Confused (again)

[hward]

So I've realised that I am definitely asexual, but since I've discovered asexuality I've been thinking back over the last ten years or so and thinking "why didn't I realise".  What's confusing me now is that I *think* I'm aromantic but I'm not 100% sure because of what I've been thinking over.  When I was at school I just assumed that I was straight.  I've twice had what I thought at the time were crushes but we really just a product of friends telling me that we were flirting (I didn't and still don't get flirting) and that we liked each other.  I know I'm not a lesbian because I'm not remotely interested in women and never have been.  Last year I had an attempt at a shortlived relationship where he said he fell in love with me but I felt absolutely nothing at all.

 

I'm probably waffling on for nothing here, and I know what I'm trying to get across but I'm not sure I'm doing it very well!  Is it possible to be aromantic and asexual and at least on some small level attracted (for lack of a better word) to men?  If aromantic means feeling no romantic attraction at all then am I not aromantic because I am more favourable towards men, compared to zero towards women?  Or is what I'm trying to explain/have experienced just a form of aesthetic attraction?

[AndrewT]

12 minutes ago, hward said:

So I've realised that I am definitely asexual, but since I've discovered asexuality I've been thinking back over the last ten years or so and thinking "why didn't I realise".  What's confusing me now is that I *think* I'm aromantic but I'm not 100% sure because of what I've been thinking over.  When I was at school I just assumed that I was straight.  I've twice had what I thought at the time were crushes but we really just a product of friends telling me that we were flirting (I didn't and still don't get flirting) and that we liked each other.  I know I'm not a lesbian because I'm not remotely interested in women and never have been.  Last year I had an attempt at a shortlived relationship where he said he fell in love with me but I felt absolutely nothing at all.

 

I'm probably waffling on for nothing here, and I know what I'm trying to get across but I'm not sure I'm doing it very well!  Is it possible to be aromantic and asexual and at least on some small level attracted (for lack of a better word) to men?  If aromantic means feeling no romantic attraction at all then am I not aromantic because I am more favourable towards men, compared to zero towards women?  Or is what I'm trying to explain/have experienced just a form of aesthetic attraction?

Everything I type is probably of no help

 

I can't offer anything for why you didn't realise it earlier, as I'm asking myself similar questions.

 

As for romance, for me i think any romantic feelings only come after I've known someone (but it's more complicated than that at least for me), so it's more than aesthetic as how someone looks has never really been a driving factor for me wanting to get to know them.

 

But yes, I believe it is totally possible to be aromantic and asexual but still be attracted on some level to men/women/whatever

 

I honestly believe I'd be happy in a platonic relationship/a deep friendship where you put each other first

[hward]

34 minutes ago, Andrew001 said:

 

I honestly believe I'd be happy in a platonic relationship/a deep friendship where you put each other first

Yes, I also think in my case something like that would be much better/ I would be able to cope with that sort of relationship.

[TheAP]

Moved from Questions about Asexuality to Romantic and Aromantic Orientations.

 

TheAP

Questions about Asexuality co-mod

[nolanpaints]

This sounds a lot like what I'm going through only I don't think I'm attracted to anybody! Maybe you're greysexual and/or greyromantic? 

[hward]

13 minutes ago, nolanpaints said:

This sounds a lot like what I'm going through only I don't think I'm attracted to anybody! Maybe you're greysexual and/or greyromantic? 

Greyromantic could fit. It's hard to explain what I want to say lol! It's like in a hypothetical situation I know that anything would have to be with a man. I absolutely don't feel any kind of attraction, but maybe I'm just wondering about this because I spent all my life thinking I was straight. I think if I had any kind of romantic feelings then surely when my ex told me he loved me I'd have felt something...ah maybe I should just stop trying to find an answer to something that's really irrelevant as I'm quite happy to be aro/ace.