Lonemathsytoothbrushthief Posted September 19, 2018 Share Posted September 19, 2018 I'm so sick of everything fluctuating for me because it makes it take so longer for me to solve any of my problems. My mood, gender, dysphoria and certainty in my identity all fluctuate a lot, but hey at least I've gotten a clinic referral sorted now. Link to post Share on other sites
InfiniteNull Posted September 20, 2018 Share Posted September 20, 2018 21 hours ago, nelpogrando said: Last night I dreamt that I got up the courage to use a men’s bathroom and managed to pass while doing it, and now I’m annoyed because that probably won’t happen until I’m an adult and able to get an STP without risking my parents finding out. To be honest I really don’t care how I pee, but girl’s bathrooms make me uncomfortable a lot of the time and I’m worried about not being able to use men’s bathrooms without an STP. I’ve never been in one so I don’t know what if anything the other options are for people who aren’t comfortable in women’s bathrooms but don’t naturally have the right equipment for men’s bathrooms. The worst part is that my parents are supportive of me being trans, and my mom has told me before that I should use whatever bathroom I’m comfortable with. I just don’t feel comfortable asking my parents for an STP because of my genital repulsion/awkwardness surrounding anything genital related. Advice from someone who has used the men's restroom with a strong preference for sitting to pee but not wanting to be outed as trans for almost a couple of decades... this might seem a little bit like overkill, but I guess I've kinda just gotten used to all of it and didn't notice until I typed it up just now: Since this is bathroom stuff which might be a little gross... here is spoiler tag The overall trick is to seem like you're going poo... When you walk in, go straight for a stall confidently. If they're all taken (rare in men's restroom) then stand around and pretend to be silently mildly annoyed because men are used to not having to wait around for a stall lol Close and lock the door and sit down and stuff If you're worried about making peeing noise... you can move around, flush the potty, or just try to pee quieter... Generally though, guys who poo sometimes also pee when they go into a stall so it wont be completely out of the ordinary Take a little extra time in the stall (so that it seems like you're doing more than just peeing)... the moving around will cover up sounds for the most part which could have been to cover up peeing or pooing Then... Spin the TP at least 2 or 3 times even if you don't need to... After you're done wash your hands with confidence and maybe a little vigor (not all boys do this x.x but no need to throw out good hygiene) Link to post Share on other sites
PixleyDust✨ Posted September 20, 2018 Author Share Posted September 20, 2018 On 9/16/2018 at 12:12 PM, Taylor Lilith said: How does this sound? People who get touch starved and people who are touch averse travel in packs of two. When people try to shake hands with the touch averse person, the touch starved person blocks the sh*t out of that forced societal-ly noramlized hand hug, and shakes hands instead. Somebody tries to cure the touch averse person by hugging them? touch starved person got a whole lotta nope right here and moves in for that hug instead. It's awkward, everyone laughs, it's a good time but the touch averse person goes home not creeped out by people touching them and the touch starved person goes home with their touch bank filled for like ..... 2 weeks. Wait though. What if you’re touch starved BECAUSE you’re touch averse and/or phobic? Like, I’d want you to take that hug for me, but at the same time, I’m super jealous because, like...that was my hug. UGH. HELP. I’M STUCK BETWEEN WORLDS. 🤣😫 Link to post Share on other sites
PixleyDust✨ Posted September 20, 2018 Author Share Posted September 20, 2018 On 9/17/2018 at 3:18 AM, Ms. Carolynne said: My dysphoria has been pretty bad today >.< I've been avoiding my reflection all day, I just can't stand to look at myself 😫 Oh no, that definitely sucks BIG TIME. 💔 Here, you can have my hug. I wasn’t using it anyways. 🤗 Link to post Share on other sites
Taylor Lilith Posted September 20, 2018 Share Posted September 20, 2018 3 hours ago, InfiniteNull said: Advice from someone who has used the men's restroom with a strong preference for sitting to pee but not wanting to be outed as trans for almost a couple of decades... this might seem a little bit like overkill, but I guess I've kinda just gotten used to all of it and didn't notice until I typed it up just now: Since this is bathroom stuff which might be a little gross... here is spoiler tag Reveal hidden contents The overall trick is to seem like you're going poo... When you walk in, go straight for a stall confidently. If they're all taken (rare in men's restroom) then stand around and pretend to be silently mildly annoyed because men are used to not having to wait around for a stall lol Close and lock the door and sit down and stuff If you're worried about making peeing noise... you can move around, flush the potty, or just try to pee quieter... Generally though, guys who poo sometimes also pee when they go into a stall so it wont be completely out of the ordinary Take a little extra time in the