Any men who can relate?

[StrangeStory]

This post is mainly for men around my age (late 30s) or older; I'm wondering if there is anyone who can relate. It would make more sense for me to post this on some "heterosexual" site, but I don't belong to anything like that, so here we go:

 

I am celibate and will never have sex simply because I don't like it. For that reason, I call myself grey-A. However, I am still very much attracted to most young women. And it's that word: "young," which causes the problem. I find women who are in their 20s to be attractive, or older women who look like they are in their 20s. Perfectly natural, right? I wish I was able to have a special, non-sexual relationship with someone of that description. But now I'm getting older. When I'm 50, I will still like 20-somethings. Same when I'm 60, and so on. Obviously, the older I get, the less likely it will be that I'll be able to have a relationship with a 20-something. How does this not equal total despair?

 

I understand that I may change, and start to feel attraction to different qualities in people, and maybe then I will be more open to meeting women closer to my age. But, for now, I have no interest in that age group. Women in their late 30s seem like "adults" and I feel like a teenager.

 

Surely this is really common! To those who can relate: How do you cope? How are you not filled with misery every day?

[Guest]

I do feel that women my own age are kind settled in and want more stability than I am able to provide or am even able to offer. I am also attracted to younger women too. I have a feeling it relates more to aging process in us as it seems that men go through the clichéd "midlife crisis" around 40 ( which I am also heading toward and dreading). For me it is a recent development as when I was younger I used to be attracted to women that are the age I am now! It is indeed a strange process. 

[StrangeStory]

On 4/15/2018 at 4:42 PM, ABryonJ.maybe said:

For me it is a recent development as when I was younger I used to be attracted to women that are the age I am now! It is indeed a strange process.

Ouch! That's unlucky!

[StrangeStory]

Nobody else? I'm surprised. I thought there would be lots of men in the same situation.

[Yeast]

On 4/15/2018 at 9:14 AM, StrangeStory said:

I am celibate and will never have sex simply because I don't like it.

From what I've read thus far there is a difference between celibacy and asexuality. Its all about sexual attraction. Celibate people feel sexually attracted to other people but repress this. Asexuals have no desire for sex so there is no repression. I've always preferred the company of the opposite sex but women in my culture expect sex to be part of an adult relationship. I've found it hard to make friends because of this. I don't think I've been aesthetically attracted to anyone, at least not personally, so I've never cared much about the age of my friends or how they looked. I've always lived life as though I were in some science fiction universe surrounded by all sorts of strange, fascinating aliens. They may look far different than me but as we are both sentient beings we are the same in this respect. I have found a few members of my own species, though. Both were asexual women. Although I'm probably twice their age it doesn't seem to matter. I've found asexuality dissolves barriers of race, gender and age. Regarding the other species, well the LGBT continuum has offered several splendid friends. Its nice being around lesbians because I don't have to be concerned about interpersonal sexual issues. They seem charmed by me as well.   

[CirothUngol]

@Yeast I came to point out celibacy <> asexuality as well.

 

Women are easier for me to form close bonds with and I have a highly aesthetic attraction to their appearance, but it's as much dress and hair as it is T and A, and maturity doesn't seem to matter nearly as much as presentation. The difference here seems to be the causality of your attraction. I think girls are pretty in function and form, but I still kinda find me-sex to be a non-thing, never equate "girl I see" with "sex for me", and therefore never tend to view them in an overtly sexual fashion. I figured that out at a strip club full of lovely naked women. Nothing. I simply don't get it. Naked doesn't matter, I simply don't know these people so have no genuine attraction to them. Besides, I like women with their clothes on, especially if they wear them well.

 

If by "special relationship" you mean "long-lasting" then even a 20-something will eventually grow older with you... and will hopefully continue to be the special person you've chosen to care for. Sorry, but I fear that what you're chasing may actually be a fantasy.

[Guest]

I'd ask of the OP, what makes you not like sex? Because what you described actually sounds just like a regular asexual with attraction to certain types of people (contrary to popular belief on AVEN, many asexuals actually have a 'type', they just don't want to have sex with them!!). Celibacy is wanting the sex but choosing not to have it (or being forced by circumstances not to have it) whereas asexuality is not wanting the sex in the first place!!!

 

Anyway, there are sexual girls attracted to much older men, so I'm sure there must be asexual out there attracted to older men as well ..Also, how big is your wallet? Because we all know fat wallets take older men far in life when they want a younger girlfriend, and she'd probably be happy if she also wasn't expected to have sexytimes!! If I didn't already have a partner I'd love to have a relationship with someone older than me who could provide stability for my kids and I while I cook and clean and help him feel cared for and loved, and work on my art and other ambitions in my life too like writing and becoming a professonal narrator - I could only do that if he didn't want sexytimes though because it's easier for me not to have sex even if I'm not actually asexual, just celibate