Palovana Posted March 30, 2018 Share Posted March 30, 2018 I've been feeling this way a lot recently. I came back to this forum after more than two years away because I felt so lonely existing in this sexual world, and it helped for a while, for a few months. But now...when I'm on here, I can't really get rid of the knowledge that all of the relationships I could ever hope to build with others here will always be long distance and for the most part superficial because of that. And so I just feel like I always feel...alienated and alone. Not to mention, the only thing we all have in common (most of us, anyway), is our orientation...otherwise, we vary greatly, and I feel like an outcast due to my values being different from most people's, just like everywhere else. I wondered if anyone else feels this way. Link to post Share on other sites
Zatarra Posted March 30, 2018 Share Posted March 30, 2018 Yes I understand what you are trying to say....more than you know... And that is why tomorrow I leave AVEN Link to post Share on other sites
RedOwl5 Posted March 30, 2018 Share Posted March 30, 2018 I see what you mean, in that there's not a high likelihood of building a serious friendship from AVEN, but at the same time for me it helps just having people to talk to who understand. And in a way, I think it's beautiful that we all have different interests and values. It makes things interesting. I do feel alone at times, but I think I would feel that way with or without this forum. Link to post Share on other sites
Cimmerian Posted March 30, 2018 Share Posted March 30, 2018 Yes, there are times I feel that way too (especially feeling out of place value wise). I appreciate the friends I have made on here and they've made for some great times and some deep conversations, but there are days when the discomfort of feeling that I'm unwelcome outweigh that and I need to take time away and get involved with other activities. I try to stick with the areas or people on here that I feel best around, or form chat groups with the people that I have more in common with just to help combat that feeling that you can get when you're standing alone in the middle of a crowd. Link to post Share on other sites
Palovana Posted March 30, 2018 Author Share Posted March 30, 2018 Just to clarify, by values I don't mean political persuasion. I mean what is important in your daily life, what you spend your energy and time on, what do you love to focus on. That's what I mean. I find most people here talking about modern pop culture or internet culture - I use this term very loosely and with a pinch of sarcasm - and make references to it, but I know nothing about it, nor do I really have any interest in knowing more about it. That's a small example, but that's what I'm getting at. Link to post Share on other sites
Epitaph Posted March 30, 2018 Share Posted March 30, 2018 Any internet contact makes me feel lonely to begin with. It's outstayed its welcome with me. I don't have the enthusiasm or the energy for it that I used to. Primarily the only reason I'm around at this point is because I have nobody else and no options. What makes it so lonely for me is the realization that it's little more than coffee table talk. Oh yes, there's more room for more personal discussion, but at the end of the day, that's all it is. I've heard of relationships coming together despite distances, and I believe if two people are committed, they can make it work, but I guess in my case, the problem is even getting that far to begin with. A relationship of trust that extends that much takes years to form. I don't have the energy to do it anymore. I've spent years of my life growing closer to people I once had as friends and then suffer losing them, over and over and over, one after the other like dominoes. So to me, having to go through this process for more years at a time and yet still having the chance of it failing is almost unnacceptable to me. I don't want to be dicked around anymore, whether it be from uncontrolled circumstance or just simply not having the connection after having spent so much time into forming it. And yeah, I'm an outsider too. Sometimes it comes down to lifestyle, sometimes it comes down to belief, sometimes it comes down to the distance. Never have and probably never will fit in anywhere totally. I guess that's the roll of the dice that life is. Link to post Share on other sites
