Jump to content

#GenderProblems


PixleyDust✨

Recommended Posts

PixleyDust✨
21 hours ago, nerdperson777 said:

I have a friend who has a curvy waist on one side and flat down on the other.  Even they joke that their body doesn't know what gender they are.

Your friend is awesome. 🤣

Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm 100% female and was born that way, but the one thing that I hate are my boobs which get bigger and bigger. I hate it that sports bras I have just keep getting smaller and smaller and I'm not able to hide my boobs as much anymore.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Celyn: The Lutening
8 minutes ago, kobrakid said:

I'm 100% female and was born that way, but the one thing that I hate are my boobs which get bigger and bigger. I hate it that sports bras I have just keep getting smaller and smaller and I'm not able to hide my boobs as much anymore.

Plenty of cis women get breast reductions, and some even get full top surgery! Disliking them doesn't make you any less female. Don't feel like just because you're cis you have to live with them like that.

In the meantime, have you tried an actual binder? Also wearing stiff fabrics like a denim jacket, or a big scarf, can hide them pretty well. Button-up shirts seem to minimise them, if they fit you properly rather than being button straining over the bust. (Trust me, I know all the tricks for hiding boob).

Link to post
Share on other sites
hopeisnotlost

Here are some:

*When you explain you're non-binary to a family member who said they accepted you one day then the next they are yelling at you and saying you'll always be female unless you have surgery and end up with...Should I say man parts? and that non-binary isn't a real thing....Seriously that messed with my head.

*When you really want to wear male clothing but you are afraid to ask your legal guardian to let you shop in the men's section

*When you get your hair cut finally and your friend looks at you and yells really loudly WHY DID YOU DO THAT?OH MY GOSH YOUR HAIR LOOKED BETTER BEFORE!

*When you do research on what happens if you go on hormones and start taking T and realize it wouldn't help you much as you want to pass as androgynous not as male.

*When you try on a binder for the first time and  get your arms stuck somehow and knock over a lamp trying to get it off  causing your sister to storm in trying to figure out what all that noise is about.Plus you're not supposed to have a binder anyway you secretly got that one from a friend so after your sister helps you you have to find a way to convince her not to tell your legal guardian.

 

Link to post
Share on other sites
nerdperson777
5 hours ago, hopeisnotlost said:

*When you get your hair cut finally and your friend looks at you and yells really loudly WHY DID YOU DO THAT?OH MY GOSH YOUR HAIR LOOKED BETTER BEFORE!

I get some reaction right after I use clippers on my hair.  I'm probably going to do it tonight and then get another unwanted opinion.

Link to post
Share on other sites
InfiniteNull

Feeling the butch woman in me... and then saying "whats different in that than just being masculine?"... then arguing with myself "everything!".... 

 

internal debates on gender: #genderproblems

Link to post
Share on other sites
Celyn: The Lutening
On 6/1/2018 at 11:11 PM, hopeisnotlost said:

When you try on a binder for the first time and  get your arms stuck somehow and knock over a lamp trying to get it off

The struggle is real. My first time was OK getting it on but trying to get it off....after about 5 minutes I lay on the bathroom floor for a while, thinking "Welp, I guess this is my second skin now."

Link to post
Share on other sites
Celyn: The Lutening

Stepmum (who is otherwise very supportive of my enby-ness): Why do you hate pregnancy so much?

Me: I don't know, it just feels wrong, something that shouldn't ever happen to my body. Maybe it's that if people see a baby bump they'll know I'm female.

Mum: You're so petite and delicate-framed though, even if you bind they'll know you're female.

Me: *Sad wave of dysphoria*

Me: Plenty of Asian men have a body size and shape similar to mine!

Mum: You are white.

Link to post
Share on other sites
InfiniteNull
3 hours ago, Celyn said:

Stepmum (who is otherwise very supportive of my enby-ness): Why do you hate pregnancy so much?

Me: I don't know, it just feels wrong, something that shouldn't ever happen to my body. Maybe it's that if people see a baby bump they'll know I'm female.

Mum: You're so petite and delicate-framed though, even if you bind they'll know you're female.

Me: *Sad wave of dysphoria*

Me: Plenty of Asian men have a body size and shape similar to mine!

Mum: You are white.

awws :( so legit... It's like sometimes between their supportiveness an "oops" comes out of their mouth. They don't know that it is actually offensive or dysphoria triggering. Since they really mean to do their best it feels like they should get some freebies for all the times they got it right.... but it still hurts because it sucks to realize that even the supportive people in your life don't get it.

Link to post
Share on other sites
nerdperson777
19 hours ago, Celyn said:

The struggle is real. My first time was OK getting it on but trying to get it off....after about 5 minutes I lay on the bathroom floor for a while, thinking "Welp, I guess this is my second skin now."

