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Mary Lambert

Is more common for an Ace to refer to sex in a derogatory fashion?

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Sally
12 hours ago, James121 said:

When sex isn’t your thing, some people choose to demonise sex in an attempt to legitimise their own position and feeling on it.

 

Unfortunately those people fail in their efforts.

I've never demonized sex, and I'm both an asexual and have actually had sex for years.  I don't need anything to "legitimize" my position.  

 

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James121
8 hours ago, EggplantWitch said:

Apart from in this instance we're not telling the world, we're talking about it.... literally on a forum for asexual people who all more or less feel the same way. Sexual people are allowed here, but at the end of the day, this isn't a space for you. Imagine how we feel stepping out the door to find DO THIS THING YOU FIND GROSS NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU DON'T WANT TO YOU GOTTA DO IT GOTTA HAVE SEX LET SOMEONE PENETRATE YOUR BODY blasted at us constantly. And anyway, it's not normal and healthy for everyone, and suggesting that it is then implies people who are disgusted by it are abnormal and unhealthy - regardless of whether you meant to or not.

The problem with this is, is that i don’t live in a world where people constantly tell you you have to have sex. I believe this is as much about perception as anything.

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James121
1 hour ago, Sally said:

I've never demonized sex, and I'm both an asexual and have actually had sex for years.  I don't need anything to "legitimize" my position.  

 

“Some people”..........

 

Those were my words.

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daveb

Personally, I don't find genitals of any sort to be interesting or attractive in any fashion. I have zero interest in the act of sex, and if I think about it too much it does gross me out a little. But I see no need to "demonize" anything, nor to speak in derogatory terms. I do think there is a difference between using derogatory language and expressing negative opinions/tastes (not about sexual people, but about the act of sex as it applies to myself or about genitals in general, for example). If I ever use derogatory language I hope people will call me out on it.

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Mary Lambert
1 hour ago, daveb said:

Personally, I don't find genitals of any sort to be interesting or attractive in any fashion. I have zero interest in the act of sex, and if I think about it too much it does gross me out a little. But I see no need to "demonize" anything, nor to speak in derogatory terms. I do think there is a difference between using derogatory language and expressing negative opinions/tastes (not about sexual people, but about the act of sex as it applies to myself or about genitals in general, for example). If I ever use derogatory language I hope people will call me out on it.

Dave, always appropriate. :) 

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Nowhere Girl

Caution: 100% off-topic. ;)

On 8.05.2018 at 8:59 AM, CBC said:

In other news, vegans don't sing the praises of meat and people in wheelchairs aren't the biggest fans of stairs.

And who is a fan of stairs? Mostly skyscraper race participants, I would guess. ;)

Well, maybe another example... I'll show it to you because it's very funny.

Early adventure video games from the 1980s were keyboard-controlled because mice weren't common yet. In games by Sierra On-Line character movement typically worked like this: pressing an arrow = continuous movement it that direction (unless coming to an obstacle), pressing it again = stop, pressing another arrow = change direction. And Sierra On-Line games were famous for including more "arcade" sequences which required manoeuvering around a narrow path - a lot of these paths were spiral staircases without railings in mansions and castles.

Here's an example from "King's Quest IV"

516149-king-s-quest-iv-the-perils-of-ros

So, a few years ago some fans created an hommage to these sequences called "Stair Quest". :lol: Here's a combination of screenshots from this game:

maxresdefault.jpg

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Telecaster68

Oh good. Shitposting.

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James121

What is going on with this thread now?

 

Anyone watched Eastenders recently?

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Sally
11 hours ago, Telecaster68 said:

Oh good. Shitposting.

What is shitposting?  Serious question.  I'm old.  

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daveb

I thought it was what they do in the "poop" thread?

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Sally

Telecaster seems to know and I don't think he does the poop thread.  Although maybe he does; I haven't looked through it recently.  I'd "call" him but I don't know how to do that business on AVEN.  

