"The talk" with your parents

[iff]

I never had it (I don't think my mothers "don't make me a grandparent" when I was going out the first time counts and many times after that).

 

Thankfully TV could help in this (the Simpsons, malcolm in the middle)

 

So I am just curious about how others fared

[element83]

By the time my parents finally got around to giving me the talk, I already knew more about sex than they did.

[Bronztrooper]

I never got The Talk, primarily because of the way my dad is.  He has a pretty dirty sense of humor and some of the movies he likes to watch play into that (American Pie and Eurotrip to name a couple).

 

And besides, by the time my parents might've figured about giving me The Talk, I would've already had sex ed in school (7th-8th grade, so when I was about 12-13).

[RK800]

Never had the talk. My Mom gave me a book and that was that.

[katyrayne]

My parents never talked about sex, neither did school. Whenever they (the school) pulled us out of class to talk about stuff, it was just about hygiene and stuff, not even periods. We briefly talked about STDs in 6th grade. I started my period in 5th grade and was practically clueless. I was terrified to tell my mom, which should never be the case. I had a DSi that I used to look up stuff regarding sex and periods, but that's all I knew. Up until when I got my period I thought my vagina would turn into a wound that would constantly bleed and would be terribly painful (disturbing, I know).

In 8th grade we were given the opportunity to take FACS (sort of like home ec, taught by a high school teacher) and there was a unit over sex ed. It was very informative, we learned about the reproductive systems, STDs, protection, sexual assault, etc. But only about 10 of us were in the class and it wasn't required (as I think that unit should be). We never talked about sexual and gender identity (obviously, I live in the south, what do I expect), and never about non hetero sex and protection for said sex. That needs to change. At that point I was struggling with my sexuality and I could have used it. Things need to change.

[NerotheReaper]

My parents did a very basic version of it, but to be honest when they talked to me about it I didn't care or was interested. My parents also gave me a book for my sex, so I could read in private. 

[StormySky]

When I was 9 or 10, I was bored and couldn't sleep so I looked in the bookshelf for something to read. I found a book called "How Babies Are Made" and I'm like "oh yeah, I always wondered that"

 

10 minutes later: "hahaha ew I can't believe my parents did that!!"

 

Last year, my mom and I had a casual conversation while watching tv.

"Do you have feelings for boys?"

"Nope"

"Do you have feelings for girls?"

"Nope"

"Do you have feelings for anyone?" 

"Nope"

"So you're just gonna not have sex and stay single?"

"Yep"

"Ok then good for you"

[everywhere and nowhere]

I don't even remember, but most likely my mom was happy to relegate this task to books. She's a physician (ophthalmologist, more precisely), but still has likely felt some discomfort about talking on such topics and in the earliest case - not yet about sex, but rather about "where do babies come from" - she gave me two books written exactly for informing children about the basics of reprodution. I was 5 years old at that time, I already could read (and still children start school at 7 in Poland) and reading these books made me immediately decide not to have children.

99% chance that my first information about sex was also printed, not spoken. But one thing is sure: I never had the typical "sex talk". While at that age I still didn't know about asexuality, I already openly stated that I don't want to have sex.

[Haze.]

Kind of, under 13 (one at 10 because of sex ed in school, one at 12 when I got my first period).

[Palovana]

Ugh my mom sort of did a talk about female puberty stuff when I was like 10 or 11, and completely disregarded my gender dysphoria. I refused to wear a bra and I refused to use pads because I found them degrading, like I was an adult wearing a diaper. I demanded tampons and my mom hated them so she wouldn't let me get them. Meanwhile I was always hurting myself and crying because I felt like my body was attacking me and turning into Frankenstein, and my parents were just like "aw, your hormones are just all over the place right now, you'll get used to it". Yeah, I'm almost 30 and I'm still not entirely used to that bullshit. And my mom was all like "aww, you're becoming a woman!" **Puke**

 

My father tried to give me a really bizarre talk about straight sex when I was 18, on the way to college for the first time. I had come out to him as asexual when I was 15 and he refused to believe it, and no matter what I said he kept trying to tell me about straight sex, and I got mad because he was shitting all over my identity. He started beating me in the face and almost wrecked the car, then pulled over, threw me out on the side of the highway, and drove away.

