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Marty1962

Asexual hermits

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ryn2
10 minutes ago, JHC (pet in waiting) said:

I went to the zoo by myself it felt really weird and wrong. It was great! I could spend ages by creature X and skip creature Y without worrying about anyone else.

I do this all the time.  I have a membership so I don’t have to feel like I need to stay a certain amount of time to make any given visit “worth it,” even.

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daveb
Just now, ryn2 said:

I do this all the time.  I have a membership so I don’t have to feel like I need to stay a certain amount of time to make any given visit “worth it,” even.

I used to do that when I lived within walking distance of my local zoo at the time. It's great! Sometimes I would have a day off from work and just walk over and spend some time watching some of my favorite animals or stroll around to various exhibits.

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ryn2
12 minutes ago, daveb said:

I used to do that when I lived within walking distance of my local zoo at the time. It's great! Sometimes I would have a day off from work and just walk over and spend some time watching some of my favorite animals or stroll around to various exhibits.

That would be even better!  I do have to drive to mine, but it’s only about 15 minutes.

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RakshaTheCat
3 hours ago, JHC (pet in waiting) said:

End the stigma now!!!!!!!

Not caring about stigmas works for me. Most people are completely useless as a company and actually detrimental to the experience. That's why I almost always go to things like that by myself. Botanic gardens are good example, would love to have have someone to share that experience with me, but till I find someone who is compatible with my way of experiencing it, I'd rather keep visiting it by myself :) And I go there every few days, since I made sure I live in a place that has plenty of neat spots in reasonable biking distance.

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Nick2

I enjoy being by myself for a lot of activities.  Big difference between being alone and lonely.

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012
On 9/9/2018 at 4:49 PM, Nick2 said:

I enjoy being by myself for a lot of activities.  Big difference between being alone and lonely.

This is true, however it seems most of the world doesn't understand this fact.

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ArchangelAlbatross

People mostly exhaust me, always have.. even the ones I admire, like animal caretakers.  I'd love the freedom of being able to hike or bike in remote places more independently, but I just have so much anxiety about being alone, out and about.

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SilentRose

I am just starting to come to terms with my severe introversion, and starting to accept that part of myself has made me a lot happier.

 

I grew up getting a lot of shame from my family being shy and introverted. They would always push me to go out and make fun of me for choosing to stay in on weekends. Shyness was considered a form of weakness. It really lowered my self esteem so I fought hard to overcome my shyness.

 

For a long time I thought it was just shyness and when I overcame it I would morph into a social butterfly. But when i got older and shed all my shyness, I finally realized I was never even really shy...I wasn't scared to talk to people, I just felt drained from them.

 

Now, I have a few friends and a boyfriend and a small portion of family I keep in contact with, and I don't truly think I could handle more. The number fluctuates but now the only people I speak to every day are my boyfriend and sister. Beyond that I currently have about 5 friends who I try to see once a month or every other month, and that is plenty for me. My job is very social, so after work I really need at least a few hours of solitude.

 

I do have one semi needy friend who wants to hang out multiple times a week, and its driven me to the point I pretend my phone is on silent all the time so as not to hurt her feelings, because I would crack up if I had to socialize that often.  Nothing against her, I love her as a dear friend, but I can't handle going out multiple times a week.

 

I don't know how people hang out with their friends for an entire day. Its so much focused social energy being expended and it makes me feel like im suffocating. I enjoy seeing my friends for two or three hours and its fun and good, but then I have to leave for my own sake.

 

Although, one thing that doesn't drain me is online interaction . possibly because you respond when you feel like it and no pressure. I don't have any online friends and prefer my true friendships be in real life, mostly lifelong friendships with people i met in school. But i like going on forums like this and giving people advice and trying to help, that is very fulfilling to me :)

 

Anyway, I know this post is way too long. I'm just really happy that I am coming to terms with me :)

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RakshaTheCat
On 9/30/2018 at 12:49 AM, SilentRose said:

I don't know how people hang out with their friends for an entire day. Its so much focused social energy being expended and it makes me feel like im suffocating.

Maybe they do that by not really focusing? Maybe those extremely social people are just on autopilot most of the time, that's why being social is not draining for them? If all they do is just smalltalk, then I wouldn't be surprised that something like that is not really draining at all for people who are very experienced in it. Not sure, just a random theory that came to my mind, so throwing it out there to see if I'm missing something :)

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LoneRider

Honestly I do similar, only have a couple of true friends, the rest I text or message online. Luckily for me, my job keeps me too busy for much interaction. Though I do understand not wanting to be around people all day. And even with the small talk, after a while I want to disappear from them.

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Fernwehlady

You sound like an Introvert?

If you are on FB search Introverts are Awesome

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Gone Boy

I am a Hermit. I have very few friends and a partner. I think having a partner does help if it wasn't for that fact I would be a recluse. I do suffer from Social Anxiety so that does explain it to a large extent and I prefer my own company.

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batsy8

I'm an introvert. I don't use hermit because my family used to use that word to make fun of me or point out that I was a horrible person. I just enjoy my own company and my apartment a lot. 

