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[gaogao]

Hmm, when my partner gets angry with me, she often lashes out and says mean things like "I hate you" or picks on something I'm sensitive about that really hurts me -- but she says those things specifically to hurt me because I was hurting her with whatever I did to make her angry. When I'm angry I rarely say anything outwardly because I'm bad at expressing myself verbally - I usually just leave without saying anything even though I know this makes her anxious.
 

Of course, there is truth in her saying she hates me in that moment, and the mean things she says are probably things she thinks, and there is truth in me wanting to leave and I deliberately do it because I want to hurt her in that moment, but thing is - when we've both cooled off, she certainly doesn't actually hate me and takes back all the mean things she said, and I feel sorry for leaving to make her anxious and we BOTH apologize, accept that we did/said horrible things, sometimes talk about it calmly and then make up.

 

If she truly hated me, and if I wanted to make her constantly anxious, why would we be together and care about each other?  Are these distortions true to a certain extent? Maybe, in that moment. In that moment I'm so annoyed by something she does that I want to leave and don't care about her feelings. In that moment she's so angry with me that she hates me and wants to hurt me. But when things have cooled off, it changes our perspective and those things are no longer true any more and we make up and apologize.

 

Anyway actually idk what this says to the argument here but i typed it out so i'm posting it. I didn't read the whole thread >_> 

[Lord Jade Cross]

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[Lord Jade Cross]

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[Guest]

1 hour ago, Jade Cross said:

by walking away?

Ask yourself why you always get singled out. Will be a better path to a solution. If your response only involves them being at fault--keep looking.

[Lord Jade Cross]

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[Guest]

2 minutes ago, Jade Cross said:

That makes no sense.

To you, which is part of your problem.

[Lord Jade Cross]

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[Guest]

2 hours ago, Jade Cross said:

Elaborate

I have enough material in the thread to go over. Nice debating with you, though!

[Lord Jade Cross]

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[Yatogami]

On 5/8/2018 at 10:55 AM, G1P0 said:

Of course, not everyone will be so disinhibited. We're forgetting EQ here, people who have control over their emotions and thus their anger won't have the same response. They'll probably address what pissed them off more directly, or not let it shake them.

You've outlined quite well, how I act out my anger usually. I aggressively show, or say why I am angry rather than insult or get physical. 

 

I have very rarely lost control of myself, often for reasons that elude me. I seem to have some switches. Most likely of physical nature. If someone shoves me for example, I will get violent.

[Guest]

Life is so much better when you rid yourself of any of the mental shackles that hold you down. I have been in your shoes, and jokingly described as the workplace grump.

 

Took me freeing myself from their weight and truly starting to appreciate life.

 

You can keep throwing words in my mouth and taking my posts out of context if it gives you any reassurance.

 

That's fine with me.

 

However, does not take away from your toxic behavior.

 

I don't expect you to like to have this told to you.

 

I personally have thanked people for setting me straight, but that's me. I value growth. I'm obsessed with getting better, and setting new goals for myself.

 

A customer tells me they are disappointed in me, and I will thank them for their input. I will adapt quickly and realize the value of the information given to me, even if I hate hearing it.

 

You can be professional and even diplomatic while standing your ground.

 

Fighting tit for tat is a surefire way to always have politics work against you. Ask Donald Trump.

[Bronztrooper]

3 hours ago, Malum said:

You've outlined quite well, how I act out my anger usually. I aggressively show, or say why I am angry rather than insult or get physical. 

 

I have very rarely lost control of myself, often for reasons that elude me. I seem to have some switches. Most likely of physical nature. If someone shoves me for example, I will get violent.

I'm sort of similar, except shoving doesn't really get me to that point.  Now, if someone punches me, I'll immediately fight back (had one time where I got punched in the face while getting off the bus, and next thing I knew I was wailing on the kid that swung at me), but a shove still leaves an opportunity to avoid a physical fight.  It'll piss me off, yeah, but it won't get me to the point where I want to hit something.

[Guest]

19 hours ago, Bronztrooper said:

It'll piss me off, yeah, but it won't get me to the point where I want to hit something.

