Too many factors!

[Torc87]

Hopefully this is an ok place to post this. TRIGGER WARNING: Explicit talk of sex and arousal and BDSM.

 

So I'm trying to figure out my labels. I like labels - I've used bisexual for about a decade now, have about a dozen BDSM ones, but can't for the friggin LIFE of me figure out the way demi/gray A/ wherever the hell I'm on that scale interacts with any of them

 

I am bisexual in that I can see myself in a relationship with either a man or a woman. I find both at least aesthetically attractive.

 

That probably means I am romantically attracted to either. Slightly more to men.

 

Aesthetically I tend to find women prettier, especially feminine looking ones.

 

Is it sexual attraction as well as aesthetic? No clue. 

 

What's the difference? I mostly think of looking/admiring. I don't tend to want to drag Anyone to bed no matter how much I like the look. I don't want to touch any private parts and vice versa.

 

Admittedly, looking could easily become leering if I had no manners.

 

But is that sexual?

 

I can't seem to narrow down what is sexual attraction vs sexual drive vs sexual desire vs aesthetic attraction vs romantic attraction vs flaming platonic attraction vs my kink vs....

 

I know enough to know I have a sex drive, masturbation is enjoyable.

 

I know BDSM is fun, can be arousing though isn't always. I know I can be sexually aroused by it. In the moment that may mean I want to be touched, and rarer still, to touch, genital parts w my play partner. I also know that the few times I've done that I a. Didn't enjoy it and b. Felt repulsed a bit during and definitely after.

 

I know I don't find sex in theory repulsive. In theory I fantasize about it, I like the idea ( usually w my fetish involved but sex is in theory attractive)

 

However in practice I find genitals either boring as hell - my few attempts at sex left me going .... Yeah, bored, can I turn the TV on? Or worse - yucky, and too many bodily fluids and kissing is no fun, I don't like the taste and smell and yuck. So in practice it becomes repulsion or boredom.

 

Where does all that fit?

 

Except I have on maybe two occasions wanted to try having sex w someone. To initiate it. Didn't, so I'm not sure if I'd still be bored if it was inspired by some sort of attraction ( emotional). If I'm demisexual and it is the lack of connection that interfered.

 

So that's sexual desire? Or is it?

 

There's so many factors and attractions and aspects to consider!

 

I like flirting, I like sexual attention and interest from others... I just don't want to do anything about it. Does that even fit into that puzzle?

 

If I'm into BDSM, and I find BDSM sexual sometimes,  does that mean I am sexual just w a fetish?

 

How the hells can I find the action sexy, just not the person? Or the person, just not want to do anything w them? Or sex in theory being intriguing and in reality being repulsed? It feels like a lot if contradictions.

 

I'm not quite sure if I have a concrete question. Just...anyone wrap their minds around all this stuff better than I can?

 

 

[Lichley]

Asexuality is the lack of sexual attraction. Aesthetic attraction doesn’t equal sexual attraction (see below). Asexuals can have kinks/ fetishes, as that I suggest part of sexual desire / libido, not sexual attraction.