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CBC

It's posting nonsense, more or less.

 

shitpost

(Internet, slang, vulgar, pejorative)

To make a worthless post on a messageboard, newsgroup, or other online discussion platform.

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Sally
14 minutes ago, CBC said:

It's posting nonsense, more or less.

 

shitpost

(Internet, slang, vulgar, pejorative)

To make a worthless post on a messageboard, newsgroup, or other online discussion platform.

If we "like" a post, is it no longer worthless?  :lol:

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CBC
3 minutes ago, Sally said:

If we "like" a post, is it no longer worthless?  :lol:

Maybe it just makes the "liker" full of shit too. :P 

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daveb
39 minutes ago, CBC said:

It's posting nonsense, more or less.

 

shitpost

(Internet, slang, vulgar, pejorative)

To make a worthless post on a messageboard, newsgroup, or other online discussion platform.

So I was right. :P

Spoiler

(just kidding - I've never entered the thread I mentioned)

 

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Telecaster68

I've noticed The Young People sometimes start doing it when they're not keen on the way a thread is going. 

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James121
On 08/05/2018 at 1:21 PM, ryn2 said:

Good thing no one plans to make you, then!

Snap

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iff

please try to stay on topic.

 

Thanks,

Iff,

Moderator, sexual partners, friends & allies

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SparkyCat13
On ‎5‎/‎8‎/‎2018 at 5:01 PM, James121 said:

The problem with this is, is that i don’t live in a world where people constantly tell you you have to have sex. I believe this is as much about perception as anything.

It's called privilege. You just happen to live the kind of life that's dominant in society and so the way things work fly under your radar, while the people who aren't in the "normal" mindset of the culture are very much aware of all the messages that are thrown about.

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Telecaster68

What are some examples of people constantly telling you to have sex? 

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SparkyCat13

It's not people specifically, and it's not overt. It's like subliminal messaging being blared at us from everyday life (movies, advertisements, tv shows, magazines, books, any kind of media really, other people/friends in relationships, parents, siblings, school). There's a general gist that it's normal and expected to like sex and have it regularly, and people who are sexless are made out as jokes/losers a lot in our culture while people who get laid a lot (and easily) are just the coolest and something that everyone wishes they could be (maybe it's different in other cultures, but it's absurd here in the U.S.). I believe the term is microaggressions? It wears you down over time, and I think a lot of the negative comments about sex from asexuals is just built up pushback against this.

 

And as someone said earlier, a lot of people on AVEN are teenagers, which I imagine makes it worse, since teenagers are full of hormones going crazy, so they're going to be even more inundated with it purely by being around peers at school.

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James121
11 hours ago, SparkyCat13 said:

It's not people specifically, and it's not overt. It's like subliminal messaging being blared at us from everyday life (movies, advertisements, tv shows, magazines, books, any kind of media really, other people/friends in relationships, parents, siblings, school). There's a general gist that it's normal and expected to like sex and have it regularly, and people who are sexless are made out as jokes/losers a lot in our culture while people who get laid a lot (and easily) are just the coolest and something that everyone wishes they could be (maybe it's different in other cultures, but it's absurd here in the U.S.). I believe the term is microaggressions? It wears you down over time, and I think a lot of the negative comments about sex from asexuals is just built up pushback against this.

 

And as someone said earlier, a lot of people on AVEN are teenagers, which I imagine makes it worse, since teenagers are full of hormones going crazy, so they're going to be even more inundated with it purely by being around peers at school.

Movies, tv ads, magazines, books, media and so on send us subliminal messages that we should be in exceptional physical shape with a 10% body fat, a six pack and shoulders that look like bowling balls. But I don’t have that and I deal with the situation accordingly.

 

My point being that you don’t have to become a hater just because this stuff is out there. I think there are too many people jumping on this ‘I hate sex’ train because it’s something to hate and not because it’s something they hate.

