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A woman's expectations in sex


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I'm curious to hear any stories of how you as a woman imagine having sex, from initiation to climax. It's easy to build up the WRONG idea of what is normal from viewing porn so I would be interested to hear how you imagine things being with a man or woman. :) 

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Bronztrooper

I am genuinely curious about this as well.

 

I hope no one takes this the wrong way

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Pretty much if you're not imagining awkward body sounds, weird tastes and smells, lots of body fluids (sweat especially, but also the stuff that comes from the genitals), and awkward stuff like getting pubes in your teeth, then you're imagining it wrong!! :P

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Well, since the pure imagination almost makes me vomit I'd say the best way is not doing it XD. I am very sorry but I'd just feel discriminated if I was forced to have sex. So, that is one way to imagine it O.o. I'd probably just yell at the person and if they don't take me seriously I'm not sure how fast I'd slap them...

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SorryNotSorry

Being the woman of my dreams (as opposed to fantasizing about her) would not include having sex, so nothing's changed there.

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17 minutes ago, FictoVore. said:

Pretty much if you're not imagining awkward body sounds, weird tastes and smells, lots of body fluids (sweat especially, but also the stuff that comes from the genitals), and awkward stuff like getting pubes in your teeth, then you're imagining it wrong!! :P

Sheesh, if that doesn’t put people off sex nothing will!

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Would you consider giving a woman oral sex standard practice or could one stimulate her with fingers/toys to get her excited? It might sound an odd question but things like STDs and the HPV concern me. It’s also one of the reasons I haven’t ever experimented with women or men.

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2 minutes ago, Princess Merida said:

Would you consider giving a woman oral sex standard practice or could one stimulate her to get her excited? It might sound an odd question but things like STDs and the HPV concern me. It’s also one of the reasons I haven’t ever experimented with women or men.

Sex trends go in and out. Oral was considered as taboo as anal is now until the 1990's-ish (some blame Bill Clinton for that, but I'm not sure if that was just a reflection of things being less taboo rather than the cause).

 

It varies person by person. The only standard rule I've heard about oral is that if you receive then you need to reciprocate, I haven't heard that people expect it, but it is one of the more common forms of sex atm. But I imagine meeting someone who doesn't expect oral to be a part of the deal isn't that rare.

 

If you are concerned with STDs, the best thing to do is get you and your partner tested before you participate in sexual activities. Then you'll both know if you need to take more precautions than normal.

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30 minutes ago, CBC said:

Oral sex is fairly common, yeah. As are other types of stimulation.

 

Why are you worried about STDs? Like are you worried excessively, beyond normal reason? Just follow safe sex practices.

My mum worked in a genital clinic at the hospital so I heard things...

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29 minutes ago, Puck said:

Sex trends go in and out. Oral was considered as taboo as anal is now until the 1990's-ish (some blame Bill Clinton for that, but I'm not sure if that was just a reflection of things being less taboo rather than the cause).

 

It varies person by person. The only standard rule I've heard about oral is that if you receive then you need to reciprocate, I haven't heard that people expect it, but it is one of the more common forms of sex atm. But I imagine meeting someone who doesn't expect oral to be a part of the deal isn't that rare.

 

If you are concerned with STDs, the best thing to do is get you and your partner tested before you participate in sexual activities. Then you'll both know if you need to take more precautions than normal.

 

20 minutes ago, CBC said:

A simple non-explicit answer I guess is that I imagine give and take. It's an experience you share with your partner, and ideally you're open about what you want and feel, and attentive to the other person's needs, desires, emotional experience, etc. Respecting boundaries is important. Communication is absolutely vital. If it's not an enjoyable experience for any reason whatsoever, that needs to be addressed.

I’m sexually submissive so not all that comfortable with the idea of receiving. Being uncomfortable with my gender is also a reason for that. At least a man can wear a condom if you give him a blowjob but giving women oral sex is a different matter. 🤔

 

Yes, I suppose it’s good to find out what both partners want and make the experience as comfortable and enjoyable as possible.

