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FaerieFate

How to respond to, "How do you know you're asexual?"

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nutterwithasolderingiron

well i can only speak about myself but it kinda went like this. 

 

i was sexually active from a young age but i more would seek it out because i was told by a lot of media that sex was the greatest and best thing ever. i have autism so sensory issues were always a huge issue for me, combine that with some really nasty sexual experiences that left me questioning why i even wanted sex, experiences where i felt like i was being used by partners and rarely enjoyed it. i realized i was asexual. weirdly i get the "well how do you know" question all the time. 

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KeyKey

Topless people do nothing for me. Also, bottomless people.

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Armin55
On 5/11/2018 at 6:38 AM, FaerieFate said:

Man, this question has been a doozy for me for a while now. Ask me questions about asexuality all day, I've done an extensive amount of research on it for my work on AVEN, but the question of, "How do you know you're asexual?" or "What does asexuality mean to you?" has been an impossible question. It starts off with the fact that the asexual community can't really decide on a definition, and ends in the fact that even if you just choose one you still can't get whomever you're talking to to understand what on earth you're talking about.

 

So, as you can guess, I have finally found an answer to this question. Note, this will not negate your need to pull out your asexual bingo cards. You'll still hear all of the typical responses. However, if the person is willing to be understanding or is actually trying to understand, it will help them understand to the best of their ability (I mean you can't make someone else understand what it's like to be asexual any more than you can make a seeing person understand what it's like to be blind).

 

Note: This is only for asexuality specifically, not the rest of the asexual umbrella or aromanticism. I don't feel qualified to write that as I haven't experienced it myself, and a lot of this thread has to do with relating my experiences with that of a sexual person

 

Steps:

  1. Practice having the "The Ace Talk"
  2. Remove common misconceptions.
  3. Ask them how they feel about someone they are sexually attracted to.
  4. Explain how you feel the same.  Rachat de crédit avec trésorerie
  5. Explain how you feel different.
  6. Ask them about how they would feel about someone that they aren't sexually attracted to.
  7. Assure them that you can't change your sexuality any more than they can change theirs.

 

If you have an comments, questions, suggestions, advice, or whatever for this thread, you may PM @FaerieFate or create a thread in SC tagging me. I'll be more than happy to help out and/or add to this thread if necessary.

Hello everyone, did you get the answer you want? However, I have a question to ask you if it is possible. it's about asexuality Thank you for your return

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GlamRocker

I plan on saying, "All you need to understand is sex is off the table. Forever."

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Zagadka

I would just say that I absolutely just don't care about sex or attraction, and what is the worst you're going to do, not sleep with me? It doesn't define anything, it just isn't part of my life.

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Sally

Nobody is responsible for giving anyone else an answer as to why they are what/who they are.  It's a rude question.  As such, it would be appropriate to turn it around on them and ask them to explain why they think they're sexual.  

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Chef Remy

I like the reverse question. Which have seen some gay/lesbian people use.

How did you know you were straight?

When did you come out as straight?

 

We question, grow, and learn more about ourselves especially during teenage years and high school and for some even college.

Sexuality is spectrum it blends and shades. It does not have to be a one size fits all.

 

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cp1213

I know the fact that I’m asexual is that  many people my age has already experienced sexual attraction and I haven’t. Also sexual and romantic attraction are usually related to each other. I have already experienced romantic attraction so I should have felt sexual attraction around the same time as well. However, that is not the case which proves that I’m asexual.

 

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Wite

So I've kinda got an odd question. I've thought of myself as gay for the last few years, but I can't honestly say that it has ever been a sexual attraction. I've met some that I wanted to get to know better (and cuddle), but not much else. The part that confuses me is that I have an oral fixation. I've never found someone I could define as wanting to have sex with. It's more I want to nibble, bite, or even suck various parts (not all of them sextual organs). I honestly don't know if that is a truly sextual desire. I guess my question is: how would that fall?

Edited by Wite
Better wording

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AceMissBehaving
47 minutes ago, Wite said:

So I've kinda got an odd question. I've thought of myself as gay for the last few years, but I can't honestly say that it has ever been a sexual attraction. I've met some that I wanted to get to know better (and cuddle), but not much else. The part that confuses me is that I have an oral fixation. I've never found someone I could define as wanting to have sex with. It's more I want to nibble, bite, or even suck various parts (not all of them sextual organs). I honestly don't know if that is a truly sextual desire. I guess my question is: how would that fall?

Not bring in your head it’s hard to say, but could be sensual attraction instead of sexual?

