I'mTheDecoy Posted July 8, 2018 Share Posted July 8, 2018 Oh, I would absolutely force them through the door first. Link to post Share on other sites
InfiniteNull Posted July 8, 2018 Share Posted July 8, 2018 10 hours ago, Pixley said: Oh my goodness GET OUT OF MY HEAD. 😱 Or...wait. Actually, stay right where you are. It’s nice to have company. 🤣 OK it's warm in here afterall so I'll stick around lol... As for the door thing... I agree it's quite silly... You'd think with as far as feminism has come that men would be afraid to do that so much. Like... shouldn't they be worried about coming across as being a little bit "sexist"... it's kind of like the words "fairer sex"... like... it's sort of in the range of micro-agressions even for cis-women... I think the only reason they get away with it is because it's considered "nice" to do... but ultimately it's saying "you're a pretty little fragile thing and I am good at holding doors... please cross this threshold with my compliments little girl"... ugh! Then again... being trans-feminine... I kinda like it when I am included in it! LOL! I'm such a hypocrite and a double-standard person ha ha ha Link to post Share on other sites
Celyn: The Lutening Posted July 8, 2018 Share Posted July 8, 2018 1 hour ago, InfiniteNull said: but ultimately it's saying "you're a pretty little fragile thing and I am good at holding doors... please cross this threshold with my compliments little girl" I offered to walk a neighbour's rather large and boisterous dog and she said "Thanks but I don't think you could handle him." Because I am a small, female bodied person apparently I can't walk a labrador. Even though I've professionally handled bigger dogs, fractious horses, non-tame sheep and cattle.... Ugh I'm just so mad at this. Link to post Share on other sites
InfiniteNull Posted July 8, 2018 Share Posted July 8, 2018 5 hours ago, Celyn said: I offered to walk a neighbour's rather large and boisterous dog and she said "Thanks but I don't think you could handle him." Because I am a small, female bodied person apparently I can't walk a labrador. Even though I've professionally handled bigger dogs, fractious horses, non-tame sheep and cattle.... Ugh I'm just so mad at this. Hopefully the more out those of us who are outside of the binary are, the more people will realize that those kinds of assumptions are just ignorant. Some people could handle that dog, others couldn't and it's not Gender that makes that statement true. It's lots of things that are more important. Like experience as you mentioned. I don't have experience with dog walking... so the better choice as to who to give the leash to between you and I... is obviously you 😛 Gender doesn't even have to be part of that conversation and that's lucky because people like us confuse the poor muggles lol Link to post Share on other sites
I'mTheDecoy Posted July 8, 2018 Share Posted July 8, 2018 27 minutes ago, InfiniteNull said: Hopefully the more out those of us who are outside of the binary are, the more people will realize that those kinds of assumptions are just ignorant. Some people could handle that dog, others couldn't and it's not Gender that makes that statement true. It's lots of things that are more important. Like experience as you mentioned. I don't have experience with dog walking... so the better choice as to who to give the leash to between you and I... is obviously you 😛 Gender doesn't even have to be part of that conversation and that's lucky because people like us confuse the poor muggles lol All that matters in dog walking is experience of dogs, attitude towards the dog and strong arms. None of that has anything to do with gender or genitals. Link to post Share on other sites
Zsareph Posted July 8, 2018 Share Posted July 8, 2018 A stranger read me as male today.....while I was leaving the women's bathroom. What would have been a pretty positive experience in any other setting ended up with me having to tell a person I was passing to that I was a girl I hate using public bathrooms because I never know whether people are going to think I'm a girl or a boy. I'm also usually out with friends in these situations and I don't feel ready to talk about gender stuff with them yet so I feel like I have to use the ones for my assigned gender even when I feel like I'm passing. It's difficult trying to be seen as a guy by strangers but not have friends and family notice that I'm trying to do that 😕 Link to post Share on other sites
PixleyDust✨ Posted July 9, 2018 Author Share Posted July 9, 2018 23 hours ago, Celyn said: I hate this. I hate this so much. Even if I IDed as female, I'm not noblewoman. And why should it matter? Surely it should be "People in more of a hurry first." Truth. You don’t need to do things for me because I’m a “lady”. Just do nice things because they’re nice. Equal treatment yo. You deserve nice things too. 😊 Link to post Share on other sites
