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Hi there, I actually don't have any idea of title


Leilamy

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Hi everyone ? I'm a 17-year-old girl (18 at the end of year) who decided to come say hello after several months alternating between questionment and "no-problem-i'll-just-see-later-on"

 

So... About me. I'm french, but I thought I would be more comfortable discussing all of this in english for some reason. I really like to sing, write and read also. I love animals and I'll try medical studies next year ? 

Back to the topic at hand :

I'm not actually sure that I am asexual though I think I may be? That's part of the reason I took time before signing up here, I just thought that I would see later on in life and that I was a bit too... young to know you see ? But well whenever I would read about it in a story or anything really, it would come back and bug me a bit so I just thought... Hell with it and here I am ?

 

I'm not scared at all of the label in itself though, I think I would kinda feel... lighter and totally okay knowing I'm asexual ? But I also don't know if I truly am so I thought "why not discussing with people that identify as such ?"

My biggest concern about this may be... What if I'm asking myself about it because I want like attention or something ? I don't think so but if it's the case I would feel really bad, mostly 'cos there are people that REALLY struggle with that ? But at the same time I probably shouldn't think that since I've only talked about my suspicions with like... two people maybe ? ANYWAY

 

I have like way more thing to ask but I should maybe stop here for now  :<   

Glad to meet you all, have cookies <3

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Welcome to AVEN! :cake:

If you're questioning that's completely valid, we all go through that at one point or another. I wouldn't worry about the whole "attention" thing, chances are that from external guilt tripping and that's not your fault.

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Hi there! Welcome to AVEN, Leilamy! :cake::D

 

Being stuck in the questioning stage is the hardest part. I hope you know that not being able to put a label to yourself right now is completely okay. If you decide to experiment with the term and it fits you, that's great! It's also great if you find that you identify as something else because hey, you'd be a step closer to discovering who you are and what's wrong with that? I had the exact same fear when I was coming to terms with my asexuality and in my experience it's easier to just be open to the idea that you could be anything and try your best to understand the reason behind why you're in the questioning stage to begin with. 

 

You're definitely not too young to be asexual - people have been known to experience sexual attraction as young as the age of ten and usually discover what their sexual orientation is shortly after, though it can prove to be more confusing for some than others. Regardless, your feelings are always valid. I have two questions but I'm not sure if they can help much. Do you think some people are good-looking, but others see them differently than the way you do? Have you ever felt like you had to pretend to feel a certain way or you're not sure you're on the same page as everyone else?

 

Oh, and don't be afraid to ask more questions, there are so many people willing to help you and answer them! We're a very supportive community here. I love cookies.

 

Good luck! ( My PM is always open and if you have any questions I'll do my best to answer them! )

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NickyTannock
Welcome To AVEN!

I realised that I was Asexual in my early teens when I noticed by other people's comments that everyone was feeling an attraction that I wasn't, and I'm now 32.
I've also had doubts about whether I'm Asexual or attention seeking, but when I ask myself if I've felt sexual attraction, the clear answer for me has always been no.

Thank you for the cookies, have cake!

Rainbow-cake-700.jpg

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Try asking yourself how you'd feel if you never ever ever had sex for your entire life. Would you be depressed/horrified, relieved/happy, or meh doesn't matter?  

:Ua 

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Flower boy ->  I wouldn't say "external" guilt tripping, more like "internal" since I'm the only one thinking that so far but I do think that people could react this way if I identified and outed myself as such ? Thank for the welcome though, and even more for the quickness, I was kinda excited to see answers ^_^

 

_DEVIN_   ->  Yeah I suppose not having a label yet is okay though I would like to have one, even if I'm not thinking about outing myself immediatly or anything. But yeah I'm open to the labels so far, even for the romantic part and all. I find the variety in LGBTQ+ community really interesting after all.

 

About your questions well, I'm perfectly capable of finding people good-looking asthetically speaking, like a beautiful face and all; but I've never FELT anything at the same time ?  I think I'm not that observant about bodies and clothes and everything on top of that; and like... the most "important" part of the body is the face for me ? Not if you're skinny or muscled or else; though I can see beauty in that too ? But well yeah I can totally find people beautiful or good-looking but I'm not sure about anything else. Uuurggh I dunno how to explain myself.

