Heard my parents having sex

[Mariana__]

3 months ago i heard my parents having sex. it was very awkward and I got very uncomfortable. about 1 month after that, when I finally got over that, I HEARD THEM AGAIN! but this time, it was even worst. I could hear the bed squeequing and my mother moaning, I won't get into details but I heard every little detail of it. Then, on the next week,  same thing.. It has been  happening one week yes, one week no since then and it is making me feel very bad and every time they are alone in their room i feel uncomfortable. I really want to tell them about it and how it makes me feel bad, but, at the same time, I don't know if it is a very good idea.

 

BEFORE ANY ONE SAYS ANYTHING, YES I KNOW IT IS IMATURE AND YES I KNOE IT IS A GOOD THING THAT THEY STILL HAVE SEX BUT IT IS MAKING ME CONSTANTLY UNCOMFORTABLE  AND I CAN'T LOOK AT THEIR FACE FOR A WHILE AFTER. CAN SOMEONE HELP ME PLEASE?

 

i also apolagize for spelling/gramar mistakes, i am brazilian and only found this to help.

[A.R.B.]

Wear ear plugs?

[Sally]

Yes, wear ear plugs.   Seriously.  Because no, you shouldn't talk to  them about it; marriage generally means sex will happen, and in a small house/with thin walls you are occasionally going to hear it.  

[thiswebsiteistoxic]

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[CallaWolf]

It's not like they're really having sex in front of you. Should they maybe tone down the noise a little bit? Maybe, but honestly, I  see the the "they shouldn't sex because they have a child" argument to be a bit absurd to be perfectly honest, for more reasons than the fact that I'm a younger sibling who happens to actually like having siblings

 

 

The best thing is, like A.R.B. said, is probably just wearing ear plugs, or if you're into music, listening to music just before going to bed. I can't recommend you tell them "hey, you guys need to stop!" because honestly, that'll be kinda uncool, ace or not. Only thing I can think of is either find a way to block out the noise. I guess you could, in theory request that they lower the noise level, in a non-intrusive, non-demanding way, but I can pretty much guarantee you'd get a "mind your own business" comment (and given the subject matter, could you honestly blame them?).

 

edited because I actually thought about it a little bit and figured saying something probably won't go over too well

[Guest]

1 hour ago, AyyLmaoAlien said:

, honestly they shouldn't have sex if they chose to have a child, people need to realise they have to make sacrafices if they want to have kids smh 

You know what else they have to do if they want to have kids? They have to have sex. lol.

 

Maybe they want another kid, and even if not, it's actually much better if they're having sex because it's an indication they may be strong and happy as a couple. Would you rather them screaming abuse at each other, too stressed out to pay you any real attention, and possibly about to get a divorce which would tear the household apart? Because that's the situation some kids find themselves in and I'm sure they'd much rather parents who are going to stay together who are having the occasional screw, than parents who don't want to touch each other with a 10 foot poll and are considering separating. And no obviously sex doesn't always mean a break-up is never going to happen, and no sex isn't a guarantee a break-up will happen, I'm just saying there are a lot of kids out there who would prefer to hear their parents having sex every now and then than deal with a break-up in their parents relationship, and sex is often a sign the relationship is still strong.

 

@Mariana, as others have said, wear some ear plugs or even listen to some music or an audiobook while you sleep, or leave the TV on if you have one in your room

[Sally]

Having been with sexuals all my life, the idea of asking them to lower the noise level during sex is not at all a good idea.  It's not like telling someone to not eat so noisily; sex is not a situation where you can control the noise you're making.  And since they're your parents and you must live with them until you leave the house,  asking them to alter their sexual behavior is not going to make living with them any easier.  Buy some ear plugs, wear them, and do not say anything to your parents.  

[argar]

I had a similar situation once, and it made me uncomfortable for a while, but I got over it eventually.

 

Although I am pretty sure I heard my brother being conceived that night.

 

Anyways, I think it can sometimes be shocking an eye opening to realize that our parents are human as well.

 

I think if you have a close relationship with your mother, you should have a discussion about sex with her.

 

As uncomfortable as it might be, having more information on something makes something less overwhelming.

 

Who knows, maybe your mom will pick up that you can hear them and you can have an open conversations about it.

 

You parents are going to do what they are going to do, but maybe your mom will be cool enough to let you know ahead of time so you can make some arrangements so it doesn't disturb you.

 

This reminds a little of living in the dorms and the arrangement dorm mates would make so they didn't need to deal with their dorm mates escapades.

 

Good luck, I hope you find a solution that works for everybody.

 

 

[thiswebsiteistoxic]

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[Telecaster68]

Words fail me. 

 

At least, words that wouldn't get me another warning. 

[Guest]

1 hour ago, AyyLmaoAlien said:

@FictoVore. Well I mean adoption is a thing, and so is waiting till your first child is a little older so you don't end up ignoring them when the new one comes? It's just respectful.
And goodness in what world would not having sex when your children are home would cause such chaos? If their whole relationship is based on sex it hardly sounds like a healthy relationship to me : / 
I much rather deal with a breakup personally, but I can't speak for everyone of course lol

The OP didn't mention when the sex is happening, but I'm pretty sure most people will assume as I have that it's at night when they assume their kid is asleep. Most parents are out of the house at work during the day and have sex after their kid goes to bed. That's what normal non-asexual people in a relationship do, they have sex every now and then when they get the chance. The OP also stated it's like once every second week so it's not like they're going at it 24/7 like you're making out.