PixleyDust✨ Posted July 9, 2018 Author Share Posted July 9, 2018 16 hours ago, I'mTheDecoy said: Oh, I would absolutely force them through the door first. Ha ha, nice. 👌 That is also another way to go. 🤣 Link to post Share on other sites
PixleyDust✨ Posted July 9, 2018 Author Share Posted July 9, 2018 17 hours ago, InfiniteNull said: it's sort of in the range of micro-agressions even for cis-women... I think the only reason they get away with it is because it's considered "nice" to do... but ultimately it's saying "you're a pretty little fragile thing and I am good at holding doors... please cross this threshold with my compliments little girl"... ugh! Yeah, I know they’re just trying to be nice in the way they know how. But a lifetime of insecurity inflicted by sexist double standards and whatnot, that’s EXACTLY what I’d be thinking, regardless of whether or not it was their intent. I mean, I know it’s just second nature for most people, but that defense mechanism is hardwired into my soul. Some Guy Just Being Polite: Oh here, let me get that for you. Me: Oh, thank you! Me (Thinking): Oh cool, what a nice guy. My hands were really full too. Me (Subconsciously): Sexist motherf**ker. Don’t think I can open a door? Gonna go home and OPEN MY FRONT DOOR WITH MY HANDS FULL, ALL THE JARS I HAVE, AND KILL ALL THE SPIDERS IN MY HOUSE ALL BY MYSELF. THAT’LL SHOW YOU. 🤣 #bythepoweroffemininerage⚡⚡ 17 hours ago, InfiniteNull said: Then again... being trans-feminine... I kinda like it when I am included in it! LOL! I'm such a hypocrite and a double-standard person ha ha ha Nah, don’t sweat it. I think, in your case, it’s more a matter of affirmation and recognition of who you are, rather than “Oh, I’m feminine, so that means I need you, a man, to hold the door open for me because I can’t do it myself.” In fact, I think that’s kind of why chivalry can feel grating sometimes. You’re not just giving me special treatment because I’m a woman, you’re assuming I’m a woman to begin with. It’s like, you know I’m one of you guys sometimes, right? Just treat me like an equal, and I’ll respect you in turn. Easy-peesy. Link to post Share on other sites
PixleyDust✨ Posted July 9, 2018 Author Share Posted July 9, 2018 15 hours ago, Celyn said: I offered to walk a neighbour's rather large and boisterous dog and she said "Thanks but I don't think you could handle him." Because I am a small, female bodied person apparently I can't walk a labrador. Even though I've professionally handled bigger dogs, fractious horses, non-tame sheep and cattle.... Ugh I'm just so mad at this. Like this, this is the stuff I absolutely HATED growing up. It’s one thing to suggest I can’t do something physical because you know I’m allergic to athleticism, terribly anemic, and get lightheaded just getting up off the couch. Those things have merit, and acknowledge that indeed, I am most definitely not the right PERSON for the job. But if you tell me you need “strapping young men” for something because they’re “inherently stronger” is going to make me so angry, I’m going to end up hurting myself just trying to prove you wrong (while hiding the fact that I’m injured, so you won’t think I’m weak/prove you right in your gendered assumptions). 9 hours ago, InfiniteNull said: Hopefully the more out those of us who are outside of the binary are, the more people will realize that those kinds of assumptions are just ignorant. Some people could handle that dog, others couldn't and it's not Gender that makes that statement true. It's lots of things that are more important. Like experience as you mentioned. I don't have experience with dog walking... so the better choice as to who to give the leash to between you and I... is obviously you 😛 Gender doesn't even have to be part of that conversation and that's lucky because people like us confuse the poor muggles lol EXACTLY. We are all ultimately people first, why is that so hard to grasp? Let people who know how to do things DO THEIR THANG. 😜 It’s a matter of skill and experience, not someone’s hormones/sexual characteristics/chromosomes/etc. that determines their suitability for a task. Geez, doesn’t feel like I can call this common sense because it doesn’t seem all that common. 🙄 Link to post Share on other sites
Type42Firefly Posted July 9, 2018 Share Posted July 9, 2018 33 minutes ago, Pixley said: But if you tell me you need “strapping young men” for something because they’re “inherently stronger” is going to make me so angry, I’m going to end up hurting myself just trying to prove you wrong (while hiding the fact that I’m injured, so you won’t think I’m weak/prove you right in your gendered assumptions). Yeah, I'd like people carrying things for me, but I could never let them because, oh, they might think "good that I'm here to help String Bean Lady, who of course needs my help". and that's no good Link to post Share on other sites
