What did you call yourself before discovering Asexuality?

[will123]

5 hours ago, AceOfHearts_85 said:

We call those with "opposite sex" romantic orientations, heteroromantic.  And if you do end up identifying as a heteroromantic asexual at some point, you don't have to act proud and flaunt it around.  Personally, being asexual is just something I happen to be.  It isn't something that I'm ecstatic over.  I just am who I am and I accept myself.  I hope you find all of your answers.  Best of luck to you.  

I know exactly how you feel and what you say is perfect.

[Member131995]

I didn't have a term for myself but my friends would tell me that I was bisexual. I tried to tell them I was only interested in girls and then they were like oh then you're lesbian. And I was like...um...no...I would like my life partner to be a woman but I'm not sexually attracted to anyone. I was then told it's not possible to be not attracted to anyone. I probably wasn't feeling it because I haven't had sex yet. Smh...

[Bronztrooper]

16 hours ago, QuarterShorter said:

I think that I don't want to label myself because I don't feel strong allegiance to groups or teams. I never considered myself a proud [insert school mascot], [last name of family], or American. 

I'm pretty much the same (though, with the school thing I never stayed in any 1 school for more than a couple years due to moving around a lot), but for me, I view being a heteromantic ace as being a descriptor of myself rather than a label.  I don't have to behave a certain way to 'belong', I just have to be myself.

 

Might have to do with the fact that I'm very much a loner to the point where I don't really care about joining groups, but not to the point where I actively dislike it.

[will123]

I've been puzzled at times about how some asexuals think they are bisexual before identifying as ace. To me wouldn't you have to have sexual desire to think you were bi?

 

Perhaps they are possibly biromantic, but don't know the term?

[daveb]

Maybe they feel the same about both males and females?

 

(I dunno)

[Norellia]

1 hour ago, will123 said:

I've been puzzled at times about how some asexuals think they are bisexual before identifying as ace. To me wouldn't you have to have sexual desire to think you were bi?

I questioned if I was bi because it was not possible in my mind or vocabulary to not be interested in anyone. So when I showed signs that I may not be interested in guys then I thought maybe I was a lesbian. Once I started questioning if I was gay I realized I didn't have a strong preference so considered bisexuality. Granted I didn't know that my lack of preference was just lack of attraction to both genders. It was just brought on my confusion over lack of attraction to both genders and because there was no clear strong presence of attraction to one specific gender by default I considered bisexuality as an option. 

 

Also to everyone on this thread I realized this now currently has just over 300 posts on it. While I haven't posted on this thread in awhile I do skim through it whenever I get notifications and read everyone's stories. Just wanted to say to everyone your all amazing and I appreciate everyone sharing their experiences. while I never expected this forum I made to pick up this much it makes me happy to know this has become a popular thread to show shared experiences for everyone. 🍰

[will123]

I guess when asexuality is so far under the radar we really don't know what our identity is and grasp at straws trying to understand what we are. When we do find out, for a lot of us it is a big relief.

 

@Norellia I'll be the first to thank you for starting this great thread. It's encouraging to read the other members stories and see that I'm not alone when I see someone has had the same feelings/thoughts as I did before discovering asexuality.

 

Finally, I like to add a kind comment to anyone that is posting and is unsure or nervous of what to think. We've all been in the same spot at one time or another and we're here to support each other.

[General]

3 hours ago, will123 said:

I've been puzzled at times about how some asexuals think they are bisexual before identifying as ace. To me wouldn't you have to have sexual desire to think you were bi?

 

Perhaps they are possibly biromantic, but don't know the term?

There was a time when I questioned if I was bi.  The only reason why is because I thought guys and girls were both aesthetically attractive.  I didn't know what sexual attraction was, or that there were different types of attraction.  I was all kinds of clueless lol

[PuckTheMagicDragon]

I did not really think that much on what to call myself, to be honest. My male friend tried to ask me out on a date, which was really the first time I’d ever been confronted with the idea of such relationships relating to myself. Never gave it that much thought, if any, beforehand. Had not even come into contact with the idea of gay and straight. It occurs to me that I was an isolated individual growing up.

 

Essentially, I did not identify as anything before coming across the term asexual, because I simply never thought about it. Never considered/thought I would be married in the future, was of the opinion kissing was an utterly useless mechanism, and that was the end of that. Adademics were my focus at the time, really. When I came upon the label asexual, I just went ‘oh, that makes sense’ before proceeding on with my life. 

