Dysphoria or Sex-Repulsion?

[kyanitedragon]

I'm a sex-repulsed aroace, and I wanted to know if anyone else often felt confused about whether what they were feeling was dysphoria or sex-repulsion, or both? 

 

I'm AFAB, and I'm Nonbinary with the smallest hint of female. Some of my dysphoria is obviously dysphoria, like my breasts and height. But when it comes to my bottom dysphoria, I'm not sure which one it is or if it's both. 

 

I've been uncomfortable with my private parts for as long as I can remember. Even now, when I'm alone and locked in the privacy of my room, I'm not comfortable being naked. I need to be wearing at least underwear to be comfortable. It's even more uncomfortable than not having my breasts contained and hidden in a sports bra (I don't have a binder). And strangely, having pubic hair actually helps with my dysphoria because it covers everything up. (A huge reason why I refuse to shave it, I don't want my bottom dysphoria to get worse.)

 

I'm not sure if this discomfort is because I'm uncomfortable with not having a neutral body or because I'm sex-repulsed and don't like the idea of having sex organs. I think it's both, because I was uncomfortable with it since before I knew what sex was, and because I always wanted to have a neutral body.

[EngineeRaven]

Well, it could be both? I guess. As you said, you are both uncomfortable with the simple existence of said organs and their function. But I'm not an expert in the subject. ^^'

[Starbogen]

I don't know how sex repulsed cis people feel about that part of their body but in my case I thought that I was asexual until I realized that I had absolutely no problem imagining seeing and touching and letting others see and touch that part of my body if only it was male. Meanwhile I've never been able to do that irl with the stuff that's actually there and I could never even think of it either. So it seemed pretty clear that my repulsion towards those parts and the idea of sex was mostly if not completely due to dysphoria.

 

I guess maybe if you tried to imagine that kind of situation but with you having a neutral body, and you still had repulsed reactions, then that might give some insight and point to it being both. But if you think of it and there isn't the same discomfort as with the alternative then maybe it's more because of dysphoria.

[Calligraphette_Coe]

4 hours ago, kyanitedragon said:

I'm a sex-repulsed aroace, and I wanted to know if anyone else often felt confused about whether what they were feeling was dysphoria or sex-repulsion, or both? 

 

I'm AFAB, and I'm Nonbinary with the smallest hint of female. Some of my dysphoria is obviously dysphoria, like my breasts and height. But when it comes to my bottom dysphoria, I'm not sure which one it is or if it's both. 

 

I've been uncomfortable with my private parts for as long as I can remember. Even now, when I'm alone and locked in the privacy of my room, I'm not comfortable being naked. I need to be wearing at least underwear to be comfortable. It's even more uncomfortable than not having my breasts contained and hidden in a sports bra (I don't have a binder). And strangely, having pubic hair actually helps with my dysphoria because it covers everything up. (A huge reason why I refuse to shave it, I don't want my bottom dysphoria to get worse.)

 

I'm not sure if this discomfort is because I'm uncomfortable with not having a neutral body or because I'm sex-repulsed and don't like the idea of having sex organs. I think it's both, because I was uncomfortable with it since before I knew what sex was, and because I always wanted to have a neutral body.

I think the two can be travelling companions, but they are not the same thing and one doesn't always mean the other is present, too. Maybe it's like the concept of 'map' and 'territory'. One's more abstract than the other, but they aren't the same thing.

[Artsy Anvil]

When it comes to dysphoria vs. sex-repulsion, for me at least, they are two separate things. When it comes to dysphoria, I experience lots of dysphoria of many types. I experience body dysphoria (having male genitals), voice dysphoria (how deep my voice is), social dysphoria (people saying “sir”,“lad”, etc.), and hair dysphoria (body and facial hair). But, obviously, since we’re discussing sex-repulsion, I’ll be talking more about body dysphoria. So, for me, when I see my genitals, I don’t necessarily get repulsed and think “gross”, “disgusting”, “ewww”. I just get really upset and sometimes angry. Because, my anatomy doesn’t fit my picture of how my body should look like. It’s just something that’s there that unfortunately I was born with. And now I have to either deal with it, or get rid of it. When it comes to sex-repulsion, to me, that means not liking the idea of sex and not wanting to engage in anything related to it. When I do see sex (in films, shows, etc.), I do think “gross”,”disgusting “,”ewww”. But I don’t get upset or angry. It’s just not my cup of tea. And, it’s not like my genitals are linked to sexual activities, it’s just linked to my male body. So I’m not really repulsed by my genitals. Now, obviously, if someone where to come up to me and ask me if I wanted to see pictures of genitals, yes, I would be disgusted and say no. But I don’t really picture my genitals like that. I don’t like looking at my genitals, and I hate when I’m naked too; but, I wouldn’t say I’m repulsed by my genitals. I just hate it, and I don’t want it. It doesn’t feel or look right on my body. So yeah. Sorry if any of this didn’t make sense. I was trying to comprehend both myself, and , the topic that’s being talked about.

