for those older aces living solo - who looks out for you?

[aceunderfire]

So, this kind of hits home for me because my wife passed away recently. We had went through a lot of paperwork (advance directive, etc.) for her pre-surgery, but It wasn't until the funeral and memorial and all that horrible decision making stuff came up that I realized someone needs to be in charge when I pass away, and they damn well better know what I would want.

 

Of course, knowing that and figuring out how to put things in place are two different things!!! 😅

[Éadweard]

I just look out for myself

[Hmkitten]

@dionysian_dame About five years ago I too lost my husband to cancer. He was almost thirty.

 

Anyway, we had lots of time to get all of the paperwork together to make my transition easier... But I still went off the deep end for the first three years. Thanks to a close group of friends and family I made it through some really dark times. Still finding normal, but life did get better.

 

Now that things have settled, I still keep up with those friends and if they can't get a hold of me for a while then they start to worry and check in with me. I am positively HORRIBLE about calling other people (I don't want to intrude) or going out on get-togethers, but they are always great about coming to me--even when I am not doing well mentally.

 

(And my neighbors are useless, unless I want someone to buy illicit drugs off of.)

 

I am lucky to have my support network (oh yeah, and my dog who keeps me safe and sane-ish).

-Heather

[Joe Guzman]

Haven't thought about this for myself, since I have a number of friends who'd miss me (even if only because I didn't text), but you got me thinking, and I found an ad for medical alert bracelets that can detect falls and automatically alert a doctor or hospital. Check <lifeline.phillips.com> and see if that helps. Best I could do. It's gotta be better than winding up as your dog's last treat. BTW, its for US citizens in the US only, so keep that in mind.

[Rupa]

Gosh this is kind of hard to read, I’m sorry all of you are having to go through all these thoughts and concerns. I’m only 21 so the thought of this kind of thing only crossed my mind the other day when my mother was expressing her sadness over my ‘denying myself’ company and people that care by not having children.

 

We live in the UK so after my grandmother had a stroke years ago she got a falls detector that either goes around your neck or on your clothing. There is also a white box connected to the phone line so if the detector goes off, a trained operator rings the box, calling out her name and asking if she is okay- it is very loud! So you can hear from further into the house. If there is no answer they send someone to the house and there is a keysafe. If it’s all ok, you just say so and they reset the system.

There are also fire alarms that automatically notify the fire services and the white box, so someone would come round in the event of a fire also. My grandmother has dementia and can no longer speak so she could not call anyone for help herself, or get out if there was a fire, but these seevices were put into place before she progressed to this point. Great peace of mind.

 

In regards to hospital procedures needing a driver- not heard of this? There is a transport service run by the National Health Service that will pick people up from their homes, and take them home again. There are different teams, some have stretchers (in the shape of chairs?) to get people out of houses down stairs, some bring wheelchairs, others have hoists in the van so they can take anyone even if they are bedbound. Admittedly this service needs a lot of polish and often they send the wrong team (though this doesn’t matter if you only need a ride), but the fact is the service is there.

 

Finally in regards to pets, I haven’t looked into it much but I often see adverts from the RSPCA here targeted at those worried about their pets after they pass. It’s called the Home For Life Scheme. Seems you sign up to their scheme and they will come collect any pets if it turns out something has happened,  care for them, give them vaccinations and find them loving new homes.

Here is the website link so if anyone here is a UK citizen this may be a good shout. There is no mention of cost. https://www.rspca.org.uk/whatwedo/care/homeforlife/howitworks

 

I wish I could be more helpful to those in the US and worldwide. I wish you all the best and please give your fluffy companions and extra pat from me. 🍰

[Maigo]

On 4/21/2018 at 4:54 PM, Homer said:

I'll end up as one of those people who only get found months after passing because of the stench in the hallway ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

 

On 4/22/2018 at 6:30 PM, teatree said:

Ewwww! Not too nice for whoever finds you and has to clean up. 🤢

Sorry, I'd help clean up but I'm dead. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[cavalier080854]

Funeral pre-paid, the rest is up to those who want to come

[Nahteb15]

This is something that I'm hoping technology might find a solution for before I have to make such decisions.  I live alone and work so right now work would notice if I didn't show up. 

 

However the fact that my mum died pretty recently and quite suddenly has definitely brought this to a place where I wonder who else would notice if I suddenly dropped off the radar... I have infrequent contact with my brother who lives in the same city but we certainly don't speak every day as he's got a life and family of his own to be concerned with.