I remember joking with some people I was living with during a school summer session.  We were the LGBT+ apartment after the three friends tried to get a place together and I tried to sign up for housing as "other" gender that I saw on the sign up page, which actually doesn't do anything other than postpone getting assigned female.  The cis girl and her trans guy friend were getting wetsuits to take a surfing recreation class.  She had trouble getting the suit on, because tight and whatever.  I joked to the guy, "it's like wearing a binder for the first time."  He said, "IKR??"  I know when I first got a binder, I spent 15 minutes figuring out how to put it on.

Link to post
Share on other sites
nerdperson777

Reading platforms last minute for mail in voting.  Why is someone's Senate platform just about how transgender isn't real?  Do you REALLY need to run for Senator just to advocate that?  Plus this is a really blue state.  You aren't going to win with that platform here.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Ms. Carolynne

When your depression's letting up, but here comes your best buddy dysphoria.

 

I have this little voice in my head screaming "wrong" in response to my body. Everything feels wrong about it. It's just wrong and it's frustrating.

 

How masculine I appear has been an obsessive thought today as well. I'm perceiving my body as more masculine than I usually do, and I'm afraid that it's a more accurate perception, that there's nothing I can really do about it, and that I could never pass or at least get to a point where I'd be comfortable. I feel hopeless.

 

I don't know, I just needed to vent. I'm experiencing particularly strong dysphoria in regards to my body in general :(

 

Link to post
Share on other sites
InfiniteNull
8 hours ago, G1P0 said:

I'm perceiving my body as more masculine than I usually do, and I'm afraid that it's a more accurate perception, that there's nothing I can really do about it, and that I could never pass or at least get to a point where I'd be comfortable. I feel hopeless.

I know these feelings very well... Those times where it's like... "ugh... am I always like this? why do I fool myself the other times" and then when I'm feeling good about myself I remember that time that I felt like I seemed masculine and then I'm like "don't trust your perceptions... they are probably wrong!" x.x

Link to post
Share on other sites

When you’ve started using a name you really like with your friends but you’re too nervous to tell your family so they keep using your birth name.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 2 weeks later...
nerdperson777

I have a tote bag but I don't want to wear it on my shoulder because I don't want people to think I'm a girl.  It would be a lot easier if I did so I had extra hands to hold stuff.  But also, my shoulders have a round slope so things tend to fall off anyway.

Link to post
Share on other sites
InfiniteNull

So it's a Sunday... I have one thing out of the house that I need to do and it's not social... that is: go to the grocery store... 

 

I can't decide... do I put on makeup? Generally doing mundane things I don't put on makeup. I just go in drab and boring... awkwardly maleish... ball-cap and sun-glasses to hide myself... but I am feeling especially fem today... but since I am still pre-HRT... and just ugly in general... I'll be more stressed at the store if I am in makeup. At social events, around queer people I feel more comfortable in makeup and my typical androgynous outfits... but doing the mundane stuff with the muggles... it's different... 

 

If I was staying home all day... I'd probably do makeup... 

 

This post... is probably a little more soul-revealing than I typically would be on this topic x.x even if it may seem surface as I re-read it... it's a really big debate inside of my head and a significant internal struggle. 

Link to post
Share on other sites
Celyn: The Lutening

I'd say wear makeup, since you seem to be in the mood. We NEED more enby/androgynous visibility. We NEED brave souls like you to make it more acceptable, so we can make the world a safe place for those who come after.

Buuuuuut your presentation is your decision and your safety comes first, so I guess it depends on the social climate of where you are.

Link to post
Share on other sites
InfiniteNull
4 hours ago, Celyn said:

I'd say wear makeup, since you seem to be in the mood. We NEED more enby/androgynous visibility. We NEED brave souls like you to make it more acceptable, so we can make the world a safe place for those who come after.

Buuuuuut your presentation is your decision and your safety comes first, so I guess it depends on the social climate of where you are.

There is that too... I kinda feel the burden of that... like those of us who can, really should be as out as possible. And I like that I have that burden because it sort of drives me not to hide as much as I could... The same way I feel the burden of being out as Asexual, despite that it's a lot easier to stay in the closet when you're ace... because afterall... who is going to catch you walking through the park not holding anyone's hand? ** giggles ** 

 

but yeah... it's a good point... 

Link to post
Share on other sites
ElasticPlanet
10 hours ago, InfiniteNull said:

At social events, around queer people I feel more comfortable in makeup and my typical androgynous outfits... but doing the mundane stuff with the muggles... it's different...

Could you maybe find a more low-key makeup regime for the occasions when you'd feel safer that way? I've been experimenting with makeup over the last couple of years, and after trying some more drastic things have settled down into simpler habits for most occasions. With primer, concealer and powder, I think I've learnt to make myself look slightly better (and in some sense claim my right to use makeup) and I don't look made up once the excess powder has fallen away as it always does. Today I went to a social event with that kind of basic makeup and 2-day stubble, and I think it all looked like it was meant to be that way.

