CakeFlake Posted April 22, 2018 Share Posted April 22, 2018 Hello all. So, 40-odd years is quite old to still be confused about this stuff, but there you go! I don't think I'm totally asexual, I'd describe myself as "slightly sexual", although "haven't a clue really" might also fit the bill. Last year, I was diagnosed with Asperger's (or rather, "autism", since Aspergers isn't actually a diagnosis itself in the UK any more), which explained a lot! I blamed this combination for the fact that I have never had a relationship, or even come close. If anyone makes a move in my direction, I just run the other way! To me, relationships are the ultimate mystery of "normal" people. How *do* two people actually "get it together"?? But then I read up a bit on Aspergers, discovered this forum, and found out that loads of people who are either asexual, Aspergers, or both, have relationships. Even ones with sexual people. So back to square one I suppose! Maybe I am just too anti-social to have met enough people to find someone to "click with" (whatever that means!) Link to post Share on other sites
Lichley Posted April 22, 2018 Share Posted April 22, 2018 Welcome! There’s no need to wait, asexuality is all about your experiences with sexual attraction. If you haven’t experienced sexual attraction in the past then you could be aseuxal. That’s it. Not sexual desire, not something wrong, not anything else. Just the lack of sexual attraction towards others. And there’s nothing wrong with that. Don’t spend your life waiting for someone who may or may not exist to magically spark sexual desire, you’ ve got you’re own life and happiness to think about, there’s no need to be waiting around for “the right person”. Link to post Share on other sites
Quincy Posted April 22, 2018 Share Posted April 22, 2018 Welcome! I hope you'll obtain many insights as well as make friends on the forums. lots of to you Quince Link to post Share on other sites
RK800 Posted April 22, 2018 Share Posted April 22, 2018 Welcome to AVEN! Link to post Share on other sites
Colour Posted April 22, 2018 Share Posted April 22, 2018 Welcome to Aven, cakeflake! You have picked an amazing name hehe. Link to post Share on other sites
Orianaro Posted April 22, 2018 Share Posted April 22, 2018 Welcome! If you still feel like you're a bit different from everyone else in terms of relationships, you could look into the aromantic spectrum. Plenty of asexuals still want a relationship, since they still get romantic attraction. But if that's never appealed to you, aromanticism might apply. Though it's a very difficult, hair-tearing path to figure out what romantic attraction truly is, especially if you really are aromantic. When I ran into the term "squish", the whole world seemed to make sense, but then it took months of being "wait but is this a crush or a squish? Is there a difference? But I still want some sort of relationship! Eugk how does the world even exist?!" before anything made any sense at all. However, it's perfectly possible to be asexual and autistic and not be in a relationship yet without being aromantic. My best advice is to just get mentally and physically comfortable being single, or you could think of it as "marrying yourself" and getting okay with you being your only life companion, and then things tend to magically happen Have some cake!! (It's our handshake equivalent here, cake > sex is the general idea - it's not just your name, though it is rather ironic ) Link to post Share on other sites
Homer Posted April 22, 2018 Share Posted April 22, 2018 Hi Welcome to AVEN! You'll find that a lot of people will relate to your thoughts. I'm particularly on board with your confusion about romance... I mean I kind of get the mechanics behind it, but romance doesn't make any sense at all I see absolutely no benefit in comparison to a friendship, I've seen people make really dumb decisions because of it, they fail all the time and despite all the failures, a lot of people will just jump into the next "romance" thingy with the same excitement... WTF, don't they ever learn? OptimisticPessimist already pointed you towards some great places to start. Feel free to explore and to ask away I hope you'll enjoy being a member! Have some cake: Link to post Share on other sites
CakeFlake Posted April 23, 2018 Author Share Posted April 23, 2018 Thanks for the warm welcome, links, and virtual cake (takes me back to the 1990s!) It's interesting to hear other people's experiences, and I'm glad I'm not the only one who doesn't get the whole connection thing. I think I am physically happy being single - I have a mild curiosity about sex, but at the same time, ewwww! I'm not even keen on hugs from family. Apparently, even at the age of 3 I didn't want to be hugged or kissed. Would be nice to have a life companion though, I'm sure it would make things less stressful (perhaps not every relationship!) Must now go and research the term "squish" .... Link to post Share on other sites
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