"The talk" with your parents

[Larkaloke]

They gave me some books and let me know they'd answer any questions I had. I never had any questions, because I understood the biological process and didn't find anything else worth asking about.

[SilentRose]

I never got the talk, my dad was absentee and my mom didn't believe in talking about those things. I got a book on puberty at around 12, but no sex book or talk. Sex Ed in my school was awful too. I learned from the internet mainly  

 

[Muir Caileag]

They never had the talk with me; but then when I was around 17 I just asked them some things because I just could not work out how some things, like, worked 

[Kazka]

My `sperm donor` thought talking to me about sex when I was 14 made any kind of sense. It's not like I was 5 when I learned what it was or anything lol.

[Mezzo Forte]

My mom was very open about the In-Vitro Fertilization process and how I was born through that procedure, and I read books on fetal development when I was a kid, but my family never talked sex with me. I didn't even get proper sex ed in school either because I took PE online and that was the class they generally used to discuss that topic. I slowly learned about the concept of sex over time through media and peers, but I had a thorough understanding of pregnancy long before I understood what sex was  

[Chihiro]

Dogs were the source of sex ed. Since then, dogs traumatize me  

[Celyn: The Lutening]

That sounds terrible! I do remember some confusion over "but how does the sperm contact the egg though?" myself.

[verymelancholic]

My parents never gave me the talk, they’re quite sex-negative people and it’s still VERY taboo for them and it seems as if we should never learn it and it’s apparently a huge sin. Ironically, I’m the grey-asexual yet one of the most sex-positive person I know of.

 

My school never had sex ed and they’re also sex-negative. I got 99% of sex ed through Scarleteen. It’s a great website that’s for people of all ages, and it’s really helpful to teens.

[pyrrhical]

My dad and step-mom were incredibly sex- and sexuality-positive when I was a kid. Nothing was really taboo. They didn't care what our sexualities were, just that if we had questions, they were answered. 

 

(Though I was asked, repeatedly, throughout high school if I was gay. My step-mom always said, "You know, it's okay if you're gay." Being like, "No, I just don't feel sexual attraction, sorry?" was always interpreted as an excuse not to talk about it. I do think they've figured it out at this point, though.)

[Radio]

My parents never tried to have the talk with me. Genuinely their mentality was "They go to public school, they'll figure it out eventually". 

 

Jokes on them. I learned about it on the internet.

[RoseGoesToYale]

When I was 12, my father came and asked me if I wanted to start learning about sex. I said I didn't want to, and he respected my wishes and left it at that. Then I think for my 15th birthday he got me a book as a present that talked about bodies, sex, consent, relationships, and aging. I was really glad he did, because it spared us an embarrassing talk, and the book was insightful and encouraged me to learn more about sex ed from other sources.

 

My mother on the other hand... her advice about sex came in unsolicited bits and pieces. Most of it was about how "everybody likes sex" and sex is good and inevitable and that women's literally only job is to please the man. After she offered to give me sex tips, I said f this, I'm done listening to her.

[Goonie]

I honestly don't recall so I'm guessing if it happened I blocked it out. I supplemented with books, friends and the internet. 

[Yatogami]

My parents didn't control what I watched, especially movies and games. I knew all about sex before I even went to middle school.

[Guest]

I think the reason I don't remember ever having had the talk is that my mom must have recognized I didn't need it. My mom doesn't believe in telling kids false information about things like sex, so when I wanted to know where babies came from, when I was probably around five, give or take a year, my mom just told me flat out what heterosexual sex was. I later ended up teaching myself about puberty in fourth grade using a book I checked out from the school library. I think my mom may have explained periods to me at some point, but I don't remember for sure.

[Guest]

On 5/11/2018 at 4:44 PM, pyrrhical said:

My dad and step-mom were incredibly sex- and sexuality-positive when I was a kid. Nothing was really taboo. They didn't care what our sexualities were, just that if we had questions, they were answered. 

 

(Though I was asked, repeatedly, throughout high school if I was gay. My step-mom always said, "You know, it's okay if you're gay." Being like, "No, I just don't feel sexual attraction, sorry?" was always interpreted as an excuse not to talk about it. I do think they've figured it out at this point, though.)

I can sort of relate to this. My dad tends to censor sexual stuff when it comes to my little sister, who's in middle school, but my mom tells her whatever she wants to know, and she would probably give me more detailed information if I ever stopped being sex-repulsed and decided I wanted to be sexually active. My dad isn't exactly sex-positive, at least not when it comes to my sister and I, but he is sexuality-positive. When I came out as ace to my parents they didn't care, and then when I came out as panromantic they still didn't care.

[Bronztrooper]

5 hours ago, nelpogrando said:

I can sort of relate to this. My dad tends to censor sexual stuff when it comes to my little sister, who's in middle school, but my mom tells her whatever she wants to know, and she would probably give me more detailed information if I ever stopped being sex-repulsed and decided I wanted to be sexually active. My dad isn't exactly sex-positive, at least not when it comes to my sister and I, but he is sexuality-positive. When I came out as ace to my parents they didn't care, and then when I came out as panromantic they still didn't care.

