4328 Posted April 9, 2018 Share Posted April 9, 2018 Has anyone here ever felt uncomfortable with their *now* sexuality and missed their previous one but then it changes back in order for you to feel more comfortable and it taught you how to accept yourself of being that way of your previous sexuality? Link to post Share on other sites
alligator Posted April 9, 2018 Share Posted April 9, 2018 well I've felt more comfortable when i came out as gay, but i guess i was more uncomfortable when i was pretending to be straight. so i guess we're kinda the opposite. unless you mean you missed the "straight" imagine people had of you, and how much more comfortable/easier it was Link to post Share on other sites
4328 Posted April 9, 2018 Author Share Posted April 9, 2018 3 minutes ago, alligator said: well I've felt comfortable when i came out as gay, but i guess i was more uncomfortable when i was pretending to be straight. so i guess we're kinda the opposite. unless you mean you missed the "straight" imagine people had of you, and how much more comfortable/easier it was Well I'm a lesbian and I'm not romantically attracted to girls but I really miss the feeling of my romantic attraction because it defines who I am. Being aromantic doesn't perfectly suit me at all. Being a lesbian makes me happy and comfortable. I'm 14 btw Link to post Share on other sites
alligator Posted April 9, 2018 Share Posted April 9, 2018 well sometimes it can take a few years to figure out your sexuality, so the more you learn about yourself, the easier you'll be able to define who you are. but what do you mean you "miss" romantic attraction. were you able to have romantic feeling for girls before? Link to post Share on other sites
4328 Posted April 9, 2018 Author Share Posted April 9, 2018 3 minutes ago, alligator said: well sometimes it can take a few years to figure out your sexuality, so the more you learn about yourself, the easier you'll be able to define who you are. but what do you mean you "miss" romantic attraction. were you able to have romantic feeling for girls before? Well I had a crush last year and I did have crushes on girls before (I used to bisexual) then this year in February my sexuality changed and I lack romantic attraction but I still like girls sexually. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted April 9, 2018 Share Posted April 9, 2018 I was definitely more comfortable identifying as asexual but I do desire some types of sexual intimacy very, very rarely under very specific circumstances so I can't lie to myself or deny that unfortunately. Thinking I was fully asexual was a lot easier though! Link to post Share on other sites
4328 Posted April 9, 2018 Author Share Posted April 9, 2018 5 minutes ago, FictoVore. said: I was definitely more comfortable identifying as asexual but I do desire some types of sexual intimacy very, very rarely under very specific circumstances so I can't lie to myself or deny that unfortunately. Thinking I was fully asexual was a lot easier though! But I feel more comfortable being a lesbian. I just wanted think asexual suits me perfectly. Btw I'm 14 Link to post Share on other sites
AbyssGaze Posted April 10, 2018 Share Posted April 10, 2018 I don't quite get what you mean in the last sentence, but in any case sexuality it's fluid, so if somehow you're not content with your *now* sexuality it doesn't mean you have to identify as that in the future. In some degree I believe labels can be meaningless, whatever you suit them more or less, choose whatever makes you more comfortable, at the end of the day your happiness it's what matters. Link to post Share on other sites
4328 Posted April 10, 2018 Author Share Posted April 10, 2018 1 hour ago, AbyssGaze said: I don't quite get what you mean in the last sentence, but in any case sexuality it's fluid, so if somehow you're not content with your *now* sexuality it doesn't mean you have to identify as that in the future. In some degree I believe labels can be meaningless, whatever you suit them more or less, choose whatever makes you more comfortable, at the end of the day your happiness it's what matters. What I mean in the last sentence is that although my lack of romantic attraction bothers me so much and I feel uncomfortable that way. I still miss being a lesbian as in I miss my romantic attraction. Link to post Share on other sites
Galactic Turtle Posted April 10, 2018 Share Posted April 10, 2018 Well I've always been asexual, I just didn't know there was a word for my particular experience. Before I assumed that word was "straight." Doesn't mean I was straight. I just thought I was. So my feelings have stayed the same, it's just my knowledge of the feelings of others have changed. Before I thought everyone was like me. Because of that there's nothing to miss, really. I simply know more than I used to. I don't think i would willingly choose ignorance. Link to post Share on other sites
Lonemathsytoothbrushthief Posted April 10, 2018 Share Posted April 10, 2018 3 hours ago, Bts_suga said: What I mean in the last sentence is that although my lack of romantic attraction bothers me so much and I feel uncomfortable that way. I still miss being a lesbian as in I miss my romantic attraction. I think just because romantic attraction has become rarer doesn't make you less of a lesbian if you're still attracted to girls and comfortable identifying that way while fluid in the end, you never know which factors have caused you to as you say lose romantic attraction, it can be all kinds of stuff like depression for some people, or the people you're around and watch on tv etc might just not put you in that frame of mind. But plenty of lesbians don't feel romantically attracted to many people in life, just as plenty of people in general might settle with one person and never really date much, I'm starting to think people need to realise that you can be aro spec, ace spec and lesbian/bi/pan/gay and so on regardless. Although I'm struggling in life right now, I very much feel ace, greyro and bi myself. Link to post Share on other sites