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Wite
1 hour ago, AceMissBehaving said:

Not bring in your head it’s hard to say, but could be sensual attraction instead of sexual?

That would make sense; I've always been textually based. Thank you I still think I maybe homoromantic, but that would explain my rather strong adverse reaction to the idea coupling with someone. Even though I kinda wanna bite them.

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Janus DarkFox

I know because I know, that’s about enough said on the matter myself.

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DeviousDex
On 5/10/2018 at 10:38 PM, FaerieFate said:

Man, this question has been a doozy for me for a while now. Ask me questions about asexuality all day, I've done an extensive amount of research on it for my work on AVEN, but the question of, "How do you know you're asexual?" or "What does asexuality mean to you?" has been an impossible question. It starts off with the fact that the asexual community can't really decide on a definition, and ends in the fact that even if you just choose one you still can't get whomever you're talking to to understand what on earth you're talking about.

 

So, as you can guess, I have finally found an answer to this question. Note, this will not negate your need to pull out your asexual bingo cards. You'll still hear all of the typical responses. However, if the person is willing to be understanding or is actually trying to understand, it will help them understand to the best of their ability (I mean you can't make someone else understand what it's like to be asexual any more than you can make a seeing person understand what it's like to be blind).

 

Note: This is only for asexuality specifically, not the rest of the asexual umbrella or aromanticism. I don't feel qualified to write that as I haven't experienced it myself, and a lot of this thread has to do with relating my experiences with that of a sexual person

 

Steps:

  1. Practice having the "The Ace Talk"
  2. Remove common misconceptions.
  3. Ask them how they feel about someone they are sexually attracted to.
  4. Explain how you feel the same.
  5. Explain how you feel different.
  6. Ask them about how they would feel about someone that they aren't sexually attracted to.
  7. Assure them that you can't change your sexuality any more than they can change theirs.

 

If you have an comments, questions, suggestions, advice, or whatever for this thread, you may PM @FaerieFate or create a thread in SC tagging me. I'll be more than happy to help out and/or add to this thread if necessary.

Tell them "you turned me off so bad I no longer have a sexuality. I hope you will be more responsible next time in ruining people's lives. Have a nice day"! 

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KuraTheChibiCrystalKitty

If anyone asked me, I'd probably answer: "How do you know that you're straight?" 

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Zagadka

My answer would probably be some variation on "because I absolute don't care about sex. At all. I've had it, I don't miss it, I'm not interested in it."

 

I think the question is a lot harder for younger people, but once you reach my age, things are just more established.

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Hanas

One day I got the greatest answer from a girl who worked at the coffee shop my dad went to. She was engaged to another woman. He questioned her by asking: Why do you (sexually) like women, isn't it weird? So she asked. But do you like women? He said yes. So she said, so do I! And hifived him LOL. 

 

Since then this is the kind of simplicity I strive for when telling what my sexual preference is. I see people being xgender ysexual zrom whatever and I just stop and think. Do I wanna have sex? No. Have I ever wanted to? No. Could I care less? No. Well then! It may be uncool and untrendy but I am what I am. 

Edited by Hanas
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StiggyPiggy
On 12/29/2018 at 8:21 AM, BunnyBuns said:

I came to this forum because I'm very much confused about what is wrong with me or if there is anything wrong with me at all. I suppose I don't have anyone to talk to about this so I assume there is something wrong with me. I know I'm not gay, bi or anything else. I see people without desire. The human body is.... simply scientific and biological in my eyes. I admire traits in others and I lean towards men that are interesting. I enjoy characters, intellect, uniqueness, someone with real substance. 

 

I'm finding that at 32, I've spent most of my life pretending. The feeling is equivalent to being dead inside regarding sex. It doesn't offend me, it doesn't motivate me... I have sex with men that I really like because having sex with men just to experiment wasn't working for me morally. It left me feeling ugly. A part of me wants to say this is depression or I haven't found the right person yet. I wasn't sexually abused and perhaps this could be a hormone imbalance? I relied on alcohol for quite sometime until finally quitting. 

 

I'm completely content in living a life of purpose with someone who shares mutual fondness. I'm fueled and motivated by companionship, purpose and hugs. I'm finding it difficult to keep up with my partners sexual appetite and it's not working out. I suppose I should make great efforts in being content with who I am and the right person will accept me. :) 

 

Very cool to know I'm not alone. 

Boi. There is nothing wrong w/ you. You are amazing and awesome and loved and don't you doubt it for a second.

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