[Lirpaderp]

On 5/3/2018 at 4:48 PM, kyanitedragon said:

I'm a sex-repulsed aroace, and I wanted to know if anyone else often felt confused about whether what they were feeling was dysphoria or sex-repulsion, or both? 

I know how you feel but I don't have an answer. I've asked that question too many times. Every piece of me says nothing should ever go in there, but idk if it's sex repulsion or gender stuff. I've had concussions and broken my nose, yet they don't come close to the pain I felt when I last tried to use a tampon. I'm due for a visit to the gynecologist but I refuse. The thought of me having sex completely disgusts me, but I feel like if I had a dick I could bear with it if I found someone I truly loved. But even then it's doubtful. 

 

My feelings towards my body parts vs being called girl stuff are bad but I don't know how similar they are to each other. Both are accompanied by a feeling of being punched in the gut, but it's slightly different. 

 

I don't know if my disgust with my chest has anything to do with being asexual or with not being a girl either. I wish there was an easy way to figure out which it is. I'm disgusted with both parts but my chest makes me angry sometimes. Usually it's just sadness. It looks completely wrong on me. All of it feels wrong.

 

A lot of the time I talk about those parts like their not mine, they're just stuck to me. I'd love to know if cis aces feel strongly against their parts. But some of them probably don't because some asexuals masturbate, right? Is that a logical jump to make? I'm asking out of curiosity because I really don't know.

[ReyGraves]

I don’t really have bottom dysphoria (most of the time). Outside of a sexual context (imagined because I’ve never been in a sexual context) I’m fine with my female anatomy.

 

At the same time I get a little squished out if I think about having a partner with my current anatomy.

 

Either way I don’t really pay any attention to it (and I don’t think I’m truly sex repulsed either).

On 5/3/2018 at 3:41 PM, yyy said:

I am not too susre what you mean by AFAB

AFAB is an acronym for “assigned female at birth” (There’s also DFAB “designated female at birth. Replace the F with an M and you get the male equivalents.) 

[Bloc]

I don't think this is sex repulsion, because (at least in theory for every below the the belt line) I am okay with touching my partner in a sexual way. Just when they even accidentally touch my penis through my clothes it feels uncomfortable and sometimes a bit painful. What I know is that I definitely don't want to insert it anywhere. I have no idea if this is dysphoria, but sometimes the mental image of my body seems to not include the penis and sometimes it does. I have not problems with looking at or touching my penis in completely non-sexual situations. To be honest I have some trouble to understand what dysphoria is. Maybe it is that I don't experience it or I am too used to it to recognize it.

 

Also when I am in an intimate (not necessarily sexual) situation with a partner, I don't want to be seen as male but as a human being who's gender is irrelevant. In less intimate situations it is okay to be seen as male even I feel a bit disconnected from the role expectations of being male.

[LittleJ]

Ive really been thinking about this lately. Im AFAB and Ive never liked my vagina. When I was little I always thought it would be easier to have a penis and maybe I’d like it more but it wasn’t a thing that cold happen. I got older and i’ve never been with anyone sexually. I feel kind of grossed out by my vagina like I just don’t like it and you get turned on it gets wet like why would people want to touch that that’s gross and who wants to put something like their fingers or something in there like that’s just seems gross to me id never want to do that. But I don’t know I’d hate someone else doing something. I think I wouldn’t care but I don’t know because i’ve never had that situation. I have no clue whether it’s dysphoria or sex repulsion and I’d like to know the answer 😂