 

The first 1/3 of my life was a lot of fun.

[Gloomy]

I was 8 or 9 when my mom told me about how babies are made. I was really curious about it so I asked her and she thought I was old enough to know. I still thought it was pretty weird when I found out though. 

 

I already knew about sperm cells when I was younger than that because of shows like The Simpsons and Family Guy, I just didn't know exactly how it worked. I thought people started out as tadpoles like frogs since sperm cells and tadpoles kind of look alike lol.

[WobblyWallaby]

My mom went into pretty good detail and with the abstinence teaching in school with a mix of STD talk i had a fair understanding...then at 15 my grandfather went into even greater detail because my older cousin never had the talk with her parents and he wanted to make sure I knew. I've teased him since then that his sex talk traumatized me so much that it turned me asexual.

[yonah]

I think it was in 3rd or 4th grade?

[Celyn: The Lutening]

I was about 5, got a comprehensive book about everything related to human biology (my reading level was way above grade level). But it didn't explain periods. Thought sex was just really weird. Then when I was about 9 maybe? I found a popular science book and in it was a section about that intersex condition where boys appear to be female until puberty when they grow penises. I thought, "Oh, that's what I must be since I'm a boy but I look like a girl." Then I got my first period - at 10, very early, and legit thought I must be dying. I had no idea how long it would last. My biological mother had just said, "Oh and you'll get your period soon so keep some pads on you, here you go," and left me to work it out for myself.  Funny that @Palovana says that tampons are the only thing that doesn't trigger dysphoria, for me it's the other way around, I can't stand the thought of even having that cavity inside me, let alone inserting anything in it. Breasts were and are awful as well. 

At 13, Dad tried to give me "the talk" and I said "I know all about that from TV, and I'm not going to do any of it anyway." And we left it at that.

[everywhere and nowhere]

Ouch. I just recall a bit of puberty talk. Actually, it was unintended - I was eight years old, reading a medical book for non-specialists (but intended for adults), and I encountered the word "menstruation". (In Polish it's even more directly tied to the idea of "month" - it's called "miesiączka", and "month" is "miesiąc".) I asked what it is and my mom and granny (who used to be a nurse, so also had a certain dry medical insensitivity) explained that it's "bleeding from the pussy". I was shocked, but I managed yet to ask something like: OK, but what does it have to do with month? And later I just started crying out of fear that I'm going to have something like this.

Period sucks. I got my first period early too, short before my 11th birthday. A few months earlier I started periodically staining my underwear. My mother saw it when throwing my panties into the laundry and asked me about it, and I reacted in quite an aggressive tone that "it's my business" - exactly because I also realised that it probably means approaching mentruation and it frustrated me horribly.

My mom always preferred pads, so I used them too. Only once I wanted to try tampons, found out that I couldn't insert even the smallest ones, so my mom had to use up the rest of the package.

At least now I'm getting closer to menopause. I'm 37 and I have known a woman who had menopause at the age of 35 - I realise that it's very unlikely to get menopause so early, I also realise that never having been pregnant and never having used hormonal birth control have negligible effect on menopause timing (since menopause doesn't happen because "the body runs out of egg cells", but because the system just starts going haywire), but both this story and my asexuality and "nonreproductivity" make me feel more optimistic - like it can't be long now until I finally stop mentruating.

[Palovana]

@Celyn I can see why you'd feel that way, and for me it still causes dysphoria, but I'd rather have a few seconds of dysphoria than feel like I'm constantly and uncontrollably pissing and shitting myself in public. To me that is way, way worse.

[Celyn: The Lutening]

2 minutes ago, Palovana said:

@Celyn I can see why you'd feel that way, and for me it still causes dysphoria, but I'd rather have a few seconds of dysphoria than feel like I'm constantly and uncontrollably pissing and shitting myself in public. To me that is way, way worse.

I'm one of those lucky (unlucky?) ones who can't feel a damn thing that goes on down there. I was recently taken aback by a meme that said "When your period starts and you stare into space like when Raven (from That's so Raven) gets a vision." I was mindblown for weeks by the concept that a sizeable proportion of menstruaters can feel it happening.