 

Second is easier, I've never felt the need to pretend to feel attraction. Like... I am the way I am, even if it's not asexuality that defines me ? I'm not going to pretend something I don't feel. And I'm glad to say that my friends aren't too crude about that. When they make lewd jokes I usually don't get them but I can go with the flow; and my closest friends know that I'm not too keen on sex. But I also feel like I'm not on the same page as anyone else. When people talk about sex, I'm embarassed more than anything else (and really easily too). Like when my friend told me that she had done more than kissing with her boyfriend (though they haven't slept with each other thank godness) I was kinda... shocked and grossed out by the idea. In the same fashion, I found unnecessary and embarassing any "sex scenes" in TV Shows or films. And more recently, the "hot kiss" too ? If it's a way to show love, lips on lips, I totally get it, I'm interessed in that, but on the TV it seems more like they're eating each other mouths and I'm like... why ? What the appeal ?

 

Also I'm not sure about how sexual attraction is supposed to feel ? I can (probably) understand arousing. (I read smut in fanfiction and find it hot so... eh.) But I don't think I've never got this way because of someone.

I've discussed it with one of my friend that much like me doesn't appear very interested in sex but we agreed that we weren't really on the same page. She understands the appeal of sex but doesn't want it right now; while I don't really get it apart from the reality that "it must be good or else people wouldn't do it."

So yeah, that's it. Thanks for the luck btw !

 

Michael Tannok -> Thanks for your input, and for the cake :D  By the way, why so much cake ? Is it an AVEN's thing ? I've seen a lot of them :o

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NickyTannock
6 minutes ago, Leilamy said:

Thanks for your input, and for the cake :D  By the way, why so much cake ? Is it an AVEN's thing ? I've seen a lot of them :o

It's a tradition on AVEN to offer new members cake.


You can learn more about it here:

 

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CierraJasmineJ

Hiya! Wow, your worries sound just like mine! I’m also considering the thought that I might be asexual right now, but I’m super worried that I might just be “too young to decide”. The whole attention thing? Yea, I am also nervous that I just want to be “special” or something, even though I know that how someone identifies does not make them special. Sorry, I know this isn’t super helpful, but it helped me out to read about peopel who had similar experiences to mine, so I’m hoping this helps? One thing I have learned though, from my short time here on AVEN so far, is that it’s okay to be questioning. If you think right now that you might be asexual, but aren’t comfortable deciding on the label yet, that’s okay! And if you decide that yes, you are asexual, but this changes later on, that’s also completely fine! Also, people have told me that you can find people “aesthetically attractive” but still not be attracted to them, and I agree with this. Omg I feel you with the TV thing! It really bothers me when sometimes, sure, a little cute kiss is nice, but most of the time its just excessive and weird XD. That’s something that has always annoyed me whenever I see movies or TV shows, how sometimes they just add in unnecessary kisses and romance when it doesn’t do anything at all for the storyline. Well anyway, it seems like you already got a lot of cake, but you can never have too much, so here’s some cake::cake::cake::cake: 

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@Leilamy That's okay, I've always felt more comfortable with labels too even if it's only for myself to know. It's good that you can tell what aesthetic attraction is and you're making complete sense - to me all of that sounds like exactly that, aesthetic attraction. For me it's being able to appreciate people for how they look whether it's good facial structure, a style or way of expressing oneself or pretty much anything else as if they're art and you feel drawn to looking at them. The only difference with aesthetic attraction is that it doesn't equal sexual attraction. I remember I was once watching a music video of a dancer and I thought "wow, he's so talented. I wonder how hard he must work." Though, in the comments all people seemed to focus on how they could see his abs throughout the video and it never occurred to me that abs were seen so differently to any other muscle in the body ( though I did know people liked them - more because I thought it was an indicator of fitness/health and thought people liked that in others ).

 

I get my fair share of "this is unnecessary, please move along" moments when it comes to the topic of sex or how it's shown in the media as well because I feel it slows everything down and I don't exactly relate to it. It's possible you could be sex repulsed/averse by what you've said, but in the end you know yourself best. Arousal and libido have no relation to asexuality so if you do get that, you can still be asexual. With sexual attraction, it's harder to define something that isn't there than to define something that is. I've never experienced it so I couldn't tell you, but I feel as if it'd be one of those things that you just know when you have it. If she understands the appeal of sex and you don't feel you see it as 'passionately' as others, it could be possible that you're asexual.