stall (so that it seems like you're doing more than just peeing)... the moving around will cover up sounds for the most part which could have been to cover up peeing or pooing Then... Spin the TP at least 2 or 3 times even if you don't need to... After you're done wash your hands with confidence and maybe a little vigor (not all boys do this x.x but no need to throw out good hygiene) Good description of men going to the bathroom. Spoiler Also if you can fart a tiny bit regardless if you're just peeing it'll help you fit right in. Also act line it's your space aka as over the top confident. A men's restroom is very obiviously "male space" where they can act and do as they please as a trans woman it's both confusing and terrifying. I don't belong and it's definitely not my space. Unrelated but kinda related if you are AMAB and likely to use the women's restroom--tuck. I will also spoiler. Spoiler Tucking usually involves making sure your undergarments are straight before pulling them up then waddling a tiny bit as you situate yourself. It looks exactly like correct a pad and to an untrained observer looks like you are on your period. 10 minutes ago, Pixley said: Wait though. What if you’re touch starved BECAUSE you’re touch averse and/or phobic? Like, I’d want you to take that hug for me, but at the same time, I’m super jealous because, like...that was my hug. UGH. HELP. I’M STUCK BETWEEN WORLDS. 🤣😫 I'm...sorry? I didn't consider this option and don't really have recommendations Link to post Share on other sites
Anthracite_Impreza Posted September 20, 2018 Share Posted September 20, 2018 20 minutes ago, Pixley said: Wait though. What if you’re touch starved BECAUSE you’re touch averse and/or phobic? Like, I’d want you to take that hug for me, but at the same time, I’m super jealous because, like...that was my hug. UGH. HELP. I’M STUCK BETWEEN WORLDS. 🤣😫 Dog hugs. Link to post Share on other sites
PixleyDust✨ Posted September 20, 2018 Author Share Posted September 20, 2018 3 hours ago, InfiniteNull said: Advice from someone who has used the men's restroom with a strong preference for sitting to pee but not wanting to be outed as trans for almost a couple of decades... this might seem a little bit like overkill, but I guess I've kinda just gotten used to all of it and didn't notice until I typed it up just now: Since this is bathroom stuff which might be a little gross... here is spoiler tag Hide contents The overall trick is to seem like you're going poo... When you walk in, go straight for a stall confidently. If they're all taken (rare in men's restroom) then stand around and pretend to be silently mildly annoyed because men are used to not having to wait around for a stall lol Close and lock the door and sit down and stuff If you're worried about making peeing noise... you can move around, flush the potty, or just try to pee quieter... Generally though, guys who poo sometimes also pee when they go into a stall so it wont be completely out of the ordinary Take a little extra time in the stall (so that it seems like you're doing more than just peeing)... the moving around will cover up sounds for the most part which could have been to cover up peeing or pooing Then... Spin the TP at least 2 or 3 times even if you don't need to... After you're done wash your hands with confidence and maybe a little vigor (not all boys do this x.x but no need to throw out good hygiene) Is it bad that I choked on my spit when I read that? And then had to leave the room to laugh and cough and choke in the bathroom because I didn’t want to wake anybody up? 😆 Because this is a dangerous tip for the ADHD genderqueer folks, like me. I’d never leave that bathroom cause I can’t stop spinning that roll and giggling. OH JESUS. AND THAT GIGGLING WOULD GIVE ME AWAY TOO. NOOO. 🤣 I’ve also got another tip to add. I’ve had tremendous luck listening to my music with my earbuds in. Gets me motivated to just go in, being prone to cold feet myself, blocks out any sound I might find...unpleasant, and gives me a convenient excuse to politely ignore someone if they try to address me (because although, with my hair, my face can be kind of androgynous, my voice would give me away in a heartbeat). Also, just listening to your favorite music is just soothing in and of itself. Link to post Share on other sites
PixleyDust✨ Posted September 20, 2018 Author Share Posted September 20, 2018 12 minutes ago, Anthracite_Impreza said: Dog hugs. Is that some kind of new, magical hug I was not aware of? Or do you mean hugging actual dogs? Cause either way I’M IN. 🤗✨ Link to post Share on other sites
Anthracite_Impreza Posted September 20, 2018 Share Posted September 20, 2018 20 minutes ago, Pixley said: Is that some kind of new, magical hug I was not aware of? Or do you mean hugging actual dogs? Cause either way I’M IN. 🤗✨ Link to post Share on other sites
