How old was you when you figuerd out your sexuality??

[Norellia]

I was 18 when I googled "is it possible to not have crushes" and aven showed up. Been identifying at aro/ace since then~

[CirothUngol]

50.

I'm 50 years old and after years of not knowing what "was wrong" with me, years of self-education and research, and years of wondering why I tended to treat sexual advances from women unfavorably as if they were advances from men, even if I liked them, some of the larger pieces of asexuality seem to fit me in a weirdly accurate manner. I called myself "harmless" and "asexual" back in the 90s to any who asked. I didn't think I was serious.

Figure this stuff out early, folks. The more I think about my horridly uncomfortable early encounters, the more I realize that they simply didn't have to be that way.

[Karoushi]

around 17/18 when I found out I was ace. Although that was because I wasn't familiar with the term prior and just thought I was an odd-one-out. You're always learning new things about yourself ever day so it's never too late to come to terms with your sexuality. Although sites like these and the internet in general is a god send for figuring this kind of thing out. 

[Radio]

Fifteen-sixteen. I can't remember whether it was my sophomore or junior year of high school. I just remember happening across the definition of asexuality and being like WOAH, THERE'S AN ACTUAL NAME FOR THIS? WHAT? 

 

Before that though, I had an inkling that something was a little off. I never had the same reaction to 'attractive' people that friends of mine did. While they would twirl their fingers around their hair and show off their muscles and get you know, flirty...

 

Well, you had me who would just kind of duck behind something and wheeze about how pretty they were. No real interest. No secret desires to be had. I just thought their face was intimidating but very nice to look at.

 

Really it was like staring at an art piece in an art gallery. I have no urge to make out with the Mona Lisa but I do very much appreciate it.

 

Which I kind of realized, the 'norm' is not comparing people to brush strokes. Usually, it's a different type of stroke. Like the breaststroke. Please stop me.

[Strange But Not a Stranger]

I was in my mid 20s or so, when I found out about asexuality and thought that might fit me. It took me another ten years or so, and one pretty darn crappy relationship, to figure it out for sure. I'm 38 now. I came out to my parents and sibling last year.

Part of me wants to come out to other family members as well, but at the same time I think it's none of their business. So, we'll see...

Edited May 11, 2018 by Fifi123
typo

[Eragon_00]

I discovered to be asexual this year, I'm 17. I'm also a kinkster, so I had some doubt at the beginning because some people told me that I couldn't be both asexual and a kinkster. Now I know I can (thank to that forum).

[scottp334]

I was 12 when I kinda knew I was different.  Asexuality wasn't a thing we knew about then.  Didn't know or discover asexuality until 8 years ago.  It would have explained a lot growing up..

[E Wildflower]

It's never too late to learn more about yourself, and as you learn more about yourself, you might find that your sexual orientation isn't what you thought it was before.

 

I started questioning my sexuality the first time when I was 14. I'm now 21 and it was just a few months ago that I arrived at the sexual/romantic orientation terms that I currently use.

[SparkyCat13]

I was 26 (just last year!). I hadn't really heard about asexuality before that, and I suddenly read an article interviewing a couple of asexuals, and was like "Huh, that sounds rather relatable..." then I did some research and soul searching on and off for about 6 months before being confident enough to call myself ace. Still trying to figure out wth my romantic orientation is, though. 

[ryn2]

I was in my late 40’s.  Asexuality wasn’t seen as a “thing” when I was younger, and when it did start to make it into the media I wasn’t in the right place to be looking for it.

 

Demi-panromantic works.  Pandemiromantic sounds like the lead-in to the zombie apocalypse.

[Rippleshadow]

I was 14, and I'm 20 now. 

 

For most of my life, I assumed I was "straight but not interested in being in a relationship". Had I known the term, I probably would've thought I was aromantic. 
When I was 14, I became very close with a friend of mine and I didn't understand my feelings for her because I thought I was straight but the way I felt about her... didn't feel straight  When she told me that she had feelings for me, I realized I probably had romantic feelings for her too. But I was super confused because I didn't feel any physical attraction whatsoever, I had never felt physical attraction to anyone, and I couldn't imagine myself feeling sexual attraction to people in the future. 

At the time, I only knew the terms "straight, gay, lesbian, and bi", and I knew I wasn't the first three so I very briefly identified as bisexual but, after discussing my concerns with a friend who linked me to a site that talked about the different romantic and sexual orientations, I arrived at the conclusion that I was panromantic asexual. 

