GrimLove

Can anyone relate to this? (REPOST)

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GrimLove

Hello everyone!  I decided to ask the question here since I heard about varying degrees of libido within the asexual community. I will explain.

 

I have a very high libido however, I do not find many people attractive if at all.  However, I do find myself attractive and can get off from my reflection if need be.  Even with my high libido I can only get satisfaction through certain ideas being met usually related to some sort of kink or fetish.  I know that I am only attracted to females but this is due to more of the logic that women offer parts that I as a man do not.  I also do not wish to be mounted which leads to me being with a man clumsy and unfulfilling.  Even with women I only really appreciate it when the kink and fetish comes into play.  This makes dating awkward since there is a lot of “love making” at the beginning and I cannot release.  I understand people identify as non-binary but I am using gender as a standard for reproductive parts, not as an indentifier. 

 

So my question after all this, am I asexual?  

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Alejandrogynous

When you say you can't release, do you mean you aren't involving your kinks/fetishes in your initial "lovemaking" and that's what's stopping you? If you were able to involve your kinks/fetishes, would you enjoy sex and want to have it with the women you're attracted to?

In your first topic, you said, "If it wasn’t for the kink fetish ideals being met I probably wouldn’t seek another at all." In my opinion, an asexual person wouldn't seek a partner regardless. If you desire to share sexual experiences with a partner, whether its for that person themselves or to satisfy a kink, it's still sexual. An asexual person would prefer to engage in their kink/fetish alone, the same way they'd rather masturbate than have partnered sex.

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GrimLove

I have experienced my kinks on my own as well and that does work very well but part of my kink is exercising dominance over someone.  When i mean “release” i mean climax. If we are engaging in vanilla sexual relations I would need to focus on my reflection and the way my body flexes and engages in the act. 

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Alejandrogynous
38 minutes ago, GrimLove said:

I have experienced my kinks on my own as well and that does work very well but part of my kink is exercising dominance over someone.  When i mean “release” i mean climax. If we are engaging in vanilla sexual relations I would need to focus on my reflection and the way my body flexes and engages in the act. 

Right, that's what I meant. You can't climax with "vanilla" sex, or without involving your kinks/fetishes in some capacity. Which is actually what it means to have a fetish, so it sounds to me like you're a fetishist, rather than being asexual. Because as I said, an asexual person would rather not involve another person in their kink/fetish play at all. But it's up to you how you want to label yourself, obviously.

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IndieBindie

I'm in the same boat as you. I have kinks and would like them to be exercised, but I don't find other people sexually attractive. I'd rather not even look at the person. "Vanilla" sex makes me really uncomfortable and I wish I could skip the lovemaking steps. I've got a gap between light kissing and hardcore sex. I don't know what this is, if it's a subset of asexuality yet to be brought to light, but I'm glad someone else gets it.

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