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Married to an ACE


Mary Lambert

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Mary Lambert

OK, for those of you who care and just discovered that your significant other is asexual and you thought they were gay or you thought they were having an affair or you thought you became so repulsive that they couldn't possibly be attracted to you anymore, put down the potato chips! You are not alone. It is a real shocker I get it, but there is hope. I have no idea what your story will turn out to be, but act slowly and carefully. Talk to one of us or a lot of us. We can help. I suffered for 14 years not knowing and am so glad that I finally got answers thanks to this website. People are so helpful and so kind. After discussing my pain with both ACE's and Allos alike, I was able to break down and finally be heard by people who could relate. My sister's are still certain he is gay. But they don't see what I see. After realizing that this is real and there is a community where I can go and talk about it without the blank faces our relationship has taken a turn for the better. When he finally told me after 13 years that he was Asexual/Bisexual all I heard was "gay".  And trust me I love gay people, just wanted to not be married to a gay guy. But when I told him I finally understood and believed him, I fell in love again. I think he fell in love again also. We are both in our 50's and it is so much better now. Yes, I still need to look my best and be attractive to other men and I do not know what the future holds, but I am so happy to be with him. It is a true miracle. We were together sexually after 15 months of nothing because it was my turn to reject him. It really was special. I don't expect a lot of nights like this nor do I really want them with him at this point. But I want him to know I love him and respect him, because I know he feels the same about me. In other words I want us to be happy again. Only time will tell, but for now I will keep wearing my corset, working out and making myself feel good about me and not worrying if he cannot find me sexy. Its ok now. I am no longer concerned about that with him. But I do love him with all my heart. 

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anisotrophic
18 hours ago, Mary Lambert said:

Only time will tell, but for now I will keep wearing my corset, working out and making myself feel good about me and not worrying if he cannot find me sexy. Its ok now. I am no longer concerned about that with him. But I do love him with all my heart. 

It is so liberating to work on being who we want to be -- WITHOUT worrying about striving to get our partner attracted!

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Mary Lambert
3 minutes ago, anisotropic said:

It is so liberating to work on being who we want to be -- WITHOUT worrying about striving to get our partner attracted!

So so true. It's over. 

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Agreed.  I've been on many discussion sites where its strong hinted that there is something wrong with me if my wife doesn't want to have sex with me.  Ran around for many years trying to figure out what I was doing wrong. 

 

I suspect it works both ways. An asexual person may get the idea that something is wrong with their partner because they, the asexual, doesn't feel attraction. They may  not easily realize that they never feel attraction to anyone. 

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  • 7 months later...

Oh man, blast from the past. I don't think Mary is around the forums these days. Whoever she really was...

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