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I miss him?


Morair

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So I'm aro, been aro for as far back as I can think, but recently I met this guy. Now, I never developed romantic feelings for him but we had so much in common and he was really really nice and honestly I probably had a little squish haha We talked for a while and I could tell he had romantic feelings for me even though all I wanted was to be his best friend. Going into whatever it was  our relationship could be called I started convincing myself that I could put on an act of romance because I really liked this peron and when am I ever going to meet another person with this many things in common??  Then at some point I started feeling guilty that I hadn't told them I was aromantic and the guilt was eating me because I felt like I was stealing something from them. So I broke it off, I told them that I really really liked them but  I couldn't be romantic with them, that I was probably aromantic, and that they deserved someone who could love him romantically and we should go our separate ways. Part of me was really hoping he would be okay with that and that he would suggest something like being queerplatonic.. but being the super nice understanding guy he was he understood where I was coming from and just accepted what I said, taking it well and saying I could message him whenever to chat about the things we had in common. Few days after that I heard through the grapevine that he was really upset about it and he thought we were fated....

 

Now fast forward a little over 2 weeks and I can't stop thinking about them and I kind of miss them but I can't just message them again because it's not fair and I was the one who broke it off and what if they don't want to a queerplatonic relationship... I don't know how to get over this and it's making me so frustrated! 

 

I dont have anyone I can talk to about this and it's driving me up the wall with thoughts bouncing around in my mind all day and I just need someone to help me get over this or help me just talk it out without telling me its because I have romantic feelings for him because that's not it. sorry for ranting and thank you to anyone who is reading this

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Honestly, I'd show him this thing that you just posted. You can tell that it's definitely personal, and it comes "from your heart." It's a sad story, but I hope it gets a happy ending. I hope my advice helps (if you choose to follow it) and I'm sorry for making this sound like the last 10 minutes of every movie ever. Good luck making him your best friend!

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Very sorry to hear you both have gone through difficulty trying to adjust to distance.

I think it’s so hard to find solid bonds in a sea of fickle people I sometimes find myself among-  so personally if I find someone I feel safe & trusted with and comfortable enough to drop my formality with? I don’t wish to run away from that ever. As long as the person wishes to have me around- I’m there.

I think the beauty of having a solid bond with someone is we don’t throw the towel in even when difficult challenges may come up like me being ace and hella awkward or just maybe us wishing to go in different directions relationship wise. Love is respect and maybe working together to find balance and compromise both of you feel happy or content with.

 

It sounds to me that you two found safety and a solid bond in eachother so please don’t be down on yourself about calling things off. Maybe just a sign of how much you care for him and maybe wanting to avoid hurting him. 

 

I hope you try to reach out and maybe explain to him what you feel a QPR would be like in your mind and see if he’d wish to try?

In my mind it doesn’t matter what role I fall into in the life of someone I care deeply for so maybe he could feel the same way too potentially and be down with a close friendship or QPR because maybe in his heart it’d be better than the distance/loss of solid bond you two shared.

 

Many times just being open and honest with thoughts and feelings may help straighten things out.

 

really hope things work out and sending many prayers both your ways. 

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Thank you both for responding :) , I ended up talking to them and suggesting a QPR, they said they want some time to think about it but i think they'll turn it down :/ .  I guess with a definite answer I'll be able to clear my head of the what ifs of the situation. Your responses really helped me to build up the courage to talk to them so thank you very much! 

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