 

Regarding second kids, it's actually far more practical for a lot of people to have the kids closer together so they can grow up as friends/share a room more comfortably etc. That's what I did. Having a second kid while your first is young doesn't mean you're ignoring the first one. Also, adoption is a very difficult process and it's much harder for many people to bond with an adopted child than with a baby they raised from birth, so a lot of people naturally prefer to have biological kids.

 

On top of all that, sex isn't just about kids. It's also about bonding and sharing love and intimacy which is what normal sexual people do when they're in love - yes, that includes parents.

 

 

 

[Telecaster68]

Also, parents should only watch what their kids want to watch on TV, only communicate on social media and only in poorly spelled txt spk, and never ask them to tidy their rooms. 

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[Cobie]

3 hours ago, argar said:

... it can ... be shocking an eye opening to realize that our parents are human as well.

 That’s so true. 

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[Homer]

16 minutes ago, AyyLmaoAlien said:

it's not hard to not be so selfish ,my dude. 

This doesn't make much sense to me. You'd like them to change their behaviour just because you're uncomfortable with it. Is that not selfish?

 

It looks like they're in their room with the door closed. That's as much as one can ask for. "Walking in" on your parents shouldn't be an issue either - you're old enough to knock on the door.

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[Cobie]

 

Quote

... an atmosphere where sexuality is treated as a normal and positive thing ...

Yes, I agree, this is the ideal. Just because I am asexual doesn’t mean all around me that are sexual have to hide that.

[Scott1989]

I think the ear plugs (or earphones with music) and don't talk about it answer is the best answer.

 

As for the parents, even as an asexual, I think it's unreasonable to ask people to give up sex for 18+ years. As long as a) it's all consensual between participents (no eveidnece in this case that it's not) and b) They aren't doing it knowing their child is witnessing it (again in this case, I'd say they aren't) it should be fine. Sex that isn't to conceive is healthy for a good relationship between sexuals so I don't believe trying to force themto be celibate will be any good.

 

If you really have to do something about it, fight more fire with fire and play music a bit more loudly to highlight the thin walls in a way that doesn't mention them having loud sex.

[Guest]

26 minutes ago, AyyLmaoAlien said:

And children are almost always out of the house during the day, there's plenty of time for sex then, it's kinda weird to go out of you way to do it at night when it's riskier

@CBCWell that seems like a conversation that should've happened before kids were had ,huh? If having kids messes up your schedule then just don't have em lol

*shakes my head*

 

Parents often work (or at least one of them does), so they can feed and clothe their kids and keep a roof over their heads - that's why they're not both at home together during the day to have sex. Sexual activity generally has to be had at night time when they're relaxing after the kids are in bed. If only people who were so rich that they never have to work had kids, the human race would go extinct because very, very few people are that wealthy. 

 

And lets remember the kid is living in the parents house, eating food their parents bought, wearing clothes paid for with their parents money, watching a TV their parents paid for, if the parents want to enjoy themselves every now and then in the evenings then there's nothing wrong with that. If the kid has an issue with hearing that they can just wear some headphones that their parents almost certainly bought, or listen to some music on their computer or stereo or phone which their parents almost certainly bought with the money they made while they were at work which is why they weren't at home to screw while the kid was at school.

 

Try to look at this logically, yeah?

 

[James121]

Ear plugs and music. Don’t say anything whatever you do. You may feel uncomfortable now but if you say something all you will do is make them feel uncomfortable too. 

Listening to a groan of pleasure and the bed squeaking is much better than listening to them argue or speak on the phone cos dad moved out!

[James121]

58 minutes ago, AyyLmaoAlien said:

parents should not have sex if there's any chance your child could walk in on you or hear, it's not hard to not be so selfish ,my dude. 

Then why have an opinion that screams “I am selfish”. 

I agree that if there’s any chance your kid is going to be returning from football, you shouldn’t be on the sofa where they may well find you but that isn’t what had been said here.

 

[TheAP]

Please remember to respect other members' opinions and phrase arguments in a way that is respectful of them.

 

TheAP

Questions about Asexuality co-mod

[CosmicTheAceOfSpace]

I'd invest in some ear plugs, or some good headphones, that's what I do (being a student, living with other students, it's kind of a necessity at times... )

[Guest]

I think that's weird that they don't mind that their child is forced to listen to them have sex..

 

It would be more appropriate for them to do that while their child(ren) aren't home, or to do something to block the noise.

[Telecaster68]

The OP registered, made one post, then hasn't been back since. The only poster agreeing with them has deleted their posts and changed their name.

 

I'm sensing a certain activity going on here, but if I name it, I'll get a warning.

[James121]

8 hours ago, Telecaster68 said:

The OP registered, made one post, then hasn't been back since. The only poster agreeing with them has deleted their posts and changed their name.

 

I'm sensing a certain activity going on here, but if I name it, I'll get a warning.

Are you referring to @thiswebsiteistoxic by any chance?  This website isn’t toxic at all! If they want to see toxic, come round mine and stand in the bathroom 20 minutes after I had chicken madras and chilli naan. That’s toxic!

[Cobie]

5 hours ago, James121 said:

... toxic, come round mine and stand in the bathroom 20 minutes after I had chicken madras and chilli naan. That’s toxic!

 Definitely one of us; do join us on the poop 💩  thread: https://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/164815-im-going-to-poop-now/?do=findComment&comment=1062790463