How dos it feel to be Asexual and Biromantic?

[SaasideA]

Hi,

I have a feeling that there may be something in the combination of Asexuality and biromantic attraction for me, but I'm wondering. 

Is there someone who identifies with that, who can tell me what it feels like - or how it comes to show for them?

(Sorry in advance for not explaining it very well 😊)

[Claire1983]

I'm curious too because I think I might be.  It never crossed my mind before because I wasn't sexually attracted to women, but with sex out of the equation it raised the question.

[SaasideA]

@Claire1983 that's pretty much how I feel too - ben trying to crack that nut for the longest time.

I could see myself having a no-sex relationship with another girl....but I don't know if it's just my need for the close friendship part that's kicking in sometimes when I meet an attractive person (atractive as in personality).

[Rosendust]

Well, for me-I find if I have a good relationship with someone, I like them for their mind-not there parts. It's important to have friendships, no matter what.

Hope this helps

Regards,

Rosendust

 

[Rynn]

It feels awesome! ;p

 

 

Okay I won't just leave it at that. I've spent forever on trying to figure this out, because usually wanting to kiss someone is what gives away whether you like them romantically or not, but I've never wanted to kiss anyone and that's probably not going to change (I mean I'm 23 so...), so I've had to look for other clues. These things only happen when I'm into someone romantically:

• I suddenly care a lot about whether they like me back, which makes me nervous around them, and makes me smile at them more than I should.
• I can't stop thinking about them and have imaginary conversations with them when I really should be sleeping.
• I really really want to hug them really badly.
• I get jittery nervous tingles when they get physically close to me.

These 'symptoms' aren't different for when I'm into men or women or anyone in between, so that means I'm pan, which I consider to be sorta bi, so... tadaa, there's your answer.

 

When I just really like someone as a friend I just want to spend more time with them, without all of the extra fluffiness on top.

[SaasideA]

@Laurann your little list of "symptoms" helps a lot, thanks. Lots to consider and think about

Never wanted to kiss anyone either. 

[CosmicTheAceOfSpace]

I claim myself to be a bi-romantic asexual, however there are still times when I question if I really AM bi-romantic. All I know is that I don't want to just limit myself (what happens if I go through life just thinking I'm ONLY romantically attracted to men? then don't find someone and realise I missed my chance to be with the perfect girl?).

 

For all I know my perfect man, woman or even just person in general could be out there waiting for me right now! (I know that anyone can be sweet or thoughtful or just plain adorable, and those are the kinds of people I want in my life) and I would welcome them with lots of hugs and lots of cake!  

[Claire1983]

18 minutes ago, Laurann said:

Okay I won't just leave it at that. I've spent forever on trying to figure this out, because usually wanting to kiss someone is what gives away whether you like them romantically or not, but I've never wanted to kiss anyone and that's probably not going to change (I mean I'm 23 so...), so I've had to look for other clues. These things only happen when I'm into someone romantically:

• I suddenly care a lot about whether they like me back, which makes me nervous around them, and makes me smile at them more than I should.
• I can't stop thinking about them and have imaginary conversations with them when I really should be sleeping.
• I really really want to hug them really badly.
• I get jittery nervous tingles when they get physically close to me.

These 'symptoms' aren't different for when I'm into men or women or anyone in between, so that means I'm pan, which I consider to be sorta bi, so... tadaa, there's your answer.

Thanks for breaking it down like this!  I've been kind of crushing on a friend of mine and since asexuality is a recent discovery I've been struggling to figure out if I just REALLY like her as a friend or if there could be something a little more intense to my feelings.

[Owllette]

I'm in a similar boat where I've recently accepted that I'm asexual, but I've only dated men because that was the most obvious choice. I don't want to have sex with women, but I don't want to have sex with men either. Would I want a romantic relationship with a woman? Would I want to kiss and hold a woman? I don't know! Maybe! I guess I won't know until I try it, but I'm concerned that I'll realize I'm not into and potentially hurt someone's feelings.

[Claire1983]

10 minutes ago, Owllette said:

Maybe! I guess I won't know until I try it, but I'm concerned that I'll realize I'm not into and potentially hurt someone's feelings.

