you seem to be literally worried and afraid that you might be asexual. So let me outline it like this: -You are aroused by other people -You feel you'd rather have sex with the people who arouse you than not have sex, if given that chance -You have fantasies of a sexual nature (relating to your fetishes) that arouse you. All of these things point very strongly in the direction that you are sexual, not asexual, so you don't need to worry so much about it as you seem very concerned. However I think as this seems to be upsetting you so much, I think maybe some professional help could help you overcome the specific fears you seem to be having? There is only so much we here at AVEN can do for you, and many of us have been trying for days now to waylay your fears, yet nothing we say seems to be helping! You are of course still welcome to partake in this community, I just feel there isn't much more we can do to help you with this specific topic as we have all been trying to help and you are still asking the exact same questions you were asking 3 days ago!! We can't give you different answers I am afraid :c Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Stevemart Posted January 31, 2020 Share Posted January 31, 2020 7 minutes ago, Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?) said: The thing is, you've not only stated that other people arouse you, but that you'd prefer to have sex with them than not have sex, given that chance. I am sure @FaerieFate, @CBC and most everyone else will agree that definitely falls under sexual attraction. You seem to assume you are asexual based solely on the fact that you do not have sexual fantasies, HOWEVER, you only include fantasies actually about regular sex as sexual fantasies. As I have explained many times, sexual fantasies don't have to be about actual sex for them to be sexual. What you have described many times now absolutely sound like sexual fantasies, no question about it. And on top of that, there are sexual people who don't have sexual fantasies! Fantasies are not an indication of your sexual orientation. Normally we are not allowed to tell people if they are or are not asexual here, but you seem to be literally worried and afraid that you might be asexual. So let me outline it like this: -You are aroused by other people -You feel you'd rather have sex with the people who arouse you than not have sex, if given that chance -You have fantasies of a sexual nature (relating to your fetishes) that arouse you. All of these things point very strongly in the direction that you are sexual, not asexual, so you don't need to worry so much about it as you seem very concerned. However I think as this seems to be upsetting you so much, I think maybe some professional help could help you overcome the specific fears you seem to be having? There is only so much we here at AVEN can do for you, and many of us have been trying for days now to waylay your fears, yet nothing we say seems to be helping! You are of course still welcome to partake in this community, I just feel there isn't much more we can do to help you with this specific topic as we have all been trying to help and you are still asking the exact same questions you were asking 3 days ago!! We can't give you different answers I am afraid :c i want sex because i want to try it not because i have this urge within me to have it it . i dont seem to act as though i need it if i dont have sex ill be fine too.. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted January 31, 2020 Share Posted January 31, 2020 3 minutes ago, Stevemart said: i want sex because i want to try it not because i have this urge within me to have it it . i dont seem to act as though i need it if i dont have sex ill be fine too.. Okay you hadn't specified that you wanted to try it in the other threads I'd seen of yours. I think (as others have said) it's just one of those things that you are going to need to wait until you have more info. Based on a lot of what you have said, you sound sexual. But you might have sex someday and be like "oh heck I never want to do that again!!" or you might be like "that is great!!" and want to keep doing it forever. Until then I don't think you can know for certain one way or another. What I do know though is that there is absolutely nothing wrong with being asexual, so you don't need to be worried or concerned about it!! There is also nothing wrong with being sexual either of course. You'll just have to wait until you have more information because I don't think any of us can give you any more info than what we have already tried to give you! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Stevemart Posted January 31, 2020 Share Posted January 31, 2020 6 minutes ago, Stevemart said: i want sex because i want to try it not because i have this urge within me to have it it . i dont seem to act as though i need it if i dont have sex ill be fine too.. 14 minutes ago, Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?) said: The thing is, you've not only stated that other people arouse you, but that you'd prefer to have sex with them than not have sex, given that chance. I am sure @FaerieFate, @CBC and most everyone else will agree that definitely falls under sexual attraction. You seem to assume you are asexual based solely on the fact that you do not have sexual fantasies, HOWEVER, you only include fantasies actually about regular sex as sexual fantasies. As I have explained many times, sexual fantasies don't have to be about actual sex for them to be sexual. What you have described many times now absolutely sound like sexual fantasies, no question about it. And on top of that, there are sexual people who don't have sexual fantasies! Fantasies are not an indication of your sexual orientation. Normally we are not allowed to tell people if they are or are not asexual here, but you seem to be literally worried and afraid that you might be asexual. So let me outline it like this: -You are aroused by other