[J. van Deijck]

I never had any real sex talk with my parents. I learnt about it more at school than at home

[Palovana]

@Celyn Other than being caught unawares, you're lucky. I can feel all of that shit and it makes me cringe and completely squicks me out every time. 

 

Oh and I also hate the word "period". God, it makes me want to vomit. I prefer calling it stigmata. 

[Grumpy Alien]

Nope. Never so much as discussed sex at all with any relatives. Or even friends. It’s just never come up. When I turned 8, it was clear I was starting puberty early so my grandmother gave me a bunch of books that were geared toward preteens and teens to teach everything from periods and hair to actual basics of sex. I read them front to back because I liked medicine and reading. I didn’t tell my family when I got my period at 9, just started using the products already in the bathroom. I didn’t ask about sex or babies. I wasn’t concerned with hair or tissue growth. The books had done The Talk for me, which was much more comfortable for everyone involved. However, it did mean I had misconceptions. I didn’t have any libido until well into my 20s due to severe depression. But due to societal portrayal, I didn’t know that women could even masturbate until I was 19. I knew guys did but it never occurred to me that I was below average in that respect because I’d never been exposed to feminine sexuality. The internet did a good job and filling me in on LGBT+ matters. School sex ed was a joke - the most they said about actual sex was to use protection but never explained what protection even meant. Basically, no one ever taught me anything about sex. It was all self taught, both a blessing and a curse.

[Grumpy Alien]

My aunt hated that I didn’t use tampons for some reason. She’s completely batshit in a bad way but I didn’t understand that at the time. She would harass me, saying I was a baby for not using tampons. This was before I was even 13. I insisted that tampons hurt like a bitch and wouldn’t even stay in. She said I was either lying or doing it incorrectly. It turns out I have a psychosomatic pelvic floor dysfunction that makes any penetration down there when not aroused extremely painful and the muscles contract to basically spit out whatever’s being shoved in. I wasn’t lying or doing it incorrectly. I had years of treatment for it and it’s completely managable now but I still can’t use tampons.

[Yep, me]

18 hours ago, Flower Boy said:

Never had the talk. My Mom gave me a book and that was that.

Good, as talking to a person can result in many frustrating arguments, it was pretty clear I was asexual tbh.

[Guest]

I never had any kind of talk.

 

When I was a kid, I had a 3-in-1 book that included "Where Do Babies Come From?" - I was never interested in that part though, because one of the other sections was DINOSAURS and that was all I cared about. It's all I really care about now too.

 

(I can't remember what the last bit of the book was - maybe volcanoes or clouds...?)

[iff]

i really should have done better selecting the years in the poll

 

[Spotastic]

Never had the talk as such, but after a certain age (14 or 15) my dad just assumed I knew everything I needed to. My parents separated when I was 15 and I stayed with my dad, and he ended up treating me more like his buddy than just his son. He told me all kinds of stories about his sexual escapades when he was in high school and college. I just kinda let him talk. It didn't matter much to me one way or the other. It was just talk that I had no frame of reference for, but it made him happy to talk about.

[Skycaptain]

I had a very minimalistic talk at around 14, by which time the topic had been covered in school biology lessons. 

[Lemonsky]

My parents didn't give me or my brother the talk but at least my friends took care of that instead.  Not only that but the textbooks we had in school had quite good sex ed too.

[paperbackreader]

Growing up - I've had the occasional reminders ala what @iff describes, and I don't think that counts. 

Nowadays it's the reverse - "Come on, please don't not make me a grandparent"  

[Celyn: The Lutening]

2 hours ago, paperbackreader said:

Growing up - I've had the occasional reminders ala what @iff describes, and I don't think that counts. 

Nowadays it's the reverse - "Come on, please don't not make me a grandparent"  

That hardly ever happens because my parents know I'm ace-spec, but when it does I tell them that my dog is their grandson.

[paperbackreader]

6 hours ago, Celyn said:

That hardly ever happens because my parents know I'm ace-spec, but when it does I tell them that my dog is their grandson.

My parents know too, doesn't stop them asking every once in a while...