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ARJAY

I'm still confused

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ARJAY

I'm new to this whole asexual idea. I was married for 23 years until my husband passed away. We didn't have sex for a number of years before he died. Most of that was because I wasn't interested - I'd told him that I had a VERY low sex drive. Part of it was because I didn't think he was a very good lover - he's the only one I've ever had sex with. How would I know what a good lover is?

I still find men and women attractive. I still want physical touch, but I just don't think I'm interested in sex. Am I asexual?

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Tanwen

As this is your first post, I would like to say welcome and have some welcome :cake::cake::cake::cake::cake::cake: . Have you thought about making a post in the 'Welcome' thread, it's for people to just dip their toes in the water and say 'I'm here'.

I would love to have physical contact with a partner - to a point - holding hands maybe the odd kiss, lots and lots of cuddles, but definately no sex. I hope you'll enjoy AVEN, I've always found the people on here to be welcoming and friendly, and it's a good place to help you sort hings out in your mind. Whether you opt to give yourself a 'tag', or not, you'll be welcome here, and I hope you'll make new friends.

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Tristan
I still want physical touch, but I just don't think I'm interested in sex. Am I asexual?

You could be - I think there are quite of few people here (and on other sites) who want the special comfort of human touch but who are uninterested in or even turned off by sex (or the pressure to be sexual).

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ARJAY

I guess that's it, Tristan. I'm turned off by the pressure to be sexual and am tired of thinking I'm 'odd' or 'wrong'. I am suddenly widowed after 23 years of marriage and kind of afraid to go back out into the dating world. I like the fact that there are people out there, somewhere, who feel like I do.

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Calla_Lily

hi arjay, welcome! i crave human touch, hugs, hand holding, cuddling, just NO SEX whatsoever. i'm sure there is a broad spectrum of asexual preferences just as there is a broad spectrum of sexual preferences. if labels make you uncomfortable, just call them your own personal likes and dislikes. btw, sorry to hear of the loss of your spouse. 23 years is a long time to be together so i'm sure there is a void. i wish you much happiness and healing.

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ARJAY

Thanks, Calla_Lily. Healing takes time and I AM becoming more content with just who I am - mostly thanks to you people here. :D

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FelineFanatic
I'm new to this whole asexual idea. I was married for 23 years until my husband passed away. We didn't have sex for a number of years before he died. Most of that was because I wasn't interested - I'd told him that I had a VERY low sex drive. Part of it was because I didn't think he was a very good lover - he's the only one I've ever had sex with. How would I know what a good lover is?

I still find men and women attractive. I still want physical touch, but I just don't think I'm interested in sex. Am I asexual?

Lots of people here feel as you do. As you will see, people here also have a wide range in the extent of intimacy thes desire. Lots of asexuals enjoy enjoy companionship, holding hands, hugging and cuddling. This is a site you will enjoy. I just spent a long time "lurking"--reading what others wrote before really commenting with my own thought. Welcome! :cake::cake::cake:

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ARJAY
I'm new to this whole asexual idea. I was married for 23 years until my husband passed away. We didn't have sex for a number of years before he died. Most of that was because I wasn't interested - I'd told him that I had a VERY low sex drive. Part of it was because I didn't think he was a very good lover - he's the only one I've ever had sex with. How would I know what a good lover is?

I still find men and women attractive. I still want physical touch, but I just don't think I'm interested in sex. Am I asexual?

Lots of people here feel as you do. As you will see, people here also have a wide range in the extent of intimacy thes desire. Lots of asexuals enjoy enjoy companionship, holding hands, hugging and cuddling. This is a site you will enjoy. I just spent a long time "lurking"--reading what others wrote before really commenting with my own thought. Welcome! :cake::cake::cake:

Me, too. I feel very safe in posting now though!!!! :wink:

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Fuzzrules
Me, too. I feel very safe in posting now though!!!! :wink:

Post away! It's oodles of fun. Here's more :cake::cake::cake: to keep you going :)

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