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Brodertun

Flirting

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Brodertun

Flirting keeps becoming a topic of conversations with my asexual friends and I.

Two of us are frequently accused of flirting, even though as far as we can tell, we're doing nothing other than acting the way we would with any friend.

Another friend does deliberatly flirt as he sees it as just general friendliness. However the object of his flirting tends to become uncomfortable with it, even though they see nothing wrong with frequently receiving hugs/kisses from another member of the sex whom they aren't interested in.

Another friend described flirting as a nice way of saying "hi, how are you" and something fun to engage in as long as you remove yourself from the vulnerability of being easily seduced. However he also finds that if he flirts (which is just showing an interest in someone and being open) that person quickly gets jealous about how he interacts with others

So all this paragraphs above were building up to ask, "how do sexuals see flirting" and "why are we (my asexual friends and I) having all these problems with it

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phage2004

I'm kind of nervous about the whole subject myself. Im interested in art and a lot of activities that I guess some would consider "feminine." Most of the people who share my interest are women, and I enjoy talking with them about it. Very often, apparently, they will think I'm flirting when I am not.

It actually makes me nervous at this point, as though I should feel guilty about being friendly and joking around with someone who shares my interest. It's very annoying. I wish there were some safe way around these issues without hurting anyone's feelings.

I think sexuality dominates many people's lives so much, that they can't conceive of a man being friendly with a woman without it having some sort of sexual connotation.

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sonofzeal

I have the same problem you guys do, and get accused of the same thing when nothing of the sort was on my mind. I'd say phage2004's assesment is a little cynical, but to be honest I kinda agree with it.

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MaraKarina

When someone flirts with me I see that as acknowledgement of myself as a sexual person. It's either very brief and then that person switches to non-flirting, friendly behaviour - in which case it doesn't mean anything and would be acceptable in almost all areas. If it's a bit more consistent or repeated I would understand it as the wish to establish a (sexual) relationship and depending on my interest or lack thereof I'd either respond flirting back or ignoring it and be friendly or signalling otherwise that I'd not be interested.

If my partner would flirt, except the brief type, I would NOT like it, and if someone would constantly flirt with me and if I would respond but then he would never find the next step I guess I'd consider him to be a windbag.

You also find excessive flirting very often from homosexuals towards hetero-women which, of course, is meaningless as the two will never match

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Hallucigenia

I sometimes decide that someone being really friendly is flirting with me even though I know they're probably not. But, I don't think that people should feel guilty about being friendly to me - I'm well aware that the interpretation is mine, that I made it solely to amuse myself, and that it may not correspond to reality. And meanwhile, flirtatiously or not, it's fun to be around friendly people who like me.

Perhaps this leads to awkward situations when neurotypicals do it, because they're used to their assessments of other people's intentions being correct, and I'm not? Ooh, and then we get into postmodern analysis of social behaviour... um... okay, I'm going to a forum where I can be less scary now...

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SnowGlassandApples
Another friend described flirting as a nice way of saying "hi, how are you" and something fun to engage in as long as you remove yourself from the vulnerability of being easily seduced. However he also finds that if he flirts (which is just showing an interest in someone and being open) that person quickly gets jealous about how he interacts with others

well for me. I'm sexual. Flirting is like say hi how are you sometimes.

it breaks the ice. its fun. its being friendly. and i agree with the remove yourself from the vulnerability of being easily seduced part...

jealousy is kinda apart of the whole flirting game..if that other person does become interested in you..and they want to go farther than just playing around than they are going to get jealouse if they see you going to other people.

I flirt alot but I do it mostly to be friendly and I dont go to over my head with it and get the person thinking more than what they should. I don't feel guilty about it..its just being friendly.

your probably being accused because you naturally are a sweet and nice person..and other people probably aren't used to being treated that way unless they are being flirted with..hah..thats the only thing I could come up for that one.

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helana12_03
I have the same problem you guys do, and get accused of the same thing when nothing of the sort was on my mind.

I am also blamed for flirting with guys when I"m just being nice to them with no sexual intentions, after all, what should I do be a snob or not talk to guys at all, just because they might think I"m flirting with them???

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