 

Thanks for taking the time to reply and you deserve the luck. :D

 

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Karret ->  

2 hours ago, Karret said:

Try asking yourself how you'd feel if you never ever ever had sex for your entire life. Would you be depressed/horrified, relieved/happy, or meh doesn't matter?  

:Ua 

Probably close to "doesn't matter" with a bit of happy ? But I have never tried anything of the sort,  so can I really know ? I never even kissed someone or tried to go out with someone. But I am definitely interested in the latest. I want to be in love, of that part I'm sure so... yeah :)

 

CierraJasmineJ -> Actually, finding someone who think like me is great. Make it seems like I'm probably not just an attention-seeker you see ? And yeah I'm taking my time for the label but a "confirmation" would felt nice I suppose.

But yeaaah I feel you about TV Shows ! Most probant exemples would be GOT and all its sexe scenes that are completely unnecessary... I'm perfectly fine with love, and relationships developing nicely all throughout a story with the plot. But I have no interest for their bed life haha. And thanks for the cake hehe :D

 

_DEVIN_  ->  Thanks for asking mostly, I'm searching for advice so not answering would be kinda counter-productive x')    But yeah I can relate to what you say, so it's cool. What you're explaining about this dancer is kinda like, when I like a young actor because he impressed or touched me with one of the characters he played but all I can find of google image are pictures of his abs ha. Even if I find him good-looking; all those pictures just seem... meh ? Unnecessary ?

 

I've never figured I am sex aversed or repulsed ? Maybe I appear this way because or if too much people talk about it. Just like characters too popular tend to get on my nerves. But I don't think I'm repulsed by it ? More like I don't care but if people wanna do it that's perfectly fine just don't talk about it with me ? But well maybe. I just donc feel like it's right :v

But thank you very very much for your opinion  *bow*

I'm already quite happy that I finally gathered the will to sign up here :) 

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[insert preferred greeting here]

 

Just kidding :D Hi Leilamy, welcome to AVEN! Nice to have you here :)

 

Personally I always recommend to just go with the flow instead of searching for some "label" or other. If you haven't been interested in sex so far, that's fine. If that's going to change at some point in the future, that's fine, too. If it doesn't, guess what - also totally fine :D The most important thing is that you are comfortable with the way you feel. Don't be afraid to ask as many questions as you have, plus three more! We don't keep track ;)

 

As you seem to be interested in different kinds of art, I'd like to point you towards Open Mic, which is where the artistic ones of us discuss and share their work.

 

I hope you'll enjoy being a part of AVEN! Here's some cake for you:

 

IMG_9495-550x413.jpg?x19907

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CosmicTheAceOfSpace

Hi! Welcome to AVEN! as is tradition on this site, feel free to take some cake :D:cake:

 

I was around your age when I found out about Asexuality, finding out about it was one of the best things that could've happened to me, since I'd already spent most of my teen years just accepting that I didn't really care much about sex or relationships the way my friends did, it was a relief to be able to actually put a name to what I was feeling ^_^

 

Personally I think it's difficult to say when a person may be 'too young' to question their sexuality, but that's because everyone develops differently. Some people know their whole lives that they might not be 'straight', others figure it out a little later, and then there are some (like me) who just didn't pay much attention to it, until we started to notice how we were different from our peers and started to question ourselves.

 

If you have looked into Asexuality and its 'sub-categories' (Grey-Ace, Demi-sexual, etc.), and you think that you identify with it then go for it! If your identity ends up changing in a few years, that's fine too! Just take your time and do what feels best for you! 

 

I hope you find the answers to any questions you might have, and make lots of friends! Once again, welcome! :D  

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Welcome to AVEN! People on here are really friendly and joining this site will probably be a good place for you to find yourself a little more. Obviously, it doesn't/won't be a quick process, but it's a step in the right direction! 

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Welcome! You’re not too young to decide. If you:re old enough to be looking you’re old enough to identify. I realised I was ace at 16, so 17 is definitely not a problem. :) 

chocolate-truffle-cake-dark-chocolate-ca

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Hello @Leilamy !! I am also French! You are actually the only other French ace I have met so far! 

Welcome to AVEN! 