[natewrites]

On ‎4‎/‎19‎/‎2018 at 2:35 PM, froglady said:

Maybe it could be turned into some kind of small monastery type place for aging hermits. someday...a long time from now

I have a few permanently single friends who joke about doing something like this someday, only I don't find it a joke and think it's a good, practical idea. 

[Nahteb15]

Maybe The Real Marigold Hotel is the answer... for those who don't know it it's a TV series where celebrity retirees live in India to see if they could retire there.

[Guest]

I'm with you Homer: I fully expect to die and not be found for months. I suppose I should care, but I've given up caring, I guess.

I was very concerned when I had pets, but both of my perfect girls have now passed (one just recently) and this concern leads me to think I should never get another pet. I may only be 37, but I wouldn't want pets to suffer because I am a complete loner with no friends or family (I want friends, but I have found sexual friends do not value friendships, and I'm always alone. I have some "friends" that I literally have not seen in nearly a decade or talked to in nearly two years - their choice, not mine.

 

Meh. What can you do?

[ryn2]

6 hours ago, LKinney said:

I was very concerned when I had pets, but both of my perfect girls have now passed (one just recently) and this concern leads me to think I should never get another pet.

This is my concern and would be my approach.  Unfortunately the odds, given my short-lived family, are good that my youngest pet will outlive me.  I would not have agreed to take him in if I’d known my partner was considering leaving.

[Guest]

Sorry to hear, ryn2. I wish I had answers. This is part of the problem with a society so obsessed with romantic relationships and families (you know, assuming we all get along with those people or have these things) to the point of degrading all other relationships. It really does leave so many people out in the cold.

 

We are living in a time where the majority of people will now spend the majority of their time single. There is a growing problem of isolation and people who have no one, and societies are not adapting to these changes; if anything we are making it worse by continuing to over inflate the single focus on but ONE relationship that it is expected every member of society will have. This same issue leads to problems like incels who then go on to murder people because they can't find a romantic/sexual partner.

 

I love the idea someone else posted here about setting up single people "homes;" it is something that is starting to happen, but not fast enough to meet the need.

[œddy]

On 8/18/2018 at 1:36 PM, Nahteb15 said:

Maybe The Real Marigold Hotel is the answer... for those who don't know it it's a TV series where celebrity retirees live in India to see if they could retire there.

They also did an 'on tour' series covering retirement in the US, which was eye-opening to say the least. Especially the super-wealthy plastic-surgery obsessed people that were super pro-trump and had a rather stern talking to by Rosemary Shrager

 

On topic, I suppose I'm concerned about ill health when I get older as I've had a few moments where looking after myself has been tough over last couple years, but that seems a rather selfish reason. Hasn't helped that I've done my back in and trapped a bloody nerve!

[ryn2]

33 minutes ago, LKinney said:

I love the idea someone else posted here about setting up single people "homes;" it is something that is starting to happen, but not fast enough to meet the need.

Agreed, or perhaps a network (online, even) of singles who watch out for one another.  People wouldn’t even have to live geographically close together... just act on instructions if someone doesn’t check in as expected.

[Nahteb15]

 

1 hour ago, œddy said:

They also did an 'on tour' series covering retirement in the US, which was eye-opening to say the least. Especially the super-wealthy plastic-surgery obsessed people that were super pro-trump and had a rather stern talking to by Rosemary Shrager

 

On topic, I suppose I'm concerned about ill health when I get older as I've had a few moments where looking after myself has been tough over last couple years, but that seems a rather selfish reason. Hasn't helped that I've done my back in and trapped a bloody nerve!

@œddy I'm going to have to find that series online somewhere as it sounds epic...

[Guest]

4 hours ago, ryn2 said:

Agreed, or perhaps a network (online, even) of singles who watch out for one another.  People wouldn’t even have to live geographically close together... just act on instructions if someone doesn’t check in as expected.

Now that, frankly, it pure brilliance and would be an extremely easy thing to do right now. I, for one, could feel not guilty having pets knowing they would be found.

[ryn2]

Most pets (excepting tiny babies, reptiles, some medication-dependent pets, and those in extreme situations like a weather emergency) could probably go a couple of days alone after an owner’s death so it’s not like people would have to be monitoring/checking in nonstop. It could have potential...