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Some people absolutely love giving oral sex, some love receiving it. I'm one of those people who love to give it but haaaaaaaaaaate receiving it. For many women though, it's a very sensual and pleasurable way to help get her aroused, or even give her an orgasm before penetrative sex begins. It also shows total acceptance of her body and taste etc, which can help her feel more relaxed and more able to enjoy herself. If I DID enjoy receiving (never have, never will) I'd ONLY have sexual partners who actively loved giving oral, I would never ask them to do it just because I want it, and I also don't want to be with someone who would only ever do it as an exchange (I'll give you oral if you give me oral). No thanks!! Oral sex has always been a thing of course, it's just in the media/pop culture/books etc a bit more now (to some extent anyway) than it was back in the 1800s, same with anal and everything else. People have always done them, they're just more accepted now in some places anyway :)

 

Regarding STI's, you can use condoms and dental dams to prevent risk of STI if you want to give someone oral but don't know them very well. A dental dam by the way is a thin latex sheet you place over the vulva, or  you can break or cut open a condom and make the sheet out of that. The best protection against STI though is to get to know someone well as a friend before considering sexual intimacy with them, then both getting an STI check together (or at least sharing your results) before you have sex, so any issues can be treated or protection methods can be put in place for long term issues like herpes ^_^

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Thank you, @FictoVore.! :) We're much the same in both being givers then. I hadn't heard of a dental dam so it's useful to know that's a possibility! From what I have heard, people AFAB are vaccinated against the HPV at some point but people AMAB never are so that's the main concern with oral sex. I don't want throat cancer...

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Galactic Turtle

While I don't plan on having sex, I didn't get the memo until college that women were supposed to enjoy it. I just thought it was something performed upon you by men and if they were nice they'd ask permission first. This was also influenced by me not knowing lots of people had sex before they got married. I assumed that once you got married it was your job to let sex be performed upon you so you'd just kind of... lay there and say thank you after it's all over. It didn't occur to me that you could deny someone sex once you're married. I guess I mistook active desire for lack of choice. It's because of these types of early misunderstandings that I'm still not comfortable unless in an all female environment. 

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41 minutes ago, Princess Merida said:

Thank you, @FictoVore.! :) We're much the same in both being givers then. I hadn't heard of a dental dam so it's useful to know that's a possibility! From what I have heard, people AFAB are vaccinated against the HPV at some point but people AMAB never are so that's the main concern with oral sex. I don't want throat cancer...

The HPV vaccine is meant to help protect women from cervical cancer but the science behind that particular vaccine is very iffy. The only reason some people want AMABS vaccinated against HPV is so (theoretically) they won't give HPV to an unvaccinated girl which could potentially increase her risk of cervical cancer (but the vaccine certainly doesn't work 100% of the time and it's EXTREMELY rare that HPV can potentially increase the chances of cervical cancer -they aren't even 100% sure HPV does contribute to it, there are so many conflicting studies!! And the vaccine has some horrific side effects for a very small percentage of people who react badly to it!!!). ANYWAY, regardless of all that, if you were to give an AMAB oral sex you could just put a condom on the penis if there was any concern!! A worse one than HPV is herpes (just because it's so incredibly painful for some people, but in others goes entirely unnoticed so is spread very easily, and herpes can definitely go from genitals to mouth!) but if you place a condom on the penis (or dental dam over the vulva) that greatly decreases your risk of catching anything at all!!! :)

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15 hours ago, CBC said:

I umm... lol. I'm really not sure how to answer this without it sounding like I'm recounting a sexual fantasy. Which, as a relatively private person, I've no intention of doing. Although FictoVore's comment is an important one. It's got a lot of... sensory aspects haha. Not all of them are completely amazing.

 

Are you serious? For one, forced sex is rape. Two, if you don't truly mean forced in that sense, more like coerced and consenting but still hesitant and not all that enthused, you're using the word 'discriminated' incorrectly.

Well, this is a facet of language a non native speaker cannot know, now can they?

Maybe 'disrespected' fits better than 'discriminated'? Anyways, if someone wanted to do it with me I wouldn't feel respected. And since I cannot want it, it has to be forced, so it would be rape. Correct?

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1 hour ago, CBC said:

I apologise, I didn't know you weren't a native English speaker. ' Disrespected' certainly works better, yeah, and for sure if it was non-consenting and forced completely against your will, that would be rape.

It's fine. I thank you for the clear-up. It's always good to learn something new! <3 I hope, I didn't sound too salty. May I offer you cake?

rainbow-cake-finishedt-today-160621_86a1

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I'm more interested in hearing from people that actually want to have sex (even if very rarely), tbh. I understand that for some it's a really unwanted thing. Forcing sex on anyone is a really awful thing.

 

The insight into what women find exciting is useful to know because as far as I'm concerned both people should be comfortable and find it enjoyable.

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On 11/04/2018 at 10:58 PM, FictoVore. said:

Pretty much if you're not imagining awkward body sounds, weird tastes and smells, lots of body fluids (sweat especially, but also the stuff that comes from the genitals), and awkward stuff like getting pubes in your teeth, then you're imagining it wrong!! :P

Oh that is so true!

