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zephr

I think I might be non binary... any help?

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zephr

Hi all. I'm 26 years old, born female, and lately have not been able to shake the idea that I think I'm non binary.

My whole life, I've kind of gone through phases where I felt more like one gender or another, but for the most part, I kind of felt like neither. I think I just didn't know how to describe it when I was younger or that that was a "thing" that you could be. I've never really felt like any of the things I'm interested in or the thoughts I have have anything to do with either binary gender. I've always just felt like a "person" not a girl/boy. My whole life I've always felt like there was something wrong with me or something different about me, and like people would think that I was weird if they knew what it was, but I never really knew why, or even what it was myself. I started saying I was bisexual in high school, and then that I was pan sexual a few year ago, but honestly there's just more to it than that. I always identified with the general word "queer" but I've mostly dated guys my whole life so I felt like I wasn't allowed to use that word  because I wasn't "gay enough" or something (since I thought I was bi and hadn't really dated girls). Pretty much everyone I have dated has been bisexual though, and for some reason I've had multiple experiences with guys who considered themselves to be gay but were physically and/or romantically attracted to me, and I thought maybe it's because I have kind of a non-femme soul or something (I tend to be much more attracted to bi or gay guys than straight guys). The older I get the more I tend to gravitate towards wearing plain, non-gender-specific clothes  and feel kind of weird when I get gendered really hard (some people at school call me "queen [name]" as a joke because I run our forum and it makes me feel pretty uncomfortable). Also I went for a laser hair appointment today and the lady was wearing a dress and kept making comments about what women do to be beautiful and I wanted to sort of crawl out of my skin. Sorry this is really rambly, I'm just pretty confused with all of this. I've always known there was something different about me but I couldn't figure it out, and now I think, what if this is it? But some days I actually kind of feel like a girl (less lately I think). Some days I feel more like a boy (though not many). It's usually just neither or some weird mix of the two. 

 

I guess what I'm wondering is, what actually *is* non binary? Does it mean that you just identify with neither binary gender all the time, or can it be a spectrum like what I have? If anyone could give me some help or insight with this I would really appreciate it. I'm not anywhere near ready to talk to anyone I know about this. Thank you

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Shieldmaiden WinterDragon

WELCOME! I've felt the same way but then both at the same time, to be honest we can only help you discovery YOURSELF through comments but not say WHO you are. To make it easy for me I put androgyne it's in between female and male no more or less of each other but the same amount of the 2 together if you know what I mean. Best of wishes on you and I hope you enjoy it here in AVEN  ^_^ 

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Celyn

In reply to one of your questions, yes NB is an umbrella term and can refer to a spectrum. It's totally OK to just use that and not anything more specific, if you want.

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Wayfarer

From what I understand, non-binary is anything that isn't binary full-time. So people who might be genderfluid can feel like a girl one day and a boy the next and agender the day after, and still identify as non-binary, just because it's not just one binary gender. So, yes, I think it can be a spectrum, definitely. Especially with a spectrum like that, I can imagine having a term that's broad enough to cover all experience could be exactly what you're looking for.

 

For me personally, the sentence

4 hours ago, zephr said:

I've always just felt like a "person" not a girl/boy.

really resonates with me, I feel exactly the same, and it's also how I usually explain my gender to people. (A friend of mine has even gotten into the habit of saying "people first", when she holds a door open for me)

 

No one can choose your labels for you, but if you're confused about how labels work, there's always plenty people here willing to answer questions about them :)

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arden_jay

I agree with @Wayfarer, non-binary is often used as an umbrella term and can be used as an identifier by the majority of genderqueer people. It's up to you whether you want to stick with this term, like I do, or whether you want to look for something more specific. The Gender Definitions Masterlist on this forum should give you a good starting point. ^_^

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