My parents are kind of the reverse.  My dad is very sex-positive, but not in the same way your mom is (he mainly makes dirty jokes and innuendos) while my mom is borderline prudish.  She's even covered my 17-year-old sister's eyes during any scene in a movie/show that has any sort of nudity (which I don't understand).  Hell, a couple of times she forgot how old I was and tried to do the same to me.

 

Which I find really funny because she had me at 19 (and my grandmother had my dad at 19).  When I made a joke about how it'd be funny if my sister had a kid at 19 (which I know she probably won't) because of consistency, my mom got mad and said "She better not!"

 

idk, it feels like she's hyper-sensitive about that kind of stuff because she might see it as a confirmation of us becoming adults and she doesn't want that to happen.  Not that it really matters in my case, but still.

[Biblioromantic]

When I was in 5th grade, we had a male gym teacher and a female gym teacher. They split us by gender and then took us to the locker rooms and explained periods to us. We watched a movie, and then she answered questions for us. One girl had already had her period, and she enlightened us all with her wisdom. I remember being mildly grossed out but not traumatized or anything. I told my parents, and the next night they asked me to come into their bedroom. They were getting ready to go on a date or something, so they were in the room but not really paying any attention to me. They showed me another movie about sex and then sat on the bed with me and asked if I had any questions. I said no, and that was it. That was "The Talk."

 

In about 7th grade, we were in health class every day. One section was on the reproductive system, and we learned about all the parts of the body and how they work. My parents had to sign a permission slip at that point, and some kids went to the library for a few days after that instead of health class. We watched movies, and I remember having a sex ed workbook that I had to read and answer questions about STIs and consent and preventing pregnancy. I don't remember anything that wasn't strictly heterosexual. My parents looked over the workbook a couple of times that week while I was working on it, and they asked if I had any questions. I really didn't. They left it alone.

 

Meanwhile, when I hit 12-13, I started attending the youth group at my parent's congregation. The teachers were constantly talking about abstinence and chastity and what was considered okay and what wasn't. Kissing was considered okay, but french kissing wasn't. Anything beyond that was a sin, and they were careful about giving names to everything beyond the kissing while specifying that it was sinful. Masturbation was a sin, and pornography of any kind was a sin. ("Pornography" was a catch-all word meaning porn movies, nude or nearly-nude photos, sex or nudity in Hollywood movies, erotica and romance novels, etc.) "Same-sex attraction" was a HUGE sin. If you had sinned and needed to repent, you needed to talk to the bishop (like the pastor), and he would help you repent, but it would take time and hard work to once again be clean. Dating before the age of 16 was also a sin, and dating after that should be done in groups to minimize alone time with members of the opposite sex. As a female, I should also always be careful to be modest and cover my body so that men and boys wouldn't have impure thoughts about me; this included wearing shirts with short sleeves instead of camisoles, that pants and skirts should be down to the knee or longer, and that swimsuits should be one-piece. This continued until I was 18 and started attending the women's group instead of the youth group meetings.

 

I listened carefully to my youth leaders. I dressed modestly. I waited to date and was careful in my interactions with men and boys. Meanwhile, I rode my bike to the public library and read all the nonfiction books about sex, checked out the majority of the erotica and romance novels they offered and read them under the covers with a flashlight, and masturbated almost every night. I regret nothing.

[WhimBerry]

Technically, my mom explained to my sister and I what sex was and how babies were made when we were... Actually really young. But the proper talk, the one given in a context that clearly implies that your parents very much expect you to engage in such activities soon, was given to me at age 15, a brief discussion on choosing the right person and using protection and not feeling like it's expected of me or anything.

 

And the there was that thing about me "Floating my own boat" that came about two weeks ago...

Spoiler

"People acting like... Spanking the horse is a perfectly normal thing to go about doing!" (me)

"I mean... whatever floats your boat." (mom)

"THAT DOESN'T FLOAT MY BOAT! THAT DOESN'T FLOAT MY BOAT AT ALL! I DON'T EVEN HAVE A BOAT!" (me)

 

[Bronztrooper]

4 minutes ago, WhimBerry said:

"THAT DOESN'T FLOAT MY BOAT! THAT DOESN'T FLOAT MY BOAT AT ALL! I DON'T EVEN HAVE A BOAT!"

That phrasing, though 😝

[jnangians]

I kinda had a talk, I grew up with my mom low-key insinuating that if i had sex before i was married/financially secure i was an idiot and it would ruin my life forever, in the event that i got pregnant. Sometime around late highschool when i had to talk about as an assignment of health class my mom promptly said "you should know that having sex without protection is dumb and you should avoid getting pregnant at all costs until you're financially stable. If you do get pregnant we'll help you out the first time with adoption or abortion or whatever but the second time you're on your own." My mom's a very pragmatic person lol.

