I AM HOME

[B1aZ3n]

Hello Everybody, my name is Daniel, and I can't even begin to express the sheer amount of euphoria I have towards being a part of this beautiful community. I would like to share a story of how I realized that there wasn't anything wrong with me, at least not with regards to my sexuality.

 

From a very young age I was diagnosed with Asperger, Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome, and a whole host of other physical disabilities and mental illnesses, which as you might be able to guess made my life a living nightmare. Honestly I think the worst part was that all of these disabilities are rather "invisible" and to the outside world I look like a regular human being. The reason why I feel like that was so harmful to me was that it became so ingrained into my mind that I could be normal, and that since I could be normal, and since most people assume that I am normal, I felt a need to be normal, and such actively hated any part of me that didn't confirm to my twisted belief of normality. Eventually I was forced to give up on trying to be normal, but instead of accepting who I was, I decided to isolate myself from the rest of the world, and I spent my entire high school education by myself. On the outside I was okay with that, I put up a good front, but on the inside I was hurting pretty bad, but quite unsure how, let alone if, I could let the world see my sufferings. Luckily I made it into college, and was able to find a bit of help coping with my depression and anxiety, but despite how much help I was getting things just kept getting worse. Eventually it got to the point where I started having suicidal thoughts and physically harming myself, not because I actively wanted to die, but because I couldn't stand living my life as it was. Luckily I was able to get some help, and I spent a week in a mental hospital. While I was in there I was able to take a step back, get on some medication, and for the first time in years make a friend. Yes, I had shut myself off from the world so much that I can count on one hand the amount of friends I have made in my life. Shortly I began spending a lot of time reflecting upon my life and trying to figure out who I was as a person, and perhaps why I didn't end it all. During this time of introspection I stumbled across Ash Hardell's "ABC's of LGBT+" and began to actually feel like maybe I'm not so different, maybe, just maybe, I do belong here, and I just hadn't found out why yet. So with my newfound interest in my sexuality, because up until this point the only thing I knew was that I had some craving for emotional and intellectual companionship, to have someone to talk to and spend my time with, I start search for YouTube videos on the terms that felt like they might describe me, and the more videos I watched the more I realized that not only am I certainly not alone in my experiences, but that I definitely exist somewhere on the Asexuality spectrum. So although the past twenty years of my life have been terrifying and lonely, I feel so much pride and validation knowing that I am part of a community of people just like me.   - Daniel

 

 

[Lichley]

Welcome! I’m glad to hear that things are looking up for you. It sounds like you’ve had a pretty rough time, and you deserve some good in your life. Don’t worry about the number of friends you have, it’s quality not quantity. You find out through Ash Hardell too? That’s so cool  

[SparkyCat13]

Welcome! I'm so glad you're doing better! I was fairly recently at a place in my life where I wanted to hurt myself because I couldn't stand life too, so I can somewhat relate. I'm glad you were able to get some help and start taking care of yourself. Things can be difficult in a world where everyone is putting their best face forward for the most part and "invisible" diseases/disabilities are out of the public mind. I think you'll find here that people are really open about these kinds of things, so it really helps towards feeling that you're not as alone as you thought.

 

Again, welcome aboard! Have some cake!

 

[Homer]

Hi Daniel

 

Wow, you have been through a lot! So first things first - welcome home, it's great to have you on here! We actually do have quite a few members who struggle with physical and/or mental disabilities. You might want to explore the Intersectionality board, I'm sure you'll find a lot of people you'll be able to relate to. AVEN is an incredibly welcoming and supportive community. Tea & Sympathy is where people talk about the bricks life throws at them.

 

Feel free to discover and explore everything and if you have any questions, don't hesitate to ask I hope you'll enjoy being a part of AVEN! Have some cake:

 

[B1aZ3n]

I just wanted to say thanks to everybody who responded to my post, I really means a lot to me and I'm looking forward to contributing to this community.