CatWinter23 Posted April 20, 2018 Share Posted April 20, 2018 Hey everyone. I'm fairly new around here, but I have to say I am very happy to have found this community. I'm still struggling with my identity a little but I am coming to terms with the fact that I am apparently asexual. As a teenager, I was a bit of an anxious wreck who wasn't really ready to date. I therefore basically ignored the whole subject of dating/sexuality altogether, thinking I'd get to it when I was ready. However, even then, I could feel that I didn't quite see the fuss about things of a sexual nature. Why were butts or abs so fascinating? Was everyone exaggerating? Why did people constantly talk about how difficult it was to stop having sex, comparing it to not eating or breathing? And while the thought of eventually having a partner fascinated me, I dreaded the fact that the older I got, the more likely sex was to come with that whole package. At University, I became a lot more confident of who I was and how I saw the world. I felt less and less apologetic about what I liked and got better at coping with anxiety etc. I became more confident around people as well and opened up to the concept of romance and dating. But even then I still felt scared of actually pursuing romantic interests. I wasn't really familiar with the term 'asexuality' yet and many sleepover conversations/hundreds of romcom plots had me convinced that now that I was an adult, sex was something I might not be able to avoid if I wanted to date. Like, sure, you can wait as a teenager, but once you're an adult things like the 'three-date-rule' and so on come into play, right? I'd never wanted to have sex with anyone and could feel myself wishing I could just date someone, kiss/cuddle and then maybe drag out the sex for as long as possible. A romance like the one in 'Pushing Daisies' actually seemed appealing. It was only recently that I came across the definition of asexuality and slowly things began to sink in. And with the increasing realisation that instead of being a 'late bloomer' or a 'prude' or 'afraid of sex' I might actually be ace came this incredible feeling of relief. I am not broken. I don't need to grow out of this. I could have a romantic relationship without having to have sex. I am not alone. So, yeah, bit of a lengthy introduction but....just, again, thank you for this space and everyone who is contributing to it. It helped me understand myself better and even though I probably still have a bit of a journey ahead of me I am truly grateful. Link to post Share on other sites
AndrewT Posted April 20, 2018 Share Posted April 20, 2018 Hi and welcome, get ready for the cake, for now here's a little slice Link to post Share on other sites
Homer Posted April 20, 2018 Share Posted April 20, 2018 Woop Welcome to AVEN! Good to have you here! Your story sounds pretty familiar - a lot of people on here went through similar thinking processes. Unfortunately the responses of "late bloomer", "prudes" or "fear" seem to get thrown around quite a bit, which only makes it harder for people to actually figure stuff out. You'll find that many other AVENites will be able to relate to what you wrote here Feel free to explore the forums - and if you have any questions, don't hesitate to ask! We're always happy to help each other out. I hope you enjoy being a member! Have some cake: Link to post Share on other sites
mak Posted April 20, 2018 Share Posted April 20, 2018 Hello and welcome to the wonderful world of AVEN! I have never heard of Pushing Daisies, I will have to look into that. Happy to have you here and feel free to look around the forums, there is a wide range of people here. Have some cake in celebration of finding us! Link to post Share on other sites
Yep, me Posted April 20, 2018 Share Posted April 20, 2018 46 minutes ago, Homer said: Woop Welcome to AVEN! Good to have you here! Your story sounds pretty familiar - a lot of people on here went through similar thinking processes. Unfortunately the responses of "late bloomer", "prudes" or "fear" seem to get thrown around quite a bit, which only makes it harder for people to actually figure stuff out. You'll find that many other AVENites will be able to relate to what you wrote here Feel free to explore the forums - and if you have any questions, don't hesitate to ask! We're always happy to help each other out. I hope you enjoy being a member! Have some cake: Now that, is a cake. Link to post Share on other sites
Lichley Posted April 20, 2018 Share Posted April 20, 2018 Welcome! You’re right, you’re not broken, alone or undatable - you’re you and you’re you, and you’re amazing. You don’t need sex to be happy, and that’s okay. We’ll support you no matter what, so feel free to ask any questions Link to post Share on other sites
ôÿē èîęēú ïė ēôēįîûôø Posted April 21, 2018 Share Posted April 21, 2018 7 hours ago, CatWinter23 said: Hey everyone. I'm fairly new around here, but I have to say I am very happy to have found this community. I'm still struggling with my identity a little but I am coming to terms with the fact that I am apparently asexual. As a teenager, I was a bit of an anxious wreck who wasn't really ready to date. I therefore basically ignored the whole subject of dating/sexuality altogether, thinking I'd get to it when I was ready. However, even then, I could feel that I didn't quite see the fuss about things of a sexual nature. Why were butts or abs so fascinating? Was everyone exaggerating? Why did people constantly talk about how difficult it was to stop having sex, comparing it to not eating or breathing? And while the thought of eventually having a partner fascinated me, I dreaded the fact that the older I got, the more likely sex was to come with that whole package. At University, I became a lot more confident of who I was and how I saw the world. I felt less and less apologetic about what I liked and got better at coping with anxiety etc. I became more confident around people as well and opened up to the concept of romance and dating. But even then I still felt scared of actually pursuing romantic interests. I wasn't really familiar with the term 'asexuality' yet and many sleepover conversations/hundreds of romcom plots had me convinced that now that I was an adult, sex was something I might not be able to avoid if I wanted to date. Like, sure, you can wait as a teenager, but once you're an adult things like the 'three-date-rule' and so on come into play, right? I'd never wanted to have sex with anyone and could feel myself wishing I could just date someone, kiss/cuddle and then maybe drag out the sex for as long as possible. A romance like the one in 'Pushing Daisies' actually seemed appealing. It was only recently that I came across the definition of asexuality and slowly things began to sink in. And with the increasing realisation that instead of being a 'late bloomer' or a 'prude' or 'afraid of sex' I might actually be ace came this incredible feeling of relief. I am not broken. I don't need to grow out of this. I could have a romantic relationship without having to have sex. I am not alone. So, yeah, bit of a lengthy introduction but....just, again, thank you for this space and everyone who is contributing to it. It helped me understand myself better and even though I probably still have a bit of a journey ahead of me I am truly grateful. You probably already know this, but if you ever feel pressured into sex in a relationship, remember that you are always free to leave this person and find someone else whom you feel will better respect your boundaries. Link to post Share on other sites
will123 Posted April 21, 2018 Share Posted April 21, 2018 Cat' welcome to AVEN! Nothing worse than going thru life not knowing what is up. Link to post Share on other sites
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