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ryn2
2 hours ago, James121 said:

Movies, tv ads, magazines, books, media and so on send us subliminal messages that we should be in exceptional physical shape with a 10% body fat, a six pack and shoulders that look like bowling balls. But I don’t have that and I deal with the situation accordingly.

 

My point being that you don’t have to become a hater just because this stuff is out there. I think there are too many people jumping on this ‘I hate sex’ train because it’s something to hate and not because it’s something they hate.

You may be fortunate enough not to be bothered by media content pressuring for an “ideal” body but many consumers find it very tiring/upsetting/distressing.

 

Certainly there are plenty of people out there who like to join in on “hating” just because they

can but I certainly haven’t seen anything in the US implying it’s become cool to hate sex (even in the wake of #Me Too, it’s nonconsentual/coerced things people are protesting rather than sex itself).

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SparkyCat13
4 hours ago, James121 said:

Movies, tv ads, magazines, books, media and so on send us subliminal messages that we should be in exceptional physical shape with a 10% body fat, a six pack and shoulders that look like bowling balls. But I don’t have that and I deal with the situation accordingly.

 

My point being that you don’t have to become a hater just because this stuff is out there. I think there are too many people jumping on this ‘I hate sex’ train because it’s something to hate and not because it’s something they hate.

Maybe they are, maybe they aren't. I think you seem to have an attitude of "This doesn't bother me, so it shouldn't bother anyone else" though, and that's just not how things work. Good for you that you aren't bothered by such things. But you can't just invalidate the fact that these messages seriously hurt people just because they don't hurt you. Adding on to what Ryn said, there are people with all kinds of eating disorders and hurting themselves through various means because they don't look that way.

 

Edit: (mention of self-harm, so don't read if it upsets you)

Spoiler

To add a personal note to that last part, there was a moment not too long ago where I was seriously considering taking a pair of sharp scissors to my stomach in a fit of depression because I hate how fat my stomach looks. So I'm trying real hard to be civil about your attitude right now.

 

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Nowhere Girl
3 hours ago, ryn2 said:

Certainly there are plenty of people out there who like to join in on “hating” just because they

can but I certainly haven’t seen anything in the US implying it’s become cool to hate sex (even in the wake of #Me Too, it’s nonconsentual/coerced things people are protesting rather than sex itself).

I see no reason to "protest sex" as such, but sex-normativity being present even in #MeToo discussions is certainly an issue:

Keep Your Acephobia Out of #MeToo Conversations, Jaclyn Friedman

#MeToo could be an opportunity to speak more about asexuality as well. Asexual people sometimes become victims of "corrective" sexual violence, and are probably indeed very likely to encounter sexual microaggressions - nothing vey dangerous, but often enough to make a person feel threatened or "broken". So it's very disappointing if the movement upkeeps sex-normativity and silences voices of people who reject, distrust or hate sex as a result of their trauma.

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Telecaster68
Just now, Nowhere Girl said:

Asexual people sometimes become victims of "corrective" sexual violence

I've seen this said before on AVEN. Are there well-established examples of this happening - specifically as a corrective, not standard rape, vile as it is?

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James121
44 minutes ago, SparkyCat13 said:

"This doesn't bother me, so it shouldn't bother anyone else"

And this is very much an attitude shared by many people who remove sex from a relationship.

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James121
42 minutes ago, SparkyCat13 said:

you can't just invalidate

It didn’t invalidate anything.

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SparkyCat13
1 minute ago, James121 said:

It didn’t invalidate anything.

You're invalidating it in your own mind, saying that it doesn't matter at all just because it doesn't matter to you.

 

4 minutes ago, James121 said:

And this is very much an attitude shared by many people who remove sex from a relationship.

Not sure what that has to do with the conversation at hand.

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ryn2

James, do you think your wife is not actually ace but is consciously or unconsciously using asexuality as an indisputable excuse to keep from having to engage in the types of sexual activities you think she committed - as part of getting married - to engage in?

 

I keep getting that sense from your posts but don’t want to assume.

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