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Sure rants alot

I prefer being alone most of the time. Some people get invigorated by lots of activity and involvement. I need the quiet and alone time to recharge my batteries or else I get run down and kind of irritable. 

I always disliked trying to deal with other people. For instance: I'll invite someone to go watch a particular movie, then that person doesn't want to watch that movie they want to watch a different one. So it's just easier for me to go alone. Trying to have a meal with someone is a complete disaster nowadays. I love to cook so I'll invite someone over for dinner. Next thing I know, there are all the questions : Is it Keto, Do you cook the cabbage without the meat, I'm a vegetarian, is it gluten free, is it organic, is it low sodium. 

So I'll cook what I want, rent the movie I want, close my curtains and have a peaceful, pleasant time...alone!

Even going to the state fair with someone is annoying. I remember asking a friend to go over to the midway to ride the ferris wheel. Nope. No way was she going to go over there around all those "carnival" people.  Then I'll say, let's go check out the livestock, there is going to be sheep shearing, horseback demonstrations. Nope, can't go there because livestock stinks. Good grief. If I go alone I can do all the things I want to do and I usually have a very good time. 

I always find something to do around the house or I go to the park and have a picnic for one. 

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batsy8
1 hour ago, Sure rants alot said:

I prefer being alone most of the time. Some people get invigorated by lots of activity and involvement. I need the quiet and alone time to recharge my batteries or else I get run down and kind of irritable. 

I always disliked trying to deal with other people. For instance: I'll invite someone to go watch a particular movie, then that person doesn't want to watch that movie they want to watch a different one. So it's just easier for me to go alone. Trying to have a meal with someone is a complete disaster nowadays. I love to cook so I'll invite someone over for dinner. Next thing I know, there are all the questions : Is it Keto, Do you cook the cabbage without the meat, I'm a vegetarian, is it gluten free, is it organic, is it low sodium. 

So I'll cook what I want, rent the movie I want, close my curtains and have a peaceful, pleasant time...alone!

Even going to the state fair with someone is annoying. I remember asking a friend to go over to the midway to ride the ferris wheel. Nope. No way was she going to go over there around all those "carnival" people.  Then I'll say, let's go check out the livestock, there is going to be sheep shearing, horseback demonstrations. Nope, can't go there because livestock stinks. Good grief. If I go alone I can do all the things I want to do and I usually have a very good time. 

I always find something to do around the house or I go to the park and have a picnic for one. 

Damn, you got some picky friends. This is when I'd be like this is what I'm serving/watching/doing, if you don't like it, go home!

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imnotafreakofnature!

I'm not a total hermit because I have to work, shop, pay bills, etc., but I'm definitely NOT a social person! Most people seem to be energized by being around their friends, but other people just drain me. I've always attributed my preference for solitude to not being a party person - from what I've seen of most of the people around me, most friendly get-togethers center around drinking and/or drugs, and I'm not interested in either. I really don't need anyone else's drama and crap, thank you very much!

 

It may also have something to do with growing up in the military. With people always moving, you have a new best friend every few months. You become an expert at making friends, but you don't learn how to keep them for the long haul.

 

I now practice an alternative spirituality, which also makes me even more of an outsider, but even back in my church days, I never really felt like part of the group, regardless of which church I was attending at any given time.

 

I only discovered a few years ago that asexuality was even a thing, and now that you've brought up the question, I'm wondering if that might have something to do with it. I can, however, say with absolute certainty that I've never actually felt like I belonged on this planet, not even when I was a kid.

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Shiloh_Rose

I'm pretty much a shut-in. Don't really do anything at all unless it's church which I have to go to or my parents and family will make my life hell(by nagging and having 'meetings' and 'talks' with me about why I don't want to x y or z because it's GOD so), or therapy appointments, or some huge family thing type stuff. My car is old and hasn't been used in like three years so it's probably dead. I
I've always been a severe introvert and not good with people, but I think after my shite job, it just got worse. I just don't have the energy for that stuff, never did. I need more than a few days to recharge from things. It's exhausting. So when I left my job, it just. plummeted.

My family used to try to get me to do things and my parents  very often would be like 'go talk to that person!' and I was always 'fark you' and didn't do it. But they would try to nudge me here or there, or get me involved in things. I'm a very specific person and if I'm going to use up what very, very little energy I have, I want to make dang sure its something I can handle on that day and something I'm going to be able to actually enjoy somehow.

 

Whenever I finally get another job, it's not going to be any different except I might be, once again, even more tired and done with being human than now. Because I will *have* to be around people every friggin day so there goes what energy I have. So when I'm not at work, I'll be all by myself every second that I can to recharge.

The idea of being in a relationship is nice to me, but among everything else is the fact I that even if I liked the person, I can't picture myself being able to be around them all the time. I can barely tolerate people sometimes as it is whether I like/love them or not; and then like... being in a *relationship* with them and all the emotional and etc. energy which goes into that... I just don't think it's going to happen.

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