PixleyDust✨ Posted September 20, 2018 Author Share Posted September 20, 2018 17 minutes ago, Taylor Lilith said: Good description of men going to the bathroom. Hide contents Also if you can fart a tiny bit regardless if you're just peeing it'll help you fit right in. Also act line it's your space aka as over the top confident. A men's restroom is very obiviously "male space" where they can act and do as they please as a trans woman it's both confusing and terrifying. I don't belong and it's definitely not my space. Unrelated but kinda related if you are AMAB and likely to use the women's restroom--tuck. I will also spoiler. Hide contents Tucking usually involves making sure your undergarments are straight before pulling them up then waddling a tiny bit as you situate yourself. It looks exactly like correct a pad and to an untrained observer looks like you are on your period. I'm...sorry? I didn't consider this option and don't really have recommendations GOD is this the truth. Also why you should grunt a little, maybe? Like, there was this one time where I was just finishing up, when this one guy came bursting in, took the stall next to mine and just wouldn’t. STOP. GRUNTING. So glad I was already done, and could just fucking NOPE out of that situation right quick. Point is, Men’s bathroom culture is most definitely more...uninhibited than Women’s bathroom culture, that’s for sure. As someone who has used both, it’s weird. I feel inhibited and shy in the Women’s, and low-key traumatized in the Men’s (although, admittedly, it was kind of freeing not being so body-conscious since “letting loose” is pretty much encouraged in there). Thank god for family, unisex, all-gender single stall restrooms and port-a-potties. They soothe my socially anxious, enby soul. 😊✨ And that’s okay. I’ll figure it out eventually. Like, maybe by playing my favorite game: Which Will I Regret More? The “Hug or No Hug” Edition. Seemed to work with most of the dilemmas I’ve had in the past. 🤣 Link to post Share on other sites
PixleyDust✨ Posted September 20, 2018 Author Share Posted September 20, 2018 5 minutes ago, Anthracite_Impreza said: THEN I AM IN. 10000 PERCENT. I WILL HUG ALL THE DOGGOS. ALL OF THEM. THEY WILL FUEL ME. 🐶✨ Link to post Share on other sites
Taylor Lilith Posted September 20, 2018 Share Posted September 20, 2018 2 minutes ago, Pixley said: GOD is this the truth. Also why you should grunt a little, maybe? Like, there was this one time where I was just finishing up, when this one guy came bursting in, took the stall next to mine and just wouldn’t. STOP. GRUNTING. So glad I was already done, and could just fucking NOPE out of that situation right quick. Point is, Men’s bathroom culture is most definitely more...uninhibited than Women’s bathroom culture, that’s for sure. As someone who has used both, it’s weird. I feel inhibited and shy in the Women’s, and low-key traumatized in the Men’s (although, admittedly, it was kind of freeing not being so body-conscious since “letting loose” is pretty much encouraged in there). Thank god for family, unisex, all-gender single stall restrooms and port-a-potties. They soothe my socially anxious, enby soul. 😊✨ And that’s okay. I’ll figure it out eventually. Like, maybe by playing my favorite game: Which Will I Regret More? The “Hug or No Hug” Edition. Seemed to work with most of the dilemmas I’ve had in the past. 🤣 A low husky grunt is also an appropriate response if a man is intrusive on your personal life in a bathroom. Make a rough enough grunt and it'll hide how high pitch your voice is. Link to post Share on other sites
PixleyDust✨ Posted September 20, 2018 Author Share Posted September 20, 2018 13 minutes ago, Taylor Lilith said: A low husky grunt is also an appropriate response if a man is intrusive on your personal life in a bathroom. Make a rough enough grunt and it'll hide how high pitch your voice is. Truth. Which I don’t think will happen that often, if ever, thankfully, since chatting in there is kind of a no-no, unless you already know each other. Right up there with eye contact. Definite NO as well. Like, nobody really talks to each other in the Women’s either, but it’s not taboo like it is in the Men’s. And it’s honestly confusing, like, grunting and farting in front of each other is okay, but saying “Hi” is...weird? #aremenokay 🤣 Link to post Share on other sites
hopeisnotlost Posted September 20, 2018 Share Posted September 20, 2018 My gender dysphoria is getting worse but I'm now around more supportive people so it's not as bad as it could be which I'm glad about.I love hugs. Link to post Share on other sites
Taylor Lilith Posted September 20, 2018 Share Posted September 20, 2018 8 hours ago, Pixley said: Truth. Which I don’t think will happen that often, if ever, thankfully, since chatting in there is kind of a no-no, unless you already know each other. Right up there with eye contact. Definite NO as well. Like, nobody really talks to each other in the Women’s either, but it’s not taboo like it is in the Men’s. And it’s honestly confusing, like, grunting and farting in front of each other is okay, but saying “Hi” is...weird? #aremenokay 🤣 There's this weird social etiquette that every guy knows somehow and they know when you break it but it's unspoken. Like ... who invented them? Why do we follow them like breaking them is an inexcusable breach of manhood? WTF cis dudes? Link to post Share on other sites