 

As as you can tell, my social skills and emotional awareness are unparalleled. Clearly.

 

 

[Sleepyslitherin]

Honestly I don't know if I am asexual, but I do sound prettysimilar to one. To explain,  I would say I love hugging and cuddling with friends, but anything in a sexual or romantic sense makes me uncomfortable and kind of disgusted... I don't find myself sexually attracted to people, but I do find myself finding them good looking(cause any one can tell if someone has good facial structure) or their body type is what I want or am envious about. I actually remember kissing this one guy not too long ago and I just wanted it to end.  I didn't get the point of it.. Why would someone voluntarily do it? My friend told me I may be asexual,  but be a romantic person or maybe even just curious.... I have no clue and I feel the need to label myself... What even am I?

 

[Catmangoes]

I was really confused for a while. I was straight for a few years, then lesbian, then bi. Dont feel anything for guys so i guess i like women. Dont feel anything for women so i guess i must be bi since i feel the same about men and women. I assumed that something was just wrong with me and I'd figure out how to feel attracted when something in me was fixed. 

[General]

1 hour ago, Sleepyslitherin said:

Honestly I don't know if I am asexual, but I do sound prettysimilar to one. To explain,  I would say I love hugging and cuddling with friends, but anything in a sexual or romantic sense makes me uncomfortable and kind of disgusted... I don't find myself sexually attracted to people, but I do find myself finding them good looking(cause any one can tell if someone has good facial structure) or their body type is what I want or am envious about. I actually remember kissing this one guy not too long ago and I just wanted it to end.  I didn't get the point of it.. Why would someone voluntarily do it? My friend told me I may be asexual,  but be a romantic person or maybe even just curious.... I have no clue and I feel the need to label myself... What even am I?

 

From what you're describing, it sounds like you may be an aromantic asexual.

 

No romantic attraction = Aromantic

No sexual attraction = Asexual

[will123]

1 hour ago, AceOfHearts_85 said:

From what you're describing, it sounds like you may be an aromantic asexual.

 

No romantic attraction = Aromantic

No sexual attraction = Asexual

Actually there are hetero-, homo- and biromantic asexuals here. They enjoy being in a relationship with another person, but sexual activities aren't 'in the cards'.

[Flute16]

I literally just called myself "straight."

To be honest, I never *really* called myself anything. I didn't really feel like I was actually heterosexual, but that's just what I called myself because I have grown up in a homophobic family that wasn't really open to considering other orientations. And I was homeschooled by said family from the age of five, so yeah. 

I first heard of asexuality when I was 13, so there really wasn't much time where I was calling myself anything at all.

 

 

[Bronztrooper]

10 hours ago, will123 said:

I've been puzzled at times about how some asexuals think they are bisexual before identifying as ace. To me wouldn't you have to have sexual desire to think you were bi?

 

Perhaps they are possibly biromantic, but don't know the term?

In my case, it was due to the fact that I experienced aesthetic attraction towards both men and women, with the latter being more often but still uncommon on the whole.  Since I didn't know that there were other kinds of attraction other than sexual, I assumed it was sexual attraction (and since I had no real knowedge about what sexual attraction actually felt like, I assumed that it was the same for everyone, but people exaggerated it a lot because reasons), which led to me wondering if I was bi.

 

As for others, it could be similar to my case, or just an equal lack of attraction to men and women, all while not knowing of asexuality.

[Fluffy Femme Guy]

13 hours ago, daveb said:

Maybe they feel the same about both males and females?

This is likely the case.

[All The Thoughts]

18 hours ago, will123 said:

I've been puzzled at times about how some asexuals think they are bisexual before identifying as ace. To me wouldn't you have to have sexual desire to think you were bi?

 

Perhaps they are possibly biromantic, but don't know the term?

I feel like the others have done a pretty good job in explaining possible reasons but I’d like to include my experience as well (just in case it actually helps some).

 

I really didn’t know much about sexual and romantic orientations; when it came down to it, I thought I liked guys because that was the way I was raised. Later on, I started accepting the aesthetic attraction I had for girls and considered myself to be a lesbian because I hadn’t really had the same experience with guys. If that wasn’t confusing enough, I realized I was actually experiencing aesthetic attraction for both and believed, if it came down to it, I didn’t really care who I’d date (which in retrospect was probably because I didn’t care to be in a relationship in general) so I considered myself to be bi. 

