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#GenderProblems

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Lonemathsytoothbrushthief
On 10/11/2018 at 8:21 PM, ElasticPlanet said:

Yep. 😎

 

EDIT: Despite that, I would like some way to be seen as nonbinary without actually having to resort to words every time...

Fluid me agrees. It's frustrating that I'm only taken seriously when I'm at my most dysphoric, trans-guy end of things to the point of crying about it constantly, and then when on other days I kinda like being seen as an athletic and kinda butch woman, or don't really care, people want to say I'm confused. I want a way of telling people I'm fluid and don't care if they want to force a binary. Sorry if this is random.

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Lonemathsytoothbrushthief
On 10/14/2018 at 10:52 PM, nerdperson777 said:

Yes, absolutely. I didn't understand why not be male. They were respected, higher pay, given permission to do just about everything. History says it all. History is "his story", the story of man. No one barred you from doing groundbreaking things based on being a man. I was sick of being told "you can't do that" because of gender. Girls shouldn't carry heavy things, just let the guys do it. "Girls aren't allowed to do [whatever]." Growing up as a girl made people ridicule me. If I grew up a boy, I would've at least been bullied less, or not at all. I saw no detriment to being a boy. Of course now I see things like male privilege and toxic masculinity but back then I didn't see why I should've been a girl. Girls were restricted to traditional gender norms. I like doing boy things.  How can it be nice not being able to do things because of perceived gender? 

Toxic masculinity and people who use it to oppress others reminds me of the whole feeling of being a maths postgrad, who literally doesn't want to do any of the successful jobs with it because I see them as exploitative(just think how many actuaries/bankers are hated, how many economists screw things up, how many insurance companies are wasteful and work against their own customers). People might think that was an option, but it really isn't once you've decided that position goes against your principles. But hey I might fall victim to toxic masculinity despite this too. I'll have to watch for it.

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nerdperson777
1 hour ago, Lonemathsytoothbrushthief said:

Toxic masculinity and people who use it to oppress others reminds me of the whole feeling of being a maths postgrad, who literally doesn't want to do any of the successful jobs with it because I see them as exploitative(just think how many actuaries/bankers are hated, how many economists screw things up, how many insurance companies are wasteful and work against their own customers). People might think that was an option, but it really isn't once you've decided that position goes against your principles. But hey I might fall victim to toxic masculinity despite this too. I'll have to watch for it.

Yep, it's easy to see what you have and how you don't like what you have.  But can't really see how the "other" side has it until you've experienced it.  Toxic masculinity can kill men with their "no feelings" mentality.

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Azeri

Boobs that I love when I'm female but loathe with a newfound passion when I'm male.  They're too big to bind, too big to reasonably hide, so good luck with that! :P

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nelpogrando

My parents either don’t believe or just flat out don’t understand that it’s possible to be non-binary and a trans guy at the same time. They refuse to even try to refer to me with masculine language, and they have a hard time remembering to use neutral language, so even though they accept the fact that I’m not a girl, they misgender me constantly. I wish I had the confidence to correct them.

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InfiniteNull
9 hours ago, nelpogrando said:

My parents either don’t believe or just flat out don’t understand that it’s possible to be non-binary and a trans guy at the same time. They refuse to even try to refer to me with masculine language, and they have a hard time remembering to use neutral language, so even though they accept the fact that I’m not a girl, they misgender me constantly. I wish I had the confidence to correct them.

I had that issue all the way up until my mid-30s (so very recently)... then I explained to my mom that I was going to transition medically and all the sudden: click... it made sense to her. She says the switch is flipped.... she see's me as a girl. (I'll work on the non-binary part later) but she still uses deadname and pronouns sometimes... often it's just because she slips up and really doesn't mean it. 

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Vampyre Dani

The folks keep forgetting to NOT use my old name. My mom is especially bad with this. 

 

I'm trying to be patient with them, tho... (-_-) 

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InfiniteNull
1 minute ago, Vampyre Dani said:

The folks keep forgetting to NOT use my old name. My mom is especially bad with this. 

 

I'm trying to be patient with them, tho... (-_-) 

Be patient but firm. Let them know you still love them even though they slip up, but that it is important that eventually they get it right. 

 

I discovered my mom was trying to show the right amount of remorse the times when she gets it wrong... I asked her to stop worrying about that, I don't need to see remorse, and my feelings are not hurt. I'd rather she use that brainpower to reinforce my new labels as who I am to her. (We speak candidly with one another.)  Lately she has been getting it right more often too.

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nerdperson777
15 hours ago, nelpogrando said:

My parents either don’t believe or just flat out don’t understand that it’s possible to be non-binary and a trans guy at the same time. They refuse to even try to refer to me with masculine language, and they have a hard time remembering to use neutral language, so even though they accept the fact that I’m not a girl, they misgender me constantly. I wish I had the confidence to correct them.

Yeah, my dad at least tried using pronouns and seeing me as not a girl for a bit but I have never heard my parents use anything to refer to me but she in the past year.  They say it pretty loudly too, and don't care if it's in my face.  They're more concerned with what other people think than actually letting me live happy.  At the wedding last week, the homophobic family friend still called me a girl even after seeing me dressed in total male attire.

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