 

And as for oral, personally I absolutely hate it -both giving and receiving. I know I'm probably in the minority, but I get really said conscious about having someone's face down there, and it never does anything for me anyway, I don't enjoy it. The same goes for giving it - putting my mouth down there, and the bloke I was with always expected me to swallow...the whole thing is just yuck! And it probably didn't help that he thought he was wonderful and so excellent at it and that I absolutely had to enjoy it.

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56 minutes ago, hward said:

Oh that is so true!

 

And as for oral, personally I absolutely hate it -both giving and receiving. I know I'm probably in the minority, but I get really said conscious about having someone's face down there, and it never does anything for me anyway, I don't enjoy it. The same goes for giving it - putting my mouth down there, and the bloke I was with always expected me to swallow...the whole thing is just yuck! And it probably didn't help that he thought he was wonderful and so excellent at it and that I absolutely had to enjoy it.

Do you think if the person giving you oral sex was good at it you might change your mind? It raises the question again of whether some of the disinterest is when someone has no clue what they are doing down there.

 

Would you say this 'swallow' thing is about the man taking ownership of the woman? (In his head)

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18 minutes ago, Princess Merida said:

Do you think if the person giving you oral sex was good at it you might change your mind? It raises the question again of whether some of the disinterest is when someone has no clue what they are doing down there.

 

Would you say this 'swallow' thing is about the man taking ownership of the woman? (In his head)

Honestly, no, I don't think that if the oral was good I'd change my mind because I think a lot of it is to do with how I feel towards sex in general and my own self consciousness as I have issues where I think people are constantly judging me all the time, not even specifically during sex / without clothes. But with regards to sex in general I freeze up and feel as though I reach a point that I can't go past, ie I can't orgasm no matter what, but I feel worse about oral due to the whole face up close and personal thing.

 

I don't know about other men / in general due to limited experience, but I'd say in my case the "have to swallow" was about possession and having to do it his way, which was also evident during sex itself and always having to do it in his favourite position (deep stick think it's called?), and never any way that allowed me any control. And I also felt that due to my own issues and sex never feeling natural, which I now realise is to do with being asexual, that I had to let him have his own way to make sure he was satisfied, and so I think he took advantage of that.

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Guest Deus Ex Infinity
On 11.4.2018 at 11:02 PM, Princess Merida said:

I'm curious to hear any stories of how you as a woman imagine having sex, from initiation to climax. It's easy to build up the WRONG idea of what is normal from viewing porn so I would be interested to hear how you imagine things being with a man or woman. :) 

Most expectations may depend or vary on physical / mental circumstances. I'd usually prefere a rather long, tender foreplay, followed by romantic but passionate intercourse before drifting off into a smooth relaxed afterglow. Aside from that, there are also moments when I want to skip the prelude to move straight ahead to the core.

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50 minutes ago, Deus Ex Infinity said:

Most expectations may depend or vary on physical / mental circumstances. I'd usually prefere a rather long, tender foreplay, followed by romantic but passionate intercourse before drifting off into a smooth relaxed afterglow. Aside from that, there are also moments when I want to skip the prelude to move straight ahead to the core.

That sounds great actually. That would be my ideal sexual experience I would say. From seeing lesbian porn it's a really passionate and beautiful thing and I want to experience that. It's more about the sensual side of things for me I suppose and hopefully I can become comfortable with the oral aspect.

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SunflowerKit

So I'm panromantic, and sometimes pansexual(I fluctuate), and I do enjoy sex sometimes, both with my boyfriend and my girlfriend. A good sexual experience for me, especially if it's with a new partner, consists of a few things that aren't "sexy" and that you definitely don't see in porn. We talk about what we KNOW we want, what we THINK we want/want to try, and what we absolutely DON'T want. This can include acts as well as how you want it to feel(romantic, rough, sensual, etc.). We talk about our STI history, share test results, and talk about what barriers we want to use, if any. 

And then, since what I want from sex varies, so does my ideal sexual experience. Sometimes I want to do all the giving and just make my partner feel really good. Sometimes I want to be a pillow princess and have everything done to me. Sometimes I want a slow, sensual, romantic experience. Sometimes I want really rough sex where it's hard and fast and involves other activities like choking, slapping, etc. 