Celyn: The Lutening Posted July 9, 2018 Share Posted July 9, 2018 32 minutes ago, Pixley said: But if you tell me you need “strapping young men” for something because they’re “inherently stronger” is going to make me so angry, I’m going to end up hurting myself just trying to prove you wrong (while hiding the fact that I’m injured, so you won’t think I’m weak/prove you right in your gendered assumptions) At one of my old positions, I'd often be advised to "get one of the boys" to do anything remotely involving heavy lifting or hardware. Then I put something down for the tallest, buffest-looking guy to take, he goes to lift it, assuming that it must be super light if I can lift it....and he can't pick it up straight away. (I don't have a clue how much it weighed). He looks at all 5'3" of me with an expression of confusion and fear, and whispers in an awestruck tone, "How did you do that?" After that, people let me handle stuff on my own. But even if someone can't do something on their own, just ask if they want help first. Link to post Share on other sites
PixleyDust✨ Posted July 9, 2018 Author Share Posted July 9, 2018 2 hours ago, Celyn said: At one of my old positions, I'd often be advised to "get one of the boys" to do anything remotely involving heavy lifting or hardware. Then I put something down for the tallest, buffest-looking guy to take, he goes to lift it, assuming that it must be super light if I can lift it....and he can't pick it up straight away. (I don't have a clue how much it weighed). He looks at all 5'3" of me with an expression of confusion and fear, and whispers in an awestruck tone, "How did you do that?" After that, people let me handle stuff on my own. But even if someone can't do something on their own, just ask if they want help first. UGH. God, that phrase haunted my childhood and adolescence. Can feel the rage percolating just reading it. And this whole story was just amazing from start to finish. In fact, I’m a little in awe of you right now. 🤣 Exactly. I mean, I’m sure a small part of me is still going to get defensive about someone asking me in the first place. Like, oh because I look girly that must mean I need your help? But, at least I know that one’s on me, not them. That’s just years of having to deal with jerks talking. Link to post Share on other sites
Celyn: The Lutening Posted July 9, 2018 Share Posted July 9, 2018 24 minutes ago, Pixley said: But, at least I know that one’s on me, not them. That’s just years of having to deal with jerks talking Yeah. As someone who asks people if they need help a lot, I'd rather be a jerk for underestimating them, than a jerk who just stands and watches people struggle. Maybe the rubbish (we were clearing out an old shed) wasn't that heavy, but just big and unweildy? And he was surprised my stubby little arms could handle it? I don't know but I didn't think it was that heavy. Link to post Share on other sites
PixleyDust✨ Posted July 9, 2018 Author Share Posted July 9, 2018 1 minute ago, Celyn said: Yeah. As someone who asks people if they need help a lot, I'd rather be a jerk for underestimating them, than a jerk who just stands and watches people struggle. Maybe the rubbish (we were clearing out an old shed) wasn't that heavy, but just big and unweildy? And he was surprised my stubby little arms could handle it? I don't know but I didn't think it was that heavy. Yep. I’m definitely insecure when it comes to accepting help because people have and continue to underestimate / not believe in me. So the assumption I need their help can cut deep, even though I’m the exact same way; I’d rather risk underestimating someone by helping them out than risk them getting hurt in some way because I stood by and did nothing. Link to post Share on other sites
PixleyDust✨ Posted July 9, 2018 Author Share Posted July 9, 2018 So, awkward gender thing that happened 4th of July. I was male-presenting by wearing swim trunks with a graphic tee, binding and packing (but my family does not know my deal, but that’s because I don’t even know my own deal. They just think I’m being tomboyish, I guess?) Anyways, we were having a block party and needed to readjust these barricades we had going on at the end of the street because it seemed like people kept driving around them. And I’m just sitting and relaxing in my chair when my Dad calls out in a jokey way, “I need some strapping young men to move the barricades!” And for a split second, I kind of sat up before I remembered “Oh yeah, they don’t know about that” and quickly sunk back into my chair, hoping no one saw that brief little twinge, so I don’t have to engage in any kind of awkward conversation on what’s supposed to be a fun day. And it was too. Despite my outfit being called “cute”, and everyone calling me by my old name and introducing me new people as such (and as my Dad’s daughter *cringe*). But cool fireworks and awesome food more than made up for that (especially since those fireworks might not have been totally legal by CA standards). 😅 #closetgenderproblems #funnygendermoments Link to post Share on other sites
