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Mary Lambert

Do ACE's try more than Allos to pretend every thing is OK?

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Autumn Season
19 hours ago, FictoVore. said:

We all know sexuals are not constantly plagued by desire that destracts them from school and work etc.

As an ace, whenever I crush on somebody (and actually on many other occasions), I am distracted. I remember a particular lesson very well during my school time. I would turn my head 90° to the right constantly, hoping my classmate wouldn't notice that I was staring at him. Instead of taking notes, I drew his portrait. :redface:  :rolleyes:

 

9 hours ago, gaogao said:

As for OP's question, I think one's ability to keep secrets or hide things is more down to personality than anything.

My opinion as well. :D After my first coming out as ace, I was told to keep my identity a secret by a sexual person. I went ahead and told lots of other people as well. :P I can keep a secret, but I don't like making stuff into secrets.

-

Also, this thread makes me laugh! :lol:

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ryn2
18 minutes ago, Autumn Season said:

As an ace, whenever I crush on somebody (and actually on many other occasions), I am distracted.

Same!  This is true for fictional people too.

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CBC
1 hour ago, ryn2 said:

Same!  This is true for fictional people too.

Honestly this is how I am with anything that falls under the "obsession" category -- which, let's face it, is pretty much what crushes are. So yeah, it's normal for aces to be just as distracted by their love interests as sexuals, I imagine.

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CosmicTheAceOfSpace
3 hours ago, CBC said:

Also yes, I am a rotating disco chicken. *squaaaaaawk*

The Dominos Techno Chicken is ALWAYS a classic! (one of the best advertisements/commercials out there!) ;):lol:

 

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Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?)
4 hours ago, Skullery Maid said:

Personally I've seen many a sexual person go on to have amazing careers, read books, and hold down entire conversations, even with their nasty sexuality trying to drag them to hell. That's ultimately what you mean, right? 

Yup (I weirdly typed yum by accident haha). It's weird that any sexual person actually gets stuff done being constantly plagued by this perpetual need for sex!!

 

22 hours ago, Mary Lambert said:

I realize your case is so fragile due to the extreme physical pain you feel and believe me my heart goes out. But your mind also seems to be one of an ACE if you cannot grasp this concept.

I do have vaginal pain but I love the feeling of having stuff up my butt so it's not an issue anymore :P Anyway, regardless of that, my knowledge of sexual people doesn't have anything to do with my own personal ability to have vaginal sex. The issue people are having is that you're making it sound like sexual people have trouble functioning if they're not having or about to have sex, and that's the sort of statement aces get slammed for by sexual members all the time here because it's just not true for most sexual people. For some (nymphos) yes, and for many sometimes, but it's not a perpetual thing that someone experiences consistently just because they're not ace (edit; other than you of course), even when they're younger

 

4 hours ago, Skullery Maid said:

You're also not a stock photo of a blonde woman.

 

Mary2.jpg

 

Mary_lol.jpg

 

Out of interest, do good Christian women sell stock photos of themselves online? :o

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ryn2

I love the search criteria!

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CBC

@FictoVore. - Last night, Skullery and I were chatting about... let's just say, a certain person in this thread who may or may not be the OP... and I did some reverse Google image searching. That screenshot looks mighty familiar. ;) 

 

xWlwEeY_d.jpg?maxwidth=640&shape=thumb&f

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CosmicTheAceOfSpace

Now that's definitely some suspicious, 'Catfish' behaviour right there! :lol: (I'm sorry but it IS!)

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James121

I’ve missed something...

@Mary Lamberthasn’t used a genuine profile picture........... and?

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CBC

She's accepted compliments on her appearance in the photo. The account is fishy as hell.

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James121
2 minutes ago, CBC said:

She's accepted compliments on her appearance in the photo. The account is fishy as hell.

Beyond the photograph, what is fishy?

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CBC
1 minute ago, James121 said:

Beyond the photograph, what is fishy?

Just read through the OP's threads and information. If something doesn't seem "off" to you...

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James121
5 minutes ago, CBC said:

Just read through the OP's threads and information. If something doesn't seem "off" to you...

Apart from having a profile picture that isn’t you (except there is one very rational reason for doing that) I don’t see much as being off? Genuinely I have read her comments (not all) and for the most part, they seem like they are written by someone genuinely in a position of being married and refused sex.

Now granted, when you put a picture up, ideally it should be you or maybe something that is obviously not you to avoid any misrepresentation, so this could be considered odd. But.....I’m not seeing much else.

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James121
2 hours ago, FictoVore. said:

I do have vaginal pain but I love the feeling of having stuff up my butt

Good girl @FictoVore.......good girl 👌

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CBC

Ok well, I'm not sure full public discussions on the matter are looked upon favourably by the admods... probably lines have been crossed already... but suffice to say that some of us have suspicions. That's all.

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Shihara

To answer the question in your title: No, I don't need to pretend that everything is okay bc well.. everything is okay? Nothing wrong with not being sexually attracted to anyone :') It's different but I like different

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CBC
1 hour ago, Shihara said:

To answer the question in your title: No, I don't need to pretend that everything is okay bc well.. everything is okay? Nothing wrong with not being sexually attracted to anyone :') It's different but I like different

I think it's mostly referring to in the context of attempting relationships with other (non-asexual) people.