I don't actually have all that much experience with relationships or attraction, so there were times where I wondered if it was really okay for me to be confident about my identity, but my experiences over the years have only helped to solidify it. I consider myself very lucky to have been introduced to the term "asexual" relatively early on in my life. 

[Hanrye]

I was around 16 years old, when I got finally name to call it.

 

Even pre-puberty I found those normal kind of relationships confusing + when I had puberty I couldn't understand why other ppl thought about sex, because it was repulsive thought to me.

 

I always thought that I was just late bloomer.

So a few years later when I was 16 years I was googling casually of different sexuality orientations (for fun and because I'm intrested to learn + I've LGBTQ+ friends).

 

Before that I labeled myself as none. I found asexuality, read description and had kinda "aha"-feeling. I thought I was laterbloomer, because I found sex rebulsive. I thought I was childish etc. for thinking that way. But nope it wasn't that. It made so relieved in some way to find "a place" where you belong.

 

I can't say I'm still 100% sure about myself as I'm only 18 years. So I'm still identifying myself as none. It's easiest. But I always find asexuality community to incredible strong support for me.

[MagicalMafka]

On 5/11/2018 at 10:15 AM, Fifi123 said:

I was in my mid 20s or so, when I found out about asexuality and thought that might fit me. It took me another ten years or so, and one pretty darn crappy relationship, to figure it out for sure. I'm 38 now. I came out to my parents and sibling last year.

Part of me wants to come out to other family members as well, but at the same time I think it's none of their business. So, we'll see...

Exactly the same happened to me too 😕 And yes, I have to agree with you, this is not their business I believe so. I do not deal with other ppls sexuality at all. Why should they deal with mine? 

[Strega_Asessuale]

I was in fifth grade. I had to ask my teacher how prehistoric humans knew to have sex in order to propagate the species, and my parents had to explain sex to me three times because I kept forgetting all of it seeing as I found it irrelevant (and thought they were lying). I didn't know that there were other people who were asexual until I was 19, though; I googled "asexuality in humans" and found AVEN.

[Jellyfishin]

16, I knew the word asexual existed before, but never took the time to Google it, (i feel a bit stupid in hindsight). It wasn't really figuring myself out and more just gradually realising that sexual attraction is a genuine thing that people feel and not just a conspiracy made up by advertisers and the make up industry. 

 

1 hour ago, Strega_Asessuale said:

I had to ask my teacher how prehistoric humans knew to have sex in order to propagate the species. 

Same! I thought, how did they think of putting that in there to make babies if no one told them to. 

[SparkleSquirrel]

I'm 37, female and just figuring out "what's wrong with me" since everyone in my LIFE tells me there's something wrong with me. I've never liked sex and when I did I was shamed for it. I have a very low drive. I'm actually jealous of younger people having this kind of support.  Imagine going your whole life not knowing there was an asexual spectrum. Then again, there was no internet until I was around 18.

[ryn2]

59 minutes ago, SparkleSquirrel said:

I'm actually jealous of younger people having this kind of support.  Imagine going your whole life not knowing there was an asexual spectrum. Then again, there was no internet until I was around 18.

I’m a bit envious as well!  The internet/web as we know it today did not exist until I had been through college and in the workforce for about a decade.

 

Hard to know if it makes growing up easier or just differently hard, though...

[OwenM]

Originally, I think I was about 11.

Then by about 13 I'd convinced myself I wasn't.

 

Realised it again... sometime after midnight going into my 21st birthday.

[Dark Heart]

 

For me, I assumed I was straight until my mid-teens and simply had not found "the one" that I wanted to have sex with. I convinced myself that maybe I was too busy to focus on relationship things, that it would happen later.

 

It wasn't until I had a word for the way I felt that I identified as ace (only a couple months). You are only a year older than me, so I don't think it's too late.

 

Besides, life is a journey, not a destination. We learn something new about ourselves every day.

[Aroace_bookworm]

I figured it out this past January, not going to reveal my age past the fact that I'm still in school. Haven't come out to more than three friends, one of who is also aro/ace (and I'm lucky in that way) and two who came up and asked me if I was 'the thing where you don't like anyone'

I do have friends who are LGBTQ+, but to them, I am "a mystery" and plan to remain that way for a few years or until they guess. Sorry, long post...

 

[CaptainMarvel]

I figured it out last year, when I was 13. I really wanted to figure myself out ASAP (I’m an impatient person), so I spent a lot of time trying to find a term that fit what I felt when I stumbled upon asexuality. At first I didn’t think much of it, but I kept coming back to it, and so i did more research and I was like, okay, this sounds right but I’m still not sure. It took a couple months of convincing myself that I was right before I ever really told anyone I was ace, but since then I’ve felt more comfortable with being ace. I don’t think it’s really ever too late to find out your sexuality, especially given that asexuality isn’t as prominent as other identities and one might not know a term for what they feel for years.

