Kissing when Asexual

[bor__ing]

It has been really bothering me lately because I have truly liked boys and gotten into relationships with them and I feel so happy and in love while holding their hand or hugging them but each time they had to literally beg me to kiss them because I could not do it. When I kiss them I feel absolutely nothing but when I look at them I feel so much love and desire but whenever I try to do anything sexual, I immediately do not feel anything and do it without any passion. I want passion so bad because I see all these people in love who can kiss someone with no trouble and feel passion and so much love while doing it. I really need to know if this is how everyone else feels because I am truly struggling to wrap my head around the idea that I cannot kiss any boys I love.

[Member5732]

I don't know. I identify as an aromantic asexual but I can and like kissing and cuddling. 

[Gldlynch]

Hey Bor__ing

 

Welcome to AVEN! Make yourself at home (:

 

I'm sorry to hear that you are feeling frustrated, however I don't think we can ever force ourselves to feel anything. Maybe take the physical intimacy slow, rushing into those steps is the same as forcing yourself to feel things. Unless they are natural you wont find any satisfaction. I think it's special that you feel love when you look into their eyes and hug them, however you must not be the type of person to feel this when kissing.

[Janus the Fox]

I'm about the same way, though the BF have to always ask first, I like kissing, though feels of nothing special or the same way the BF feels, the closeness and bond gets a little closer for the BF, that's perhaps about it and prefer a kiss over sex anytime.

[Someone Else]

Yeah, sometimes it makes me sad and frustrated that I cant feel the things that I feel like I should be able to feel, that I want to be able to feel.  I want to feel whatever most other people are feeling in regards to sex and romance, but it's like, at best, the volume is turned down low.  Or nothing at all.  I feel sort of warm inside when a woman is attracted to me or wants to kiss, even though these things don't do anything for me on their own.  Frustrating.   I think the kissing has to be "for them" rather than just ourselves, if it's going to happen.  If one isn't repulsed by the act and can appreciate the intimacy on some level, then maybe it's ok to do it for love.  I don't know.

[Amy94]

On a related note, I identify as asexual but I'm not sure if I'm aromantic - I don't like the idea of kissing, dating or flirting, but having someone to hold and cuddle does sound appealing, so now I don't know where I first in.

But anything more than a kiss on the cheek I can't even think about.

It's very confusing and frustrating. 

 

[timewarp]

15 minutes ago, Amy94 said:

On a related note, I identify as asexual but I'm not sure if I'm aromantic - I don't like the idea of kissing, dating or flirting, but having someone to hold and cuddle does sound appealing, so now I don't know where I first in.

But anything more than a kiss on the cheek I can't even think about.

It's very confusing and frustrating. 

 

Don't overthink it. You know what you like, and if you want to make anything out of that there is always the chance that someone else is similar and/or compatible. You can be aromantic and still like sensual activities. Also not all sexuals are into kissing either.

[Éadweard]

I get no enjoyment from kissing.