Palovana Posted March 30, 2018 Author Share Posted March 30, 2018 @E is for E You just read my mind and expressed pretty much everything I was trying to say but couldn't really express in those two paragraphs. That is exactly, exactly it. In my case, I don't have any family either, so it's not like I at least have them, because I don't even have them. I look to the past and I see solitude since early childhood; I look to the future and I see solitude for the rest of my life. I am trying so hard to use it to my advantage, delving into solitary pursuits, working on a novel, learning to play a musical instrument, teaching myself a new language...but at night I always feel this horrible wretched emptiness, and I realize there is no consolation, there is no way to ever make it go away. I'm trying so hard to be at peace with it, but it's a battle I often lose. I'm always crying at the end of the day, but every effort to build any sort of relationship with anyone else, even a friendship, also ends in tears. So I don't know what to do anymore, except withdraw from people and society as much as possible, but lately I feel it's having an even worse effect on my mind...not that being around others ever really helped me either. Link to post Share on other sites
Sage Raven Domino Posted March 30, 2018 Share Posted March 30, 2018 The visibility and education network was founded to do what it says in its name. Any friendship that forms as a result of conversations here is a pleasant side effect, but it's never been guaranteed. Lower your expectations, then not meeting them won't hurt. Link to post Share on other sites
Lord Jade Cross Posted March 30, 2018 Share Posted March 30, 2018 35 minutes ago, EMPrise said: Lower your expectations, then not meeting them won't hurt. Pretty much this. Its not popular ideal and Im pretty sure I might get some backlash for it but wanting to have a relationship often goes about the same way as when people want their sex life to be like what they see in porn, Its just not real. The very concept of what people usually define as "relationahip" is often vague and based on ideals that have been presented to you but which you most likely never tested out and took for absolute truth that when you look for it, you will continuously be dissapointed in that you cant find it, but the gag is, that its not there to begin with. Its similar to when people say "I want to be happy". Ask the: "Ok how do you want to be happy?" I can bet you a fair portion will give out a generic response which people have been condiction to correlate with happiness or they wont be able to answer you at all. The reason is many dont go into what they want or how they want it. Link to post Share on other sites
daveb Posted March 30, 2018 Share Posted March 30, 2018 I have made friends here, even a travel partner, and have also met up with various people in real life at meetups. The forum discussions and interactions are good, and the interactions outside the forum have reinforced friendships I've made here. My answer is, no, AVEN doesn't make me feel lonely at all. Link to post Share on other sites
fuzzipueo Posted March 30, 2018 Share Posted March 30, 2018 AVEN doesn't make me feel lonely, though I do get where you're coming from @Palovana. I used to get that same feeling from a totally different forum I belonged to in the early 2000s, before it imploded - I just never could connect with others there and it made me feel like an outsider (to be fair, a good number of people there were snobs). I still get melancholy, esp. late at night. And recently at work, where a long time colleague/friend (nearly 20 years) retired in 2016 and I miss her presence very much and it's been more than a year. Reminds me of how I felt in high school - something I thought I'd finally conquered, y'know? I have friends with whom I spend time, but you know what happens when you get a group of introverts together? We hang out for a few hours, then have to scatter and recharge, so it's not a constant interaction. Just the other night I was reading a long time favorite book (Demon of Undoing by Andrea Alton). I'd written the date I bought the book on the back cover, June 6, 1988, and man the wave of feeling from it just kind bowled me over. This is book is a comfort read for me, and, even though I haven't read it in years, I remember reading it on a regular basis because I love the friendship that forms between two very desperate characters, both out of necessity but also mutual respect, and I remember always wanting something like that for myself. A more recent version of such a friendship can be found in the Hap and Leonard series by Joe R. Landsdale, upon which the TV series by Sundance Channel is based. I would love to have that kind of friendship. So, no, AVEN doesn't make me feel lonely, but general life does at times get to be too much. Probably why I spend a good part of my day, when I'm not working or dealing with reality, reading and listening to music or watching TV. Link to post Share on other sites
Yep, me Posted March 30, 2018 Share Posted March 30, 2018 I feel less lonely, by FAR. Link to post Share on other sites