Celyn: The Lutening Posted July 9, 2018 Share Posted July 9, 2018 22 minutes ago, Pixley said: Dad calls out in a jokey way, “I need some strapping young men to move the barricades!” And for a split second, I kind of sat up before I remembered “Oh yeah, they don’t know about that” and quickly sunk back into my chair Oh god I relate so hard to this it's not funny. My #genderproblem of the day: Today I'm having a male day. The malest day I've had for....about 4 months? And I'm all "Yeah, my pronouns are he/him/his, I'm a guy, lets chuck out all my skirts and chop off the boobs! Let's go, get a move on!" But I know that it won't last. That makes me feel a bit better now I realise that I'm not "stuck here" as a closeted transman. But it's so weird to have such an intense gender feeling, but the awareness that while it feels permanent, it isn't. #bigenderproblems I guess. Link to post Share on other sites
PixleyDust✨ Posted July 9, 2018 Author Share Posted July 9, 2018 1 hour ago, Celyn said: Oh god I relate so hard to this it's not funny. My #genderproblem of the day: Today I'm having a male day. The malest day I've had for....about 4 months? And I'm all "Yeah, my pronouns are he/him/his, I'm a guy, lets chuck out all my skirts and chop off the boobs! Let's go, get a move on!" But I know that it won't last. That makes me feel a bit better now I realise that I'm not "stuck here" as a closeted transman. But it's so weird to have such an intense gender feeling, but the awareness that while it feels permanent, it isn't. #bigenderproblems I guess. YES. YOU GET IT. ✨😱✨ I’n actually having that now. I usually feel female, with vague hints of masculinity. But yesterday and today, I’m really feeling it. Like REALLY FEELING IT. Give me a suit and call me male pronouns because I want to be someone’s Prince Charming tonight. LET’S DO THIS. 😆 Like, I’m looking in the mirror wondering if it’s about time to pluck my eyebrows again, and I just got this, “Nah, then I wouldn’t look as masculine” thought. Which is honestly a first because I’m not usually a fan of my hairy eyebrows because I’m afraid of seeming too masculine for as feminine as I feel. I know this will fade back eventually, because the thought of not being a girl at all while being a guy full time seems a bit much (although, being super male right now, I couldn’t put my full heart into that statement, but I know it’s true). Also, totally random, but I just got this thought while typing that “Yo, you’re not really male, dude. Come on, you know you’re [birthname]. Just go with that. Be that.” Whatever brain. You’re not going to dull my shine. Feeling way too studly. ✨😎✨ Link to post Share on other sites
Celyn: The Lutening Posted July 9, 2018 Share Posted July 9, 2018 4 minutes ago, Pixley said: YES. YOU GET IT. ✨😱✨ I gets you. You gets me. We gets it, and we got dis. Link to post Share on other sites
nerdperson777 Posted July 9, 2018 Share Posted July 9, 2018 On 7/7/2018 at 3:12 AM, Starfiery said: Here is a new one: Telling people "ladies first" as a small joke only to have them say "you are a girl" and just giving in and walking in front of them anyway. At the martial arts studio a few years back, a coach "became a girl" and I "became a guy". This one guy there told me to go first, saying "ladies first". I didn't know if he remembered that I was trans or it was one of those "it's lesser to be female" jokes. But at least the coach said "what are you trying to say about him?" And we left it at that. 23 hours ago, Celyn said: I offered to walk a neighbour's rather large and boisterous dog and she said "Thanks but I don't think you could handle him." Because I am a small, female bodied person apparently I can't walk a labrador. Even though I've professionally handled bigger dogs, fractious horses, non-tame sheep and cattle.... Ugh I'm just so mad at this. This reminds me of a webcomic I've been reading. The main character is a girl who isn't very tall, but she's really strong. She saw someone's place starting to smoke so she tried to open the door to the house and broke it instead. Another part, she was trying to get someone to confide in her. Another character who was listening in told someone else, "she broke through." The someone else said, "again?" thinking that she physically broke a door to get to the person. There are dogs in this story too. I don't think they have a purpose other than being cute. My dad always says that I can't do certain things for being a girl. He considered impossible for pre-T me to have bigger thighs than him, probably just based on gender. I do explosive leg workouts most of the time, how can I not have bigger thighs? Link to post Share on other sites