Roidgy Posted September 20, 2018 Share Posted September 20, 2018 20 minutes ago, Taylor Lilith said: There's this weird social etiquette that every guy knows somehow and they know when you break it but it's unspoken. Like ... who invented them? Why do we follow them like breaking them is an inexcusable breach of manhood? WTF cis dudes? 8 hours ago, Pixley said: Like, nobody really talks to each other in the Women’s either, but it’s not taboo like it is in the Men’s. And it’s honestly confusing, like, grunting and farting in front of each other is okay, but saying “Hi” is...weird? Im not cis but.... the way i always understood it is, farting and stuff is all just a natural part of pooping. And thats what you're there for. To Poop. And afterwards you get so tired from the exertion why would you want to talk. And trying to talk to someone while they pee is rude because you could give them bladder shyness. Best to stay quiet and let people concentrate on their work. Link to post Share on other sites
Taylor Lilith Posted September 20, 2018 Share Posted September 20, 2018 25 minutes ago, Roidgy said: Im not cis but.... the way i always understood it is, farting and stuff is all just a natural part of pooping. And thats what you're there for. To Poop. And afterwards you get so tired from the exertion why would you want to talk. And trying to talk to someone while they pee is rude because you could give them bladder shyness. Best to stay quiet and let people concentrate on their work. Except they do it while they're at the urinal too, so not really? I've been in women's bathrooms infrequently and caught a few cis gals. They're eyebrows probably reached orbit but women's restrooms aren't like this. It's just a guy thing? There's seriously an etiquette to men's bathrooms that nobody talks about but they just know. It's very clearly a male space and as a trans woman it's horrifying because I don't belong in that space and I feel like I'm intruding somehow. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted September 21, 2018 Share Posted September 21, 2018 Does anyone else have the urge to use different terminology with different people to the point that it makes it hard to explain things surrounding gender? I can easily talk about dysphoria with other trans people, but I have a really hard time discussing it with cis people, especially my family. With my parents, the name they gave me is my legal name (They won’t let me change it yet.) but with everyone else, it’s my deadname. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted September 21, 2018 Share Posted September 21, 2018 I've been starting to use different pronouns more and more , and I think some people are starting to notice. Even though I'm still waiting to get my certificate indicating my legal name change, I'm already going around and changing my name where I can. Thank god for people that are cool about stuff. The other day my job coach asked me about my name change when I asked her to change the name that is on my file. She wanted to know why. Oh no, I think she's on to me... 😁 I probably shouldn't beat around the bush with this, just gotta get it out there... Link to post Share on other sites
PixleyDust✨ Posted September 21, 2018 Author Share Posted September 21, 2018 On 9/20/2018 at 3:44 PM, Taylor Lilith said: There's this weird social etiquette that every guy knows somehow and they know when you break it but it's unspoken. Like ... who invented them? Why do we follow them like breaking them is an inexcusable breach of manhood? WTF cis dudes? RIGHT? EXACTLY. 🤣 So far, my only theory is: Women are more socially conditioned/encouraged to be open with each other, to lean on each other for emotional support, etc. The whole trope of women going over to the bathroom together also seems to support and normalize the idea of women talking/helping each other out in the bathroom. Men are more socially conditioned/encouraged to be independent of one another, to be self-sufficient, etc. all of which means opening up to another guy is “weird.” Bathroom trips are all about business, get your shit done (no pun intended) and get out, you’re a big boy. Plus, going to the bathroom is an unavoidable moment of true vulnerability, which might make them a bit more defensive in such an all-male space. So that, combined with the “a man is an island” mindset, as well as the bathroom is for business, talking to someone you don’t know about casual things is not only going to seem “weird”, but it seems equivalent to a stranger expecting you to suddenly completely open up to them. So you end up getting this whole “I just came in here to pee, why is this guy asking if I got any kids? Don’t even know him. WTF?” mindset. But that’s just a rough theory, so I am MORE than open to constructive criticism here. 😆 Cis men are a truly fascinating...and entertaining species to study and observe, most especially in their natural habitats. 🤣 Link to post Share on other sites
Fluffy Femme Guy Posted September 21, 2018 Share Posted September 21, 2018 2 hours ago, Pixley said: Cis men are a truly fascinating...and entertaining species to study and observe, most especially in their natural habitats. 🤣 I feel this way too, and I *am* one. 2 hours ago, Pixley said: Women are more socially conditioned/encouraged to be open with each other, to lean on each other for emotional support, etc. The whole trope of women going over to the bathroom together also seems to support an normalize the idea of women talking/helping each other out in the bathroom. I'm fine with the 'opening up bit', (assuming I know the other person/people well enough), but a public restroom isn't my first choice of place for that kind of conversation, since some random stranger could walk in at any time. Outside of the establishment on the sidewalk, away from others would be fine. Or some vacant hallway or other area, etc. Link to post Share on other sites
