Don't Want To Be Aromantic

[alwaysseemtobeconfused]

Hey guys,

 

So all my life I never wanted a relationship and I always felt like it was painful to try to be in one. I never felt anything other than physical attraction to other people and never felt "butterflies" or what people would count as romantic attraction. I tried dating my male best friend (I'm female btw), and it ended cause neither of us really felt sparks. After a lot of research I found out that even though I identify as bisexual, I'm also aromantic. I always felt broken because of the fact that I couldn't have relationships and even though I know now why that is, I still feel extremely sad over this realization. What I want to know is: are the feelings of sadness over being aromantic normal? How do I get over feeling like I'm broken?

[Norellia]

It is normal for me at least. While I was so happy to discover being asexual and aromantic, there were times were I questioned my sexuality simply because I didn't want it to be true. There are still times were I wish I could simply be a allosexual (person with sexual attraction), but forming a sense of community has helped me a bit. Reaching out to people online, or making friends who are aro and ace has helped in some ways. With time it should help the feeling of sadness go away as you build confidence with you identity, but there still may be days where you feel sad and that is ok. Hope this helps, and I hope you feel better in the future. Also welcome to aven have some cake .

[Amber79]

I'm ace aro, and while I don't regret the asexual part of me, there are times when I wish I was romantic. However, over time I've realised what other aromantics have in the past. It doesn't mean no relationship. The romantice side of a relationship is something that fades for most people, not completely perhaps, but to a large degree. That initial spark and lightening phase goes and turns into a different kind of love, one based on partnership, friendship and wanting the same things. Whilst for a romantic person there will still be hand holding and date nights, for an aro the focus is more stongly on partnership, on sharing responsabilitites and moments. It's not entirely the same, the kind of love is different, but I know an aro who has found someone they can be in a partnership with, and it has worked now for a couple of years. I live in hope that one day I can at least find something similar, and in the meantime I try to concentrate on what I have, and no what I don't have. 

[noparlpf]

I have kind of complicated/mixed feelings on it myself. I'm practically aro/ace like 99% of the time and I'm torn between wishing I were aro/ace 100% of the time (it's simpler) and wishing I were more capable of romantic relationships (I do feel like, romantically lonely sometimes even though I'm not suited for it). Society really makes you feel left out if you're not paired up like everybody else. It sucks.

[Jarle]

On 4/16/2018 at 9:50 PM, Amber79 said:

I try to concentrate on what I have, and no what I don't have. 

Since a messy break-up last year, focusing on thinking like this has helped me immensely! 

 

Being aro doesn't mean that you can't have relationships, it's simply a would to say that you aren't romantically attracted to people. And just as asexuals can still have and enjoy sex, people who are aromantic can still find themselves in loving and enjoyable relationships. If you're feeling like it's a 'forever alone' type of curse and that's why you're feeling sad, think about how having words like this in your vocabulary will help explain your wants and needs to a potential partner. Personally I don't want to enter another relationship, but like Amber said, focusing on what I have rather than what I don't allowed me to move from feeling broken and alone and sad to feeling incredibly lucky to have such a wonderful life. 

[Ooo]

haha wow i just made a post just like this, i had no idea that other people felt this way! (guess i didnt look at the forums very hard).

im afraid i dont have any advice since i feel so similarly but, i guess its good that we arent alone? and that to some degree there are people on here who getchu heh . hope you are well  

 

[Ms. Carolynne]

I'm demiromantic, but at times I've felt similarly. I don't yearn for a relationship often, but it's rough when it happens because I know it takes me a long time to develop romantic feelings, and I'm so ill suited towards dating norms.

 

You just sort of have to accept it as a part of yourself, and consider alternatives if need be.

 

Maybe a QPR would be down your alley?

 

 

[PixleyDust✨]

@G1P0 Oh my god, why can’t I relate to people this HARD IN THE REAL WORLD. 😆

 

@alwaysseemtobeconfused But yeah, being aro/ace myself, I get a little down about my aromanticism sometimes. Kind of feels like you’ve been denied an opportunity you wish you had a say in. 

[iamfuckinglost]

I feel realy sad that I can't feel romantic feelings. I see everywone around me being in love and I feel like I'm missing something but in the other hand, I hate being in a relationship. I try to put my energy in making new friends and it helps a lot but I think that I will always feel empty anyway. 

ps: english is not my first language

[Someone Else]

I am taking it pretty hard that I can't seem to fully experience romance and sex like others can.   I might like to try having relationship like that someday, but only with someone else like myself I think -- someone who wishes they could fully feel sex and romance.  Someone who doesn't feel these things and is happy with that might not understand me fully, and someone who does fully experience those things will likely be disappointed with me.