 

It can be really confusing if you don’t have the proper terms to describe how you really feel!

[General]

11 hours ago, will123 said:

Actually there are hetero-, homo- and biromantic asexuals here. They enjoy being in a relationship with another person, but sexual activities aren't 'in the cards'.

There are more than that actually.  You left out panromantic, polyromantic, lithromantic, and quite a few others.

 

I was giving this person the most basic terms and definitions since they appear to be both sex and romance repulsed. 👍

[sh1965]

I thought there was something wrong with me too.

[PittAce92]

On November 16, 2018 at 8:45 PM, Sleepyslitherin said:

Honestly I don't know if I am asexual, but I do sound prettysimilar to one. To explain,  I would say I love hugging and cuddling with friends, but anything in a sexual or romantic sense makes me uncomfortable and kind of disgusted... I don't find myself sexually attracted to people, but I do find myself finding them good looking(cause any one can tell if someone has good facial structure) or their body type is what I want or am envious about. I actually remember kissing this one guy not too long ago and I just wanted it to end.  I didn't get the point of it.. Why would someone voluntarily do it? My friend told me I may be asexual,  but be a romantic person or maybe even just curious.... I have no clue and I feel the need to label myself... What even am I?

 

 

On November 16, 2018 at 10:18 PM, AceOfHearts_85 said:

From what you're describing, it sounds like you may be an aromantic asexual.

 

No romantic attraction = Aromantic

No sexual attraction = Asexual

I am by no means an expert, but I would agree with this (based on my experiences), but @will123 is correct about other identities regarding romantic attraction, but to me you sound like aromantic of some kind.

[will123]

On 11/17/2018 at 11:31 AM, AceOfHearts_85 said:

There are more than that actually.  You left out panromantic, polyromantic, lithromantic, and quite a few others.

 

I was giving this person the most basic terms and definitions since they appear to be both sex and romance repulsed. 👍

Yes I was familiar with those, but didn't want to 'overload' the poster.

[AmIAroKatie]

Starting from middle school till the end of high school,  I went from lesbian to bi to pansexual.  I have been very confused for along time about my sexuality, and I have a very particular view on gender, as in I believe it doesn't matter when it comes to love or sexual attraction.  I finally settled on demi-pan-sexual for the time being.  It wasn't until right after graduating college that I discovered that asexuality was a thing.  However it wasnt until another incident a few months later of a friend asking me out, and me turning completely uncomfortable and avoiding said friend, did I really consider that I may be asexual.  (I have reacted this way, I can count at least 4 times in my life when I had someone ask me out).  I immediately did more research on this, and also discovered that romantic attraction and sexual attraction were separate things.  After doing a lot of research and contemplation over the next few months to a year, I came to the conclusion that I may very well be aromatic asexual.

 

TL;DR   I thought I was demi-pan-sexual before I discovered asexuality.  Part of me still doesn't know for sure which I am.

[Limerence]

Never called myself anything, really.

 

In elementary school, I would just lie to my friends and pretend I had crushes on other kids in school just to be "normal". In middle school, when all my friends were worried about relationships, I'd give them a shoulder to lean on, and they would always remark how nice it is that I don't "worry about relationships". They just figured I prioritized school, but I knew deep down that I just genuinely had no interest.

 

I didn't discover asexuality until I was 16 and had been dating a guy (who was previously my best friend and the only person I have ever loved) for 2 years. It was such a relief to find out there were others like me, and that I could finally have words to describe the way I felt.

[Zaiin]

For me it was basically

 

On 11/17/2018 at 6:44 AM, Flute16 said:

I literally just called myself "straight."

or this

3 hours ago, Limerence said:

Never called myself anything, really.

Never thought very much about the issue, since (luckily) none of my friends were very relationship-orientated. Crushes were occasionally brought up, but those times were few and far between. I do remember, when we discussed which of the actors we wanted to see showering and I just went with Jake Gyllenhaal, because I liked his character in Prince of Persia ... not that I was particularly interested what he was hiding beneath his clothes.

Yay for being obvious?

[Dragon Of Cosmos]

streight that doesn't want sex. i know weird. but also a geek/nerd.