 

And btw I realised at 14 sooo.... Yup I think you are old enough to be able to identify 

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22 hours ago, Leilamy said:

Karret ->  

Probably close to "doesn't matter" with a bit of happy ? But I have never tried anything of the sort,  so can I really know ? I never even kissed someone or tried to go out with someone. But I am definitely interested in the latest. I want to be in love, of that part I'm sure so... yeah

I haven't tried it, either. What I do is compare both how I feel about other things I haven't done before that I know I want to do, and also how other people react to being single/not having sex or whatever. Before I'd ever had any bit of time behind the wheel of a car, I was really excited, even if rather nervous and anxious, about the prospect of learning how to drive. When my friend said she'd help me out with learning, I legit cried I was so happy. Those lessons ended up stopping before I could feel confident enough to get a license, so now I'm back to pining over not being able to drive still. I've seen friend after friend pine about being lonely and not being in a relationship the same way I pine over not being able to drive. I've had a friend tell me about her relationship troubles, and all the advice I could give was "well, if he's acting like that, then break up with him and don't date; it's much easier this way" <'Da. (This was before I discovered asexuality was a thing, so urp.)

You could even look at how you definitely want to be in a relationship, even though you don't seem too keen on the sex part. It is possible that you could be a late bloomer, so I don't think you'd have to rule that out, and if you feel like one day trying out sex just to see if you change your mind about it after having it, then I say go for it when you feel ready to test it out. Then, you won't have to wonder about 'I've never done it, so how can I know for sure?' 

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Homer  ->  Thank you very much for your warm welcome  uwu   Fortunately, I'm more comfortable than not with the way I feel. Proof is that I took time before signing up because most of the time I can go on in life without worrying about the subject.  But well, I would still like to get some insight in the subject, to be able to tell if I am asexual or not, even if it's just CURRENTLY and it can change. I think it's just would feel... grounding if that makes sense ? Like, you can stop thinking and pondering for a moment and have a clear answer ?  But I totally get that having a 'label' isn't the most important in life.

By the way, I will definitely be hanging in the Open Mic section, even if I don't know what I could post about so far oo    But I'll look more closely when I have time !  (and thanks for the cake again, I love chocolate :D

 

CosmicTheAceOfSpace  ->  Thank u too for the welcome  :D  Learning that there are people around my age who asked themselves the same question is a true relief. I think I remember skipping through presentation on the french part of AVEN, and actually seeing members suggesting that 16-year-old was a bit young for knowing with certainty your asexuality and it didn't help me to win confidence in my questioning; even if it has grown from just an itch to actually really informing myself since then... But hearing people who think differently is calming so yeah.

I've read a bit about the sub-categories, I know about demisexuals and a bit about grey-ace but not really much yet so I'll keep on reading and discovering I think.  And I do hope I'll make good acquaintances here too ! Thank you :)

 

Espadoodle  ->  Yeah, I'm not expecting all my doubts to disappear in a matter of days but I do think that it's a way to acknowledge them and learn more about them. And everyone here DO seem lovely and welcoming so I'm eager to discuss more with you all ^^

 

Lichley  ->  It's actually really reassuring to know; and thanks for the (big) cake hehe   ^_^

 

OhDearyMe!  ->  A french ! Wow I'm glad to meet you then x')   And happy to be your first too ? I suppose all the others probably gather on the french side of AVEN, it's actually the one google proposed me first when I searched about asexuality so... And thanks for the input about your age of discovery too, I guess that makes one less worry.

 

A.R.B  ->  Thanks ! I would offer some chocolate but I've just finished all my Easter chocolate so :lol:  I can suggest Lindt chocolate ? In my area, it's kind of a specialty.

 

Karret ->  That's actually a really good analogy and I'll keep it in mind, thank you. Do you think than actively wanting a relationship is strange for an asexual ? I figured an ace/aro wouldn't be interested in dating while an ace non aro could be interested but not in the sexual part. Did I misinterpret asexuality and aromantism ? If it's the case do tell me please, I really don't want to assume wrong things :x

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SparkyCat13

Welcome to AVEN! It's perfectly fine to be questioning. There are people in pretty much every age range here who are unsure of their identities. We come here to share experiences and give each other a sense of community and support for things just like this!

 

Have some cookie cake!

 

Chocolate Chip Cookie Cake with Milk Chocolate Frosting - the best way to eat a chocolate chip cookie! Recipe on sallysbakingaddiction.com

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Thank you for the welcome, and this cake looks delicious !  :cake:

 

Btw, Disney is Life ;)

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