I know the feeling!  I want to explore the idea but I hate the idea of using someone just to test things out and hurting them if I realize it's not working for me.

[smittyw]

Yes, same here!! I question a lot if I might be biromantic, panromantic, etc. but I don't want to assume one thing and then be wrong about it. I sometimes think I have a romantic/platonic crush on my female friends and I relate to some of the 'symptoms' that @Laurann posted before, so maybe it is true? But I still don't think I want to kiss them, that is what throws things off for me. It is confusing when the only depictions of romance I've ever seen have always involved kissing and I don't have much interest in it. :/ 

[Claire1983]

10 minutes ago, smittyw said:

Yes, same here!! I question a lot if I might be biromantic, panromantic, etc. but I don't want to assume one thing and then be wrong about it. I sometimes think I have a romantic/platonic crush on my female friends and I relate to some of the 'symptoms' that @Laurann posted before, so maybe it is true? But I still don't think I want to kiss them, that is what throws things off for me. It is confusing when the only depictions of romance I've ever seen have always involved kissing and I don't have much interest in it. :/ 

I feel you.  Kissing is awkward for me, but there are some things I feel for people that seem more than friendly.   Like I have a strong desire to cuddle them, which I don't with my friends because in general I'm not a super touchy person.  It's hard to shake the kissing trope, but I think other forms of affection can be equally romantic.  Hell i've never seen my parents kiss in 42 years of marriage so I know it's possible to have a romantic relationship and not want to kiss your partner

[SaasideA]

11 hours ago, Claire1983 said:

Hell i've never seen my parents kiss in 42 years of marriage so I know it's possible to have a romantic relationship and not want to kiss your partner

That lifted my spirit. Not being able to have a romantic relationship because of the no-kissing rule is one of my big fears. 

[Claire1983]

18 minutes ago, SaasideA said:

That lifted my spirit. Not being able to have a romantic relationship because of the no-kissing rule is one of my big fears. 

Like honestly my parents are some of the least physically affectionate people I know, but they do show their affection in other ways.  My dad never forgets any sort of special occasion (so that stereotype of men forgetting anniversary's is total bull shit and should not be tolerated) 

[SaasideA]

On 13/4/2018 at 4:54 PM, Claire1983 said:

My dad never forgets any sort of special occasion (so that stereotype of men forgetting anniversary's is total bull shit and should not be tolerated) 

I agree that male stereotype is totally bull! My dad never forges either, its so sweet to see how happy mom is on the "extra special days". 

[Bloc]

For me it is that I recognized that gender does not matter if I want to kiss somebody or being physically close to them. It is more their personality, the way they dress, how they move, how they react towards me and other people. For me wanting to cuddle with someone is a sign I am attracted to them. But there a also cases where I am not sure if I am romantically or just sensually attracted to them. For me there is no romantic attraction without sensual attraction, but the other way round is possible.

 

For me romantic attraction is like feeling a emotional and intellectual connection to someone and at the same time wanting to be close to them and just being happy with being near them. But I don't believe there is a clear separation between platonic and romantic attraction. Everybody draws the line differently and I am not sure if it is really important trying to distinguish both for another reason as that it is socially expected to have only one romantic partner.

[The Gnat (Natalie)]

So I'm actually demiromantic, but I don't really have much preference between men and women. My only "real crush," like, on a person that I reasonably had a chance with (so ruling out professor crushes, celebrity crushes, etc.) was on a guy in high school, but I don't see any reason why I wouldn't potentially have a crush on a woman at some hypothetical point in the future. Honestly, the main thing I associate with my romantic orientation is apathy: about gender and about having a romantic relationship in the first place.

[Shay21]

In my experience, I didn't figure out both at the same time. First, I realized that I was asexual and thought that was it. I cared more about someone's personality than how they looked. I also always thought guys were attractive, but after awhile I started feeling the same way about girls and could see myself in a relationship with either. I still didn't want a sexual relationship, I don't mind hugging, cuddling, kissing (still haven't had a lot of experience in this), etc. So I did some research, realized that I was biromantic, and here I am!