Help -- Having some identity issues

[Golden]

Ok so, I'm just going to explain my experience in bullet points and maybe someone can lend some help into me figuring this whole thing out.

-first off, I'm 20 yrs old, had my first consencual sexual experience at 12 and it's always been the way I'm describing

-I am very fucking horny, just randomly, nothing triggers it, horny. I usually masturbate to porn to deal with it, but sometimes I gotta do it like 5 times  to satiate it. But I can't get off to video cause that's awkward. It has to be like a tumblr post in the form of gif and text or like a doujin (esentially comicbook porn). Also, if I look at porn, I won't get horny, I have to be horny already to look at porn or I just zone out.

-I don't have fantasies about sex, but sometimes if I don't masturbate I get really agitated

- I NEVER get turned on by people in physical reality, I can be like, oh this person has nice aesthetic, but never, I wanna tap that, even if they are dead ass naked in front of me.

-Although I do like being sexy, I dress promiscuously and flirt a lot cause it's fun,, but sexting is a total chore

-When I do have sex, which is quite frequently and with a variety of partners (that is usually a result of this flirting),  I'm either bored out of my mind or VERY uncomfortable (I've been known to start crying)

- I'm trans FTM (out but pre-transition) which is only relevant cause I do have a lot of dysphoria and could be affecting this also I was a victim of sexual abuse as a child,, I've been in therapy for a long time for it so it's not something untreated or anything,, I bring this up because that could totally be affecting my sex life

 

ok so that's sorta what I'm working with. I guess my question is like, does this count as asexuality? Cause I do feel sexual compulssion, but in the form of masturbation and not sex sex. Could it just be a result of my trauma? Idk much about asexuality and whenever I try to look anything up about it, besides the basics, I just get stupid discourse. 

It's something that I pretty much just compartmentalized until now. I'm in a relationship with this person whom I love very much, but is VERY sexual and they have been so understanding about it, but I can tell they are starting to get frustrated and are just playing it cool as to not make me uncomfortable. 

They get kinda confused cause I like to act sexy and I have had many sexual partners in the past and that makes them think it's something about them. And I've tried to explain this all but it just comes out all wrong so maybe if I have some kind of label/term I coukd use to help them understand that would be very helpful. I hope this made sense. Thank you

[NickyTannock]

@Golden Welcome to AVEN!

 

You seem to be a Grey-Asexual.

 

You might find this page on the AVEN Wiki helpful:

http://wiki.asexuality.org/Gray-A/Grey-A

 

And, here's some cake, because you're a new member.

[Lichley]

Well... sexual desire is separate from sexual attraction, and asexuals can have a libido. It’s whether or not you experience the attraction itself, or just the desire to have sex. Aesthetic attraction and romantic attraction are to what different matters entirely. Maybe this infomatic can help?