Taylor Lilith Posted September 21, 2018 Share Posted September 21, 2018 13 hours ago, Dani-Chan said: I've been starting to use different pronouns more and more , and I think some people are starting to notice I think there are a lot of not bright people in this world, I had a conversation with someone talking about how there wasn't a way around gendered language and at the exact same time a coworker--Lexi-- walked in. I asked her, "How often do you hear me use sir or ma'am or gendered language?" She sat there for a couple seconds with realization slowly dawning on her face and then she replied, "I don't think I've ever heard you use them." We had been working with eachother for over a year since before my trans revelation and she missed the change in my language. A lot of these words are throw away words that absolutely no one misses when they are omitted. Maybe people are noticing but in my experience singular they is very common so people miss that, sir and ma'am are throw away words absolutely no one will notice when you don't use unless you're non-cis. Maybe they are noticing idk 🤷♀️ Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted September 21, 2018 Share Posted September 21, 2018 I've never understood the whole "women travelling to the bathroom in packs" thing. Rather weird, if you ask me. I just like to go in there and get my business done as fast as possible. No talkie talkie around the potty. 😑 Link to post Share on other sites
InfiniteNull Posted September 22, 2018 Share Posted September 22, 2018 On 9/20/2018 at 10:35 PM, Dani-Chan said: I've been starting to use different pronouns more and more , and I think some people are starting to notice. Even though I'm still waiting to get my certificate indicating my legal name change, I'm already going around and changing my name where I can. I don't know the name change laws where you are, but this practice can actually make the name change a little easier. For example... rather than putting "I am transgender" on the paperwork, you can explain "this is the name that I go by and I'd like to change it legally". This might lower some of the friction in the process. Link to post Share on other sites
AllMyFavoriteColors Posted September 29, 2018 Share Posted September 29, 2018 I wish gender wasn't a thing, it makes no sense. People try to make EVERYTHING revolve around gender: clothes, jobs, activities, haircuts. And if you don't follow their expectations for you, they just don't know what to do. Why?? Link to post Share on other sites
Celyn: The Lutening Posted September 29, 2018 Share Posted September 29, 2018 Most recent gender problem - packing for emigration in a femme mood, then when you get to your destination you're feeling masculine and slightly confused as to what all these skirts are doing in your suitcase. Link to post Share on other sites
InfiniteNull Posted September 29, 2018 Share Posted September 29, 2018 Oh bathrooms oh bathrooms... yay!... So here I am about 2 weeks away from coming out at work... and my biggest panic is bathrooms. Company policy on bathrooms is "Whatever bathroom you feel comfortable with"... I've heard those exact words so many f***ing times now that I could puke if I hear them again. Which gendered bathroom do I feel comfortable in? Neither! There is no such thing as a gendered bathroom that I can walk in and feel like it's no big deal. I've NEVER felt comfortable in the men's room, even before I started identifying as transgender. I've spent time in the ladies room and admittedly it's a little better, especially with friends, but even still I am always worried about someone being really mad at me for being in there. I can't read their emotions either so typically I assume the worst. Luckily I've met a trans guy who works in another division, but in a different building on the campus where I work. He also has bathroom issues and I've volunteered to be his bathroom buddy since he's officially starting about a week and a half before me. Now that I think about it... Maybe I'll continue to be his bathroom buddy over there and use the men's room while I find my comfort zone or something... Link to post Share on other sites
Celyn: The Lutening Posted September 29, 2018 Share Posted September 29, 2018 4 hours ago, InfiniteNull said: "Whatever bathroom you feel comfortable with"... I've heard those exact words so many f***ing times now that I could puke if I hear them again. Which gendered bathroom do I feel comfortable in? Neither! There is no such thing as a gendered bathroom that I can walk in and feel like it's no big deal. Relatable as hell. Link to post Share on other sites
nerdperson777 Posted September 29, 2018 Share Posted September 29, 2018 Being in binary environments IRL makes me forget that there are all gender bathrooms as I walk into the men's room. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted September 29, 2018 Share Posted September 29, 2018 @AllMyFavoriteColors @InfiniteNull Ditto and ditto! (-_-) *nods head in agreement* Link to post Share on other sites
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