[will123]

On 5/14/2018 at 11:37 AM, Strega_Asessuale said:

I was in fifth grade. I had to ask my teacher how prehistoric humans knew to have sex in order to propagate the species,

Do you recall what she said? Probably similar to gorillas in the wild. Maybe observing adults copulating? I doubt they would do it in private, probably wherever was convenient.

 

Any anthropologists in the house?

 

This sounds like a whole separate topic of discussion LOL

[General]

I finally figured out my orientation at 30.  Then my gender at 32.

 

In all honesty, I'm kind of glad I didn't find out sooner.  I went through a lot of things that would've been beyond difficult to deal with if I had known then what I know now.

[Strifed]

When I was in my early years of college I thought I might've been after reading the description and thinking about my own life, but I was still was trying to figure myself out. Everyone would always say, "You haven't found the right guy yet!" so if a guy would ask me out, I would try, but I never felt anything. Finally In my early twenties I figured out I was asexual and was cool with it. I realized I had been all my life, but didn't know just what to call it.

[will123]

15 minutes ago, AceOfHearts_85 said:

I finally figured out my orientation at 30.  Then my gender at 32.

 

In all honesty, I'm kind of glad I didn't find out sooner.  I went through a lot of things that would've been beyond difficult to deal with if I had known then what I know now.

I'm the opposite. I wish I had known about asexuality sooner. Assuming reaching puberty at 14, I spent 30 years of my life thinking I was straight but making NO effort to be sexual. It didn't bother me why I wasn't desiring to have sex, but I knew sex wasn't a priority for me. In fact you could say it didn't even register.

 

Kind of disheartening looking back as isn't every guy expected to 

Spoiler

screw

 

every girl he meets?

[Colonel Aureliano Buendía]

15

I'd been basically thinking of myself as 'nothing' even though I knew being ace was a thing because I kind of figured it was a statistical inevitability that I'd turn out straight eventually, but a few months ago I got bored of waiting and trying to convince myself I was somehow suppressing my feelings like my mom seemed to think I was and googled "am I aromantic". Came up with some list on tumblr and so many things on it fit me. Really glad I never got to the stage of forcing myself to date anyone.

[General]

11 minutes ago, will123 said:

I'm the opposite. I wish I had known about asexuality sooner. Assuming reaching puberty at 14, I spent 30 years of my life thinking I was straight but making NO effort to be sexual. It didn't bother me why I wasn't desiring to have sex, but I knew sex wasn't a priority for me. In fact you could say it didn't even register.

 

Kind of disheartening looking back as isn't every guy expected to 

  Hide contents

screw

 

every girl he meets?

I kind of wish I was older when I hit puberty.....I was only 10.  Robbed of my childhood.  But anyway, I thought I was straight as well, but it's only because I didn't actually know what straight was, or what sexual orientation entailed.  I didn't make any effort to be sexual either, and it certainly didn't bother me.  I was asexual to the point of not even knowing I was supposed to think about sex lol!  We have a bit in common clearly.

 

I don't find it disheartening.  If you're not a sexual person, getting it on with every girl you meet just won't be your narrative, whether you're expected to or not.  I mean, I'm sure I was expected to be receptive in some way to every guy that showed interest, but that legitimately didn't happen.  We are who we are, and that's okay.

[will123]

I HAD to be straight because I knew I wasn't sexually attracted to other males. As far as I knew those were the only two sexual orientations. I never heard of asexuality until I was 44.

[General]

2 hours ago, will123 said:

I HAD to be straight because I knew I wasn't sexually attracted to other males. As far as I knew those were the only two sexual orientations. I never heard of asexuality until I was 44.

Ah I see.  I just knew there was straight, gay, and bi back then.  I didn't know about asexuality until about 2012, when I found the definition on Wikipedia.  In my case guys were just buddies, so I never thought of them any kind of other way.  I was however gravitating towards girls, but I didn't feel sexual towards them, I knew I liked being around certain ones more than others though, but I didn't know what that meant.  I just told everybody I was straight and never actually engaged in any sort of sexual activities.  I legitimately thought I was "waiting for marriage" because I was raised religious, and just hadn't found any guy I liked yet.  It sounds so ridiculous now that I know the truth lol

[NickyTannock]

I was around 14 when I realised I'm Asexual, because of bewilderment over increasing sexual comments from my peers.