Link to post
Share on other sites

born afab - shopping for non-feminine underwear in the feminine section of the store, looking for "boy shorts," then having it recommended that you try boxer briefs.... well that would be weird since i have nothing to fill in the "pocket," nor do i want to, being agender & all

Link to post
Share on other sites
Celyn: The Lutening
12 minutes ago, Flamered said:

born afab - shopping for non-feminine underwear in the feminine section of the store, looking for "boy shorts," then having it recommended that you try boxer briefs.... well that would be weird since i have nothing to fill in the "pocket," nor do i want to, being agender & all

I too have this struggle. Most of mine are kind of....spandex boxers? If that makes sense. They're really hard to find though, so I buy all of the ones in my size when I see them, and even then they often have girly designs on them/ are pink.

I also have about 4 "boy shorts" style cotton underwear - they're blue and white stripy and just awesome. Best underwear ever. I got them in M&S I think? But I haven't seen any since and it's driving me nuts.

I know there are companies that make non-binary underwear but they're really expensive and usually only come in the hideous options of black, white or nude.

Link to post
Share on other sites

@Celyn: ive been doing a lot of looking on the internet & if its not pricey, they dont have my size.   I am a larger person 6ft around 220, so finding clothes & underwear items (including a binder) is proving quite difficult.  sometimes i think it would be better if we all could just run around naked.... 🙂 i dont know... i am just frustrated at the moment with clothing manufactures....

Link to post
Share on other sites
nerdperson777
5 hours ago, Flamered said:

born afab - shopping for non-feminine underwear in the feminine section of the store, looking for "boy shorts," then having it recommended that you try boxer briefs.... well that would be weird since i have nothing to fill in the "pocket," nor do i want to, being agender & all

I just treat it as extra space so it's roomy.  I've always worn loose clothes so I personally don't mind.

Link to post
Share on other sites
InfiniteNull
20 hours ago, ElasticPlanet said:

Could you maybe find a more low-key makeup regime for the occasions when you'd feel safer that way? I've been experimenting with makeup over the last couple of years, and after trying some more drastic things have settled down into simpler habits for most occasions. With primer, concealer and powder, I think I've learnt to make myself look slightly better (and in some sense claim my right to use makeup) and I don't look made up once the excess powder has fallen away as it always does. Today I went to a social event with that kind of basic makeup and 2-day stubble, and I think it all looked like it was meant to be that way.

That's basically what I ended up doing. I have low-key and mid-key... I don't really do over the top high-key makeup anyway... 

 

My low-key makeup is foundation, bits of concealer with a lighter shade to cover up darkness in the eyes etc... then I have some light neutral tone shiny eye shadow and glittery pink-tinted lip gloss... if you're not looking it's not there... if you get close you can see why I look a little better.. 

Link to post
Share on other sites
14 hours ago, nerdperson777 said:

I just treat it as extra space so it's roomy.  I've always worn loose clothes so I personally don't mind.

😀

Link to post
Share on other sites

Not appearing masculine or androgynous enough.

 

Being really fricking confused at what your gender is at all times.

 

Your family insisting on buying you makeup. It's obvious you don't wear it for a reason.

 

When you love your birth name but somedays you wish they would use the masculine version or neutral version of your nickname but you can't even label yourself so you are too afraid to ask.

 

#genderproblems

Link to post
Share on other sites
Celyn: The Lutening
1 hour ago, Starfiery said:

Your family insisting on buying you makeup. It's obvious you don't wear it for a reason.

My family's pretty much given up that fight.

I've worn makeup once, to the year 10 school formal, with the women of the family's assistance. I hated the feel - it makes my eyes itch and my face clammy - and I looked TERRIBLE. Never again.

Link to post
Share on other sites
7 hours ago, Celyn said:

My family's pretty much given up that fight.

I've worn makeup once, to the year 10 school formal, with the women of the family's assistance. I hated the feel - it makes my eyes itch and my face clammy - and I looked TERRIBLE. Never again.

It's more my more distant relatives than my parents, who are fully aware of my disdain of makeup.

 

I hate the feel of it.

Link to post
Share on other sites
nerdperson777
9 hours ago, Celyn said:

My family's pretty much given up that fight.

I've worn makeup once, to the year 10 school formal, with the women of the family's assistance. I hated the feel - it makes my eyes itch and my face clammy - and I looked TERRIBLE. Never again.

My mom told me just a few minutes before sending me to prom that I had to wear makeup.  I look at the pictures and it looked so fake, both me and the makeup.

Link to post
Share on other sites

When your mom decides that she doesn’t like people’s identities occupying negative space and that your complaints about gender dysphoria actually stem from your reluctance to have anyone expect anything of you so your identity as nonbinary is somehow less valid than the identity of a binary trans person who’s known their whole life.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...