How old was you when you figuerd out your sexuality??

[DexDiamante]

I've come to terms with my asexuality in the past few months, since turning 30. I think it finally clicked and I'm just done with denying it or ignoring it. I first heard of it I would say about 4 to 5 years ago.

[Dark General]

I found out I was asexual when I was 21, which was three years ago. I missed a lot of the signs as I was growing up and I didn't even know about asexuality until finding a documentary about it.

[General]

1 hour ago, Dark General said:

I found out I was asexual when I was 21, which was three years ago. I missed a lot of the signs as I was growing up and I didn't even know about asexuality until finding a documentary about it.

I think it's harder for aces to figure out our sexuality because there is zero representation.  We are surrounded by heteronormativity.  Even now there are tons of people who are openly gay and bi in the media and elsewhere, but not an asexual to be found.

 

Looking back on my life I can clearly see the signs were written all over the place.  I was unmistakably "queer."  Sexual orientation, gender identity, gender expression.....it was all there.  I just couldn't see it because I didn't know identity was something that was supposed to be acknowledged.

[Dark General]

32 minutes ago, AceOfHearts_85 said:

I think it's harder for aces to figure out our sexuality because there is zero representation.  We are surrounded by heteronormativity.  Even now there are tons of people who are openly gay and bi in the media and elsewhere, but not an asexual to be found.

 

Looking back on my life I can clearly see the signs were written all over the place.  I was unmistakably "queer."  Sexual orientation, gender identity, gender expression.....it was all there.  I just couldn't see it because I didn't know identity was something that was supposed to be acknowledged.

I agree with you. I believe it is harder for people to find out whether or not they are asexual due to a lack of representation and heteronormativity. I think another part of it besides those two things is that to many people it's unfathomable for a person to not be interested in sex or be sexually attracted to someone. That's likely why there's little asexual representation. Since many people can't fathom asexuality or asexual people, they don't think asexuality exists. As for me, I came to find that once I discovered asexuality, I realized I had missed all of the signs because I had not been aware of an orientation that wasn't gay, straight, or bi. There's also the fact that for a while I just thought that I was a late bloomer.  

[General]

7 hours ago, Dark General said:

I agree with you. I believe it is harder for people to find out whether or not they are asexual due to a lack of representation and heteronormativity. I think another part of it besides those two things is that to many people it's unfathomable for a person to not be interested in sex or be sexually attracted to someone. That's likely why there's little asexual representation. Since many people can't fathom asexuality or asexual people, they don't think asexuality exists. As for me, I came to find that once I discovered asexuality, I realized I had missed all of the signs because I had not been aware of an orientation that wasn't gay, straight, or bi. There's also the fact that for a while I just thought that I was a late bloomer.  

Yes, exactly.  Most people only know the word asexual as it relates to plants and earthworms, so they can't imagine how the term could ever apply to humans.  LOL

[Guest]

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[iff]

I think I was 22, maybe 21

[Guest]

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[General]

3 hours ago, CoffeeCake said:

(Realised I haven't replied to this, oops)

That's so cool! I mean, I understand how good it must've felt to you, specially after so many years of not knowing the term. I think this feeling of fitting in somewhere is the best thing in the world ^^

 

For me, personally, I'm still not sure, mainly because I fear having to change the label later, like many other people I've found here did. I don't want to be mistaken. And the main fact that I'm not entirely sure about my (a)sexuality is because I enjoy French kissing lol I wanted to be sure as well, but sadly, I think personally I'll need to confirm if I fit into the "late bloomer" or "haven't found the right person yet" category or not.

 

Just a small fyi, kissing isn't a sexual activity, it's a sensual activity, and there are aces who do enjoy some form of kissing as well as other types of sensuality.  A behavior, nor the enjoyment of a behavior, will not determine your sexual orientation.  The only thing that determines orientation, is who you desire to have sex with.

 

All asexuals aren't of the "touch-me-not" variety.  We are all on a spectrum.

[will123]

4 hours ago, CoffeeCake said:

(Realised I haven't replied to this, oops)

That's so cool! I mean, I understand how good it must've felt to you, specially after so many years of not knowing the term. I think this feeling of fitting in somewhere is the best thing in the world ^^

 

For me, personally, I'm still not sure, mainly because I fear having to change the label later, like many other people I've found here did. I don't want to be mistaken. And the main fact that I'm not entirely sure about my (a)sexuality is because I enjoy French kissing lol I wanted to be sure as well, but sadly, I think personally I'll need to confirm if I fit into the "late bloomer" or "haven't found the right person yet" category or not.

 

I'm dealing with a cold right now so I'll post a proper reply later. If I haven't replied in a couple of days remind me.

[Guest]

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[General]

5 hours ago, CoffeeCake said:

Thanks for the small bit of information! Yeah I've heard this a lot, but when I actually searched threads about French kissing, all of the asexuals that commented said they are grossed out by it or think it is sexual. The people that actually said they enjoyed were either grey sexuals or demisexuals. So after that I started getting quite confused. But again, I'm only a newbie. If you know about any asexuals who enjoy French kissing it would shed me quite some light.

👍You're welcome.  And yes, I can see how that would be confusing.

