raevins Posted March 30, 2018 Share Posted March 30, 2018 I first identified as ace before I'd had any sort of relationship or physical intimacy with another person, so part of me believed that my sexuality would "awaken" after finding someone I like and sharing physical affection. Additionally, some fantasies and such turn me on, but not when I consider actually participating myself. Now I've been in a relationship for a few months, and we've tried having sex a few times. It generally feels fine, but I'm definitely not "turned on" during it. My partner knows that I masturbate however, and feels bad that they can't help me finish. Basically, how do I explain the concept of asexuality and how I feel without making my partner feel unsexy or bad about themselves? I don't mind having sex occasionally, but I'll never enjoy it the way my partner does. Link to post Share on other sites
MrDane Posted March 30, 2018 Share Posted March 30, 2018 I think you are doing the rigth thing. Perhaps it isnt about the concept of ‘asexuality’ but more about the concept of who ‘you’ are. If you remember to show your partner that you choose them and value them, that is important. What about other forms of intimacy? Good thing, if you can participate in some sex. Can you find elements of it, that you enjoy and focus on that. I get a loving aid with my masturbation, put in a schedule. It isnt hot and sexy. But it is nice and much needed. Link to post Share on other sites
gisiebob Posted March 30, 2018 Share Posted March 30, 2018 it's just one of those things ya just gotta do. Link to post Share on other sites
butterflydreams Posted March 30, 2018 Share Posted March 30, 2018 11 hours ago, raevins said: Basically, how do I explain the concept of asexuality and how I feel without making my partner feel unsexy or bad about themselves? I don't mind having sex occasionally, but I'll never enjoy it the way my partner does. I think you just have a talk about what asexuality means to you. A lot of asexual people won’t have sex at all of any kind, some will, others have certain boundaries. These are all questions your partner is bound to have. If you need to, take some time to sort out how you specifically feel on your own first. I also don’t think most sexual partners enjoy sex to the exact same degree as one another. God knows I don’t. Sometimes this is a dealbreaker, sometimes it’s not, but you have to talk about it. My partner knows I have certain hang ups that make sex difficult for me, but we work around them. It’s important to have the discussion though. Otherwise you’re never going to be on the same page. Link to post Share on other sites
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