[Guest]

2 hours ago, ryn2 said:

Most pets (excepting tiny babies, reptiles, some medication-dependent pets, and those in extreme situations like a weather emergency) could probably go a couple of days alone after an owner’s death so it’s not like people would have to be monitoring/checking in nonstop. It could have potential...

True. But as some of us here noted, no one is finding us for months. Not sure if the smell or when the rent finally stops being autopaid as the account runs out, you know? Yeah, work would notice I wasn't there day one (a teacher missing is very quickly noticed as your class stands outside your locked door and are very loud in the hallway), but does that mean they are sending police to my door to check on me? I don;t think it does.

[ryn2]

2 hours ago, LKinney said:

True. But as some of us here noted, no one is finding us for months. Not sure if the smell or when the rent finally stops being autopaid as the account runs out, you know? Yeah, work would notice I wasn't there day one (a teacher missing is very quickly noticed as your class stands outside your locked door and are very loud in the hallway), but does that mean they are sending police to my door to check on me? I don;t think it does.

Sorry, I should have quoted.  I meant that as an extension of what I’d suggested previously about an online network.

 

Totally agreed otherwise, which was why I originally started the thread.

[daveb]

I don't want to live with other people, but some sort of online system might be good. My main concern would be, what if I just forgot to check in on time?  

[ryn2]

38 minutes ago, daveb said:

I don't want to live with other people, but some sort of online system might be good. My main concern would be, what if I just forgot to check in on time?  

Same thing that happens with a paid system... you’d get a surprise visit from whatever person, agency, etc., you’d asked to have contacted.  

[Grace Phoenix]

I think I want to donate my body to science. I guess right now I can’t see anyone wanting my ashes. I could get my name etched on the family tombstone, but I have no desire to be planted in a tin box. 

 

I guess it’s a bit morbid, but my

mother died young, as did hers. 

 

I like the idea of assisted living though. I have a friend who moved into a 55+ building. They have shuttles to grocery stores and the movies. 

 

It’s something to think about. 

[infinityandbeyond]

Me myself and I

[wintercat]

Right now, I'm all I've got!  Except a friend who lives in another state, and some online friends at a diary site who don't even know my real name or where I am. 

[Nick2]

Have pre-planned and have a trust set up with everything listed so the lawyer will handle.  Have donated my body to science so no funeral is needed.

[katinthehat]

I don't know if this is helpful, but once my alarm clock shut off because of an outage and I didn't wake up in time for work. I overslept for about an hour and that's when my work tried to contact me. However, I leave my cell phone on silent when I'm sleeping so I didn't hear it ring. So then my work called my emergency contact, which is my father, who also tried to contact me through my cell phone (again I didn't hear it ring). So the last resort was my work contacting my landlady who knocked on my door several times which finally woke me up. My dumbass thought it was super early in the morning and that there was an emergency. Everyone thought I was missing or died.

 

My point is, if you at least work, there will be people who will make sure you're okay (or care that one of their employees aren't there working, whichever works).

[AndrewT]

25 minutes ago, katinthehat said:

I don't know if this is helpful, but once my alarm clock shut off because of an outage and I didn't wake up in time for work. I overslept for about an hour and that's when my work tried to contact me. However, I leave my cell phone on silent when I'm sleeping so I didn't hear it ring. So then my work called my emergency contact, which is my father, who also tried to contact me through my cell phone (again I didn't hear it ring). So the last resort was my work contacting my landlady who knocked on my door several times which finally woke me up. My dumbass thought it was super early in the morning and that there was an emergency. Everyone thought I was missing or died.

 

My point is, if you at least work, there will be people who will make sure you're okay (or care that one of their employees aren't there working, whichever works).

if i had not turned in for work without phoning in sick, I'd have just got a written warning when i showed up

[katinthehat]

5 minutes ago, AndrewT said:

if i had not turned in for work without phoning in sick, I'd have just got a written warning when i showed up

That's harsh. This type of thing could happen to anyone.

[ryn2]

My coworkers and boss would be very concerned if I didn’t surface (they panicked one morning when I was at a conference... that I’d told boss about... and when I got in at 10:30 they were pretty frantic), but if/when my partner moves on I won’t have an emergency contact anymore.

 

Most of my jobs would have sent the police to check after me eventually.  This one, someone would probably go to my house and call the police when they could not rouse me.

 

Once/if I retire, though...