I was taught to avoid fights at all costs, growing up so tend to have the same approach. I've walked away from shoving matches before, and even from an aggressor laughing now that they had a crowd, calling me a: "p***y". I have done combat sports for a long portion of my life, yet ironically enough--I hate fighting. I love sparring, as its a controlled environment, but fighting isn't.

 

However, was raised that if someone proper puts their hands on me--they must wind up in a hospital and regret every making that mistake.

 

Unfortunately for people like this without fail, once you give them return fire they were begging for, they want to turn their stance to conciliatory.

 

So in a sense, your anger revealed you to being a coward. I can't respect cowards, so for me I'll go for your jugular and cut you down to size in front of everyone.

[Bronztrooper]

4 hours ago, Perspektiv said:

I was taught to avoid fights at all costs, growing up so tend to have the same approach. I've walked away from shoving matches before, and even from an aggressor laughing now that they had a crowd, calling me a: "p***y". I have done combat sports for a long portion of my life, yet ironically enough--I hate fighting. I love sparring, as its a controlled environment, but fighting isn't.

 

However, was raised that if someone proper puts their hands on me--they must wind up in a hospital and regret every making that mistake.

 

Unfortunately for people like this without fail, once you give them return fire they were begging for, they want to turn their stance to conciliatory.

 

So in a sense, your anger revealed you to being a coward. I can't respect cowards, so for me I'll go for your jugular and cut you down to size in front of everyone.

My dad always told both me and my sister that if someone takes a swing at us, we don't stop fighting until someone pulls us away from them or until that other person is unconscious.  I can't see myself actually getting close to doing the latter, though, since I'll probably stop fighting when it's clear that the other person won't take another swing at me.

 

Hell, the one actual fight I got into I held back during because I didn't want to seriously hurt the guy I was fighting despite how much I despised him as a person.  From what my dad told me about his fights, he doesn't hold back, but I just can't be that kind of person.

[Yatogami]

14 hours ago, Perspektiv said:

I was taught to avoid fights at all costs, growing up so tend to have the same approach. I've walked away from shoving matches before, and even from an aggressor laughing now that they had a crowd, calling me a: "p***y". I have done combat sports for a long portion of my life, yet ironically enough--I hate fighting. I love sparring, as its a controlled environment, but fighting isn't.

 

However, was raised that if someone proper puts their hands on me--they must wind up in a hospital and regret every making that mistake.

 

Unfortunately for people like this without fail, once you give them return fire they were begging for, they want to turn their stance to conciliatory.

 

So in a sense, your anger revealed you to being a coward. I can't respect cowards, so for me I'll go for your jugular and cut you down to size in front of everyone.

My dad taught me that as long as I do not throw the first punch. Im exempt from all fighting punishment.

[Guest]

7 hours ago, Malum said:

My dad taught me that as long as I do not throw the first punch. Im exempt from all fighting punishment.

I still remember getting suspended for retaliating in a grade 6 fight.

 

I desperately tried walking away, but kept getting shoved on a: "you're not going, anywhere!" basis. A crowd surrounded me, and the assailant. Now, they're all shouting and egging us on--I even got shoved by one in the crowd, back into the fact, during one of my many other attempts at walking away, clearly not wanting to fight. Got to the point I was either fighting, or getting beaten to a pulp. I obviously chose to fight.

 

My principal ripped me a new one. I was a great an exemplary student according to her (high grades, and never got in trouble--always polite), and she was very disappointed in me. She felt my mother would be even more disappointed. So called her to come in, for further humiliation.

 

Little did she know, I had a very open and honest relationship with my mother. She arrived, and asked me what happened. I told her. Incriminating myself, as well as the guy. I had nothing to hide. She was now confused as to why she was brought in, clearly now aware that this was self-defense.

 

I didn't throw the first blow. Heck, I didn't even throw the second one (both missed, but its the thought that counts, and he did shove me hard against the chalk board in frustration, which finally pressed the right button to get me engaged). Did I ever start retaliating afterwards!