Celyn: The Lutening Posted July 9, 2018 Share Posted July 9, 2018 32 minutes ago, nerdperson777 said: He considered impossible for pre-T me to have bigger thighs than him, probably just based on gender. Since females put fat on the thighs, I'd say on average they'd tend to have larger thighs than males. Link to post Share on other sites
I'mTheDecoy Posted July 9, 2018 Share Posted July 9, 2018 So today two maintenance guys came to fix the air con at work, and they were trying to open a door as I was coming along the other side, so I opened it for them, and they stood there and said 'Ladies first.' Instead of being bolshy like I said I would be in that situation, because they were strangers in my workplace, I cringingly crept through the doorway (even though I was on the side that the door opened so would have made much more sense for me to hold it) with my eyes averted. GODDAMMIT. Link to post Share on other sites
nerdperson777 Posted July 9, 2018 Share Posted July 9, 2018 8 hours ago, Celyn said: Since females put fat on the thighs, I'd say on average they'd tend to have larger thighs than males. He's not very scientific so he just thinks everything is bigger on guys, except boobs. Link to post Share on other sites
Celyn: The Lutening Posted July 10, 2018 Share Posted July 10, 2018 5 hours ago, nerdperson777 said: He's not very scientific so he just thinks everything is bigger on guys, except boobs. *Biologist facepalm* Link to post Share on other sites
nerdperson777 Posted July 10, 2018 Share Posted July 10, 2018 5 hours ago, Celyn said: *Biologist facepalm* Would you believe that he has a BS degree? Well, maybe the bull*, not the Bachelor's of Science. He once had this idea that men can never have breast cancer because there's not enough breast. They still can, it's just very rare. Link to post Share on other sites
Celyn: The Lutening Posted July 12, 2018 Share Posted July 12, 2018 #Genderproblem of the day: Wanting to shave my legs because it's a girl day. Thinking "Damn, Future Boy Me is going to be pissed." And doing it anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
InfiniteNull Posted July 12, 2018 Share Posted July 12, 2018 Getting myself used to introducing myself with both my name, and my pronouns. I want to do it sooo bad... but then when time time comes I am often overwhelmed with trying to keep up other social standards that I take the shortcut and just introduce myself with my name... I'll get there though! Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted July 16, 2018 Share Posted July 16, 2018 On 7/12/2018 at 5:23 AM, InfiniteNull said: Getting myself used to introducing myself with both my name, and my pronouns. I want to do it sooo bad... but then when time time comes I am often overwhelmed with trying to keep up other social standards that I take the shortcut and just introduce myself with my name... I'll get there though! I relate to this so much! I really need to start offering my pronouns when I meet people. Link to post Share on other sites
PixleyDust✨ Posted July 19, 2018 Author Share Posted July 19, 2018 On 7/11/2018 at 8:45 PM, Celyn said: #Genderproblem of the day: Wanting to shave my legs because it's a girl day. Thinking "Damn, Future Boy Me is going to be pissed." And doing it anyway. Same but flip-flopped. Growing my leg hair out knowing Future Girl Me is going to be grossed out. And doing it anyway. It’s 100 degrees here. And shaving is hard. She can just deal with it. 🤣 Link to post Share on other sites
PixleyDust✨ Posted July 19, 2018 Author Share Posted July 19, 2018 On 7/9/2018 at 10:20 AM, I'mTheDecoy said: So today two maintenance guys came to fix the air con at work, and they were trying to open a door as I was coming along the other side, so I opened it for them, and they stood there and said 'Ladies first.' Instead of being bolshy like I said I would be in that situation, because they were strangers in my workplace, I cringingly crept through the doorway (even though I was on the side that the door opened so would have made much more sense for me to hold it) with my eyes averted. GODDAMMIT. It’s okay, they were strangers. It’s like, we kind of have to instinctually assume strangers are transphobic until proven otherwise. At least, when it comes to personal safety. But it could also be a little of Social Anxiety too. In the sense that you’re not sure how they would react, and if you could handle that / the potential consequences of them knowing. But you’ll get there. I think it’ll be a “worth it” moment. So don’t waste time beating yourself up over something you can’t go back and fix. Just remember how you feel now, and save it for next time. 😊 Link to post Share on other sites
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