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Sally

Ye gods, anyone has the right to attempt a relationship with anyone else.  The two people involved are the decisionmakers, not a bunch of randos on the internet. 

 

Re asexuals not being distracted, when I developed a strong aesthetic attraction to and fell  in love with my partner, I was distracted as hell.  Everyone could see that (which I knew because they told me).   I didn't know about asexuality then (no one did), and thought I'd eventually "get" the sexual stuff if I kept trying.  I was neither in denial, nor was I keeping a secret.  The dime only dropped years later when I read about asexuality.  


So was that a young blonde woman, a mature blonde woman, or an older blonde woman? 
From my vantage point, she looks like a teenager.  

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CBC
4 minutes ago, Sally said:

So was that a young blonde woman, a mature blonde woman, or an older blonde woman? 
From my vantage point, she looks like a teenager.  

Hey, I'm just going with what a reverse image search called it! :P She doesn't look particularly old to me... but then my idea of "old" has shifted a lot since I've started to get lines on my face and my knee joints have begun making horrific crunching noises and screaming in pain, so.

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Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?)
12 minutes ago, CBC said:

Hey, I'm just going with what a reverse image search called it! :P She doesn't look particularly old to me... but then my idea of "old" has shifted a lot since I've started to get lines on my face and my knee joints have begun making horrific crunching noises and screaming in pain, so.

Hah she looks in her 40s to me though I'm not sure if that counts as old or not :P I'll be 30 in September but no lines yet, probably once I start getting them that woman will start looking younger to me :lol:

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CBC

I'm legitimately bummed that I've not found any grey hairs yet. My tolerance for my own appearance has, oddly perhaps, increased a decent amount since I've started looking old. 

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Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?)

Image result for helen back artist

 

This is my mum who is in her 50s haha, I kind of hope I have her lack of ageing genes :lol: I won't complain about grey hairs though because I'll be able to dye my hair pink without needing to bleach it first, wooo!

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Telecaster68

40s is very very young. 

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CBC
2 minutes ago, FictoVore. said:

Image result for helen back artist

 

This is my mum who is in her 50s haha, I kind of hope I have her lack of ageing genes :lol: I won't complain about grey hairs though because I'll be able to dye my hair pink without needing to bleach it first, wooo!

I look older than your mum and I'm 33 haha. Good genes indeed!

 

 

Just now, Telecaster68 said:

40s is very very young. 

I like the double 'very'... the extra emphasis is reassuring that what you say is true and gives me hope that I have lots of time left to cause plenty of chaos. 

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Telecaster68

When you're young you can blame chaos on inexperience and youthful exuberance, and when you're old you can blame it on senility. 

 

Or you can just not give a fuck at any point. 

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Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?)
Just now, Telecaster68 said:

When you're young you can blame chaos on inexperience and youthful exuberance, and when you're old you can blame it on senility. 

I take full responsibility for all the chaos I cause, I have nothing to blame it on :P

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Shihara
2 hours ago, CBC said:

I think it's mostly referring to in the context of attempting relationships with other (non-asexual) people.

I imagine my attitude wouldn't really change. In the context of attempting a relationship with sexual people:

1. Are ACE's more apt at pretending? > I wouldn't think there's any need to pretend. I'm not the type to live in denial
2. Have they gone through life with a secret? It's not a secret and I don't see why it needs to be one
3. Have they really known that something about them was different but could not accept it and therefore pretended that [it] was not really there  > Being asexual is something I can accept. Even if I couldn't accept it, I wouldn't pretend it wasn't there
4. [Not] making you so nervous in front of the person you like? > Having no sexual attraction doesn't mean I won't be nervous in front of the person I wanna be in a relationship with.. I'd still be nervous ahah

If I were to be in a relationship with a sexual person, I wouldn't automatically think that there's something wrong with either of us and that we'd need to "pretend everything is okay". It just means due to our differences, compatibility issues may arise.. but not always. Some sexuals are fine with forgoing sex and some asexuals are fine with having sex. It comes down to each individual relationship

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Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?)
14 hours ago, CBC said:

Wait, you mean they're available at all? 'Cause "aren't easily" isn't a deterrent to me. I'm used to doing everything the difficult way. The very... very... difficult way. :D 

Please if you ever get a time machine, go to Stephen Hawkings party? I'm sure there is a reality out there where he is still waiting for someone turn up!!

 

https://mashable.com/2018/03/14/stephen-hawking-time-travel-party/#fXwVkGj_fiqx

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Telecaster68
11 minutes ago, Shihara said:

Some sexuals are fine with forgoing sex and some asexuals are fine with having sex.

Some. I really wouldn't over estimate the numbers on either side, especially longer term. 

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CBC

What Tele said.

 

Yes, some people are able to compromise. But I can tell you for sure that 1) having sex that you really don't want to be having gets very tedious after a while, and can turn you off even more and contribute to increased issues with things like repulsion and self-worth; and 2) being a sexual person in a relationship with someone who's not even capable of feeling a similar type of desire, of making you feel wanted in a way that's completely exclusive to sex, is quite soul-sucking.

 

Truly successful long-term relationships with mixed orientations are pretty rare. (And I'm not including "I just tolerate it because I've given up" in the definition of a successful relationship.)

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