 

Personally, French kissing is not my thing mainly because I'm a germaphobe and don't want to swap bodily fluids with anyone.  However, I feel I might be a little too sensual for most asexuals.  Just my own thoughts on the matter.  I am very affectionate, so kissing other body parts that don't involve genitalia is something I'd be interested in.  I'm also not porn or masturbation repulsed either.  Sorry if that's TMI, but I don't know how else to say it.  lol

 

I'm a demiromantic ace btw.

[Tarvaa]

33, somewhere around a month or so ago. I read about asexuality 5-6 years ago and really understood how "these people" felt. Why I didn't realise my own asexuality at that point is an utter mystery to me as it was so obvious (in hindsight). Life happened and I just kept doing my own thing. Unfortunately it was friction about sex in my current marriage that really made me think, explore, and rediscover asexuality; FINALLY realising that I was 100% ace and always have been.

 

Sometimes I wish I had realised my asexuality during my teens, but then I remind myself that I didn't know about the term then, or had far more on my plate than most teenagers did. But the biggest arguement against my wish for realising earlier is that the last 10 years would not have happened, and I would still be a severely depressed alcoholic, or possibly no longer alive. So, I'm really grateful I realised it somewhat later than I perhaps should've.

[JessPlaysChess]

I am 19 and I've heard about asexuality when I was like 14. Then, when I had my first boyfriend with 15, it was clear how I felt about romance and sex, but I've always been told "You're still young, it will come later!". So I waited, even though I couldn't imagine how exactly this was supposed to change from "It's disgusting" to "Omg I need it" within a few months. But now, since I still don't feel any different about it, I'm just slowly suspecting that it most likely will not change anymore for me.

[NickyTannock]

@JessPlaysChess Welcome to AVEN!

 

I realised that I'm Asexual in my early teens, around 14, and I'm now 33.

 

Incidentally, it is a tradition here to welcome new members by offering cake,

[will123]

On 11/25/2018 at 10:38 AM, CoffeeCake said:

(Realised I haven't replied to this, oops)

That's so cool! I mean, I understand how good it must've felt to you, specially after so many years of not knowing the term. I think this feeling of fitting in somewhere is the best thing in the world ^^

 

I can say stuff in words but it doesn't describe the elation I felt really. It wasn't so much not knowing the term, asexuality. It was this very small feeling in the back of my mind as to why I wasn't all that interested in sex with girls even though I thought they were pretty.

 

Seeing as folks have used comics to describe things I'll give you mine in four panels.

 

Panel One: Me with a thought bubble above my head showing me having sex with a girl

 

Panel Two: Me walking along (not hand in hand) with a female friend that I think is pretty and like to spend time with

 

Panel Three: (is blank)

 

Panel Four: Me with another thought bubble over my head containing a question mark.

 

Yes, I knew the mechanics of sex (Insert Tab A into Slot B), but I had no idea and/concept how to get to that point.

[MLJ]

Just recently, at age 44. I'd heard the term "asexual" before, but even though I related to it, I didn't really think it fit me. I've been in love before and I've sometimes felt sexual attraction and desire.

 

At this point in my life, I'm perfectly happy being single, and I've accepted the fact that I just don't like dating or sex. But it's still kind of hard not to feel at some level that there's something "wrong" with you for having no interest in something that "everyone else" seems to be obsessed with. Then I happened across a video about demisexuality on YouTube.  I felt a bit like crying after watching it. It was like, oh, so that's why I'm the way I am. Maybe I'm not "broken," after all!

[General]

17 hours ago, MLJ said:

Just recently, at age 44. I'd heard the term "asexual" before, but even though I related to it, I didn't really think it fit me. I've been in love before and I've sometimes felt sexual attraction and desire.

 

At this point in my life, I'm perfectly happy being single, and I've accepted the fact that I just don't like dating or sex. But it's still kind of hard not to feel at some level that there's something "wrong" with you for having no interest in something that "everyone else" seems to be obsessed with. Then I happened across a video about demisexuality on YouTube.  I felt a bit like crying after watching it. It was like, oh, so that's why I'm the way I am. Maybe I'm not "broken," after all!

I've been in love before, and I'm a demiromantic ace.  I also have a high libido, just no sexual attraction.  That was a bit confusing to say the least lol

 

In all honesty I can't relate to feeling "broken" because I never had any negative feelings about my identity, even when I wasn't sure what I was.  I certainly felt different though, but I've always been very pro-me regardless.  Maybe that's why I didn't have any difficulty coming to terms with who I am.  

 

I feel very sad that so many aces have such a stressful time finding themselves.  No one should ever feel broken. 😢

[Guest]

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[General]

3 hours ago, CoffeeCake said:

Wow, we find so many different types of aces here. Like, everyone has a different opinion on the matter, which is very interesting actually. Thanks for sharing your thoughts 

 

I also think I'm more sensual than most asexuals, but I don't know cause, I'm very affectionate towards everyone I love in general.

 

And French kissing for me is like sex is for sexuals, I guess. I feel intimate and a strong connection. It's something reserved entirely for a romantic partner only so I think that's why I like it so much. These are my thoughts on the matter tough, don't know if there are any aces who feel the same as me. If there aren't I don't think I'm ace, then.

 

Sorry if that became a ramble Dx but thanks again ^^

You're welcome, no problem. 👍

 

I'm sure there are Aces who do enjoy French kissing, it's definitely not impossible.  Kissing doesn't determine a person's sexual orientation anyhow.  You can still be an Ace and desire/enjoy it.

[Muledeer]

About ten years ago, around age 45.  I wish I had known about it much sooner.