I might not be ace??

[Ziggyzag]

I've always been completely uninterested in sex when I was younger. Other than the usual pubescent 'haha penis' kind of acknowledgement to its existence it wasn't even on my radar until my friends seemingly over night became hyper interested in everything to do with it. I pretty much fit most peoples ace narratives to a t. The lengths people went to for sex baffled me, it seemed kind of gross, and I had zero interest in doing it. When I properly researched asexuality it seemed to fit me perfectly. BUT... (of course this was coming, you read the title lol)

 

I did a few months ago start coming the realization that I did want to try sex. I put it down to mostly curiosity. During this time I have also been experimenting with my gender a bit. I recently came to the conclusion of being a masculine leaning non-binary person. I'm unsure if these are related. They happened around the same time and I'm wondering whether it was less that I've been ace but I just couldn't see myself having sex as a woman. OR I'm not sure if my desire to have sex is anything to do with attraction and I'm one of those 'late bloomers' that people talk about when trying to explain away asexuality. I'm not hugely old (19) so this isn't unreasonable either. I'm still unsure if the sex thing has to do with people and if that makes me still technically ace with a sex drive. Can anyone relate to any of these points?? Or?? idk

 

TLDR; Basically, did anyone stop identifying as ace when they realized they were trans, or did anyone stop identifying as ace when they got older? Also how do you tell a general desire to have sex apart from sexual attraction????

[Sorcerer Midnight]

I went through a huge number of labels before I sorted out my gender. I'm an androgynous transman, if that helps.

 

For a long while, I thought I was aromantic and asexual. But when I came to know what trans meant, and that one could transition from female to male, I began to question all of that. (This is ignoring the "I'm a lesbian" and "I'm bisexual" bit before thinking I was aro/ace.) I never came out to anyone, but I quietly identified as both aromantic and asexual for two, maybe three years. Then I realized I was a transman and everything... exploded, for lack of a better word. I realized I was gay, and demisexual, shortly thereafter. 

 

For me, sexual desire and sexual attraction are closely interlinked. I call myself demi because I do desire sex... from a very close partner. And that's it. I've yet to have a bond close enough to turn into attraction or desire, but I will have it someday, I'm sure. A general desire for sex could just be a desire for sex, if you're not attracted to someone in particular. Attraction, as I define it, is desire for someone in particular. Not just "sex in general".

[Guest]

I stopped identifying as asexual at around 28, I finally met someone who I realized I can potentially desire some forms of sexual intimacy with (under some circumstances), but for all the years prior to that I never had any desire for, or enjoyment of, any kind of sex. I've known quite a few people on AVEN now (including my partner) who identified as for a long time, but eventually realized they can actually desire sex under specific circumstances they'd just never previously encountered those circumstances before so never had a chance to know they could want it!