4328 Posted April 10, 2018 Author Share Posted April 10, 2018 1 minute ago, Lonemathsytoothbrushthief said: I think just because romantic attraction has become rarer doesn't make you less of a lesbian if you're still attracted to girls and comfortable identifying that way while fluid in the end, you never know which factors have caused you to as you say lose romantic attraction, it can be all kinds of stuff like depression for some people, or the people you're around and watch on tv etc might just not put you in that frame of mind. But plenty of lesbians don't feel romantically attracted to many people in life, just as plenty of people in general might settle with one person and never really date much, I'm starting to think people need to realise that you can be aro spec, ace spec and lesbian/bi/pan/gay and so on regardless. Although I'm struggling in life right now, I very much feel ace, greyro and bi myself. Maybe I haven't found the right girl. I'm 14 btw and should I just wait a couple of years to see what happens? Link to post Share on other sites
Lonemathsytoothbrushthief Posted April 10, 2018 Share Posted April 10, 2018 5 minutes ago, Bts_suga said: Maybe I haven't found the right girl. I'm 14 btw and should I just wait a couple of years to see what happens? I mean you shouldn't feel like there's one sort of relationship which you have to look out for either, in the end for both romantic and aro spec people relationships don't necessarily develop in predictable ways, and what's important is that you have people around you who respect your identity, so you can be open about your feelings regardless of whether you feel more or less romantic attraction. But yeah 14 is super early to think you're gonna find someone surely! Though if you do that's precious Link to post Share on other sites
4328 Posted April 10, 2018 Author Share Posted April 10, 2018 8 minutes ago, Lonemathsytoothbrushthief said: I mean you shouldn't feel like there's one sort of relationship which you have to look out for either, in the end for both romantic and aro spec people relationships don't necessarily develop in predictable ways, and what's important is that you have people around you who respect your identity, so you can be open about your feelings regardless of whether you feel more or less romantic attraction. But yeah 14 is super early to think you're gonna find someone surely! Though if you do that's precious The thing is the label aromantic doesn't suit me perfectly because I don't see myself that way. But being a lesbian is who I truly am and I just seem to have this special and strong connection to it you know. Being a lesbian makes me happy and comfortable ;)) Link to post Share on other sites
Lonemathsytoothbrushthief Posted April 10, 2018 Share Posted April 10, 2018 Then don't worry, keep enjoying being a lesbian Link to post Share on other sites
4328 Posted April 10, 2018 Author Share Posted April 10, 2018 1 minute ago, Lonemathsytoothbrushthief said: Then don't worry, keep enjoying being a lesbian But what about my lack of romantic attraction? Is there a chance it will come back since I feel comfortable that way? Link to post Share on other sites
alligator Posted April 10, 2018 Share Posted April 10, 2018 1 hour ago, Bts_suga said: But what about my lack of romantic attraction? Is there a chance it will come back since I feel comfortable that way? Like you keep saying, you’re 14. I think over time, you’ll figure who you are. Just the fact that you want a relationship makes you sound more asexual than arosexual. I think the best option is to be more active on the forums. The more people you interact with, the more you’ll start to figure who you are, because everyone is/has gone through similar stuff. I hope this helped Link to post Share on other sites
4328 Posted April 10, 2018 Author Share Posted April 10, 2018 Just now, alligator said: Like you keep saying, you’re 14. I think over time, you’ll figure who you are. Just the fact that you want a relationship makes you sound more asexual than arosexual. I think the best option is to be more active on the forums. The more people you interact with, the more you’ll start to figure who you are, because everyone is/has gone through similar stuff. I hope this helped What do you mean some people has/is gone through the similar things? Link to post Share on other sites
Lonemathsytoothbrushthief Posted April 10, 2018 Share Posted April 10, 2018 1 hour ago, Bts_suga said: But what about my lack of romantic attraction? Is there a chance it will come back since I feel comfortable that way? Yeah I'm going to point out with the others that it sounds as if your thoughts on who you are are accurate, and though you might be feeling differently because, I mean, your body does a lot of stuff as a teen and that can influence your feelings, the fact is being a lesbian but worrying that you're not sounds more likely than being aromantic ace and wishing you were a lesbian. Personally I understand confusion around orientation since gender and neurodivergence made things confusing for a looooooooooong time, I mean I only really figured out who I was the last few years and I'm 23 so yeah... Link to post Share on other sites
4328 Posted April 10, 2018 Author Share Posted April 10, 2018 4 minutes ago, Lonemathsytoothbrushthief said: Yeah I'm going to point out with the others that it sounds as if your thoughts on who you are are accurate, and though you might be feeling differently because, I mean, your body does a lot of stuff as a teen and that can influence your feelings, the fact is being a lesbian but worrying that you're not sounds more likely than being aromantic ace and wishing you were a lesbian. Personally I understand confusion around orientation since gender and neurodivergence made things confusing for a looooooooooong time, I mean I only really figured out who I was the last few years and I'm 23 so yeah... What do you mean that worrying I'm not a lesbian but wishing I was? Link to post Share on other sites