[sababajwa]

o.o… honestly I had no word to explain it and was petrified growing up. I think my sexual issue gave me trauma realizing i'll be sex less I suppose.

 

now that i'm 25, i'm completely happy with it. but I still want sex … but can't have it. lol it sucks. maybe someday.

[sababajwa]

On ‎11‎/‎16‎/‎2018 at 12:28 PM, will123 said:

I've been puzzled at times about how some asexuals think they are bisexual before identifying as ace. To me wouldn't you have to have sexual desire to think you were bi?

 

Perhaps they are possibly biromantic, but don't know the term?

I honestly think gay people are more accepting, for females, women have chest and nice figures gotta be honest, doesn't mean we want sex we can appreciate it and I think an asexual guy can relate that men are sometimes awesome so I get that too. because I only like personalities sometimes I questioned what is going on, but I was about 13 when I was questioning myself HARD CORE, up until age 17 and around 18 to 21 I stopped caring then 23 to being 25 now I remained sad, and here I am today now like no I was never bi at all LOL, I literally just thought some girls were nice but I never liked anyone that deeply...….. except my ex but then I couldn't have sex with him and it broke off. so I really think lots of asexuals here can relate to my story, they fall for personality I don't think they're actually bisexual. it's almost very normal to like both masculinity and feminity we are still human and desire its just sex we cannot develop towards sadly.... well sadly for me others may be asexy and proud but i'm asexy and exhausted of being judged. this is strictly biological or something I been this way my whole life tho I have had crushes and emotionally been in love. it's wild, I used to even get horny growing up but I knew somewhere in me i'm not able to have sex and after 18 when I met my ex I realized it was true..... I don't actually think they're bi but maybe they actually are. it can't be like every other asexual is bi I think they just want companionship from another person and since we don't have sex honestly gender barely matters I get that. personally my religion doesn't allow me but the way I think of females is they're more stressfree, or more dramatic. I find guys judgmental but personally I always was a asexual straight person. I never been on the other side to " explore " cause i'm not actually gay, i'm just very sexually frustrated without frustration in my emotions but my body still needs sex as does yours would but we don't have sex..... I don't know if i'm right wrong not trying to offend anybody this is just my experiences.

[Bronztrooper]

@sababajwa

 

I think you may be confused as to what asexuality is.  Asexuality is a lack of sexual attraction, not an inability to have sex (many asexuals here have had sex at one point, and some may still do it for their partner).  Unless you're highly sex-averse/sex-repulsed (which is more a mental thing than anything), there's nothing necessarily stopping someone who is asexual from having sex, but at the same time there's nothing really making them 'want it' anyway- at least, in a physiological sense.

 

As for what you were saying in response to @will123, it's not that they actually were bisexual, but rather they thought they were for the reasons stated above.

[sababajwa]

On ‎11‎/‎21‎/‎2018 at 8:39 AM, Bronztrooper said:

@sababajwa

 

I think you may be confused as to what asexuality is.  Asexuality is a lack of sexual attraction, not an inability to have sex (many asexuals here have had sex at one point, and some may still do it for their partner).  Unless you're highly sex-averse/sex-repulsed (which is more a mental thing than anything), there's nothing necessarily stopping someone who is asexual from having sex, but at the same time there's nothing really making them 'want it' anyway- at least, in a physiological sense.

 

As for what you were saying in response to @will123, it's not that they actually were bisexual, but rather they thought they were for the reasons stated above.

I think i'm confused about asexuality and feel we don't truly know the spiritual basis behind this and why we have it i'm not sure if it's just genetic or what tbh. cuz I think even a asexual like, can change it and have sex. like when I look at anyone i'm not attracted.

 

also I think some people think they're bi in the community but aren't I guess if someone was that they would just know it the way we just know we are asexual cause we are.

[will123]

I guess any of us could have sex if we wanted to just to say we had intercourse. It's the lack of desire in wanting it at any given moment is what separates us from sexuals. I'll have to ask my sexual friend about this concerning his single years...

 

For most of us it is so far down the list of things to do, that going to a tractor pull would rate higher. That's an inside sports reference. At some point years ago some organization did a survey about sports interest in the US. Tractor pulls rated higher (by a large margin) over NHL hockey. Most Canadians laughed about it as we knew it was pointless to promote hockey in areas where hockey was unknown.