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Marty1962

Asexual hermits

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oldsoulvocalist

There's a significant amount of my life that I've spent weeks just completely by myself. A lot of that was because I felt unsafe being around people, and I still feel that residually. I would say it's a thing of comfort and peace, but I'm always kind of overwhelmed and stressed out, even though I'm currently being supported by family and not doing anything in particular that would prompt stress.

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Rockblossom

Life-long asocial ( a more accurate description than "anti-sociaL") asexual introvert.  Being retired, I can usually get away with ignoring social occasions and only talking to the checkout guy/gal where I buy groceries. It works for me.

interested-meeting-people-antisocial-fri

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knitwritezombie

I’m really socially awkward and introverted, so I don’t tend to go out much unless I’m alone or with one of my super close friends. I was out with one of my best friends from college, her roommate, and one of their mutual friends that I don’t know, and I was just kind of — there. I have trouble making small talk and connecting with people, as I have limited interests and they don’t often line up with other people’s, so it’s hard to engage with them. 

 

On 4/14/2018 at 1:12 PM, Biblioromantic said:

I have a question. For those of us on this thread, what do you do for a living? Is it something online?

 

I've been unemployed for a few months, but I know I'll eventually have to find another job even though I've been quite happy being mostly a hermit. Just looking for some ideas of what to look into.

I’m a college professor. i get most of my social interaction in the form of class meetings and a shared office with colleagues. But when I’m on semester break, I do most of my socializing online and have to force myself to leave my house. 

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Tempesta
On 4/12/2018 at 10:12 PM, InariYana said:

Sometimes I'm in a people-seeking phase when I go out and see friends or even meet new people, but those kind of interactions exhaust me quickly and then I retreat into solitude and truly love those moments, when no one is around. At some point though I start feeling like it's a bit quiet and I crave a bit of conversation and closeness... and that's how it goes. I need people in small doses :lol:   

Same here. What I find weird is that people actually think I'm extroverted. I can do small talk and connect to people apparently easily, but most of the time it costs a lot of energy to do so. Socializing with colleagues is fine and I enjoy it, but at the end of the work day I get super excited to be driving home to a gloriously empty house.

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newgirl

I'm an introvert and  urban hermit

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coffee&catfur

I can relate...but I'm Autistic. I wonder the opposite...do autistics have a tendency toward asexuality. But it's an interesting question...do asexuals have a tendency toward introvertedness. 

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Decaf

I'm an agoraphobic and don't really ever go out, so I guess I'm a hermit in that sense.
Sometimes I go for a month without speaking to another human being.

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G0D

I tend to have phases. I am pretty extroverted for the most part, but I take social upsets really badly, and I just loose trust in humanity as a whole. 

 

I have learned over the last 5 years or so that I am much better alone.  I have got to the point where I really don't want to be sociable. When I get down though, I really don't want to meet anyone. I will go out of my way to avoid anyone and everyone. 

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Sashanka

Minus working, one adult, and the iPhone...consider EarthMama's post mine...lol  That is all me as well.

 

I have one sister of the two and two kids of the four that I can see when I want and that's not very often. I have no friends. The few friends I ever made I never kept because I am a terrible friend. If I'm not in constant contact, I forget people. I hate that about me but it's true nevertheless. *sighs*

 

 

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RakshaTheCat

I definitely don't mind being a hermit, I don't like crowds and I have no idea what to do with myself during big meetings (big means more than 2 people). But I also like doing things together, as long as I have some kind of connection to my partner. Something simple like going for a walk in a forest, admiring views after a hike, or something more involved, like developing game project together. It rarely happens though.

 

So yeah, I seem to be enjoying things more when I can share them with someone. So, maybe being hermit together? Anyone has similar feelings? :)
 

 

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Jesterpot

I am an Ace/Aro. I'm also an introvert. I'm also a night owl. Once I realized these things about myself and stopped fighting it, I am soooo much happier. I still like to hang out with my mom a lot, but she is the only exception. We get together a few nights a week and drink a few beers and have dinner.

 

I only take jobs that offer a night shift or graveyard shift, I never go to parties or social gatherings, and I do the majority of my shopping online. I know my manners and can interact with people if I need to, but I am happiest when I'm alone in my house and things are quiet in the middle of the night. 

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Guest Jetsun Milarepa

I'm rapidly turning into a hermit with this heatwave we're having! Seriously though, I tend to go to films and concerts alone because I don't want interaction getting on the way. I tend to choose my meetings carefully and pace them out, so I get the best from them that way.

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CakeFlake

I'm with you chandrakirti on the heat wave! Can't bear to go outside, hopefully things will cool down next week.

I'm pretty antisocial online as well as in in the real world, so I probably won't be posting much on this site! I'm rubbish at making friends, partly cos I have an inferiority complex and social anxiety, partly cos I find it a bit unnatural and quite an effort, and partly I think because I don't really know how to do it! (I have Aspergers too, on which I blame many things :D )  I do like to socialise, but not too frequently and only with people I know quite well, or those who are just really easy to get on with. Meeting new people is quite hard. I'm always amazed at people who are chatty and engaging with those who they are unlikely to ever see again, like shop assistants or people you bump into on holiday. I just can't be bothered, even though I know people who have made good friends and even married people they met in such situations! Sitting in the hairdressers is mild torture - you have to put up with everyone else's conversations and you feel that you should be joining in but you don't want to. However, although it's sometimes easier to go on holiday by myself, I prefer to travel with friends. Mainly because then I'm less stressed about everything else, but also because it's nice to have people to share memories with.

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slyllama
On 6/28/2018 at 11:58 PM, Jesterpot said:

 

I am an Ace/Aro. I'm also an introvert. I'm also a night owl. Once I realized these things about myself and stopped fighting it, I am soooo much happier.