Lonemathsytoothbrushthief Posted April 10, 2018 Share Posted April 10, 2018 6 minutes ago, Bts_suga said: What do you that worrying I'm not a lesbian but wishing I was? I'm saying that your fears that you're no longer a lesbian, despite obviously identifying as being attracted to people for a while, are probably more of a temporary thing. But since sexuality is complicated if you want to go by a different label in the future that's not a problem either. Link to post Share on other sites
4328 Posted April 10, 2018 Author Share Posted April 10, 2018 1 minute ago, Lonemathsytoothbrushthief said: I'm saying that your fears that you're no longer a lesbian, despite obviously identifying as being attracted to people for a while, are probably more of a temporary thing. So are you saying I wasn't meant to be that way Link to post Share on other sites
alligator Posted April 10, 2018 Share Posted April 10, 2018 5 minutes ago, Bts_suga said: What do you mean some people has/is gone through the similar things? Well the majority of people on this forum are Asexual, so I’m sure they’re plenty of people who have/are going through similar problems. You just need to look for them on the forum. That’s what I mean by being more active. So I suggest replying to other people’s questions, posting new topics, etc.. so even if you are still figuring out who you are, at least here you can feel comfortable on the forums with like minded people Link to post Share on other sites
Lonemathsytoothbrushthief Posted April 10, 2018 Share Posted April 10, 2018 1 minute ago, Bts_suga said: So are you saying I wasn't meant to be that way No, though I don't understand why we have to be a certain way at all. The thing I'm trying to get across is that, although we don't choose our sexual/romantic orientations, we can choose how we identify so I don't think you'd be alone if you identify as a lesbian who currently happens to not be romantically attracted to many people. And since you're young I don't think you should worry about this, we all have different experiences in different parts of our lives. Link to post Share on other sites
4328 Posted April 10, 2018 Author Share Posted April 10, 2018 4 minutes ago, Lonemathsytoothbrushthief said: No, though I don't understand why we have to be a certain way at all. The thing I'm trying to get across is that, although we don't choose our sexual/romantic orientations, we can choose how we identify so I don't think you'd be alone if you identify as a lesbian who currently happens to not be romantically attracted to many people. And since you're young I don't think you should worry about this, we all have different experiences in different parts of our lives. Okay I understand. What do you mean since I'm young I shouldn't worry about it? Link to post Share on other sites
Lonemathsytoothbrushthief Posted April 10, 2018 Share Posted April 10, 2018 1 minute ago, Bts_suga said: Okay I understand. What do you mean since I'm young I shouldn't worry about it? Specifically because people still have a lot going on in terms of psychological development up to the age of around 20-25, and that's not even including puberty and its effects on sexuality/romantic attraction. So right now your identity is probably more in flux than in most other periods of life. Link to post Share on other sites
4328 Posted April 10, 2018 Author Share Posted April 10, 2018 4 minutes ago, Lonemathsytoothbrushthief said: Specifically because people still have a lot going on in terms of psychological development up to the age of around 20-25, and that's not even including puberty and its effects on sexuality/romantic attraction. So right now your identity is probably more in flux than in most other periods of life. So what you are saying my sexuality is most likely to change in the future? Link to post Share on other sites
Lonemathsytoothbrushthief Posted April 10, 2018 Share Posted April 10, 2018 4 minutes ago, Bts_suga said: So what you are saying my sexuality is most likely to change in the future? It's more like, how often you're attracted to people, your social life, what you want or don't want from a relationship, these can all change but they don't define your sexuality, they're a part of all of our individual experiences. I hope you understand now. Link to post Share on other sites
4328 Posted April 10, 2018 Author Share Posted April 10, 2018 13 minutes ago, Lonemathsytoothbrushthief said: It's more like, how often you're attracted to people, your social life, what you want or don't want from a relationship, these can all change but they don't define your sexuality, they're a part of all of our individual experiences. I hope you understand now. But is it possible an aromantic to change to romantic? Because I have heard some became romantic after forming a friendship bond then they fell in love with a person. Link to post Share on other sites
Lonemathsytoothbrushthief Posted April 10, 2018 Share Posted April 10, 2018 44 minutes ago, Bts_suga said: But is it possible an aromantic to change to romantic? Because I have heard some became romantic after forming a friendship bond then they fell in love with a person. Some people might decide this makes them romantic, others might think it makes them greyromantic or demiromantic or all kinds of things, so it would be up to the person as to whether they describe it as becoming romantic or not. But it is possible. Link to post Share on other sites
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