Biromantic

[Mia R]

So I’m ace and it took me over a year of questioning to also admit I’m probably biromantic, though I’m still struggling with a few things. For one I’ve had crushes on girls and boys before and I always thought I was heterosexual because I didn’t want sex with girls, then I realized I didn’t want it with boys either. Though I’ve found initial attraction differs (I made a list), for boys they can just be attractive for me to get fluttery feelings, but I have zero desire to be involved romantically or sexually. I like them to the point of wanting to know them if they’re smart and hygienic. With girls there’s no initial attraction, I like them once I get to know them as smart and hygienic. It’s weird because I like them differently and I do take into account gender because I like the typical male aesthetic more but the typical female personality more and I want sex with neither, though I’ve had more crushes on boys and I never get the fluttery feeling with girls... if that makes sense. Am I bi? Is this normal? 

[Gldlynch]

Hey Mia R

 

You make total sense! A lot of what you are saying, I can also definitely relate to. Being bi, or pan and so on is a different experience for everyone. Some days are straighter, some days are gayer, sometimes you feel everything and on others you feel nothing at all. I don't think anyone can be perfectly 50/50 when it comes to liking 2 (or more) genders.

 

Much like you, I thought I was straight but I couldn't brush off the occasional girl crush. It's like you have stereotypical "girl crushes" but you somehow experiences legit crushes on girls too. Only last year did I admit to myself that I was a bi ace. You aren't alone and I think you can label yourself however you want to! Just follow your gut feeling. Sexuality can be stationary and fluid, just be true to yourself (:

[Claire1983]

I’m in a similar boat.  I just started working through the asexuality side of thing so I’m not quite ready to tackle the romantic side but I suspect I could be  biromantic.  I never felt sexually attracted to women so I assumed I was straight but I will occasionally feel some sort of draw that I couldn’t quite place.  Now that I know I’m asexual I’m  considering that might be attracted to women romantically,  especially since there’s a friend I think I’m crushing on. So you’re not alone there. 

[SilentRose]

6 hours ago, Mia R said:

I like the typical male aesthetic more but the typical female personality more and I want sex with neither, though I’ve had more crushes on boys and I never get the fluttery feeling with girls... if that makes sense.

This is 100% me

You are definitely not alone! 

 

It sounds absolutely like you could be biromantic, seeing that it seems you have the ability to develop feelings for both genders. You may find you have a preference for one gender over the other down the line, which is totally fine and something you can discover in time. My advice is to not overthink your specific orientation. Don't let who you're "supposed" to be attracted to inhibit you- male or female, when a person comes along who you find interesting, take a chance on them and see if true feelings develop and go from there. I find with romantic feelings I didn't really find out who I was until I started dating, because having a crush and being in a relationship is totally different, and I never would have known I was grayromantic if it wasnt for that. Good luck! 

[TheAP]

Moved from Questions about Asexuality to Romantic and Aromantic Orientations.

 

TheAP 

Questions about Asexuality co-mod

[Cimmerian]

16 hours ago, Mia R said:

So I’m ace and it took me over a year of questioning to also admit I’m probably biromantic, though I’m still struggling with a few things. For one I’ve had crushes on girls and boys before and I always thought I was heterosexual because I didn’t want sex with girls, then I realized I didn’t want it with boys either. Though I’ve found initial attraction differs (I made a list), for boys they can just be attractive for me to get fluttery feelings, but I have zero desire to be involved romantically or sexually. I like them to the point of wanting to know them if they’re smart and hygienic. With girls there’s no initial attraction, I like them once I get to know them as smart and hygienic. It’s weird because I like them differently and I do take into account gender because I like the typical male aesthetic more but the typical female personality more and I want sex with neither, though I’ve had more crushes on boys and I never get the fluttery feeling with girls... if that makes sense. Am I bi? Is this normal? 

You fit a lot of the bi-descriptions I've heard.
That confused me as well (especially when I went through times where I was more easily attracted to one gender and then a couple years later it'd be the reverse) but I think having a different attraction by gender if pretty normal among bi-romantics/bisexuals. I'm more instantly attracted to women (more initial interest or attraction and I romantic thoughts pop up sooner) whereas with men they might be beautiful but I'm rarely interested in them until their personality really catches my attention.

 

I was going to question the lack of fluttery feeling, but then I remembered that out of the major crushes I had I only experienced the fluttery thing with one crush and it was different from the previous gender I'd been more interested in. Attraction's a strange thing, but I do think it can appear and express itself in different ways so it makes sense that if you're attracted to different things from each gender that you'd feel attraction a little differently between them too (being bi can be confusing that way).

It's definitely common to have some sort of preference (or more crushes for one gender) even among bi or pan-romantics.

 

The only question I'd have is, although you don't initially have desire to be romantically involved with boys, do you later get romantic feelings for them?

[Mia R]

- Cimmerian

(I’m not exactly sure how to reply directly to you. Tag you, or whatever.)

This is difficult to answer because I myself am really confused and I haven’t liked a boy intensely for almost three years, currently I like a girl. 

Okay, so y’know the honeymoon stage, when people say you get butterflies and stuff. I only get that with boys as initial attraction. And when I get initial attraction I’m immediately put off and I don’t want to be romantically involved. I think that’s why I’m more romantically interested in girls, because the butterflies never show up. If I skip over the initial attraction with boys I can get romantically invested, I think, it’s difficult because that rarely happens. Though it has before. However, that doesn’t mean that just because I skipped initial attraction I’ll be romantically interested in someone who fits my standards. It seems to just be random.

 

I’ve had a grand total of two boyfriends before. Both I broke up with after like four days. I had initial attraction with one of them, but he turned out to be violent (I wasn’t romantically interested, my friend set us up). The other I thought was fun to talk to, no initial attraction, and no romantic. So that didn’t work.

 

I really don’t know what’s happening.