people -You feel you'd rather have sex with the people who arouse you than not have sex, if given that chance -You have fantasies of a sexual nature (relating to your fetishes) that arouse you. All of these things point very strongly in the direction that you are sexual, not asexual, so you don't need to worry so much about it as you seem very concerned. However I think as this seems to be upsetting you so much, I think maybe some professional help could help you overcome the specific fears you seem to be having? There is only so much we here at AVEN can do for you, and many of us have been trying for days now to waylay your fears, yet nothing we say seems to be helping! You are of course still welcome to partake in this community, I just feel there isn't much more we can do to help you with this specific topic as we have all been trying to help and you are still asking the exact same questions you were asking 3 days ago!! We can't give you different answers I am afraid :c im just trying to convince myself that i want sex when in reality i just feel neutral more than anything !! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted January 31, 2020 Share Posted January 31, 2020 1 minute ago, Stevemart said: im just trying to convince myself that i want sex when in reality i just feel neutral more than anything !! Yeah that makes sense, I understand Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Stevemart Posted January 31, 2020 Share Posted January 31, 2020 3 minutes ago, Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?) said: Okay you hadn't specified that you wanted to try it in the other threads I'd seen of yours. I think (as others have said) it's just one of those things that you are going to need to wait until you have more info. Based on a lot of what you have said, you sound sexual. But you might have sex someday and be like "oh heck I never want to do that again!!" or you might be like "that is great!!" and want to keep doing it forever. Until then I don't think you can know for certain one way or another. What I do know though is that there is absolutely nothing wrong with being asexual, so you don't need to be worried or concerned about it!! There is also nothing wrong with being sexual either of course. You'll just have to wait until you have more information because I don't think any of us can give you any more info than what we have already tried to give you! but do you really think that after trying it with a guy I will feel different ( bc i did try it with a prostitute my dad hired to see if ill like it and i didnt like it obv probably bc it was a girl) Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Stevemart Posted January 31, 2020 Share Posted January 31, 2020 9 minutes ago, Stevemart said: im just trying to convince myself that i want sex when in reality i just feel neutral more than anything !! also i dont remeber if i asked you this before but how do you know that lots of sexual people dont have sex fantasies..? have you had such friends or any other experiences to come to this conclusion Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Stevemart Posted January 31, 2020 Share Posted January 31, 2020 30 minutes ago, Stevemart said: im just trying to convince myself that i want sex when in reality i just feel neutral more than anything !! 46 minutes ago, Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?) said: The thing is, you've not only stated that other people arouse you, but that you'd prefer to have sex with them than not have sex, given that chance. I am sure @FaerieFate, @CBC and most everyone else will agree that definitely falls under sexual attraction. You seem to assume you are asexual based solely on the fact that you do not have sexual fantasies, HOWEVER, you only include fantasies actually about regular sex as sexual fantasies. As I have explained many times, sexual fantasies don't have to be about actual sex for them to be sexual. What you have described many times now absolutely sound like sexual fantasies, no question about it. And on top of that, there are sexual people who don't have sexual fantasies! Fantasies are not an indication of your sexual orientation. Normally we are not allowed to tell people if they are or are not asexual here, but you seem to be literally worried and afraid that you might be asexual. So let me outline it like this: -You are aroused by other people -You feel you'd rather have sex with the people who arouse you than not have sex, if given that chance -You have fantasies of a sexual nature (relating to your fetishes) that arouse you. All of these things point very strongly in the direction that you are sexual, not asexual, so you don't need to worry so much about it as you seem very concerned. However I think as this seems to be upsetting you so much, I think maybe some professional help could help you overcome the specific fears you seem to be having? There is only so much we here at AVEN can do for you, and many of us have been trying for days now to waylay your fears, yet nothing we say seems to be helping! You are of course still welcome to partake in this community, I just feel there isn't much more we can do to help you with this specific topic as we have all been trying to help and you are still asking the exact same questions you were asking 3 days ago!! We can't give you different answers I am afraid :c ?? Are you there Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Switters Posted January 31, 2020 Share Posted January 31, 2020 You seem to be in pain over it. I'd reply but its easier to read my posts. To be honest you are subject to circumstance. Personality or gestures, just like autism, affect what we feel. In my birth city I thought I was asexual. Then my second city was 50/50. I fell in love with a foreigner. Then I moved again to where I was attractive. I was hot property to women and men but hated it. It is a horrible thing but, where you are matters. Sorry. Had I stayed in the place of my birth I'd be dead at 18. Move mate 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Switters Posted January 31, 2020 Share Posted January 31, 2020 I was born in Canada. Had I not left English Canada I definitely would be dead. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Switters Posted January 31, 2020 Share Posted January 31, 2020 You seem to be in pain over it. I'd reply but its easier to read my posts. To be honest you are subject to circumstance. Personality or gestures, just like autism, affect what we feel. In my birth city I thought I was asexual. Then my second city was 50/50. I fell in love with a foreigner. Then I moved again to where I was attractive. I was hot property to women and men but hated it. It is a horrible thing but, where you are matters. Sorry. Had I stayed in the place of my birth I'd be dead at 18. Move mate. After reading the whole stream I agree. Getting some therapy would help. Depending where you live. But definitely get some guidance. It changed everything. We are here to back you up no matter the outcome. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Stevemart Posted January 31, 2020 Share Posted January 31, 2020 10 hours ago, Stevemart said: ?? Are you there How do you know there are sexual people without sexual fantasies? Doesn’t desire come from a fantasy Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted January 31, 2020 Share Posted January 31, 2020 6 hours ago, Stevemart said: How do you know there are sexual people without sexual fantasies? Doesn’t desire come from a fantasy I already replied to this question about 4 times!!! Did you read my other replies? I went to lots of effort to write you long and detailed responses about the kinds of sexual fantasies people have (and I do count yours as sexual fantasies too)!! No, not all sexual people fantasize about actual plain sex (actual sex is considered boring to many in the fetish community especially). I already told you I have interacted with many, many sexual people who don't fantasize about regular sex. But they do have fantasies about their specific fetishes, as you do!! Not everyone gets turned on by the idea of regular sex, I don't either!!! But that doesn't make them asexual. What makes someone asexual is the fact that given the chance, they'd be happiest without sex in their lives if that were possible. They don't have any kind of urge or preference to connect sexually with others. 17 hours ago, Stevemart said: but do you really think that after trying it with a guy I will feel different ( bc i did try it with a prostitute my dad hired to see if ill like it and i didnt like it obv probably bc it was a girl) I already answered this as well, in lots of detail on another of your threads. Even many straight guys would have trouble enjoying sex with a prostitute their own dad hired for them. Many people aren't into prostitutes to start with (some are and that's fine! But a lot of people have no interest in prostitutes).. Let alone one their own dad hired!! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Stevemart Posted January 31, 2020 Share Posted January 31, 2020 1 hour ago, Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?) said: I already replied to this question about 4 times!!! Did you read my other replies? I went to lots of effort to write you long and detailed responses about the kinds of sexual fantasies people have (and I do count yours as sexual fantasies too)!! No, not all sexual people fantasize about actual plain sex (actual sex is considered boring to many in the fetish community especially). I already told you I have interacted with many, many sexual people who don't fantasize about regular sex. But they do have fantasies about their specific fetishes, as you do!! Not everyone gets turned on by the idea of regular sex, I don't either!!! But that doesn't make them asexual. What makes someone asexual is the fact that given the chance, they'd be happiest without sex in their lives if that were possible. They don't have any kind of urge or preference to connect sexually with others. I already answered this as well, in lots of detail on another of your threads. Even many straight guys would have trouble enjoying sex with a prostitute their own dad hired for them. Many people aren't into prostitutes to start with (some are and that's fine! But a lot of people have no interest in prostitutes).. Let alone one their own dad hired!! But some gays can’t have sex with women also right Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted February 1, 2020 Share Posted February 1, 2020 23 minutes ago, Stevemart said: But some gays can’t have sex with women also right Of course. I was just saying that your dad hiring a prostitute was a pretty messed up situation and even many guys who DO want to fuck women would have been uncomfortable. Many straight guys wouldn't even be able to get aroused in that situation. So yeah if a straight guy would have issues with it then of course it's going to be even more difficult for a gay guy. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Stevemart Posted February 1, 2020 Share Posted February 1, 2020 5 hours ago, Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?) said: I already replied to this question about 4 times!!! Did you read my other replies? I went to lots of effort to write you long and detailed responses about the kinds of sexual fantasies people have (and I do count yours as sexual fantasies too)!! No, not all sexual people fantasize about actual plain sex (actual sex is considered boring to many in the fetish community especially). I already told you I have interacted with many, many sexual people who don't fantasize about regular sex. But they do have fantasies about their specific fetishes, as you do!! Not everyone gets turned on by the idea of regular sex, I don't either!!! But that doesn't make them asexual. What makes someone asexual is the fact that given the chance, they'd be happiest without sex in their lives if that were possible. They don't have any kind of urge or preference to connect sexually with others. I already answered this as well, in lots of detail on another of your threads. Even many straight guys would have trouble enjoying sex with a prostitute their own dad hired for them. Many people aren't into prostitutes to start with (some are and that's fine! But a lot of people have no interest in prostitutes).. Let alone one their own dad hired!! So sort of a fetish blocks fantasy about sex or you can have both ? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted February 1, 2020 Share Posted February 1, 2020 1 hour ago, Stevemart said: So sort of a fetish blocks fantasy about sex or you can have both ? Fetish is just a different type of sexual preference. I have fetishes and to me, 'average' sex just doesn't hold any interest at all. However some do have both, some enjoy regular sex while also having fetishes of course!! But most of the people I have ever known who have fetishes much prefer fantasizing about their fetishes than about regular sex Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Stevemart Posted February 1, 2020 Share Posted February 1, 2020 6 minutes ago, Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?) said: Fetish is just a different type of sexual preference. I have fetishes and to me, 'average' sex just doesn't hold any interest at all. However some do have both, some enjoy regular sex while also having fetishes of course!! But most of the people I have ever known who have fetishes much prefer fantasizing about their fetishes than about regular sex But they can still enjoy regular sex also no ? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted February 1, 2020 Share Posted February 1, 2020 Just now, Stevemart said: But they can still enjoy regular sex also no ? Depends. In my situation, I generally have no real desire for regular sex. I'd much rather do my fetishes with someone I am attracted to, as a way to experience arousal and pleasure etc. Some people with fetishes can still enjoy regular sex, others with fetishes prefer that their fetishes replace regular sex. There are aces with fetishes, but they don't desire to do their fetishes with someone else as a means of sexual pleasure and arousal etc. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Stevemart Posted February 1, 2020 Share Posted February 1, 2020 2 minutes ago, Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?) said: Depends. In my situation, I generally have no real desire for regular sex. I'd much rather do my fetishes with someone I am attracted to, as a way to experience arousal and pleasure etc. Some people with fetishes can still enjoy regular sex, others with fetishes prefer that their fetishes replace regular sex. There are aces with fetishes, but they don't desire to do their fetishes with someone else as a means of sexual pleasure and arousal etc. do you get sexually aroused when you are near people you find attractive? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Stevemart Posted February 1, 2020 Share Posted February 1, 2020 3 minutes ago, Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?) said: Depends. In my situation, I generally have no real desire for regular sex. I'd much rather do my fetishes with someone I am attracted to, as a way to experience arousal and pleasure etc. Some people with fetishes can still enjoy regular sex, others with fetishes prefer that their fetishes replace regular sex. There are aces with fetishes, but they don't desire to do their fetishes with someone else as a means of sexual pleasure and arousal etc. so if I don’t fantasize about regular sex I wouldn’t enjoy it ? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted February 1, 2020 Share Posted February 1, 2020 7 minutes ago, Stevemart said: do you get sexually aroused when you are near people you find attractive? I don't personally, no. 6 minutes ago, Stevemart said: so if I don’t fantasize about regular sex I wouldn’t enjoy it ? I think you'd have to have more experience with it first to know for sure. I've had a LOT of sex so I know it's just not for me, but I think a lot of people would need to try it first (with someone they care about etc), as well as experimenting with their fetishes, before they can know for sure if they prefer their fetishes to regular sex. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Stevemart Posted February 1, 2020 Share Posted February 1, 2020 24 minutes ago, Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?) said: I don't personally, no. I think you'd have to have more experience with it first to know for sure. I've had a LOT of sex so I know it's just not for me, but I think a lot of people would need to try it first (with someone they care about etc), as well as experimenting with their fetishes, before they can know for sure if they prefer their fetishes to regular sex. Well I can prefer fetish bit still like sex and although a man can’t lift me while having sex always ... there are ways to incorporate my fetish’s Bc I also like being just submissive so that can be added during sex ... I mean I hope you understand what I mean Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted February 7, 2020 Share Posted February 7, 2020 On 2/1/2020 at 4:43 AM, CBC said: Yeah, so like I've said a bunch of times... please go have some sex. ... u kidding right Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted February 7, 2020 Share Posted February 7, 2020 9 minutes ago, CBC said: No, because Stevemart has said many times that the idea of sex with a hot guy appeals to him. Don't accuse me of being that ridiculous if you don't understand the context. I guess it's just me having a problem with your way of phrasing again lol sorry. ... for the record, it annoys me to no end, this kinda sentence. But I guess its #acepeopleproblems / traumas. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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