 

I feel the same. I felt a lot of pressure to got out to dinners with my friends all the time even though I didn’t really have the energy. (I did enjoy them, but it was just getting a bit much for the sake of maintaining a perceived ‘social standing’ LOL - I didn’t really need to put in that much time...)

 

I really do enjoy spending time alone. In fact, I’ve got this irrational fear (don’t laugh, LOL) that one day I’ll wake up attracted to someone and this situation will be over.

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Kia Hiraeth

I know how you feel, it seemed the older I got, as all my friends got married and had kids, I seemed to have less and less in common with any of them and one friendship after another just died. I try to stay busy with hobby’s and enjoying nature, but when I get up the courage to try and make new friends it doesn’t seem to last long when they find out I'm not interested in dating and having so called “normal” relationship's with a guy. I have yet to meet any other Asexual's in real life and so called “normal” (sexual) people including those I know in the Gay and Lesbian community don't seem very interested in trying to understand what it is like being asexual. The older I get the more I feel like a “stranger in a strange land” and I just don't understand why people act the way they do.

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RakshaTheCat
4 hours ago, Kia9Mera said:

I have yet to meet any other Asexual's in real life and so called “normal” (sexual) people including those I know in the Gay and Lesbian community don't seem very interested in trying to understand what it is like being asexual. The older I get the more I feel like a “stranger in a strange land” and I just don't understand why people act the way they do.

This is why I think that befriending asexuals is the way to go. It might be harder since not as many of us, might even have to start as long distance, but I really can't see any other way of finding someone compatible for eventual long term relationship. :)

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JHC (pet in waiting)

Generally I don't like people. I force myself to be sociable sometimes because I know the longer I stay in the harder it will to go out. I haven't been actually agoraphobic but pretty close sometimes. 

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Muggle

This has been a really interesting thread to read :) I have always said that I could happily live as a hermit as long as I had my books, ereader and laptop. I remember a couple years back I found the term asocial which really best describes my feelings about being social, I generally have no desire or motivation to be social and prefer solitary activities. I find it exhausting to be in social situations so I tend to avoid them. I have always been an introvert and would much rather spend my time with my pets (2 dogs, 4 tortoises) than people most of time.  

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LoneRider

I agree most times too. The vast majority of my friends I either text or talk to online, work actually helps keep my exposure to people down, though there are a handful of people I converse with regularly.

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Guest Jetsun Milarepa

It takes many years to get to know me and few have that patience as I'm so self contained, wouldn't say I'm a hermit, but I get fed up with human behaviour - you know the stuff - hidden agendas, obsessive competition, two faced , drama queen, manipulation..... so I try to stay at a distance because I don't want to get involved in these things or further someone else's plans in those directions. Sick of being used , in a nutshell.

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RakshaTheCat
On 9/3/2018 at 1:43 AM, chandrakirti said:

but I get fed up with human behaviour - you know the stuff - hidden agendas, obsessive competition, two faced , drama queen, manipulation.....

Me too, and this is exactly why finding people who don't behave like that is important to me! They are very rare, but it makes them so much more valuable when you find them I think. Valuable enough, that I will be happy to share my life with one if we find out that we can be happy together😺

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012
On 8/24/2018 at 10:29 PM, Kia9Mera said:

I have yet to meet any other Asexual's in real life

Same here... I'm going off topic now but I don't buy the claims by some on this site that 1% or more of the population is asexual. 

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AndrewT
48 minutes ago, 012 said:

Same here... I'm going off topic now but I don't buy the claims by some on this site that 1% or more of the population is asexual. 

I expect it could be more than 1% if you include the whole asexual spectrum and ask the questions using the definition.

 

If you just ask are you asexual to a random person on the street they probably don't know what it means

 

Sort of on topic, most people I've meet/spoke with who are ace, generally don't screem it from the rooftops so we go unnoticed

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teatree
5 hours ago, 012 said:

Same here... I'm going off topic now but I don't buy the claims by some on this site that 1% or more of the population is asexual. 

Do you think it's MORE???? 😊

 

I have formed friendships with a number of people on this site and have now met five of them in real life. Hope to meet more!

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Guest Jetsun Milarepa

I don't like getting too close because I have the curse of seeing too much, but the occasional pleasantries are fine IRL.

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Kia Hiraeth
18 hours ago, 012 said:

Same here... I'm going off topic now but I don't buy the claims by some on this site that 1% or more of the population is asexual. 

I should say I haven't knowingly meet any asexual's in real life but looking back on past friendships there were some who I think may have been but we didn't know about asexuality back then.

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012
3 hours ago, Kia9Mera said:

I should say I haven't knowingly meet any asexual's in real life but looking back on past friendships there were some who I think may have been but we didn't know about asexuality back then.

Good point... I didn't find out about it until a few years ago... realized that explained some things about myself!

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012
21 hours ago, AndrewT said:

Sort of on topic, most people I've meet/spoke with who are ace, generally don't screem it from the rooftops so we go unnoticed

That's true.

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JHC (pet in waiting)
On 7/1/2018 at 1:10 PM, chandrakirti said:

 I tend to go to films and concerts alone because I don't want interaction getting on the way. 

I like to go to things by myself, unless you are so outgoing you get lonely without a friend for an hour, I think most people would. There's a stigma about going to things by yourself, I remember years ago now, I went to the zoo by myself it felt really weird and wrong. It was great! I could spend ages by creature X and skip creature Y without worrying about anyone else. I've also been to the cinema before with someone who had seen the film before and kept nudging me when a good bit was coming up. End the stigma now!!!!!!!

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