Visenya Posted March 31, 2018 Share Posted March 31, 2018 Sometimes, but only because I'm "forced" to be less sociable here than I'd like, which makes me feel left out. My post count would be much higher if my English were better, but that's not Aven's fault. This place can be a constant reminder that I can't relate to people I meet in "real" life (at least not as much as I can relate to other Avenites), though. I often feel like I'm living a double life. That said, Aven still is a positive thing in my life, even though I don't consider myself asexual anymore. I'd be much lonelier without it, I believe. Link to post Share on other sites
daveb Posted March 31, 2018 Share Posted March 31, 2018 21 minutes ago, Visenya said: Sometimes, but only because I'm "forced" to be less sociable here than I'd like, which makes me feel left out. My post count would be much higher if my English were better, but that's not Aven's fault. This place can be a constant reminder that I can't relate to people I meet in "real" life (at least not as much as I can relate to other Avenites), though. I often feel like I'm living a double life. That said, Aven still is a positive thing in my life, even though I don't consider myself asexual anymore. I'd be much lonelier without it, I believe. The English in your posts is very good. I don't see anything in the above post that looks incorrect or "foreign", for example. But then I don't know how hard you have to work to write that, or to read posts (especially from people with worse English ). Link to post Share on other sites
WinterWanderer Posted March 31, 2018 Share Posted March 31, 2018 No, I don't feel lonely because of AVEN. Quite the opposite, actually. It's often a place I go to unwind. I haven't made many close friends here, but I do like that I often see the same people here. It feels kind of... home-y, in a way. Then again, I don't really expect to get many meaningful relationships out of an online forum. But to its credit, AVEN is the site where I have met the most people with whom I have something in common. And not just in terms of sexuality. I've met a lot of people here who like similar tv shows or have similar hobbies. I think in general, I just don't need to be around a lot of friends or loved ones. So often, just visiting AVEN and other websites, and seeing friends/family every once in a while, are enough for me. Link to post Share on other sites
Euna Posted March 31, 2018 Share Posted March 31, 2018 I used to be part of a forum - like, 10-11 years ago - where I made quite a few online friends. It was all fairly impersonal (we connected over a common hobby), but we had a great camaraderie. It was a once-in-a-lifetime experience, so I don't expect AVEN to be that for me. If you see me on AVEN, it's because it's the place I go when I already feel alone or misunderstood. This, in spite of the fact, that I have very different beliefs than many people here, too. However, I try to look at it as a glass half-full. Most of my conversations here have been far deeper and more interesting than those I have in real life, for better or worse. Personally, my faith alone ultimately keeps me afloat. I don't say that with the intent to proselytize; it's just honestly what has helped me the most. Link to post Share on other sites
Homer Posted March 31, 2018 Share Posted March 31, 2018 No, I don't. One, people will always have varying ideas and ideals, no matter where you go. Two, this is not something related to AVEN (or any other website). If someone feels like they can't relate to others the way they'd like to, not visiting a website won't change that. Three, I'd leave if it were AVEN that made me feel bad. Link to post Share on other sites
Mae 🌼 Posted March 31, 2018 Share Posted March 31, 2018 Not really, quite the opposite actually even though I haven't made any 'friends' as of yet it's nice to come here and see everyone that has something in common support eachother Link to post Share on other sites
J. van Deijck Posted April 1, 2018 Share Posted April 1, 2018 sometimes, definitely. like, everyone I love here lives so far that we might never meet, and it's also a matter of interests. I'm clearly the only cybergoth here and while some people express an interest in my culture, they typically like much different things on a daily basis. I have noticed k-pop is particularly popular here (and, no offence, I'm having problems understanding it's popularity). I'm not interested in it and while others have a subject to talk about, I'm typically on the outside. my own interests are so atypical that I can barely find anyone to talk about them. sometimes it's an emotional thing, too. most of the time I quite enjoy being here, though. I kind of like to socialise. but wait. I forgot the most important thing. it feels as some of my friends were not my friends anymore because they found better friends. I've never had tendencies to replace one person with another, so it's too much for me. Link to post Share on other sites