 

She ripped the principal a new one, and baked me a cake during my suspension. Told me she was proud of me. Best suspension, ever!

 

I honestly at that point, was praying for others to pick fights with me, to no avail. I had unfortunately made an example of that kid, so people left me alone from then on, or wherever my reputation would follow me.

 

So if my anger were to speak for me, it would state how peaceful I am even if I have retaliated a few times.

 

Main reason I have never felt remorse after a fight, due to how hard I try walking away, at all times before giving into anger. I only get disappointed for losing my cool, because I know I'm better than that and gave the person what they wanted.

 

I'm insanely hard on myself for losing my cool, for that very reason.

 

So someone judging me when they see me at that extreme a level, is making a piss poor character judgment, considering how hard I try to avoid conflict. I guess the only accurate judgment, is back against the wall, I don't back down from nobody. I'll take death, over doing so.

[Lord Jade Cross]

😏

[Guest]

1 hour ago, Jade Cross said:

😏

What separates us, is I've learned politics and diplomacy. I also have a positive outlook to life. Things only look up, to me. I irritate negative people, because I don't allow the: "can't do" thoughts into my mind. I find a way, period. I never lose sight of the light at the end of the tunnel, am always aware of the sun after the darkness.

 

You will not find any place of employment without them. I still get my point across, but get better results for it. I have yet to walk out of anywhere with my tail between my legs. I have also yet to find an employer try to make my life miserable passive aggressively, due to a damaged ego.

 

You remind me of someone I've worked with who has a very strong personality but is totally oblivious as to why some people treat them a certain way. When they'd ask you, you'd tell them and they'd feel attacked, and fire back trying to defend themselves. So anyone around them, just realized this is not a person that can grow. Might as well just stay on their good side, and not tell them anything. When they would ask advice moving forwards, you'd just feed them positive stuff, so they're now oblivious they actually have tons they can improve upon. When it would come time to employee reviews, they'd as a result, struggle to find anything they can improve upon to note. I can usually fill a page, about myself (employers apparently like this, as it showcases self-awareness).

However, such a person would see it as them telling their boss about an imperfection which is beneath them.

 

One problem. There's a boss who's job is to do just that. Needless to say, that person was oblivious as to how close they had come several times, to losing their job.

[Bronztrooper]

I guess we're not letting this discussument (discussion/argument) die off?

[Lord Jade Cross]

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[Guest]

Conflict with superiors has been an ongoing theme throughout your career, as per your posts.

 

A one off can be blamed on the workplace, but an ongoing pattern would have anyone genuinely wanting change, looking within.

 

Forcing others to anger, is only pointing fingers at them, and ignoring there are two parts to your issue.

 

This is a joke to you. You're even enjoying these exchanges, vs trying to learn from them based on the advice you've been given by many. I find that to be the sad part.

[Lord Jade Cross]

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[Lord Jade Cross]

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[Guest]

4 hours ago, Jade Cross said:

or are you wanting me to keep arguing?

I'm sure you'd love this, considering how much of a joke you feel this is.

 

I won't waste further of my breath on you. You're welcome.

 

Welcome to my ignore list.

 

Feel free to post another predictable passive aggressive taunt, and revert back to playing innocent. Enjoy.

[Lord Jade Cross]

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[Lord Jade Cross]

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[Guest]

20 hours ago, Bronztrooper said:

I guess we're not letting this discussument (discussion/argument) die off?

I've ignored him, so have taken the high road on this. There will be no further arguments between us.

 

I wasted a lot of breath to try to help the guy, but some people don't want to be helped. My advice became forceful (and stopped being advice, and started being a lecture, as a result, so I don't blame his push back once things got to that point but it had been there from the start), and he pulled joy in picking apart all advice he was given by anyone in many of his threads complaining about the same things (we have history). Many took the smart road, and just left him to his own devices, early. Many called him out, but I kept debating with him.

 

I kind of played into this, and could see him laughing at it, which is fine considering I'm not the one being hurt by it in my regular life.

 

Consider this my last post in any of his threads. This is something I should have done, long ago.

[Lord Jade Cross]

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