 

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5 minutes ago, SunflowerKit said:

So I'm panromantic, and sometimes pansexual(I fluctuate), and I do enjoy sex sometimes, both with my boyfriend and my girlfriend. A good sexual experience for me, especially if it's with a new partner, consists of a few things that aren't "sexy" and that you definitely don't see in porn. We talk about what we KNOW we want, what we THINK we want/want to try, and what we absolutely DON'T want. This can include acts as well as how you want it to feel(romantic, rough, sensual, etc.). We talk about our STI history, share test results, and talk about what barriers we want to use, if any. 

And then, since what I want from sex varies, so does my ideal sexual experience. Sometimes I want to do all the giving and just make my partner feel really good. Sometimes I want to be a pillow princess and have everything done to me. Sometimes I want a slow, sensual, romantic experience. Sometimes I want really rough sex where it's hard and fast and involves other activities like choking, slapping, etc. 

 

I like the term 'pillow princess'. :lol:

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SunflowerKit
On 4/11/2018 at 6:21 PM, Princess Merida said:

Would you consider giving a woman oral sex standard practice or could one stimulate her with fingers/toys to get her excited? It might sound an odd question but things like STDs and the HPV concern me. It’s also one of the reasons I haven’t ever experimented with women or men.

I would recommend checking out scarletteen.com for more information about sex and STIs. If you want to have sex, but are worried about STI's, the best thing you can do is do a lot of research so that you can make an informed decision about what risks you want to take. For example, I am comfortable with a certain level of risk with committed partners. I don't use barriers, and since I'm on birth control I let my partner orgasm inside me. With non-committed parters(if I ever want to do that again) I talk about STIs and assess the risk, and I generally use barriers for penetrative sex but not oral sex.

 

You might be different. You might not be comfortable with ANY kind of fluid bonding(your sex fluids touch them, theirs touch you, etc.). So you might wear gloves for fingering, put condoms on toys(makes them easier to clean anyways), and use condoms/dental dams for oral sex and penetrative sex. Whatever you're comfortable with is fine. You just have to figure that out so you can be upfront with people before sexual interactions to ensure that both your expectations are the same. 

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2 minutes ago, SunflowerKit said:

I would recommend checking out scarletteen.com for more information about sex and STIs. If you want to have sex, but are worried about STI's, the best thing you can do is do a lot of research so that you can make an informed decision about what risks you want to take. For example, I am comfortable with a certain level of risk with committed partners. I don't use barriers, and since I'm on birth control I let my partner orgasm inside me. With non-committed parters(if I ever want to do that again) I talk about STIs and assess the risk, and I generally use barriers for penetrative sex but not oral sex.

 

You might be different. You might not be comfortable with ANY kind of fluid bonding(your sex fluids touch them, theirs touch you, etc.). So you might wear gloves for fingering, put condoms on toys(makes them easier to clean anyways), and use condoms/dental dams for oral sex and penetrative sex. Whatever you're comfortable with is fine. You just have to figure that out so you can be upfront with people before sexual interactions to ensure that both your expectations are the same. 

Thank you for the detailed advice, that's a great help!

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SunflowerKit
5 minutes ago, Princess Merida said:

Thank you for the detailed advice, that's a great help!

Of course, I'm happy to help! I was lucky enough to have an Aunt that educated me a LOT about sex. And I'm also part of the polyamorous and kink communities, which have taught me a lot about informed consent and risk assessment. But not everyone has that many avenues to learn, so I like to share what I know and share resources to help. ^_^

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First I think of it then what kind I want whether I have to buy it or do it on my own.

Then I gather what I need, like the things that help me to make the sex better.

Stuff like flour, oil, eggs, toys like the mixer to make it smoother than going in manually with a spoon.

Then I make the moment hot with the oven at 350° and I wait. Then in the afterglow, it pulls out then gets dressed with icing.

 

Kinky stuff ~

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It would involve a few different positions, plenty of good lube , maybe a bit of role-play or dressing up at the beginning. Some spanking perhaps. Candle and incense, music in the background... Good, long foreplay.

I must feel emotionally secure and comfortable, with no pressing issues on my mind.

 

It may be an autistic spectrum thing - I can't be overstimulated - intense conversations, some kind of emotionally draining film, a whole day spent outside (noise of the city, extremely windy day, too many bright lights around), super stressful day at work... anything like that and I just won't engage in sex which would add to my already overstimulated state.   

 

It MUST be safe sex, no hair pulling or choking or any kind of semi-violent behaviour, no swear words, no anal or oral or threesomes. No pushing me into a very submissive role. Not in the morning when sex is the last thing on my mind, seriously :D 

Once a week is an absolute maximum, twice a month would be more of a comfortable frequency, but no sex would be even better - let's have sofa cuddles instead :) or a nice back/foot massage.    

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