[DoYouUnderstand]

Never had any parents to have "the talk" with, so I learned from porn.

[KnowinglyDifferent]

1. kind of
2. 17 years old

My mom left it up to the school to teach what "the dance with no pants" was, but when it came time for me to go off to college, she decided she should tell me how to protect myself if I decided to go to parties and whatnot. And I just would not let her have it. Every time she brought it up, I would get up and leave the room until one day she waited till I had just started eating dinner to start in on it. It was excruciating because not only was I not interested, but my stepdad decided to chime in as well. I was not a fan.

 

(btw i know she was just trying to protect me, but I told her up and down that I was not going to party. It has been a whole year and I am still not interested in going to any parties)

[blunose2772]

My parents never had "the talk" with me. I think they were waiting for me to ask but past experience made me to afraid to ask questions about anything

[Fluffy Femme Guy]

My dad actually had one of his friends/co-workers have the talk with me when I was a freshman, I was 14.
I know it sounds weird, but my dad is terrible at that kind of thing.

Also, when I was 11 there was a brief sex-ed class at the end of 5th grade. I didn't laugh or cry or get upset. It was just another science/biology thing for me.

 

Now that I'm thinking about it, there was a NOVA special on PBS I had watched a few years (1 or 2, maybe 3?) prior to that about human development in the womb, it skipped the 'intercourse' bit if I remember, but my memory of it isn't that great. I always loved all those science specials.

[ZinxtheJinx]

Sex is a taboo subject in my household so I didn't even knew it existed until I was 13(Don't laugh) when the "experienced" kids in my class asked if I know what my parent's favorite "position" was and if I do the same. Had zero idea what they were even talking about and upon realization that I didn't understand anything, proceeded to mercilessly describe sex acts so horrid I believed them to be works of fiction until my school held an STD/STI assembly.

 

Needless to say it shouldn't really have came as a big surprise when 3 years later, I fould out I was asexual.

[Bronztrooper]

3 hours ago, ZinxtheJinx said:

the "experienced" kids in my class asked if I know what my parent's favorite "position" was and if I do the same.

Wait, what?????  Who the hell wants to know that kind of stuff about their own parents?????????????????  WTF

[Tothedreamers]

On 5/1/2018 at 7:48 PM, OptimisticPessimist said:

I did have the talk, I was about 10.  My mam talked to me and it was basically how babies are made, what sex is etc I was actually horrified and I actually said I’m never doing that, and she said oh you will, I was like I will not! And again she said you will, and I was so adamant I wouldn’t. How right I was. 

That’s exactly how it went for me, except I was about 8 or so. 

[ZinxtheJinx]

1 hour ago, Bronztrooper said:

Wait, what?????  Who the hell wants to know that kind of stuff about their own parents?????????????????  WTF

These kids came from families who didn't care and would do the deed in front of them so they were exposed at a young age. I found that out later when it came out a girl got pregnant from one of her mom's clients. At the time I was really disgusted with them but now I know its their families fault the kids grew up into sex maniacs.

[Snowwoman]

On 5/2/2018 at 7:41 AM, asshole said:

Oh also.

 

Your mother sounds like she had a stronger opinion of them than mine, but yeah my mum wasn't a fan of tampons either and seemed irrationally paranoid about toxic shock syndrome. Pads are absolutely awful though, I hated them so much. I ended up losing my period entirely between the ages of 16 and 23 because of my eating disorder, so for quite a while it stopped being an issue, but as an adult buying my own, uh, "feminine products", I've only ever used tampons. Whatever makes me less aware of the whole period nonsense.

I have a suggestion for you in terms of things wich make you less aware of the period nonsense. Just try Cups. 

[Strifed]

No. My parents are very religious and always tried to tell me "sex is bad unless you're married", which I didn't believe in. I was given a book when I was middle school about girl's bodies, periods, lady stuff, etc, but my mom never sat down and talked to me about anything related to sex or womanly things. I remember she would get upset at me or ask weird questions if she found me reading books/mangas with kiss/sex scenes, or if a sex scene came on TV she'd get paranoid and turn away (mind you, I was old enough to see these kinds of things, and sex is perfectly normal and healthy if it's consensual so I never understood why she behaved that way. Yes, having a sex scene on while a family member is present is awkward, but it doesn't need to be blown out of proportion.). I learned everything about sex and STDs from high school, people talking about it, and the curious peeks I had at porn back in high school. Sometimes I wish my mom wouldn't have been so strict and acted the way she did, because I would've learned at an earlier age I was asexual instead of making myself feel bad for "not being like other girls" and dating, when in reality it just wasn't for me 😕 I don't think she affected the way I am today since I had my own opinions/beliefs about things and I genuinely tried romantic things for myself in the past. I tried to date behind her back in high school and disliked it not because "I'd get in trouble" or she'd be mad, but because I was just uncomfortable in all the situations and didn't like the boys in /that/ way.