Grumpy Alien Posted April 1, 2018 Share Posted April 1, 2018 No, I use it as socialization. Link to post Share on other sites
Sage Raven Domino Posted April 1, 2018 Share Posted April 1, 2018 11 hours ago, [noize:injekktion] said: I have noticed k-pop is particularly popular here (and, no offence, I'm having problems understanding it's popularity). It's obviously very different spiritually (if it has any spiritual message at all), but don't k-pop singers dress colourfully? Speaking of, do you have problems understanding ravers too? Link to post Share on other sites
J. van Deijck Posted April 1, 2018 Share Posted April 1, 2018 24 minutes ago, EMPrise said: It's obviously very different spiritually (if it has any spiritual message at all), but don't k-pop singers dress colourfully? Speaking of, do you have problems understanding ravers too? no, because ravers are much closer to cybers and yeah colourful style is the only thing I actually understand about k-pop, but do I see well that all these male performers have an identical hairstyle? Link to post Share on other sites
StormySky Posted April 1, 2018 Share Posted April 1, 2018 8 minutes ago, [noize:injekktion] said: but do I see well that all these male performers have an identical hairstyle? Lol, I noticed that too and I can't understand why. Link to post Share on other sites
StormySky Posted April 1, 2018 Share Posted April 1, 2018 Yeah, sometimes. But I'm socially needy and it's hard to have a consistent conversation on an internet forum. Link to post Share on other sites
J. van Deijck Posted April 1, 2018 Share Posted April 1, 2018 7 minutes ago, StormySky said: Lol, I noticed that too and I can't understand why. haaaa I'm not alone XD I really don't understand it either and tbh I don't even find this hairstyle good-looking on anyone, but well. to each their own Link to post Share on other sites
Ashmedai Posted April 1, 2018 Share Posted April 1, 2018 Not really. I've used aven as a social outlet quite a fair bit since I've joined. Link to post Share on other sites
artzcat Posted April 1, 2018 Share Posted April 1, 2018 Sometimes I feel lonely here but I think that's something everyone experiences at some point so I wouldn't say AVEN is the cause (I mean I sometimes feel lonely outside of AVEN too). I get lonely seeing how close some avenites are with each other. And I also get lonely because I can't always relate a lot to certain topics or experiences that many people have had. However, AVEN is almost like coming back home again. I like seeing familiar avenites. I have a few secret squishes here and I always like seeing what they post. Sometimes I'm away from AVEN for days or weeks, but it is always nice to come back. I have fun here. And I like having a chance to express myself and interact with people. I feel pretty comfortable here too; in general, I find avenites to be helpful and kind. And despite not being popular here or having friends, AVEN is the closest thing I have to a consistent friend group Link to post Share on other sites
StormySky Posted April 1, 2018 Share Posted April 1, 2018 3 hours ago, [noize:injekktion] said: haaaa I'm not alone XD I really don't understand it either and tbh I don't even find this hairstyle good-looking on anyone, but well. to each their own Haha, on my trip to Ireland I noticed that all the boys have the same (silly looking) haircut. Then my friend told me it's probably a school uniform requirement. Maybe the haircut is common among the korean teen demographic and made to appeal to audiences? Link to post Share on other sites
Gentle Giant Posted April 1, 2018 Share Posted April 1, 2018 No, I don’t really feel lonely because of AVEN. I finally found people who I can relate to. People saying things on here that I've thought about but not share with others because most people wouldn’t understand. While I do enjoy conversing with folks here, it does seem a distant thing that I would ever get a chance to meet any of you. It would be neat if I could, but if not I still like being here. There are fun things to do and being supportive with each other when needed. Link to post Share on other sites
Fantastic Name Posted April 2, 2018 Share Posted April 2, 2018 AVEN makes me feel lonely in some ways, and not lonely in others. Overall, I enjoy that feeling of not being alone and having a community of people I can turn to whenever I feel lost or broken in this sex-obsessed world. However, there's also this lingering feeling of loneliness and falseness I get because it's entirely over the internet. As much as I enjoy the anonymity aspect of it (I have some pretty bad social anxiety/trust issues, and AVEN is one of the few places I feel comfortable showing my true colors), there's also something really impersonal about it that does make me feel lonely. It's hard to describe. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.